A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews! Please keep them coming, they are the gauge by which I measure the quality of what I'm doing!
Naruto thanked all the gods he could think of that Kakashi had turned Tsunade's old examining room next to the Hokage's office back into a bedroom.
He had collapsed on the bed, after feeding and changing Menma, clutching the child next to him.
He dreamed about Sasuke, running, running, running, always running away from him.
And when he finally couldn't run away anymore, demanding Naruto to give him answers that Naruto couldn't give.
"What exactly do you mean by friend?"
Naruto had felt the question cut him inside like the sharpest icicle, and where it cut, it let out a snake den of fears.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of being rejected.
Fear of being judged.
Fear of not getting what he wanted.
Fear of being accepted.
Fear of being trapped.
Fear of being forced to accept.
Fear.
So Naruto had given a half-assed answer, showing what he felt but refusing to give it a name.
Because he had given Sasuke everything else, but he couldn't give him this.
It was too much.
His bond with the last Uchiha was like a black hole, swallowing everything Naruto wanted to be, wanted to have, wanted to build, and Naruto couldn't, wouldn't.
Self-preservation made him lie to himself, pretend that Sasuke would be alright without him, that he would be alright without Sasuke.
Didn't Sasuke himself say the cycle of fate had been broken?
So when Sasuke asked Naruto to go with him, to follow him into the world, to see, to know, to understand so they could, together, change it, Naruto didn't.
Not because he thought he already understood and knew.
But because if he had gone, Sasuke would have swallowed him whole.
And he would have let him.
He would have jumped into the black hole and let it consume him, until there was no longer a Naruto or a Sasuke, but only them. A single beast with two heads and one heart, joined never to survive being separated again.
And that knowledge had terrified him to his core.
Him, who had to fight so much to make others acknowledge who he was.
Him, who had built himself from scrap, by himself, without instructions.
Him, who knew nothing but to be himself, even if his self was a patchwork of the things he wanted to be, wanted to do, wanted to build.
So he had Sasuke go, knowing that no matter what he said afterwards, no matter how long he kept using those stupid bandages on his arm, no matter what everyone thought about it (and how ironic it had been when everyone had hailed his decision as the right, the mature, adult one), he was breaking their bond, breaking his word, breaking his nindo.
Choosing the easy way out, for he couldn't be what he (thought he) wanted to be with Sasuke by his side.
Hashirama had tried, tried to keep Madara by his side, while still keeping some distance, and look how well that went.
Naruto had seen that, had taken the lessons of the sage to heart.
No one loves as deeply as an Uchiha.
No one needs the one they love so much as an Uchiha.
One soul, broken in two.
Yin, the heart.
Yang, the brain.
Naruto had consciously driven away his heart.
He had suffered in silence for years, until that fateful mission to retrieve Hinata's sister.
After that, Naruto hadn't suffered anymore.
Sasuke had become nothing but a small regret, a friend like the others, whose choices he might be sorry for, but wouldn't suffer from.
And Naruto had jumped into Hinata's arms and the peace they offered like a man dying of thirst jumps into a lake.
He had done everything for her.
He owed her, after all.
She had loved him so much, for so long.
Even Neji had died so they could be together.
So he made himself into the man she wanted, that she could be proud of.
All this Naruto remembered, watching Sasuke running from him, as he crouched down in exhaustion in his dream.
Away.
On his own two feet, or pushed by Naruto himself, but
Always away.
And then suddenly, in his dream, Naruto heard Sasuke scream.
And he pulled himself up and summoned his strength to run again.
For that scream tore him inside, and pulled him.
It yanked on his guts like nothing else.
Not his friends.
Not his village.
Not his wife.
Not his own children.
He ran, and ran, yelling back.
And he woke up yelling, clutching the crying newborn to his chest.
He panted, and looked down at the child.
His Menma, and his Menma.
Broken, disfigured, incomplete Menma.
Like them.
What is a brain without a heart?
A computer, he thought.
A stupid computer.
Without the ability to understand.
To care.
What is a heart without a brain?
It is feeling without restraint.
Pain.
Chaos.
Destruction.
He stood up, cradling the child, and went to his window, and saw what his brain without heart had built, under the rising sun, as if for the first time.
