The Girl in the Ward
Dudes…
I'm sorry I'm slow. But this took forever to write… GAH! WHY MUST YOU BE SO LONG?
I have another longer chapter for you in store, though… okay, so maybe it's not THAT long, only about 5800 words... but still. You were lucky you got 8000 last chappie. Normally my chapters are only 2000 words long.
AND NOW YOU CAN MAKE THE STORY SUMMARIES LONGER! Instead of 255 characters, now summaries are like 385 characters! IT'S SO FREAKING EPIC! So yeah, I added some stuff to the summary.
And PEOPLE! PLEASE cast a vote on the poll I have on my profile! I'm thinking of making a new story, and seriously NEED you people's help!
Chapter 3 – Tick, Tock
A week has passed now. Day 9 of my new life has begun 8 hours ago, as soon as the clock struck 12.
Time... Whenever I think of time, I think of both numbers, and space. Because technically, they're all the same thing, are they not?
As every second ticks by, one second drains out of my life time. Every new second, a new dozen cells are created in my body. But when will that stop? When will the space of time in my life be full? When will the sand in my hourglass run out?
As the numbers increase, so does our knowledge, our maturity, our pain.
At every second, the number grows bigger. At every second, a person has just died, a child has been born, a person has cried her last tear.
But when the seconds reach 60, it falls back, crashes back down to 1... Is that what happens to life? When it reaches its fill, when we die, do we get reborn just as easily?
To think that you can have such deep thoughts about something as simple as a clock, innocently ticking away on the wall.
"Rin?"
"Hm?" I look over to them.
Luka, Kaito and Gakupo stare back. Miku is humming a tune, as she sprinkles sugar onto her eggs.
"Rin, can you guess what we did?" Luka repeats.
I'm a little surprised, but maybe I could give it a shot. I bite my lip. "I guess I can try..."
The three smile triumphantly.
I lean over and scrutinize them. "You were a victim..." I say to Luka. I point to Gakupo. "You were an attacker." I point lastly at Kaito. "You were suicidal."
They all glance at each other. "You were wrong about us all." Gakupo says with a smirk.
"Dang it..." I say. "I thought for sure..."
"I was a 'victim', I guess you could say." Gakupo says. "My parents abused me as a child. They scarred me both physically and emotionally. So child services sent me here after I tried to strangle the foster family's parrot."
I laugh. "You tried to strangle a parrot?"
"What?" Gakupo lifts his hands in an innocent position. "It felt like it was making fun of me!"
"You shouldn't have told that to a bird-lover like me!"
A chickadee's song is so melodious in the morning... sometimes I feel they may be the only normal ones around.
They really know how to live properly; fly around freely, don't let love get in a way of the circle of life, fly around some more, and hope life won't end in the next hour.
Hope the clock will keep ticking a little longer.
"I was really bullied." Kaito starts. "One day, I had enough. I tried to choke the main one with my own hands, and then beat the rest to a pulp." He cracks his knuckles proudly.
I gasp. "They didn't...?"
"Die?" he finishes for me. "No, they're still living. I heard one broke his arm though. My folks were a little concerned, so they sent me here."
"With good reason." Gakupo rolls his eyes. Kaito only smirks.
"Yes, yes, one of your friends really is an 'attacker', as Mikuo puts it. I'm not the only one, though..." Kaito trails off with a small smile.
"Mine isn't really that exciting." Luka says with a yawn. "Kind of boring, really."
"What is it?" I ask.
"Yes, do tell, Luka!" Gakupo presses on with a mischievous smile, reaching for her hand.
She sighs, and thinks for a moment. "I really like water, but I can't swim. So I kept on asking to go to the beach, and nearly drowned almost every time I went."
I lean in a little more. I notice Gakupo has let go of her hand, and is scowling.
"After a while, they assumed it was all a bunch of suicide attempts, and they sent me here."
She glances nervously at Gakupo. He gives her a look, and she turns away, almost seeming ashamed.
I can only wonder why.
Class goes by in a flash. I sit beside the girl I saw before on my first day of class, whose name, I found out, is Yuki. She's an amazingly smart 9-year-old in for serious depression issues.
Nothing too bad for such a young girl, but bad enough to have her threaten to take her own life.
