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Chapter 3
"They hate me?"
"That's not true..."
"It has to be." I mutter, leaning back in my chair. "The looks. First because I am from the Capitol but now because I don't do anything?"
Mrs Everdeen sighs as she bandages up an unconscious patient. "I guess so."
"Coin doesn't let me do anything!" I exclaim. "Maybe that's why."
"Either that or she doesn't trust you." She says, not looking up from her work. Over a month has passed since I first stepped foot into thirteen and everyone has been extremely busy helping out with the war. Everyone but me that is. I haven't been able to make very many friends here with my Capitol status and I only really talk to Haymitch and Mrs Everdeen, and on occasion Prim gives me a small hello.
"I guess she has a reason to with all that she assumes about the Capitol." I sigh. "I just wish I was doing something."
"You are." Mrs Everdeen says with a small smile. "You are becoming a mother and encountering the changes happening to your body."
"Don't remind me." I groan out. "I've been throwing up almost everyday these past two weeks. And I've been having the weirdest craving." Which has been painful as food here is at a shortage and very limited in variety.
She chuckles. "The first trimester can always be the must challenging for women. But I am sure as you progress, you will find it to become easier."
I give her a look. "We'll see about that when I start labour." I say.
"How is Haymitch taking this?"
I frown. "In a very...Haymitch way. He doesn't really mention the baby much." I have already guessed that it was something to do with his family. Maybe he didn't want to get his hopes up to much? Or maybe he just generally isn't interested? I might be married to the guy but that didn't make him any easier to read.
"You know Effie," Mrs Everdeen starts to say as she takes off the hospital gloves she is wearing. "If you would like something to do, you should just go straight to President Coin and ask for it."
I consider this for a little while before nodding. "Your right. Does she have an office of some sorts?" I ask.
"No, she is mostly in the command office with all the main leaders. I'm guessing that's where Haymitch will be."
I nod. "I'll go there straight now!" I say, jumping up from my seat.
"Effie!" Mrs Everdeen calls before I get too far. I turn around to face her. "You should...probably change."
"Oh! Too much eyeliner?"
"Just a tad dear."
CUT
I try to downsize as much as I can when I change. I plait my long hair into a goddess crown around my head, using pins to keep it in place. I do wish I had some fresh flowers to attach to my hair but I try not to dwell too much on the thoughts of anything fresh in case I start to long for the air outside and the sun on my skin.
I put on a flowy red dress that I had just finished sowing up and my signature heals wearing though only 8 inch ones. I wash most of the make up off my face but there is not much I can do with my extremely-but fashionable of course-long eyelashes considering their fake and a permanent medical procedure that cost me over a 10,000 coins.
I trudge my way over to the command office, not getting too many looks as my capitol appearance is mostly gone save for the splashes of colour that I am compared to the other grey outfits of District 13. A few guards stand outside the office who eye me cautiously as I draw near.
"Can we help you Miss?" One of them asks.
I clear my throat. "I am here to see President Coin." I say, firmly.
"I'm sorry but we cannot allow that." He says.
I frown. "And why not?"
"The President is busy with pressing issues."
I roll my eyes. Busy my wigs! Haymitch tells me that most of the time nothing interesting happens during his ridiculous strategic work hours that he is forced to do. "And those pressing issues would be?"
"We cannot allow you in Miss. Urm...are you okay Miss, your eye seems to be twitching?"
"My husband is in there." I say as a final attempt. "He uh, called to tell me something."
The guard gives me a weird look. "And your husband would be?"
"Haymitch Abernathy."
At this, all of the guards stare at me. "Oh! You should have mentioned sooner Miss. Your husband did give us orders to let you in if the time was ever needed." I smile, feeling my heart swell at these words.
The guards move aside to give me way and I swallow any anxiety that I am feeling and open the door.
The command room is, to be frank, huge with a massive table in the middle of it which is surrounded by chairs. Its bigger than the dining place they have here, panem's sake! The chairs are occupied with various people, who I assume to be leaders due to their stances and the older, wiser look they have to them. All around the room are maps with darts stuck on them and paper covering every surface.
Everyone seems to stare at me as I enter the room which does nothing to calm my nerves. I gaze around the table and hurriedly make my way over to Haymitch when I spot him.
"What are you doing here?" He asks with a frown, glancing towards Coin. The President doesn't look very happy to see me and I can almost feel the daggers she is more or else imagining throwing into my back.
"There must be something I can do. To help." I say to him, straightening out my dress. "I can't just be sitting around while a rebellion is going on. People are starting to talk Haymitch!"
He sighs. "Yeah I know. I think the kitchens might have a place for you-"
"That really won't be necessary Commander Abernathy." Coin's voice slices through. "All the roles are filled up."
Haymitch glares at her. "You always say so yourself Coin, there is always something to do."
She raises an eyebrow. "And you think I will trust her with anything? You really think some thing from the Capitol can be of any assistance here what so ever?"
Haymitch automatically moves to stand up, his chair scraping loudly. I grip his forearm tightly to stop him. 'Oh dear, this is going to turn into a scene!' Is all I can think.
