Ah, ventilation shafts, the universal hole in everyone's security.

Kasumi, lying prone long the cool metal of the shaft, smiled as she pulled herself along, silence being paramount in this situation. Her target was still several floors up, and she needed to proceed cautiously if she wanted to get to it undetected. The shafts were thankfully large enough to navigate herself through, though even she had to admit it was a tighter fit than she had expected.

As she came to a vertical junction that would take her upwards and closer to her target, she laughed silently to herself at her progress thus far. Bypassing the electronic countermeasures that would initially stop the unprepared from even entering the ventilation system in the first place had been surprisingly tricky. She would have complimented the person who installed it, but that would kind of defeat the whole purpose of being the best thief in the galaxy, not the most famous. After that, her normal sweep for the standard security measures turned up nothing she'd usually find, and that made her wary. No-one used that much paranoia on stopping people accessing the vents without also placing something in the vents as well.

She checked again, but there was no trace of infra-red lasers, ultra-sonic motion detectors or heat sensors. She turned up the gain on her omni-tool scanning mod, looking for any sort of wiring or electronics. She eventually found them, and followed the outside of the shaft as much as possible to try and find it. She wasn't disappointed, it was in the most unobtrusive place, attached neatly to the wall, very small and close to the welding and bolts that secured it. She would have missed it if she wasn't looking for it specifically.

She deftly opened the case, selecting an interface on her headgear to magnify the image. She could see the wiring and circuitry, and she was now definitely impressed with the person who had thought up this particular security measure. Pressure sensitive pads, air analysers to detect breath and an ultraviolet laser grid. This was definitely turning out to be a lot of challenging fun, and she wasn't even in the vent yet. The laser grid was easy enough to disable, just blanketing the vent with low-level ultraviolet. The air analyser could be bypassed with a sealed mask, but the pressure pads were a problem. She couldn't just disable them; it would attract some sort of silent alarm. Physically removing the control circuits was also out of the question if someone came to investigate a glitch. She ended up spending 15 minutes writing a program that would infiltrate the pressure sensors and program them with a different pressure trip before they activated. The code itself was tricky, it was written in a completely original language. Most of the time was just understanding the code itself, before quickly writing her variant. After that, it was simply a matter of uploading it, putting on her mask and setting up her laser grid tool for the specific wavelength of ultraviolet this system used.

As she negotiated her body through the 90 degree turn into the vertical shaft, she was glad she had chosen her climbing utility belt today, even if it did mean it was harder to get through the admittedly small shafts. After climbing to the top floor where her ultimate target lay, she resolved to send the designer of the security system an anonymous fruit basket. As she got to the shaft for the top floor, she frowned and took back the mental note for a fruit basket of any kind.

The ventilation shaft for the top floor was even smaller than on one she had used to get access to the ventilation system in the first place. There was barely enough room to fit her head and shoulders, but there was only one problem: the material of her outfit was a lot less flexible than it looked, and she doubted it would fit along with her in the small space she had to navigate. She tried anyway, hoping that she was wrong, only to be back in the vertical shaft a several minutes later cursing her bad luck. She pulled a magnet from her belt, attached it to the cool metal inside of the shaft, and tested it for strength. After that she did something she would never live down if word spread. She took off all her clothing, everything except for her underwear and her omni-tool bracelet. Because this was a spur-of-the-moment job, she was wearing black lacy underwear, sexy and comfortable, but not particularly practical in her current predicament.

After checking for anymore security surprises and finding none, she silently cursed as she slotted herself back into the tight shaft, uncomfortably aware of just how cool the metal was as it touched far more skin than it had a minute ago. She crawled over towards a nimbus of light that came from a vent grill that would give her the first physical look at the room her target was in. She was fully in the shaft, arms pulling her along, when things started to go wrong.

Firstly, although the ventilation system had been made to a very high standard, it had never been made to accommodate a slim Japanese kleptomaniac. While the metal shafts on the lower floors were welded and bolted enough to support her, her assumption that this smaller shaft would also support her was badly flawed. No sooner was she completely in the smaller shaft then the metal welds suffered a catastrophic failure. The bottom of the shaft that was supporting her broke cleanly away and fell to the floor, carrying a very alarmed Kasumi with it. With a deafening clang that definitely compromised her thus far impenetrable stealth, both girl and metal crashed to the floor.

Right in front of Mark Shepard stepping out of his shower.

Kasumi was still for a moment, dazed from the impact, until a small cough from somewhere above her caught her attention. She angled her head up to look at the face of Shepard, wrapped only with a towel around his waist, his mouth hanging open in surprise. For his part, he looked down at the lithe little Asian clad only in black lace lingerie that not five seconds ago had fallen onto the floor of his private cabin at the top of the Normandy. Her jaw was open too, and as their eyes met, they both had a moment of recognition, swiftly followed by shocked horror.

"Kasumi?" Shepard asked as he found his voice. He looked from her face to the ceiling she had just fallen out of. Shepard's confusion didn't abate as the thief stood up, a sheepish look on her face. Then his brain started working. "What were you... were you spying on me in the shower?" he blurted out. This kick-started Kasumi's brain, and she shifted her vision from the towel she had been inadvertently staring at.
"Eww Shep, no. Even I don't stoop that low," she replied haughtily, as if it were somehow his fault the position she was now in. Though, I bet there would be a lot of people willing to pay for something like that. Maybe I should look into that later, she thought to herself.
"So why did you fall from the ceiling and why are you dressed in..." Shepard trailed off as his brain caught up with his eyes and realised just how little Kasumi was wearing.

"Well, not that you mention it, it was so I could do this." She walked over to his desk and picked up the diamond necklace that Shepard had confiscated off Kasumi after their last mission. It was a complete fluke that he happened to notice the glint coming from her pocket anyway, so it didn't count, obviously. She was just coming up here to rectify the situation. She then turned a partially-completed model ship around and re-arranged some other items, just to mess with him. Then she turned around calmly and activated her cloak, poking out her tongue at him in a childish manner before she disappeared completely.

Or at least, that was what was meant to happen if she was wearing her suit with the fully-integrated optical camouflage circuitry. As it was, Shepard looked like he lost sight of her simply because he was stumped at her audacity. As she reached the door to the elevator, promising to give have a nice talk to EDI about the security systems on the ship, Shepard called out to her.
"Are you really planning on parading around the ship in your panties?" She turned back to him; their faces now reversed with him calm and her shocked. Then she quickly gathered her composure and continued as if she hadn't just had that falter.

"Well, are you going to be a gentleman and offer me a coat or something, or do I have to let everyone know about my own... stopping power?" Shepard tried not to let the blush of embarrassment he was feeling show as he tossed a linen robe at the thief, who simply took it and wrapped herself in it, before leaving in silence.
"EDI?"
"Yes, Shepard?"
"Were you recording that?"
"Yes Commander. Operative Lawson will review this footage at a later time, and I'm sure she will also question you about your nocturnal visitations by female members of the crew." A stony silence was all Shepard could make as the colour drained from his face.
"That was a joke," she added, before turning off her blue avatar.

A month ago, Miranda would have just mentioned it in passing with a knowing smirk and perhaps a gentle ribbing. But after being caught staring at her armour (definitely not her breasts, no matter what certain uppity Australians said) and after Jack's recent wardrobe malfunction (the bruise was still hurt, and it was a week ago!) he knew there would be no end to the jibes from both of them by breakfast time.

It was official now. Fate was conspiring against him to embarrass the hell out of him. And there would be no living with any of them now.