"Any man can be a father.

It takes a special man to be a dad."

- Anonymous -

When Lucas woke from the anesthesia the first time, he'd thrown up all over the Captain's uniform and gone back to sleep. He'd barely been awake long enough to feel the pain in his groin.

The second time he woke, Lucas was settled in Bridger's bed. He was dressed in a pair of thin flannel pajamas, the blanket kicked down to the edge of the bunk. It took a minute for him to work up enough saliva to wet his mouth and speak, "Captain?"

Nathan looked up from his desk chair where he'd been reading a book. The news was on the vidscreen and the quiet noise made Lucas wake up a little more. "Well, I was wondering if you'd wake up again tonight," Nathan commented as he stood, reaching for the glass of water on the shelf. He helped Lucas to sit up and take a few sips. "How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy," Lucas responded. He felt the acid in his throat and swallowed thickly, trying to keep it back.

Nathan figured out what was going on three seconds before Lucas was sick, and moved out of the way just in time. He could rub Lucas' back from his position and calmly told him it was alright every time Lucas managed to get out an apology. When he got himself under control, he lingered, his face hanging over the side of the bed, until he worked up the energy to lay back.

"Will you be alright for a minute? I need to call medbay." Nathan immediately noticed the light in Lucas' eyes dull and realized he'd misspoken. "To come clean up, Lucas. I need them to come sanitize the floor."

"Oh. Okay," he muttered, closing his eyes which helped ease his dizziness. He waited until Nathan had his PAL to ask, "Could you maybe ask Dr. Westphalen for some Tylenol or something?"

Nathan nodded, "Well, you can't have Tylenol until your liver is better, but I'm sure she's got something for you. Is it aches, kiddo, or just a headache?"

"Everything hurts," his face twisted into a grimace. "My back, my head, my stomach." Lucas hoped he wouldn't be dragged back to medbay; he was comfortable in the Captain's bed and he was warm. He didn't want to move.

Walking slightly away from the bed, Nathan called Kristin and let her know Lucas had woken, that he needed her to send someone down to clean up and sanitize. "And Lucas is asking for medication. He says he hurts all over."

"I'll give Jenna and Karl something for you to give him. And Nathan, I don't want you to try to clean that floor. I know you'll want to help, but it'll just expose you to bacteria," she told him. Kristin had slipped into her doctor-mode, her tone inflecting authority - Nathan dare not cross her.

"I promise I won't try to clean the floor," he told her, a bit amused.

"Good. They'll be there in a few minutes." She was already giving orders as she turned her PAL off and Nathan turned to check on Lucas.

The boy was watching him, eyes dipping closed for a second and then snapping back open. Lucas hesitantly looked away, glancing down his covered body. It was as if he could look through the blankets and see the difference. Nathan patted his shoulder, "I'll go wait for them outside."

He stepped into the hallway, allowing Lucas to get used to the sight of his own body again. He made sure to stand with his head close to the glass, trying to ensure no one could look in and see Lucas even if Lucas was only looking. A few scientists walked past and stopped briefly to ask him a few questions when Jenna and Karl, Kristin's nurses, interrupted them and he sent the scientists on their way with a smile.

"Captain, Dr. Westphalen asked us to give these to you." Karl handed Nathan a small bottle of pills, a handwritten note taped around the container. "And we were told to ask if you had tried to clean."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "You can let Dr. Westphalen know that she doesn't need to read me the riot act."

The three stood there for a moment, the nurses a bit confused that they weren't brought into the man's quarters but they still waited. Nathan finally peeked into the room, unsurprised to see Lucas had fallen asleep. He was not in an indecent position and nothing was revealed, so he opened the door and brought them inside.

Neither Jenna nor Karl said anything as they set about doing their job. However, they each noted the way the Captain set about shifting Lucas into a more comfortable position, straightening the blankets, moving the trash bin closer.

They finished quickly and moved to let themselves out. "Good night, sir."