Nothing out of the ordinary happens today- Tei Sukone stabbed the girl beside her with a pencil and was sedated and sent to the infirmary, but apart from that, all was calm.
So now, as the seconds on the clock tick away, I sit here, wondering about Luka.
Why did Gakupo look so annoyed? Was Luka lying? Or does he simply not like being reminded of what she did? I wouldn't be surprised if he found it stupid. Why would a girl like Luka want to die? Unless it really was an accident...
But she's been here for at least 2 years. Not even a suicide attempt should last long, should it?
I'm up and going as soon as we're dismissed.
I say goodbye to Yuki (after ensuring she'll correct my homework before I turn it in- she's THATsmart), and leave the classroom, only to get yanked suddenly to the side.
I worry for a moment that it's another yandere like Tei that wants to stab me for looking at someone specific, but I sigh in relief realizing it's only Luka.
"Hey... you scared me!" I say.
"Look, I lied, okay?" She says quickly, ignoring me. She looks away, not able to meet my eye.
"About... what?"
"My reason for being here. I never drowned, and there was only one suicide attempt, but that wasn't what got me here."
I blink with confusion.
She looks downward so her bangs cover her face. "Come on... let's go somewhere else."
For a mental ward, they certainly have low security. I mean, sure, they have cameras at every 10 feet along the walls, but we don't see one guard.
I secretly wonder if we'll get in trouble for this...
She rushes us into the smaller chapel in room 4. Quickly, she rushes up to the confession corner, and kneels in front of the 10 inch silver cross.
"God, as always, I ask you to forgive my sins, no matter how unforgivable they are. Although I should rot in hell where the Devil Himself lives, I hope perhaps you will be kind enough to help me forget while on this beautiful Earth that is your creation."
She continues her prayer. "I also wish that this young maiden of the name Rin be able to forgive me as well, and if not, shall not be emotionally scarred, and shall remain somewhat pure. Amen."
She stands up and faces me. "... I think God has given me the courage now... to tell you the truth."
She points at a wooden chair nearby. "You might want to sit down."
As we both sit down- me on the chair, she on the piano bench -I blink incredulously. Because what else really is there to do?
"The truth is... I had a really tough time at school." she starts. "The only thing I was good at was Math and Phys Ed. My 8th grade teacher really hated me. He found my attitude annoying and thought I was just another self-absorbed airhead."
I realize I'm on the edge of my seat, and scooch back a little.
"So one day, I was really annoyed, and then he started getting all in my face. Thing is, the whole historian fair was in a few days, and one kid brought in a collection of weapon knives used in a bunch of different wars for his project. And... that night, before I left..."
I shudder. It wasn't hard to guess what happened.
"All the other kids were already gone, and the teacher was cleaning off the black boards. And... I grabbed one of the meanest knives I could find from the kid's project, came up behind him, and..."
She can't even finish. She lets out a sob, and I try patting her back to calm her.
"I was almost done with him when a girl named Penny came in... she saw the mess and freaked."
She sniffs, and wipes a few tears away.
"They got that kid's project disqualified, and students weren't allowed to even bring eating knives to school because everyone was so paranoid. Now though... Now I'm nothing but a ghost story."
I watch her with a look that must be a mix of amazement, disbelief, and horror. "I would've never guessed..." I breathe out.
"I'm sure you wouldn't have..." Luka says sadly. "After all, I seem like a complete airhead, don't I? I don't seem capable of doing such a thing. But believe me..." she leans forward. "If I felt like it, I could break your neck right now."
My eyes widen, and my breathing stops. Suddenly, I can see it; the anger, sadness, and regret in her eyes, but also something else... a proud look, as if she was somehow pleased with herself.
It scares me.
"I'm sorry..." Luka quickly looks away realizing what she said. "I probably shouldn't have said that... I just wanted to... make a point, I guess."
I suppress a shiver. "N-No, everything's fine..."
She must sense it. The awkward reluctance in the air... anyone could feel it. But who wouldn't after being told something like that?
"... I have to go." she says, as she rushes out.
And I'm left sitting there with only my own thoughts as company.
I've always wondered what would happen if I died in the next seconds.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. ... ... ...
Gone. Just like that. Would anyone really notice? Would anyone care? What importance does a young lonely 15-year-old girl like me have? None.