"Oh gods… what have I done?"
Sasuke woke up to the mother of all hangovers, and groaned, sitting up.
Somehow, he had passed out at the bottom of the waterfall, near the place where Sakura had found them on that fateful day.
Remembering Sakura brought the other memories back, and he cringed.
No future.
But then, if he had no future, he had no need of this travesty of a life anymore.
He was finally, finally free from all his obligations.
The obligations his brother had pushed on him, that the fucking scumbag piece of shit that called himself his one and only friend (the irony) had taken from him.
And the obligations that the stupid pink-haired bitch had pushed onto him, that clan law now freed him from.
He had to lose every single fucking hope he ever had, but now, now, finally, he was free.
He could end it all.
But before that… he would take back the only thing that was still his, the only thing he might even share, but was, as long as he lived, his own to dispose of.
He stood up and made his way into the city.
Little Menma had woken up scared of being squashed, but his biggie had hugged him, and fed him, and changed him, and now he was back in his little orange pouch, so it was all ok.
It was a good pouch too, much better than the other one where he had stayed before. The other pouch had been dark, and cold, and bitter. This one was light and fluffy, and tasted yummy, wrapping him and warming him just right.
Sometimes it poked him, too, and breathed on his neck, and the sniffing felt good. The first time it happened, Menma had been startled, but the orange shushed and nuzzled him to sleep again, and he got used to it.
Naruto, completely oblivious to what happened to the child, was currently checking the pile of accountancy books perilously balanced on his desk, getting more desperate by the minute.
Shikamaru entered the office at his usual time, and blinked in surprise at seeing his boss's disheveled state.
"Morning," he said, approaching the desk.
"Shikamaru!" Naruto yelled, and grabbed the man's arm.
The Nara genius felt an electric shock run through his body, and swayed. He blacked out for a second, and came to as if his consciousness was rushing up from deep sleep. He opened his eyes to see the Nanadaime hovering above him with a concerned look.
"You ok, man?" the blond said, and Shikamaru shook his head a bit.
"Yeah… no," he said, and rubbed his face with his hands. "Got something to drink that isn't booze?" he asked.
Naruto looked startled for a moment, and horrified the next, as he looked down on his desk and saw the large bottle of heavy liquor sitting on it, next to a pile of instant ramen cups.
He ran to the bedroom and opened the small fridge there, sighing in relief as he found a bottle of water, and returned to give it to his advisor.
Shikamaru opened the bottle and took a large gulp of the freezing liquid, feeling his head a little clearer.
"Ok… whoa, this was weird," he said, and looked up. "What the hell is that?" he asked, pointing at Naruto's midsection.
The blond looked up from the figures he was analyzing, and then back down to the bulge under his open shirt.
"Oh," he said. "Never mind him, Shika, I can explain it later. Are you alright now? Cause I need your brains for a second, dude, I… I was thinking it might only be Sasuke but now that I'm looking at these figures, shit…"
"Naruto, is that a baby sling under your clothes?" the Nara asked again.
"Shika, never mind the baby now, why the fuck do we owe our fucking asses to Rain?" Naruto asked back in an alarmed tone. "Where the fuck is our income from missions? What's this "War pensions" entry and why the fuck does it take almost all our budget?"
"Um, because you decided to pay war pensions to all the ninja clans that sent members to the fourth war like, the day after you were made Hokage? And you decided to build Konoha City with Rain's construction style, and adopt all their technologies, after you visited it with your father-in-law," Shikamaru answered calmly. "Are you alright? You know there are no more missions because most high-ranked clans and nobles all live in the high-rises right at our doorstep or here in the old village district, you designed the city to be built like this so there would be no need for long trips."
Naruto held his head in his hands. "What about the people who don't live in the city?" he asked, already fearing the answer.
"Who cares about a bunch of peasants?" Shikamaru answered automatically, but then froze, startled. "What the fuck did I just say?"
"Shikamaru, I think… no, I know I did something really, really stupid," Naruto said with a guilty look.
The high rise loomed over the street, and Sasuke entered it quietly, trying to keep his hatred of the place unseen. He checked out his weapons at the entry desk and stated his destination before being given a card to access the elevators.