Nodding his farewell, Nathan didn't leave Lucas' side. The boy had no fever, luckily, but his body was taut with tension, as if the pain would increase if he relaxed. Nathan finally shook Lucas awake. "Hey, kiddo. Sorry, but I have some pills I want you to take. Think you can sit up for a few minutes?"

Lucas shook his head. There was no way he could move; the thought alone made his head hurt more than it already did.

"Alright," Bridger re-read the note and shook two pills into his hand. He put the bottle on the shelf, handed the pills to Lucas and grabbed the glass of water. He waited until Lucas had slid the pills in his mouth before putting a hand under Lucas' head and tilting it up, helping the boy to take a drink. "Good?" he asked once Lucas was settled.

"Yeah, thank you," Lucas replied. He ignored the dull ache between his eyes and hoped the medication would kick in soon. He groaned and rode through another wave of nausea. "It wasn't like this the last time."

"You weren't lucid enough when anesthesia wore off last time, Lucas. You were still unconscious when the fever developed and Kristin had you medicated before you even started to come around. At that point, you probably wouldn't have noticed if Darwin walked in and started singing," Nathan smirked and pushed Lucas' hair out of his eyes. "Go back to sleep. I'm going to read more of my book."

Lucas didn't argue, simply nodded once and closed his eyes. He was asleep in minutes.

Nathan regarded Lucas as he laid there. The innocence on Lucas' face, something once believable and a constant, had a new context to it and Bridger wondered if there was ever true innocence in Lucas' life.

The serious blue eyes were hidden beneath his eyelids. Though Lucas laughed more often than he had when he'd first come aboard, even Ben had noticed how it never quite reached Lucas' eyes. They were always hard, dull -- aged, as if he'd known more than his years. Nathan had once attributed that to Lucas' brilliance and experiences, but knew now that he was way out in left field.

Lucas turned in his sleep, spreading out and murmuring quietly. There was nothing intelligible, but Nathan listened anyway. He was prepared to wake Lucas from any nightmares and comfort him from the demons. Lucas, however, never became agitated enough to warrant and interruption in his much needed rest, a fact which Nathan was grateful for.

Nathan moved back to his chair, sliding into it and picking up his book wanting to be done with chapter seven before Lucas woke again. Of course, he figured he'd be done with chapter twelve by the time Lucas decided to mosey on back to the world of the living, but Lucas was unpredictable at the best of times.

He flipped to the page he'd left off on, reading over the next paragraph before his PAL beeped. He got up and left the room to answer it. "Bridger," he responded.

"Sir, we have an incoming message from Secretary Noyce," Hitchcock told him. "He says he needs to speak with you immediately."

"Put him through to the ward room," Nathan told her before he crossed the hall. Bill was already waiting for him, looking distant, his chin resting on one hand. The man was at home, dressed down, and holding several pieces of paper in his other hand though he wasn't looking at them.

Nathan immediately started to worry.

"What is it, Bill?" he asked, startling the man from his reverie. As Noyce choked and shifted, reassembling himself into some form of professionalism, Nathan became certain he wasn't going to like whatever it was Bill had to say.

"I've been waiting for this news for a week," he started. "Nathan, I tried everything I could to stop this and I'm still trying, but I don't..."

"Bill!" Bridger interrupted, "just tell me."

"The leadership is concerned. They think that between the trial and Lucas' health, the crew is more focused on him than their duty," He held up a hand to forestall Nathan's rant. "I've managed to convince a few people that they're all doing the best job they can under the circumstances, but if they won't relent, Lucas will have be offloaded."

"What?" Nathan's eyes darkened with his barely-controlled rage. "He's got cancer, Bill! Not a goddamn cold. Kristin isn't letting him to the labs or the seadeck or even his own quarters. She sure as hell isn't going to let him get off the boat."

"I know, but if I can't convince the leadership, then either he's sent upworld or seaQuest is pulled from active duty. I doubt I could convince any of them to do that."