"The fuc-"
"President," A man interrupts Haymitch's soon to be obscene choice of words. "I'm sure there is something she could do."
"I agree with Boggs." Pultarch adds in. I look at him in shock, not seeing him when I first came in. "Effie is an absolute darling. I know she would never give any of our plans away to the enemy and you were just saying that there were too many old documents lying around. Perhaps Effie can be of assistance in shredding these documents and organising things around here a bit more. She is excellent with those schedules."
I smile both thankfully and proudly at Pultarch's words. Organisation was something that would suite me just fine. "Oh Panem, please don't bring back those damn schedules." Haymitch grumbled.
I frown. "What are wrong with my schedules?"
"Nothing. Just that you get ridiculously obsessed with them."
"I do no such thing." I say quickly but I can already feel the excitement bubbling in me at the prospect of having a schedule again. "I would be honoured to help organise your work, President Coin." I address her, hopefully.
Coin's lips are pressed tightly together but after an encouraging pat on the shoulder from the man who spoke for me-Boggs-she nods.
I grin. "Great! When should I start?"
"Now." She commands. "Over there is a whole bunch of letters that need shredding." She says, pointing over to an extremely large pile of sheets of paper beside an old, rusty shredder. "The shredder jams every once and a while. After that, you can get started filing some of the more useful older documents."
I nod, determined to get this done. I glance at Haymitch who seems to be busy reading some kind of strategic book. "Can you..."
He rolls his eyes. "Come on then Princess." He says and I smile gratefully as he grabs his chair and walks over to the shredder with me.
I start my shredding as he reads the book every once in a while jotting down some pointers or barking an order to someone across the room. The shredder did jam quite a lot as Coin said it would and I have to keep getting Haymitch to hit it with his forearms so that it would start to work again.
The job in itself is not very exciting but the shredder is in the corner away from everyone else and I enjoy the time that I have with Haymitch.
"I haven't seen you much this week." I comment after we have settled into a routine.
"Yep." Haymitch says, jotting down another note. "Sorry about that. We're just about to try and take over District 9 so I have been needed a lot here."
I nod, smiling at him. He looks so professional and determined doing what he is doing and I feel my heart flare up with pride. "You're doing great here" I say, with a small smile.
"You miss me." He says, more of a statement then anything else.
I sigh. "Of course I do."
He frowns but I wave him off. "Don't worry about it, Haymitch. A rebellion is a lot more important than a clingy wife." I tell him trying to joke about it. "But I do miss you. A lot."
He sighs, "I'll try and get more time off Eff." He says honestly which makes me smile.
"Do you like my dress?" I ask him after a short silence, twirling around cheesily.
He chuckles. "Its nice. You look normal for once apart from the ridiculously long eye lashes and those weapons." He says, nodding to my shoes.
I roll my eyes. "Haymitch, their heals. There meant to make my legs look better and make me taller!" I say. "Would you rather a 5'2 wife that you would only be able to kiss on the forehead?"
"You legs look good with or without them Princess. And I kiss you just fine without them too." He wiggles his eyebrows at me making me giggle.
I hear a throat being cleared across the room. "There is work to be done Miss Trinket-"
"Mrs Abernathy."
"Yes, I know." Coin says, her teeth clenched tightly together. "This is not a social club."
"Yes President. Sorry." I say quickly before Haymitch has a chance to say something else. And Panem knows that's the last thing we need right now.
CUT
At dinner, everyone takes a break and I manage to squeeze in a seat next to Haymitch at the leader's table much to the glares of Coin and the others.
"How long have you and Haymitch been married, Mrs Abernathy?" A woman asks me from across the table.
"A little after 3 years." I tell the kindly woman with a smile. "And please call me Effie."
She grins. "Ah the earlier years are some of the most challenging. Me and my husband have been married for almost 15 years now."
"Oh, you are married?" I say in surprise before flushing. "Forgive me, that sounds..."
She nods. "Not to worry dear, not many leaders get married as the planning for the rebellion took away any time to find spouses. Me and Richard we're lucky that we managed to marry beforehand." She says, patting the knee of a man besides her who pauses in his own conversation to squeeze her hand and smile at her.
I can't help but squeal at how cute they are which makes Haymitch pause in his own conversation to roll his eyes. Am I the only one who is stuck with a very unromantic sod of a husband?
"I'm Sarah by the way." She introduces herself, sticking out a small hand at me which I shook. Sarah and her husband both seem to be in their late forties and the toll of the rebellion and soon to be war is very evident on both of their faces. They both have light brown hair which is greying and like everyone else in district 13, very pale skin from lack of sunlight. Sarah's smile is the warmest that I have seen though and I find it reflecting on myself.
"I am pleasured to meet you." I smile.
"Likewise." She says. "I was very surprised to find out that one had managed to nab himself a wife. And a sweet, capitol lady like yourself."
"Oh trust me I ask myself the same question. He has about as much romance as a dead slug."
"Hey!" Haymitch exclaims, turning towards us. "I have ears, I can hear you two."