All this new era bullshit grated on his nerves, but it was necessary to conduct legal business in Konoha City, so the Uchiha did his best to keep his cool in the small contraption, even though he felt the constrictive space closing in on him. Another brilliant idea of His Piece of Shitness, Uzumaki Naruto, as if any ninja worth his salt couldn't just run up the side of the damn building.
He breathed out in relief as the elevator opened its doors on the fortieth floor, and moved to the small desk where a bored-looking civilian girl in garish make-up stood to greet clients.
"I'm here to speak with Nara Suzaku," Sasuke announced, and moved to awkwardly sit in the waiting room at the receptionist's request.
At least it was early enough that he was the only client waiting. Dealing with these soft, disgustingly weak people was bad, but having to suffer their ill-concealed haughty looks was insufferable.
At least his lawyer - he cringed inwardly at the term - had been a ninja once, he mused as he was shown into the man's office.
Nara Suzaku bowed to him and motioned towards one of the leather chairs before taking his seat behind his mahogany desk.
"No need for useless pleasantries," the Uchiha interrupted, as the former ninja opened his mouth. "I take it that clan law is still effective in Konoha?" he asked, and the lawyer nodded.
"Good. In light of recent developments I want my marriage to Haruno Sakura dissolved, and her name removed from my clan's registry. She is to be strapped of the Uchiha name as well," he stated in a calm, cold voice.
The lawyer's eyes widened, and he took a deep breath before opening the fat file in front of him.
"I take it the birth didn't produce the best result?" he asked, as he browsed through the documents, pulling some out of the file.
"Exactly. The child was born defective. Uchiha clan law clearly states it as reason for immediate annulment," Sasuke said.
The lawyer hummed, and picked up the phone. "Excuse-me a second, please," he asked while dialing. "Yes, I am the legal representative of the Uchiha clan, can you give me the status of Uchiha Sakura and her newborn, please?" he asked, and waited a couple of minutes.
"Oh. Thank you very much," he said, before hanging up and turning to his client. "Hospital files state that the child died shortly after birth, and your wife is still recuperating. Would you prefer to proceed after she has been released?" he asked.
Sasuke's eyes widened a small fraction. So the child had not survived. All for the better then.
"No. Uchiha clan law states the procedures do not depend on the partner born out of the clan. There is no need to wait," he stated.
Nara nodded. "Very well, then. There is only the matter of Uchiha Salad. I take it you'll have custody?" he asked, taking notes on a small computer.
"No," the Uchiha said. As if he had use for the girl!
The lawyer gave him a serious look. "General clan law supersedes the private clan laws, and it dictates that clan names can only be withdrawn from parents when the parent with blood relations to the clan takes custody of children produced during the marriage. Unless, of course, paternity is questioned," he said in a questioning tone.
Sasuke scowled. If only. Besides his blood, he had no ties to the girl whatsoever. Even her name had been Sakura's sole decision.
"That is not the case," he said, and took a deep breath. "I'll have custody then."
"About the assets acquired after the marriage?" Suzaku asked.
"No further assets were acquired after the marriage. She has her own pension," Sasuke's left eye twitched at the word that described the biggest humiliation imposed to ninja after the war in his opinion, "and the child will have all her expenses paid by me, as it has always been."
Nara nodded again, and spent a few minutes writing, before pulling the phone receiver and dialing a number. "Get me a messenger," he asked, and hung up, before reaching for the sheets of paper coming out of a printer on a side table.
"I will need your signature in all these copies, please," he said after signing himself and pushing the papers towards Sasuke, who signed and tried to affix his chakra in the papers, out of habit, scowling when it didn't stick. Of course, in this "new era", chakra had become obsolete even as a means to identify people.
"These copies are yours, one as official proof of your custody, which you should carry with you, the other to be presented when you collect your daughter. The other copies will be sent by messenger to be archived at the Hokage Tower, the Registry office, and to be presented to your ex-spouse in case she would want to contest the annulment in court," he said, and raised a hand before Sasuke could say anything, "which considering the situation, would be quickly refused," he said while folding the copies and putting them in two envelopes, before closing them.
Sasuke nodded and picked up the envelopes, pointedly ignoring the hand extended to him before leaving the office.
Half an hour later, he arrived at the house he had set up for Sakura to live in the otherwise barren Uchiha district, and drew his katana as he felt faint chakra signatures inside.