Nathan stopped himself from yelling. No, they couldn't convince the heads of the UEO's member confederations to let seaQuest be taken out of active duty, but there was something they could do that would be easy enough. "Repairs," he muttered.

"What?" Noyce looked at him, trying to gauge whether or not Nathan had lost his sanity. It wasn't often that the man went from livid to calm in less than a minute. In fact, Bill couldn't think of an instance when that had happened at all.

"Repairs, Bill. SeaQuest has been overdue for repairs. We can dock for repairs and give the crew time off. SeaQuest is still in commission, crew gets to rest, and Kristin can still access medbay for his treatments" He smiled when Noyce's eyes lit -- the other man obviously hadn't thought of it either.

"This could work. I have Commander Hitchcock's last report around here somewhere..." The Admiral hunted through the papers on his desk, coming up with a single sheet. Nathan knew how long Hitchcock had recommended for all the repairs to be done and hoped four months would be enough.

They said their goodbyes and Nathan went back to his quarters. Lucas was still asleep, though the boy was definitely having a nightmare. He shook Lucas' shoulder, waking him just enough to realize he'd been dreaming before nodded off again.

Nathan nearly missed what Lucas whispered as he fell back to sleep, and he couldn't stop the smile that grew. He reached over, pulling the blanket up and tucking it around Lucas.

"Goodnight, son."

"A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,

and one of the best things you can be."

- Douglas Pagels -

Kristin had not been happy when Nathan told her that seaQuest would be docking for repairs. She did not like the idea of Lucas being sent onto land without his doctors or a break in his treatment. Nathan had barely managed to tell her that access to the boat wasn't being cut off completely.

However, telling the good doctor about the plan was a great deal easier than telling the rest of his senior staff. Ben was outraged and Jonathan, who'd grown affectionate toward Lucas as the months had worn on, just about jumped out of his skin, though he said nothing aloud.

Katie Hitchcock had been the only one to not seem angry, her face an odd mixture of gladness and annoyance. He was sure he knew why and didn't need to ask. Instead, Nathan focused on Miguel and Tim who had chosen to sit at opposite ends of the table from each other. He wanted to ask about the tension between them, but didn't. Instead, he asked if they were alright with his decision; if they had any objections.

"No, sir," they echoed, and Bridger nodded as his senior staff continued to watch him. He really was proud of his crew; he'd had none better and truthfully, he hoped that it never changed.

"So we'll dock in three days. Chief, I need you to ensure that your security has shifts aboard -- teams of ten, two week rotations -- or else the UEO will put their own on the boat. We need to ensure that Lucas and Dr. Westphalen have access to seaQuest," Nathan instructed, glancing at the rest of his command staff. "What I'm about to ask of you all is not something I'm asking lightly. If you object, there will be no retribution or guilt. I'm asking as a friend."

The group nodded collectively, waiting for the Captain to continue. He was certain that if he'd asked them to dance a jig at that moment they all would have.

"Lucas did not take this news well. To him, seaQuest is home and right now, home is where he needs to be to keep his health up. Since I can't keep him here while he's undergoing treatment, Kristin and I are renting a house. Ben has already agreed to stay nearby, but I was hoping I could convince the rest of you to at least stay in Hawaii. He won't be strong enough to be outdoors every day, but there's no way either Kristin or I can be there all the time. He's going to need friends to come by and entertain him."

There were mutters and quick looks between each other. Crocker nodded mournfully and Nathan wished he could talk to the man's soon-to-be-ex-wife, but it would do little. He wondered if the impromptu vacation would entice the Chief to stay on for another tour.

"I can't stay the entire time, sir, but I'll stay as long as I can," Katie told him and one by one all said the same. They were nearly done working out where Nathan would be staying in relation to distance from seaQuest's dock and the better hotels when Lucas appeared, leaning heavily on the doorframe.

He looked tired and pale, but they'd all learned that he would ask for help when he needed it. Lucas had made that clear to each of them, telling every last member of the crew that he had to do it on his own. Nathan still thought Lucas was just being stubborn, but the stubbornness was keeping him alive, so he didn't argue too much.

