A/N: Drake is trying to pull it together, make it through the weekend. Josh doesn't see that Drake is struggling. Drake tries to engage Josh in the brotherhood they once shared.

I updated my profile. Yey!

I know backstory can be hella boring, but I really wanted some set up to the relationship. The chapters will be short and hopefully this story will follow my original idea.


But if I wanted silence, I would whisper.
If I wanted loneliness, I'd choose to go.

If I liked rejection, I'd audition.
And if I didn't love you, you would know.

So, why can't you just hold me?
How come it is so hard?
Do you like to see me broken?
Why do I care?

Poor little misunderstood baby,
No one likes a sad face.

But I can't remember life without him.

I think I did have good days.
I'm sure I did have good days.

"Just Hold Me" Maria Mena


Worrying about Drake infiltrated everything Josh did. Having no idea what was bothering his brother drove him nuts. But he found it hard to forgive Drake for walking around like the undead. Josh was genuinely concerned for his brother. He wasn't really annoyed or angry; more confused by the general malaise that has overcome Drake's daily routine. Half of Josh felt used. Drake could be zoning out to escape chores. Or Drake could actually be depressed. Josh didn't know how to react to either possibility.

The past month confused Josh. I thought we would be hanging out more now that college was fast approaching. This is big! Our classes are on different campuses; our dorms are across campus from each other. Josh shoved four pieces of bread into the toaster dramatically. Damn it, Drake. What the hell?

"Hey Josh," Drake appeared in the living room and waved through the open partition.

Startled by the voice, Josh looked up. His hands twitched as he waited for the toast to pop. "I see you're up."

Drake shrugged, his hands in his jeans, "Uh, yeah. I guess so." Creeping up on his toes, Drake leaned into the kitchen. "So, what are you doing? Need help?"

Yeah right. "It's done." Josh grabbed at the browned bread, scalding his fingers on the hot metal. Ignoring the pain, he tossed Drake two slices. "Eat up. We're late."

"Mmm," Drake shoveled the toast into his mouth. "S'good."

Josh hardly found dry bread satisfying. But he was more puzzled by Drake's change of attitude. You live on your own planet all month, and now you're smiling; you're talking. What happened? But he said, "You're welcome," out loud.

Drake ate quickly, "Dude, I was wondering... will you be around later?" He looked at Josh, hopeful.

Josh eyed Drake suspiciously, Probably needs a ride to some party. "I'm working until eight."

"Oh," Drake's face fell a bit.

"Isn't there a party or something tonight? It is Friday. I'm sure a friend can give you a ride." Josh ate unenthusiastically. He wished they had time for a real meal.

"Were you planning on going? To the party, I mean." Drake waited for an answer while Josh buttered his second slice of toast.

"I have way too much to do."

Drake bit his lip, thinking.

"You ready to go?" Josh didn't want to be late for final exams.

"Yeah. Let's go." Drake wiped the crumbs from the counter onto the floor before heading to the car.

The ride felt shorter than usual. Drake was talking much more than in the past few weeks. And, besides the few awkward pauses, Josh enjoyed the conversation. Drake told Josh about the party he was planning for the 4th of July. "High School are the best years of our life. I want to go out with a bang. What better than friends and fireworks?"

Josh could think of one hundred reasons why Drake and his friends should not be around fireworks.

"College parties are going to be nuts, dude. That is going to be the time of our life." Josh watched Drake grimace and turn away to look out the window. "You're not looking forward to college, are you Drake?"

Drake mumbled, "I don't know." He hadn't meant to reveal so much. "I was just making conversation."

Josh pulled into his spot and turned to ask Drake to continue. But Drake was out of the car in a flash.

"Later, dude."

What the hell? Josh turned off the ignition and grabbed his book bag. Briskly walking toward homeroom, Josh wondered what was really going on with his brother.

Josh breezed through his exams and soon enough it was time for a lunch break. During the free period, Josh found the main library packed with overachievers and last-minute crammers. He chose a table on the balcony for some quiet and privacy.

In the cafeteria, Drake searched for his brother. Grabbing an orange soda from Eric's tray, Drake asked Craig if they had seen Josh. Eric suggested Drake look for him in the library. "You do know what a library is, don't you?"

Drake's face went hot. He did, in fact, know how a library worked. But he had no idea where the school library was. Not to be ridiculed further by the nerd table, Drake walked out of the lunchroom as if heading to find Josh. He stopped at the restroom to cool his face at the sink.

Staring in the mirror again, Drake could feel his energy slipping. Come on, dude. Do this. After lab... Drake's face fell. After lab, what? Then Josh and I will be best friends again? After lab Josh will want to hang out with me like before? After lab he and I will plot against Meagan together? After lab Josh will forget about college? Drake scowled, No, I didn't think so. He dragged his feet to Chem lab to take another exam.

90 minutes. 125 questions. Drake was anxious, but not because he didn't know the material. Drake was actually doing much better in his courses this semester. He had taken up studying at night while waiting for Josh to come home from The Premiere. He paid attention more in class because daydreaming only made him more depressed. No, Drake wasn't raking in A's, but the occasional B- had crept it's way onto a few assignments. Drake was impressed by himself, but Josh hadn't noticed.

Josh came home from work each night, same as always, and got straight to packing, or studying, or talking to his academic advisor. He didn't realize Drake was going to class more, doing the homework, and lingering in their room waiting for Josh to have a spare moment so they could hang out.

The constant rejection numbed Drake.

Turning back to the exam book, Drake tried not to think about it. 90 minutes. 125 questions.

Josh finished his Chem lab and checked it for mistakes. He knew Drake would be struggling in Mr Newman's class down the hall, so he didn't rush. After handing in the work, Josh walked out to the car to wait. Drake showed up just as the bell rang.

"How were your exams?" Drake asked. His expression was friendly, but guarded.

"Pretty good, actually." Josh didn't want to assume the worst of his brother, but still wondered, "Did you get through your finals alright?"

Drake sighed, annoyed. He had no problem finishing on time. He knew Josh would spend time checking the work on his own exam, so Drake did the same. He figured they would get out at similar times. Drake nodded curtly to answer his brother. It took him a few minutes to move past feeling offended and defensive.

Josh started the car, "Premiere or home?"

"Home, I think."

Josh looked over with a wide grin, "What? No dates today?"

Drake chewed his lip. "Well, yeah, but," he let out a deep breath, "if it's all the same to you, I'd rather get home."

Josh dropped Drake off at home with more than enough time to make it to work. "Later, man," Josh waved.

Drake smiled as if it were a promise, "Okay, cool. Later."