As I sit in Kiyo-san's office, I ponder about this. I have many times before, of course, for who hasn't at one point in their lives?
But only now do I really know people who'd notice. Care, maybe, maybe not. But they'd definitely notice. Miku... Kaito... Gakupo... Teto... Luka... Yuki... and Mikuo and Len.
Mikuo and Len... I can feel my cheeks heating.
"Rin?"
"Hm?" I snap out of my daze, and look up to see Kiyo-san with a worried expression on his face.
"Did you hear my question?" I shake my head no. "I asked if you were getting along better with your roommates."
Those two again... I suppose I have.
Len still watches me curiously, but I've become used to it. In fact, strangely enough, I actually seem to miss it whenever he looks away. I suppose it makes me feel... special. Important. I don't know... I just like it.
I suppose I'd consider us... friends of a sort... It's hard to really pin a specific relationship on us. Friends, acquaintances, enemies? I'm not sure.
Something strange happened the other day, though.
I was on my way to Kiyoteru's office, just to visit (apparently I'm stable enough not to need a guard with me full time), when I heard a piano being played. It was coming from one of the chapel rooms - #3, I believe?
I opened the door as quietly as I could, and listened.
It was Len playing. The music was beautiful- some sort of smooth melody, the notes going up and down, and up again. The way he played it made it seem almost like sound effects were added in.
I took a few more steps towards him, when he suddenly stopped playing. He must've heard me, but he didn't turn around or acknowledge me. Instead, he started playing an entirely new tune.
I recognized it quickly- after all, people at my old school used to sing it in the halls and blast it in their cars.
Rolling Girl, by Ring Suzune. A slower, softer version of the song, but definitely recognizable.
I wondered how he knew it, since it was still fairly new. Were we allowed MP3s? Then, suddenly, I remembered the lyrics.
'Rolling Girl, alone in the world, with no one to cling on.
So much noise inside her little head,
such a tragedy, such a tragedy.'
'"No problem", she said it once more.
But in the end, she lost it again,
Oh, lost again, lost again,
It's a matter of finding the odd one out in the end,
When you realize you're still rolling.'
'Oh, one more time, one more time.
"I'll be rolling for tomorrow too",
so she says, so she says,
as her world shatters to pieces.
Are you ready yet? Not even close.
My future is not looking good now.
I'll just stop my breathing now.'
I gasped, for the song fit me perfectly.
As the last chord chimed, I ran out.
"We're getting along fine." I tell Kiyo-san. "I don't know if I'd call us friends yet, but we're doing well."
Then there's Mikuo.
He was stuffed with drugs again a few days ago. He had an emotional breakdown when he looked at me the day before. He kept reaching out for me, and calling out the name "Haine! Haine-Lin!"
That day, he was like the first day I saw him.
Mischievous, uncaring, slurring his words. But that night, while Len was somewhere playing piano, and Mikuo and I were alone in the dorm, he seemed suddenly back to normal.
"Teto was right; you really do look like her, you know." he said, both his face and tone completely serious.
He didn't say a word to me after.
"Both of them?" Kiyoteru asks.
"Both of them."
"Which would you say you prefer?"
"... I... I don't know." I admit. "I mean... they're both good people, I think, but I don't really prefer one to the other."
Kiyo-san arched a brow. "They both seem to like you well enough." he said. "In my opinion, at least."
He thought for a moment. "Hmm... This should be interesting."
That was all he left me with to think of when I left his office.
I wonder, what's so interesting?
(A/N: ... Geez... I have no idea what I'm going to do for this part... Rin, Len, I need you both to cooperate! I already let Luka get away with being over-emotional, so you two better follow the plan, GOT IT?)
The door opens, and I'm let into my dorm. Len is already there waiting for me.
Right... social therapy. Ah, the fun awkwardness of social interaction...
"Hey..." I wave at him nervously.
He nods back as an answer.
I sit down on my bed. I never do really know what to talk about here... after all, I'm not sure he'd be one to really talk about the latest fashion, and what celebrities should like, totally get together already~! (1)
Would it be easier if I tried to act like Kiyo-san? After all, Kiyoteru and I get along really well, I find. Hmm... what's one thing Kiyo-san often asks?