"Lucas," Bridger greeted as he moved toward him, ready to swoop in if the boy started to fall. He stood by as Lucas moved and settled himself at the table, looking around with eyes that were keenly aware of what was going on.

The boy looked down at his hands and then back up, hesitant to speak. "I want to drop the case. I'm going to... I'll leave seaQuest."

Nathan stared at him. "Lucas, what's going on?" Lucas hadn't spoken that way the other night. When Nathan had told him it was dock or be sent upworld, Lucas had gone for the former, pleading that he not be sent away. Nathan had promised he wouldn't be and now Lucas was sitting there, asking to be taken off the boat?

Something was definitely wrong. Ben had a suspicion that one of Lucas' parents had said something to him, despite the restraining order that accompanied child abuse accusations.

"It'll be easier for everybody. I'll go away and everything will be back to normal," he said, refusing to make eye contact with Nathan, though he looked at Tim without so much as blinking.

It wasn't Bridger or Krieg who spoke first, or any of the men in the room for that matter -- it was Lt. Commander Hitchcock. "We needed to go in for these repairs, Lucas," she said truthfully. "I've been keeping seaQuest running for months now on parts that need replacing. She may seem like a perfect boat, but the size of her makes certain things break down faster." She paused and smiled at him, "You just made it so the UEO'd finally get off their asses and give us the time to do it. We should be thanking you."

Lucas gaped at her for a minute, trying to think up another argument but couldn't make his lips work to say what he needed. Katie had a point and he glanced around the table. He put a hand on the wood, uncurling the fist and letting a small piece of paper fall. It was crumpled and a little sweaty. Nathan picked it up, smoothing out the paper.

The writing was feminine, cursive and flowing. In some ways it reminded Nathan of Kristin's handwriting, only he knew Kristin would never threaten Lucas' life. The violence she had directed at the boy made Nathan shudder and he slid into the chair next to Lucas. "You understand that this isn't going to happen? I won't let her get within a hundred yards of you, let alone close enough to hurt you."

The blue eyes clouded, but Lucas nodded. He knew the Captain would do everything to protect him -- even giving up his own life and Lucas had promised himself that he'd never let that happen. He'd rather be taken back to the hell of his parents' home than allow the man to sacrifice himself.

"Okay, so... Do you still want to be sent upworld or do you want to spend the next four months hanging out with your friends on a beach?" Nathan asked as he placed the note into a folder on the table.

Lucas merely nodded at him. "Beach."

"Thinking is like loving or dying.

Each of us must do it for ourselves."

- Josiah Royce -

It took three days for seaQuest to arrive in Hawaii. They'd finished up some experiments on the journey, moving slowly from one side of the world to the other.

Lucas spent the entire time in Bridger's quarters, quiet and withdrawn. Ben and Miguel tried to draw him out of the room, but Lucas never went a few feet from the door before he turned around and went back. After their fourth attempt, they finally accepted that Lucas was not up to going far and let it drop. They brought him work instead and he did some programming when no one was around.

For the most part, though, Lucas slept the entire way to Hawaii. Nathan always returned to his quarters to find the boy curled under the covers, the trash bin at the side needing to be emptied. It had become routine for Nathan to dump the bin and do a bit of cleaning before slipping into the bed beside Lucas and getting comfortable. He'd read some book or another until Lucas woke and he could get the boy to eat something, which was usually thrown up half an hour later.

Lucas' poor mood was only exacerbated when Nathan brought him down to his quarters and asked him what needed to be packed. Not used to the assistance, Lucas was agitated by someone moving his things around and lashed out several times until all his gear was packed. With clothing, however, Lucas had been much better and actually allowed himself a smile.

Nathan had hoped the sunlight and fresh air would help Lucas' mood swings, but as they'd exited their launch and moved onto the warm, wooden walk way, Lucas lost his footing and went down hard. He'd cried out from the pain as he landed and scraped both hands, cursing even when Nathan helped him up.

