My Jacob or My Edward?
Chapter 3- Anxiety
I spent the drive to the Cullens' house in complete worry. I was excited to see them all again (except Rosalie) but I was also hesitant.
I took a deep breath once I parked my Chevy in their driveway and walked up to their house.
Of course, Alice was standing at the front door already. "Hi Bella." She sang.
"Hi Alice." I replied giving her a hug. I had missed her so much when she left, she was my best friend. Even though it stung, I was happy to be around her again.
"Umm Bella, before we all talk. We thought it would be best if Edward talk to you." She said. "He means well."
I took a deep breath. I didn't know if I could do this. I still loved him, but he didn't love me. I was mad at him and I didn't want to go through all of this again. I wasn't even sure if I could handle looking at him. He hurt me so much but I wanted to see him at the same time. I wanted to hear his beautiful voice, see his perfect face and feel his remarkable presence.
"Ok Alice." I managed to reply. My voice was only a low whimper.
She nodded and then with perfect grace, walked back into her house. Soon after, Edward walked out.
I stared at him, I was utterly dumbfounded and I had lost my voice.
He was still magnificent, he still had his perfect features and I knew still loved him. I could feel the tears start to fill in my eyes but I managed to brush them aside. I didn't want to show any weakness around him.
"Bella." Edward whispered. My god had I missed him saying my name, it sent shivers down my spine.
I couldn't open my mouth just yet, let alone reply. I was scared I was going to shout out something I would regret.
"Bella." Edward said again, walking closer to me.
"Edward." I managed to say.
"I missed you." He said gazing at me.
Am I dreaming? Yes, I must be dreaming. I managed to discreetly pinch myself. Ow! Ok then, I'm not dreaming.
"You're the one that left." I answered him.
"Bella, you must understand." He said. "I left for your own good."
I just stood there looking at him. I didn't know what to say so I just shook my head slowly.
"Bella, I left because I thought it was the best thing for you." He said, his eyes staring sincerely at mine.
"You said you didn't want me, you said you didn't...l-love me." I stuttered.
Edward sighed. "And you believed me so easily, Bella I lied. I left because I didn't want me and my family to be a danger to you anymore." His voice almost sounded pleading.
"You left so easily." I said. I was so thankful he couldn't read my mind.
"No Bella, it wasn't easy at all. I managed to leave because I thought it would be best for you. I loved and cared for you so much I managed to leave because we were a danger to you." He replied. "I missed you so much every day Bella, but I thought I was doing you best."
"It didn't do any good Edward. You left me broken and hurt and to top it off, Laurent tried to kill me and Victoria still is."
"Please understand, every day I was gone, I missed you more and more. I had to restrain myself so much to not come back, I wanted the best for you. I thought you were safe from Laurent and Victoria as Alice was keeping a look out for them. But it turns out Alice can't see into the future with those dogs in the way." Edward said. "I'm so sorry Bella, will you forgive me?" He pleaded.
Was I imaging this? Edward left to protect me? He did it because he cared for me? His intentions were good? I had gone for so long thinking that he didn't want me anymore. Could it really be that he just wanted what he thought was the best for me?
"I love you Bella. Always have, always will." He said as he walked up to me and stroked his hand across my cheek.
"I missed you Edward, so much." I said as a couple of tears escaped from my eyes.
I wasn't ready to tell him how much I love him just yet.
Edward leaned in, his cool lips were an inch apart from mine. I was so tempted to just indulge into his kiss, but I turned away.
"You don't want me anymore Bella?" Edward asked. I could see the pain he felt spread across his face.
"I don't know Edward, I need time to adjust." I answered. "What if you leave again?"
"Bella, I'm never ever leaving you again. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to." Edward said.
"Thank you." I replied.
"Oh and Bella, Alice never wanted to leave you. She was devastated when we had to leave. Everyone left because I told them it was what's best for you. They've all missed you so much." He said. "Come on, everyone wants to see you."
"Ok." I responded as we walked up to their house together.
"Bella!" I heard my name called out around 5 times.
"We've missed you so much." Esme said as she came over to me and pulled me into a hug.