"W-Who do you prefer here?" I ask nervously. ... Great. That sounds like a cliché line the innocent lead female role in a movie would say to her love interest. NOT exactly the type of effect I want to have...
Len looks up with an almost mischievous kind of interest. "What do you mean?"
I blush a little. "Like, who here do you get along with best?"
He arches a brow. "Out of everyone?"
"Out of everyone."
"Hm..." He thinks for a moment. "I'm not sure if I necessarily get along with anyone... but I guess I'd say Mikuo."
"Oh? Why's that?" I ask. "I thought he annoyed you."
"Well of course he does." Len scoffs. "He probably always will. I just... I don't know... feel bad for him? He's been here for a whole year already, and still hasn't moved on. I guess I can sort of... relate to him, in that way."
Interesting. Huh. "Why are you so quiet around him? The only time I really hear you talk is... now, really."
"He does the talking for me." Len shrugs. "And if there isn't anything to say, I just don't say anything."
"But you're talking now."
"I have something I can say." He says matter-of-factly, with a small smirk.
"Huh..."
He watches me in that way he always does now. Despite myself, I can feel my pride rise.
"The other day..." he starts, "I was playing piano. You heard me, and came in. When I was done, you ran out." He smiles to himself. "Was it really that bad?"
I grit my teeth. "You changed songs when you noticed me there."
Len shrugs. "I thought you might like it more than Kokoro." he says. "Did you recognize it?"
"Rolling Girl..."
He nods. "Mm-hm."
"... Why'd you choose that one?"
"I felt it suit you." he says with another innocent shrug.
"I found it insulting."
"A shame." he clucks. "I thought you would have liked it."
I want to ask more about it, but don't know what to say. His innocent little act isn't really satisfying me anyway. After a slight pause thought, he starts to talk again.
"I've decided that since you got me to admit something about... Lenka..." he winces. "You have to tell me something about your family."
I suddenly go stiff; I don't really have much family...
"To start, who did you live with?" Len asks.
"... My grandparents." I answer, without providing further detail.
"And which do you prefer?"
"My grandpa, honestly, although out of my whole family, my favorite was my aunt."
Len raises a brow, probably wondering about the 'was' part. "Was she your mother's sister, or your father's?"
"Dad's sister..." I say reluctantly. "Her name was Haku... She died in a car accident when I was 9."
Len bows his head down in respect. "Sorry to hear that."
"It's fine..." I say simply. He doesn't need to know how much I miss her.
"Alright... then how about your mother?" he asks instead.
This time, I completely freeze. "I... didn't really know her." I finally say.
Len raises a brow. "Oh?"
Suddenly, I can feel the emotions building up inside me. The hate, the longing, the sadness... all of it being forced into a ball of words in my throat, which I'm struggling to keep down.
When my eyes start to water, though, I know I'm fighting a losing battle.
"Are you alright?" Len asks with a soft tenderness I haven't heard before.
"She's the reason I'm here!" I finally blurt out. "Alright? It's all her fault!"
Len has a confused expression on his face. "What did she do?"
I gulp. "Ever heard of the expression 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?'"
He nods slowly, looking for further explanation, but seems to understand when I don't give any.
"She's somewhere else like this." Len says in a monotonous voice. Not a question, but a statement.
I nod. "She claimed her stepdad was abusing her... She killed him!" I shriek. "People were afraid of me, they hated me!"
"Shh..." Len tries to quiet me down. "No one here hates you. You're normal here. You're not the only one who's had someone close to them become a murderer- in fact, half the people here are murderers!"
I inch away from him. "You don't understand me..."
"Don't I?"
"NO! You don't!" I'm screaming now.
He glares at me. "Stop acting like the victim, Rin." he hisses. "Because honestly, compared to others here, your case is probably one of the simplest."
"SHUT UP!"
"Stop acting like the whole world revolves around you, Rin!" he growls. "Because there are so many people suffering a hell of a lot worse than you are!"
"NO THERE AREN'T! These people at least have some family left!"
"NOT ALL OF THEM DO, RIN!" Len is yelling too now. "AT LEAST YOUR PARENTS ARE ALIVE!"
My anger suddenly disappears. "What...?"