Kristin muttered something about wheelchairs and the entire senior staff had ended up following them for the ten minute drive to the house they'd rented.

Larger than most other houses in the state, the property was known as the Riddley Estate. The beautiful exterior of the house, built only a few years before, made the place feel timeless and welcoming. Nathan had told Lucas during the process of booking that the building had 24 rooms; plenty of space for all of them to spread out and (he'd admitted later) for the crew to stay.

Of course none of the crew had known that part though they'd been aware of the extravagance of the place the Captain had rented. They'd each reserved rooms in various hotels and regretted that choice. Katie was the first to ask if they'd mind her bunking with them; the others waited a little longer, seeing the inside first before asking.

"I don't mind at all. Kristin, Lucas? Any objections?" Nathan asked the two and grinned when Lucas smiled brightly. He wasn't going to object. Not at all.

"Ben, I expect that you and Lucas will try to stay out of trouble," Kristin's caveat made several people snort and Lucas laugh outright. It was a brief reprieve from his anger and sadness.

That night it was back.

Nathan had unpacked his things for him, helping Lucas change into pajamas and get settled into bed despite the boy's protests.

"I'm not tired, Captain," Lucas whined. It was the first time in weeks he had energy and he wanted to stay up.

"Well, you may not be tired but the rest of us are. Just humor me, kiddo. We've all got a long day tomorrow. Kristin, Abbott, and Jessie have to go down to UEO headquarters and argue for space in their med section on the off-chance you'll need immediate medical care and seaQuest isn't the best option. Plus, I've got to go deal with the lawyers," he responded. It was the mention of the lawyers that made Lucas still.

He knew that now that they were upworld, the trial was going to become everyone's main focus. They would have to begin finalizing things like witness lists, questions, affidavits… Lucas felt his stomach turn. He wished vehemently that he could fast forward time and get it over with.

Lucas reached for the Captain, feeling all of four years old as he hugged the older man. Once he had a decent grip on his emotions, he pulled away. He wanted to believe he was stronger, but the reality was he felt raw and bitter. For the first time in his life, Lucas felt anger towards his parents for what they'd done to him.

"They didn't have the right," he muttered, "I was little and they were supposed to love me."

Nathan sighed with relief. There had been a fear in him that Lucas would never grasp that he'd not been responsible for his parents' actions, but Lucas' words were sharp. They were genuine and Nathan told him, "They were, but they didn't and I'm sorry about that, Lucas." He smiled softly, "I love you though. You know that, right? And Kristin does, too."

He nodded and smiled back "Yeah."

"So go to sleep and don't worry. We'll get all this figured out," Nathan soothed, knowing Lucas was still thinking of the lawyers. The boy was rightfully worried at the thought, knowing the Wolenczaks had some of the best lawyers in the world. However, no one but Bill and Nathan knew that the UEO judge was Barrett Cale – the Barrett Cale who detested child abusers and had convicted every guilty party that had come before him.

Lucas closed his eyes in an effort to sleep and listened as Nathan walked to the door. He steeled his nerves, opening his eyes again and catching the man's gaze. "Good… good night, dad."

"Good night, son," Nathan said as if it were old hat between them to say such things and Lucas felt his chest tighten with emotion.

It was the best he'd felt in a long time.

But he still couldn't sleep and Lucas rolled out of bed after a few hours, listening in case anyone else was up. When he heard no footfalls elsewhere in the vicinity, Lucas slipped from his room and then carefully made his way down the stairs. He reached the bottom and heard a television. He followed the noise and was completely unsurprised to find Ben watching infomercials, his credit cards in hand.

"That stuff never works," Lucas told him, one side of his mouth curved up. He wanted to point out that buying Katie things from a commercial wasn't going to bring her back to him, but Lucas knew how Ben felt about the woman and chose to keep quiet.

Krieg, though, was startled by the sudden intrusion of someone into his solitude. He was up in an instant, trying to hide the cards in his pockets and stared at Lucas. "Yeah, I... What's the matter with your face?"

