Now it is time for the rest of the story. There is a lot of Deeks and Kensi this chapter, but the rest of the team is coming later in the story too. I would like to know where you guys want this story to go and how you think about my writing.
- An old chapter like new again. There was a lot of interactive script here and I tried to rewrite it with the same story but less direct interaction. I'd like to now what you think of this chapter.
In the following week, they hadn't spoken about the pregnancy a lot. Deeks knew that he shouldn't push Kensi into talking to him, but every time she looked at him, he looked at her with a loving smile to let Kensi know that it was okay and that he would be there for her and each time there appeared a smile om Kensi's face too.
He saw that she still was disconcerted by the new pregnancy, but at the same time he saw that she was better than she had been at the beginning of the week when she was completely broken down.
It was friday afternoon and when they'd finished the paperwork, Deeks looked with caution at his partner. "Hé, Kens", he began hesitatingly, "Would you like to go out for a drink tonight?" He was afraid she would say no, but to his own amazement she smiled at him and said: "Yes i would love to. I could use some distraction."
Deeks thought it would be nice to go into town to a nice café, but Kensi wasn't ready for such a crowd. Therefor they decided to go drink something at Deeks' place. They sat together at the couch with a glass of coke.
Deeks had decided to drink something non-alcoholic too, so that Kensi, who wasn't allowed to drink alcohol because of the pregnancy, wouldn't have to think to much about the pregnancy as she saw Deeks drinking an alcoholic drink. She needed distraction from the pregnancy.
"How are you feeling Kensi?" Deeks asked cautiously. Although he wanted to get her mind off of the pregnancy this evening, he wondered if she was bothered by nausea because of the pregnancy. He didn't dare to ask her directly. Kensi saw the diligence is his eyes and although she thought about the pregnancy, where she didn't want to think about, right away, there was something inside her that really wanted to talk about it and wanted to share her feelings and sorrows. She looked at Deeks and actually she knew she wanted to wanted to tell him, however difficult she will find it.
"I'm feeling fine." Kensi said. Deeks is looking Kensi in the eye and immediately knows that what she is saying isn't true. She isn't feeling fine. He looks at her tenderly, asking himself if he should push to open up, or if he should let her free. Luckily for him, Kensi begins to talk just at that moment. "Okay, maybe I'm not feeling perfectly good." she begins hesitatingly. "I have to puke at least once every day and sometimes I feel a little bit nauseous. But actually I'm really fine and it might have been worse. It is just belongs with the pregnancy." Deeks sends a little smile to Kensi and Kensi melted a little bit.
"It is pretty okay then?" Deeks looked inquiring at his partner. Kensi nods reassuring.
"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty okay. Well at least physically."
She holds still for a moment and feels Deeks' glance resting upon her. Crazy enough she feels good with that idea, though she first always was scared by that idea. Kensi feels at ease and decides to share her thoughts with Deeks. Talking about things is always good.
"Inside my head I'm still going mad." she continues, feeling Deeks still looking at her. She tells him that she is getting used to the idea of getting a baby, her little miracle, but that at the same time the consequences scare her. She tells him about being afraid to tell everyone, that she has to eventually and that scares her. She is afraid what everyone will think of her, with it being her own fault and the child having a terrible father.
"Kens, no one here will think any less of you when they find out that you're pregnant. I don't, you know that right?" He reassures her.
"I... I just always doubt what people will think of me. Thank you Deeks, I guess I need a reminder once in a while." A small smile appears on her lips.
"Well, I will give you that reminder anytime." She smiles at that.
"And yes, the biological father was a terrible guy, but that don't makes you or the baby any less wonderful." She falls silent when he says that. He thinks I am wonderful? What does he even wants to say with that? What does he want me to say? She is confused.
"Deeks, I don't know what to say at that." He just smiles.
"You don't have to say anything, Kens. I just wanted you to know."
After a minute or so she continues with her story. One of the consequences of her pregnancy will be desk-duty, she is sure of that. "I can't do everything in the field now, running around pregnant and fighting while pregnant are not good ideas and I know that when Hetty finds out, she will put me on desk-duty immediately."
"Well, she has every reason to." Deeks adds and Kensi chuckles.
"Yeah, you're right, but that doesn't mean that I like it."
"I know. You don't have to like it. Everything to protect the baby huh." He winks.
"Yes, everything to protect the baby."
She tells him she is being afraid about the fact that she will never ever be alone again, that she will be responsible for someone else's well-being. "I'm gonna be a mom, me badass-blye as mother of a child. Do you see the picture? Always having to do the right thing. I will mess up a child."
She tells him that she is afraid that she wil not be a good mom and that what maybe scares her the most is the thought that the child will look like his/her father and she will be remembered of him everyday and that she will lengthen that into the child, who has done nothing wrong, who has done nothing to her. "I don't know if I will be able to give the child all the love it deserves."
Kensi just kept talking. Every sorrow, every insecurity, she had hold in for some time, she gets it all out, Deeks overwhelmed sitting next to her. Deeks had hoped that she would share it with him one day, but he never expected her to do so, let alone throwing it out at once.
"I just don't know what to say right now." Deeks told her, sharing what he thought. "It is a lot what you are telling me right now."
Kensi looks at him all afraid. She is afraid that she pushed him to hard, that he is so overwhelmed that he won't be there for her anymore. Deeks sees her fear and immediately says.
"Kens, I am really glad that you want to talk to me about it. I wanted to tell you that first." Deeks is quiet for just a moment as he sees his partners face brighten up.
"Kensi, I think it's really a great thing that you want to think about your child and want it to get a lot of love. It is something you wanna give to your child and if that's your intention, than you have a lot of love for you child, even though it will not be easy at some times. Worrying is something good, because it means that you care. You must not worry to much however. I believe from the bottom of my heart, that you will give all you love to your child and that that is everything the child needs and more. You are gonna be a great mom Kens, behind you badass personality there is a lot of love, I am sure of that."
Tears are in Kensi's eyes when she looks at Deeks. She is touched by his words, all the sweet and caring things he said to her. Every time again he knows just what to say, what she needs the most.
"Thank you Deeks" she whispers and she crawls closer to Deeks. Deeks puts her arm around her and Kensi puts her head on his shoulder. They find rest in each others arms.