"Uchiha-san!" Sakura's father shouted, raising a hand when the Uchiha came in.
"What are you doing here?" Sasuke growled.
"We… we came in to get Salad's things. Sakura asked us to take her in," Sakura's mother said as she left the child's room, carrying a bag. The little girl could be seen hugging her grandmother's leg and giving him a frightened look.
Sasuke sheathed his sword and pulled out an envelope from the inner pocket in his black cloak, handing it to Sakura's father. "I'm taking the girl with me. Salad, get your travel pack and weapons, you won't need anything else," he said, looking pointedly at the child.
Sakura's father hurriedly opened the envelope and read the document within, swallowing dry as he finished reading, then he nodded.
"As little regard as I have for you, Uchiha-san, I agree with these terms." he said.
"But Salad!" Sakura's mother exclaimed in shock, hugging her granddaughter.
"She will be better with her father than with us, woman. And… it's about time this… this horrible mistake got corrected," he said, giving the child a sad look. "At least now our daughter will have to let go and start living her own life." He moved in front of his granddaughter and crouched to face her. "Salad, dear, you're going with your Papa now. Be a good girl, ok? And never forget, grandpa and grandma love you very, very much," he said, hugging her together with his wife.
Salad's eyes were brimming with tears when they separated. "Why?" she asked softly. "You don't want me anymore too?"
"Of course we want you, honey," Granma answered, as Granpa hugged her again. "But it's better for you if you go with your Papa, ok? He'll take care of you, and you'll learn so much, he's a brave war hero, ne?" Granma gave her a huge smile, but Salad didn't feel the least convinced. "Write us telling of your adventures, ok?"
Salad somberly nodded, and they left the house after bowing to Papa.
"Get your things, we're leaving," Sasuke said cooly, and left the house. Salad quickly packed her small travel backpack with her few scrolls, clothes, and, after some consideration, her small practice wooden shuriken and kunai. Not that she was any good with them, her glasses always slipped from her face when she exercised, but Papa had ordered to pack her weapons, and she wasn't about to disobey him.
She left the house and stood beside him, and cringed when Papa set fire to the house with a Gōkakyū no Jutsu, but she said nothing, only taking a silent, teary look behind to the fiery ruins of her life as she followed him.
"So what you're saying is that you did all this stupid crap because you drove Sasuke away from you?" Shikamaru asked while frowning.
"Yes. I drove him away and the moment I finished breaking my bond with him I… I went completely stupid. I mean, look at all this!" Naruto exclaimed, making a sweeping motion with his arm towards the window. "Somehow our chakra bond goes way deeper than I thought, it's like we can't function as normal people when we're apart. My brain stopped working as it should, and his body did too. Hence what happened to him," Naruto said in a shaky voice, looking down and touching the baby nestled against his skin.
Shikamaru rested his arms on his knees and held his hands together to think. Naruto's theory seemed farfetched, except for the physical proof in his arms. Neither Sakura's lineage nor Sasuke's had ever produced kids with abnormalities. Any abnormalities. It was strange enough that their firstborn had congenital defects that affected her eyesight and chakra abilities - Shikadai every once in a while commented on the Uchiha girl's difficulties at the Academy - and this baby's condition was unheard of in any ninja clan. Shikamaru himself had felt revolted by the child's aberrant features.
"That doesn't explain how you realized something was wrong now, in the first place. Or, damn, how I didn't. I mean, I don't have any bond with you, and I've been by your side all these years, but before today I thought everything was just peachy. How can something between you and Uchiha affect me?" Shikamaru said.
Naruto rested his back against his chair, and Shikamaru noticed he absentmindedly stroked the child's hair as he thought. In a much more affectionate manner as he used to show around his own children, no less. The advisor filed the information in the back of his mind for later scrutiny.
"All I remember is that everything was normal before Menma was born. Scratch that, it was normal before I decided to take him," Naruto said with a faraway look. "When… when I looked at him and touched him, I felt… I felt this rush of emotion, like when Bolt and Himawari were born, but… stronger, because he's just like me, you know. I identified with him, he… he's much the same as I was, in a way that my own kids never were," he blushed in shame at his confession, and sighed deeply.