Len sighs. "My parents died when I was 6, so I've been switching foster homes all my life with my sister Lenka. She's a year older than me, but really skinny and pretty, and a lot more mature than I am, but..."
He sighs. "The reason I'm here is because I was accused of killing her."
I gasp. "W-What?"
"I found her on my way home from school..." he says. "She was just lying in the little alleyway between two apartments, and... at first I thought she was sleeping, but...!"
He's trembling now, and I realize he was right- what had happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to him.
Hesitantly, I sit down beside him. Seeing he doesn't do anything to show he doesn't like it, I try putting my arm around his waist.
He flinches at first, but calms down just as quick. So I lean my head onto his chest, and listen to his heartbeat.
He sighs, and continues. "The foster family we were with didn't trust me, but they really loved Lenka, so they automatically assumed that... that I killed her..."
He shifts away a little then. "But I swear I didn't! I'd never do something like that to her!"
I turn my head (while still leaning against him) upwards to look him in the eye. "I believe you."
Th-Thump, th-thump, th-thump… His heart beat starts to get faster. I wonder if that means I made him happy? I really hope it does… (2)
"...Thanks..." he says quietly, slowly leaning his head against mine.
(A/N: Nope, no kissy stuff yet, sorry! …Now I'm gonna get like, writer's block for this part… WHAT NOW?)
I didn't go to lunch. Instead, I told Len to tell everyone else. My little secret… apparently it wasn't too bad of a secret, but hell, did it sure feel like one to me. Even if everyone else brushed it off… I kind of wanted someone to act like it was a huge deal.
So I'd have something to keep me in my place. Something to remind me of who I am. Something to give me a reason to be sad.
It's time for creative therapy now. I walk to class a little slower than usual, but I don't think Ms. Miriam will mind too much.
Unfortunately for me, it seems more than half the class is late today. Or maybe I'm just early.
With a sigh, I sit down in my usual seat. Teto isn't here yet, but Mikuo is. Teto already knows my secret, so it's kind of comforting having her around… but Mikuo? I'd be lying if I say I'm not nervous.
He already started his painting; another picture of his dearest Haine-Lin. She looks different though…
In the painting, she was standing in what seemed to be a park. The moonlight shone on her, and the stars really did look like they were sparkling.
But Haine herself… Her hair wasn't as black as it used to be. It lightened to more of a gray shade, some parts almost looking like a light brown. And unlike the usual pictures, where she had only a blank stare, this girl… was actually smiling. The normally blank eyes emitted an air of happiness, and affection.
This wasn't really Haine-Lin. Or maybe it started out as her… but it contained parts of someone else too.
"You okay?"
Mikuo's voice made me jump. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say, a little confused.
"…" He's quiet for a moment. "I didn't think you'd ever tell us."
Oh. Right… that's why. I told them my special little secret.
"Oh, uh… yeah…" I say awkwardly, not really knowing what else to do.
"…" He's quiet again. His dark blue eyes are clouded though, and he seems deep in thought. "You told him first."
"Huh?"
"Len." He looks up at me. "You told Len before you told me."
I frown at him. Haine-Lin isn't the only one who seems different… Mikuo's teal colored hair is a little ruffled in the front, as if he were running his hand through. I wonder why he seems so stressed…?
"Well… he was just there." I say. "Is that bad?"
He looks back to his canvas and just keeps painting. "No. I was just saying."
Huh. Strange.
I skip dinner too.
In a way, I'm hoping someone will come looking for me. Maybe I'm just looking for unnecessary dram, but being alone is… well, lonely.
A knock at the door surprises me, making me jump.
"U-Um, come in!" I squeak.
It's Gumi. Her emerald green hair is as perfect as ever, her blue eyes clouded with slight worry. "Are you alright?" she asks.
"Fine, thanks." I reply simply. Not exactly the person I was thinking of when I said I wanted someone to come looking for me…
"I was looking for you in the cafeteria, but you weren't there." Gumi says, straightening herself. "Mikuo told me to find you here. You do know you're not supposed to skip meals, right?"
"Sorry." I say, but only because it's probably what she wants to hear, not because I mean it.
"Anyway… I noticed you were having trouble finding something to do for your 30 minutes of physical activity."
"Yeah." It's true, I have… but this comment is making me wonder if they are constantly watching us… I shiver. Quite a scary thought. But then again… what did I think they do with all those security cameras?