"Oh have no worries dear, he will learn." Sarah's eyes twinkle at me. "When I fell in love with my husband, it was like falling in love with a brick wall. No charisma whatsoever!"
"Now there," Richard also buts in. "That was only because you were like a bullet when we met. Expected too much and had so much energy, I just couldn't keep up."
"I can relate to that." Haymitch says, looking at Richard in shock. "I can really relate to that."
In the next two weeks, I find working at the command room more enjoyable being able to chat a little with Sarah. However, like Haymitch, Sarah is also a big part in the rebellion in the supplies department so I am mostly left alone.
Time is passing pleasantly though until I have to run out of the room one morning to throw up.
I clench the toilet as I dry heave when nothing is left inside me to throw up. I feel a hand rubbing my back and knowing it has to be Haymitch, I pull back into him. His strong arms encircle me. "Eff?"
"I'm...fine...just...morning..sickness." I say, gripping his arms for support. He rubs my stomach lightly, going slower every time he passes over my small, just about growing baby bump.
"Do you dry heave like this everyday?" I Shake my head. "You should be taking it easy." He says to me. "Its not good for you to be doing so much work."
I pull back to look at him, giving him a reassuring smile. "Haymitch, I've only been working there for two weeks. I'm fine! Now lets get back before Coin gets angry at you for being away for too long." I say and he gives in, helping me up.
We walk back into the command room and eyes are on me, obviously wondering what all the commotion was. I am not surprised though. The people of District 13 have been running a rebellion for years now which I am sure has managed to put every single one of them on edge about even the smallest things.
"Is everything okay Commander Haymitch?" Coin asks completely ignoring the fact that I was the one who ran out of the room.
"Everything is fine, President." I answer for him after his response of a short grunt. "Baby just wasn't too happy today." I say, caressing my stomach.
"Your pregnant?!" Sarah exclaims from the other side of the room.
I nod, grinning. "12 weeks along now." I tell her.
"Oh wonderful! Richard, didn't I tell you she was glowing? Didn't I?!"
"You did dear."
"Oh, Haymitch how lucky you are." She says. "What I would do for a baby."
"You very well know Soldier Sarah that there is no time for children." Coin says, harshly.
Sarah glances down, her shoulders sagging. "Yes President Coin. I'm too old anyway." She whispers the last bit so quietly that I almost don't catch it from where I am. Richard puts an arm around her waist, pulling her towards him and she looks up to smile sadly at him.
"Does anyone else want to leave the rebellion and go fend for themselves with a wife, husband and children?" Coin barks. "No? Didn't think so. Now everyone, back to work."
I stare at the president in shock before Haymitch, wraps an arm around me, pulling me away and back to the shredder. I turn to catch Sarah's eye mouthing a quick 'I am sorry' to her and she only shakes her head, eyes twinkling dimly at me.
I feel my own shoulders sag but when I look up to Haymitch for support, he looks away.
CUT
He lies further away from me that night when he finally comes in from the rebellion work. I feel my eyes prickle as the confusion rests in my gut. What could I have possibly done? I wrack my brain through the day thinking of everything that has happened. Woke up, had breakfast, threw up, work, went to sleep. I couldn't think of anything that could have annoyed him.
Yet as I stroke my stomach, it comes to me. He probably didn't want people to know.
Haymitch had been hesitant to marry me with a priest because even though he respected my beliefs as a Jesus follower, he didn't want anyone to know because he was afraid I would be taken from him. Ever since his family were killed by the dreaded President Snow, he didn't take chances in loving anyone so when he decided to love me, I felt so blessed.
Did he feel the same way about the baby? I should talk to him about it, shouldn't I? I turn in the bed, ready to pour out my heart and hope for something in return when I feel the warmth seeping from my legs.
Oh dear! Oh no! Have I wet myself? I thought that was only a symptom that appeared months later in the pregnancy1 I feel the redness appear on my cheeks, glancing at Haymitch. While I knew my husband would be understanding, I wouldn't hear the end of it!
I subtly try to push the blankets to the side to look down at the sheets. Their were soaked through but not with urine.
My body froze in terror. "Haymitch..." I whisper.
The blood travels down my legs and unto the sheets and the sight of it all is just way too much for me. I hear a scream wretch from somewhere and I takes me a while to realize it was me.
"Effie!" Haymitch is immediately to my side, grabbing my arm. "Eff?"
"Haymitch." I scream again, kicking the blankets off me.
He stares at the blood on the sheets before looking at me, his eyes filled with an emotion that I have never seen before. Dread. "Shit!" He leaps out of the bed and scoops me up in his arms.
I grip his neck tightly as he runs out of the door and down the corridor, on the now familiar path to the hospital where I have two check ins on the baby every month. The hospital is small and they barely have any stable equipment. They couldn't save my baby even if they tried to.
"Haymitch, I'm tired."
"Don't say that. Stay with me baby, you have to stay with me." He begs as he runs faster.
And I try, Panem, I try! I cry and I pray and I try but the darkness feels too good by the time he arrives at the hospital.