"And then when I took him home, I went the whole way afraid that Hinata would reject him. Deep down, I knew she would, Tsunade baa-chan had already warned me, because of how he looks… but I hoped like hell she wouldn't, because the longer I spent with him, the less I could give him up. And then she did, and shit, I kinda understand why, but it was like something physically broke in me, ya know? When I looked at her, I didn't even recognize her, it was like she was a totally different person, like a stranger, not the woman I fell in love with," he continued, "and then I looked down at him, and I knew, I knew if she couldn't open her heart to him, then what she felt for me wasn't because she understood me or really wanted who I am at all. Because even though he looks like a monster on the outside, I am a monster on the inside…" he raised teary eyes. "If she can't see we're the same, then… then she can't see the real me at all. Then I came back here, and when I slept, I had the dream I told you about."
Shikamaru listened quietly, and studied the information his Hokage had given him for a long time.
Meanwhile, Naruto got up and went quietly to the room, excusing himself to take care of the baby's needs. Shikamaru took notice that the baby didn't cry once while they talked, and remembered that the child had quickly turned his little face towards the blond's chest when Naruto had exposed it.
"Naruto, I'd like Ino to take a look at him," he stated when the Nanadaime came back to the office, and raised a conciliatory hand when the man clutched the child closer in a protective manner. "You know you can trust her. And her abilities can tell if your theory is right. It's better to be sure before you decide to do something drastic. Let her confirm your fears, or not, before you decide to do anything. If you are right, then I'll back you up in any decision you make."
Naruto took a deep, shaky breath. "Fine. But go get her yourself. I… I don't want anyone else involved in this," he ordered, and Shikamaru nodded, before getting up and bowing to take his leave.
Shikamaru went straight to the Yamanaka's flower shop, and found Ino and Sai inside, arguing about flower placement.
"Damn it Sai people will WANT the damn roses all together, it's easier to make a multicolored rose bouquet that way!" Ino shouted, and shoved her husband aside.
"No, that is a completely stupid placement, you can't appreciate the aesthetics unless the flowers are mixed together! Stop fucking up my work, damn woman!" Sai yelled back, and Ino upended a bucket of water on his head.
"That's for fucking up MY work, you anal-retentive idiot!" Ino growled, before noticing her former teammate slouching against the shop's door frame. "Morning, Shika! The flowers for the festival are ready to go to the Tower, did you need anything else?" she asked, smiling.
Shikamaru sighed. He had hoped to get his former teammate alone, but then, at least Naruto trusted Sai. In the ten years since he started dating Ino, Sai had become her shadow, there was no way he'd get rid of him without raising suspicion.
"Na… I need you up at the Tower. It's urgent business, Ino," he said, straightening up.
"Um, can't it wait until later? We're about to open, today is one of the best days for sales, you know," she argued, and he shook his head.
"I'm afraid it's an emergency. Shouldn't take too long, though, maybe Sai could…" he started, but sighed again at Ino's glare. "Troublesome. Let's go, then," he conceded, and waited outside as the couple took off their aprons and closed the shop to follow him.
"Morning, Dickless!" Sai greeted as they entered the Hokage's office. Said Hokage stood looking out the window with his back turned to them.
"Shikamaru, what the fuck!" Naruto growled in fury, without turning to them.
"Sorry. Couldn't bring her alone without causing a fuss," Shikamaru said, locking the doors.
Ino approached the blond cautiously, feeling the strange vibe coming from him. "Naruto?" she asked, and reached for his arm, squealing when he grabbed her wrist before she could touch him.
The protective fury of Naruto's chakra made her instinctively withdraw into her own mind, and inside she felt her soul falling through an abyss of memories and feelings. She screamed and looked back, to see the walls of memories cracking all around her, as she hit what she saw as purplish webs, but recognized as layers of chakra, woven into the core of her brain's center of emotions in a complicated pattern. Her screams turned into outraged shrieks as her own emotions broke from the web, and she crashed in the bottom of her self.
She stood in the deepest part of her own ego, filling with righteous rage as she faced the truth. She closed her eyes, and snarled deeply as she let herself resurface.
"Genjutsu!" she growled while opening her eyes, and the three men around her stepped back in fright at the murderous intent in her glare.