"Well, like I said before, we're under renovation." Gumi beams proudly. "And we've just finished constructing a mock beach! So now, you can go swimming or kayaking or play beach volleyball…"
She suddenly frowns. "But don't be getting any ideas." She says sternly. "Anyone going swimming must wear a lifejacket- and it will be securely strapped on so you can't take it off. Also, we have a lifeguard for certain hours." She wags her finger at me. "So you'd better not try anything."
"…"
"Alright! So… with that, I guess I'm done!" she happily walks off.
How on earth does she stay so happy? …She must not be human.
I had no idea I enjoy kayaking. I'd never tried it until today. But, floating peacefully in the middle of their beach-like pool… I don't think I've ever felt more relaxed.
As the boat gently glides along the clear blue waters, I gently close my eyes. How nice it is to be away from that place… I'm not quite sure if it's really making me any better, or if it's just making things worse.
With a yawn, I grab my oar. Even though I can't really see the sky- oh no, the 'beach' is in a glass dome with a permanent slightly cloudy sky painted on the ceiling –I can tell it's getting late. I push the plastic paddle into the water, and push it behind me. The kayak begins gliding forward.
Well… I know where I'll be spending most of my time now.
Len can have his piano all day, but I'll grab my kayak and swim out to the middle of nowhere instead, thanks.
When I'm finally back in my room, I'm shivering. I definitely should've brought a towel.
"What time is it?" I ask Mikuo, who's sitting beside the small digital alarm clock (3).
"It's…" he checks the time. "Almost 8:30."
"Wha- oh crap! I didn't realize I was gone that long!"
Mikuo gives a boyish half-smile. "Don't you fret, we weren't too worried! Gumi came by and told us where you were. Please don't cry!"
I roll my eyes. "Dream on."
"That I shall."
Just then, a knock sounds at our door. It's Gumi… again. Why does she keep showing up?
"Rin, may I speak to you for a moment?" she asks.
I breath out a sign, and go out to join her in the hall. "Yes?"
She looks nervous. "W-Well, normally we don't permit visits, but he was very generous, a-and he said you'd be glad to see him, and that if anything, it would make you better, a-and we needed the money, so-"
I frown. "I'm sorry… who?"
Gumi winces. "Your father called… he'd like to come visit you."
… I don't know what I'm feeling. Angry? Betrayed? Scared? Probably a mix of everything.
I haven't seen dad since the accident, when we were both at Aunt Haku's funeral, and even then he didn't say a word to me.
So why now? Now that everything seemed worse than I could've possibly imagined? To make fun of me? To actually take up his responsibilities as a father and start caring? Well why doesn't he go care for his new wife and twins if he feels like being fatherly? Why does it have to be me?
One thing's for sure… tomorrow's gonna be one hell of a morning.
FINALLY FINISHED, OMFG.
I seriously had my doubts… but I did it.
So! Now Rin's father- the man she hasn't seen in 6 years –is coming back to visit! This should be dramatic…
Question of the chapter: What do you think her dad is coming for?
Oh, the most obvious question… I'm curious to see what you people think!
Also, this is like, the last chapter to vote for your favorite guy! Next chapter will be the one I choose the final pairing in! Ooh, can you feel the tension?
I was hoping I'd be able to milk this chapter a little and make it a little longer, but… I kind of rushed the ending, starting at the part where Rin is in the art room.
Speaking of the art room, I'm sorry there wasn't much Mikuo x Rin fluff this chapter… I've been trying to make the amount of romance equal to each boy but… Len kinda took over from me. I'm sowwy…
Anywho, uh… please review!
P-S: Here's a hint to a certain question you may have… ahe-hem: Rape. There you go~!
REVIEW OR CHINCHILLAS SHALL EAT THE UNIVERSE.
(1) She's imitating a dumb blond. XD No offense to any blonds, or any dumb people.
(2) -_-" I can imagine all the readers face palming now, saying, 'Well, DUH!' LOL! I'm sorry people… but since she doesn't get along well with people, she just… doesn't know.
(3) I think Len's like… asleep or something. He just doesn't make an appearance in that scene, even though he's supposed to be in the room. Or maybe he's in the bathroom…?
