On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… two slaps upside the head.
The door swished open and Zim entered Dib's temporary room.
'Wake-up dirtchild, we have –'
He froze in his tracks when he saw that Dib wasn't asleep as he'd imagined. The small room was empty, except for the bed, the backpack in the corner and the small table where the laptop laid. Another door led to the human restroom facilities he had to install. A biohazard sign warned about the use of water in that area. The Invader shivered to know such a dangerous liquid was present in his beloved base.
The door opened and Dib stepped inside, clad only in a small red towel bearing the Irken symbol. He was drying his hair with another one, humming to himself. He lifted his head and let out a small yelp when he saw Zim just standing there.
'Argh! Zim! What are you doing here?'
The alien blinked once, trying to remember what he was supposed to say. He slowly lifted an antenna, trying hard not to look at the droplets of acidic water falling from Dib's damp hair and running down his neck, his torso, his belly and…
'Earth to Zim' said Dib with a weird face. 'Are you… are you alright?'
'Whu?' asked the Invader, coming back to reality. 'Of course I'm alright, stinkbag. Stop asking foolish questions. Get ready so we can go to your home and get Tak's ship.'
'Alright.'
An uneasy silence passed between them. Dib seemed to wait for something and lifted his eyebrows in an expectant manner.
'Well…?' he asked.
'Well what?'
'Are you going to leave so I can get dressed or are you staying to enjoy the show?' said Dib in an exasperated tone of voice.
That earned him a slap upside the head, followed by a pained hiss. Zim took back his burned hand.
'Of course I am! Leaving, I mean! I was doing that right now! I see no reason to stay! Don't get delusional, worm-baby! And get that filthy water out of your hair, it burns!' scoffed the Invader before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.
Dib watched him go, unsure about the whole situation. He dried himself off, trying not to read anything in Zim's peculiar behavior. The alien always acted strangely, there was nothing new there. No need to hurt his brain trying to find logic in Zim's words or actions, that had failed miserably before.
'But… he did let me sleep until seven this morning…' he mumbled aloud, throwing a glance at his watch.
They had worked until very late in the night and it had paid off. The bacterial cultures were stored in development tanks so they would be ready to strike on Christmas. Dib was always surprised at how much work both of them could accomplish when they stopped fighting. It was almost fun, tinkering with alien technology and experiment with stuff that was illegal everywhere on Earth.
In fact, he had come to like these temporary peaceful days. After the first year or so, he had come to wait for them like a child would wait for a Christmas gift. During those twelve days, Zim would become an ally, even something as weird as a friend. That is, until last year.
'Stop it, Dib' he admonished himself. 'Don't go down that track again.'
He finished getting dressed and took an elevator to meet Zim on the main floor of the house. The alien had prepared a room for him in the underground base and given him limited access to the laboratories. Of course, the computer was always monitoring his presence, but Dib had already proved to be trustworthy in the past.
The teenager got off the fridge elevator to find the alien standing in the living room, looking proudly at an oversized pig.
'Huh, Zim… What is that thing?' asked Dib.
'It's the Voot carrier!'
'…why is it in the shape of a pig?'
'So we won't be noticed, of course! You hyumuns and your stoo-pid questions…'
'But Zim, it's a giant pig, everyone's gonna notice us…'
'Nonsense! I've used it in the past and no one ever guessed its alien nature. Except those idiotic hyumuns that smelled like feet and made me their god, but I'd rather not talk about this' concluded Zim with a shiver.
Dib put on his trench coat and decided not to ask further. They exited the house, Zim pulling the floating pig with a rope.
'You look like a little kid with a balloon' snickered Dib, throwing him a sidelong glance.
'Do not mock me!' warned Zim with a raised finger. 'I've grown!'
'You're still diminutive compared to everyone our age, Zim.'
'But on Irk, I would be considered a Taller and could easily run for Tallest, with a few more inches! I would command the entire armada and burn your filthy planet to ashes!'
'Even with an entire fleet you wouldn't be able to get past me' said Dib with a roll of the eyes. 'I'll still be there to stop you at every turn, space boy.'
'Keep dreaming, hyumun' said Zim with a lopsided smile.
They walked back to Dib's house in companionable silence. No one bothered to glance their way and it was fine like that. Dib frowned at all the Christmas decorations they saw on the way.
'Stupid people, they never listen, do they?' he grumbled.
'What are you on, Dib-thing?'
'We keep telling them every year not to do anything Christmassy and they still put on decorations, sing Christmas carols, give presents and all that stuff. It only gives more power to the Santa suit!'
'I told you hyumuns are made of dumb, do not act surprised.'
'I know, but it makes the battle more difficult every year! Someday we won't be strong enough to fend him off and we'll have to hide under a huge glass dome of something like that and wait that he goes away…'
'Do not panic, silly boy, for Zim has the weaponry to reduce him to ashes! You will see, we'll upgrade both our ships with awesome nifty weapons that go boom and we'll get him, this year!'
'…Why do you do this, again?'
'Because it's fun!' answered Zim with a manic smile.
'This can't be it, you have all the destruction you need all year long. Why do you bother defending a planet you want to destroy?'
'No one but Zim will get to destroy the humans!' claimed the alien with a raised fist. 'This has become PERSONNAL!'
He turned around and pointed at a passerby on the other side of the road.
'You hear me, filthy hyumun? Zim will annihilate you and your stinky progenitors and all your loved ones and your little dog too! Just wait and seeeeeee!'
'Ooooookay…' said slowly the passerby. 'Merry Christmas to you too, sir!'
'Foolish hyumun!' yelled Zim. 'Have you no sense of self-preservation?!?'
Dib took him by the arm before the alien could cross the street to rant some more. Zim hissed and took back his arm, then smacked Dib's head once again.
'Unhand me, filthy beast!' snapped the Invader.
'No need to do that' grunted Dib, pressing a hand against his head. 'You were getting sidetracked again. We have no time to lose with petty arguments.'
'Do not touch the almighty ZIM without his permission!'
'Geez, calm down! I won't do it again, alright?'
'You better not' said the alien in a menacing tone.
Dib frowned and grabbed the rope from Zim's claws.
'Just hurry, I want to get this over with' muttered the teenager, walking away.