"I've missed you all too." I replied.
"How have you been Bella?' Esme asked.
Oh you know, I was completely depressed for around 4 months. I couldn't get to sleep at night, fearing my own dreams and waking up Charlie with my screams. I was going delusional. I was putting myself in hazardous and life threatening situations thinking if I would, I could see Edward. I almost got bitten by a blood thirsty vampire called Laurent and I found out another crazy vampire on the loose called Victoria wants to torture me to avenge her dead partner who also tried to kill me last year.
"I've been alright Esme." I lied, I knew she was just checking on me.
"Bella, we are going to have a meeting with the pack later on tonight." Carlisle said. "We are going to discuss about our treaty and form a plan that will help us capture Victoria."
No! Not a good idea. Jacob and Edward together! Edward will see all the private moments me and Jacob have had. Thinking of that, what am I going to do? How will I chose now? I love both Jacob and Edward and surprisingly they both love me.
"It's alright Bella." Edward whispered into my ear. He must have noticed my sudden change of emotion. "Everything will be fine, we'll get rid of Victoria."
"Thanks everyone, I really appreciate this. I need to head back home to make dinner and Charlie will be wondering where I am." I said.
"We'll see you soon Bella." Carlisle said.
"Bye" I called out after receiving hugs from everyone apart from Rosalie.
Edward walked me to my truck and pecked me on the lips before I drove off. That was acceptable right? Friends peck each other on the lips sometimes.
The drive back home was just as scary as driving to the Cullens. But this time, I now had to face Jacob.
I parked my truck and walked inside, I knew Jacob would be waiting in my room.
"Hey Bells," Charlie called out from his couch. "I ordered pizza."
"Thanks Dad. I'm just going to go have a shower and then I'll come back down." I replied as I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom.
"Hey." Jacob said while sitting on my bed.
"Hey." I replied as I walked over and joined him.
"So, what happened at the Cullens'?" He asked.
"Well apparently they're going to have a meeting with you and the pack later tonight." I said, trying to avoid the topic of Edward. "To discuss Victoria and the treaty."
"Well yeah but I'm not going." He explained "Only Sam, Jared and Paul are going from our pack because only Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper are coming."
Relief swept over me. "Why is that?" I asked, trying to prolong this subject.
"Because, the pack doesn't want Edward in our heads while they discuss this subject. Sam is going to stay in his human form to communicate while Jared and Paul stand back in their wolf forms." Jacob explained.
"Oh." Was all I replied.
"So what did the blood suckers say?' Jacob questioned. "Did they apologise for leaving or something?"
"Well it turns out they only left because Edward thought it was best for me without him and his family..." I answered.
"He's right Bella, you are better off without them." Jacob stated.
"Umm, yeah." I answered, he had taken that answer the wrong way.
"What did Edward say to you Bella?' Jacob was starting to quiver now.
"Jake, are you alright?" I asked him.
"Answer the question." He retorted, shaking more violently.
"Jake you're shaking like mad" I said. "Calm down."
"You're back with him!" He snarled. "Aren't you?" Jake was shaking way out of control. I was expecting him to phase any moment soon.
"No! No I'm not." I said with frustration.
"What?" he asked, beginning to calm down.
"You heard me." I said.
"Well why didn't you say so before?" he asked.
"Because you scared me Jacob. You were shaking so violently, and losing your temper." I complained.
"I'm sorry Bells, I'm a bit protective when it comes to the Cullens." He pointed out.
"Yeah I figured." I responded.
"I feel a lot better now though, I was worrying all day that you'd change your mind on the Cullens." He said.
"What do you mean by change my mind?" I asked.
"You know, let them off the hook and forgive them." He answered.
"Jake, don't you get it, there's nothing to forgive." I said, hoping he wouldn't start shaking again.
"What do you mean Bella?" He asked.
"They left for me. After everything that happened, Edward wanted them all to leave because he felt that I was in danger when I was with them."
"But he didn't want you anymore." Jacob responded quietly.
"He lied to me Jake. He only said that because it was the only way I'd let him go." I answered.
And to that Jacob got off my bed, jumped out of my window, phased and ran into the forest.