Before Lucas could answer that nothing was wrong with his face, Ben was bounding up the stairs and knocking on Kristin's bedroom door. The Captain's opened instead, revealing Kristin sleeping peacefully in his bed. "What, Ben?"

"Lucas... His face. Cap, he looks like he's had a stroke." Ben's voice quivered as a picture of his mother at the end surfaced in his mind. He shook it off, but the fear was still there and he watched as Bridger woke the woman.

All she'd had to hear was Lucas' name in conjunction with face and stroke and Kristin flew down the stairs. Later, when things had calmed down, she wasn't able to recall if she'd even touched a step in her flurry to get to Lucas.

For his part, the boy was shocked by the hullabaloo. The left side of his face felt weird, but it didn't hurt. What was annoying was how much energy it suddenly took for him to enunciate words. Kristin, of course, was worried which in turned caused Lucas to worry that maybe the weirdness and the speech thing were something bad.

"Bell's Palsy," Kristin finally said. "Lucas, this side of your face is drooping down, okay? Ben thought you'd had a stroke, but it's a disease called Bell's Palsy. It's not fatal, but it's going to be a pain in the neck for a while and we'll have to get an official diagnosis, but the good thing it doesn't look severe." She smiled at him. "Eventually your face will go back to normal with some exercises and care. No scars."

He smiled back, "I'll have to settle for the tattoo then."

Nathan groaned at the joke, rolling his eyes and herding his people back to bed. All had woken from the noise of people slamming their way down the stairs, but none were truly awake enough to realize what was going on except for Ben, and Nathan ensured the lieutenant was in his room before going back down to Kristin and Lucas.

He was nearly into the living room when he heard the quiet talk between the two. Nathan knew he should have made his presence known, walked in – done something besides eavesdrop on their conversation. Only he didn't and Nathan felt no ounce of guilt for it.

"...is a good man. He's not going to let you go too easily, young man. No matter how much trouble you get into," Kristin reasoned. She knew what was driving Nathan to help Lucas, and it was not a need to replace Robert in his life. It was something deeper, something far more paternal than he'd had with his own son.

Lucas, however, sounded forlorn and depressed. Nathan didn't like those feelings coming from the boy, but he knew there was no going around them. Lucas spoke truthfully and Nathan finally understood the boy's fears. "But all this... He'll waste so much money on me, and what if it's all for nothing? There's no guarantee I'll still be alive in a year. If he sacrifices everything for me and I die, then it's been for nothing. I can't let him do that."

"Yes, you can. Lucas, he isn't doing this out of some misplaced want to be a superhero. He cares about you; he wants you safe." She paused and Nathan looked down at his toes. He knew without a doubt what she was going to say and he applauded her silently for saying what he couldn't. "Nathan wasn't going to stay on the seaQuest," she told him and Lucas drew in a breath. "He and Admiral Noyce had been talking about a replacement when Zeller got loose on the ship and he stayed because of you, Lucas. He saw how much you cared for Darwin, how you listened to him, and you helped him start to heal. That's why he stayed."

Lucas was quiet and Nathan peeked around the doorway to see what was happening, finally deciding to let them know he was there. Kristin had Lucas close, arms around the boy's neck as he leaned against her, and Nathan pursed his lips at the small amount of tension he could see thrumming through Lucas.

Despite it all, Lucas still could not comprehend that he was worth the sacrifices and the fights. He was worth every penny Nathan had to spend on a legal team, the tears, and the worries.

Kristin felt the air change and helped Lucas to sit, passing a look to Nathan that told him to not push it, though she was sure it was a futile attempt. "He's just a boy, Nathan," she reminded him as if he wasn't already aware of Lucas' age.

She was gone for no less than a few seconds when Lucas asked him, "Did you really stay because of me?"

"Yes," Nathan nodded without hesitation.

"Oh," Lucas ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know what he could say to that, how he could convey the gratitude he'd felt that Nathan hadn't abandoned him like so many before. Lucas finally spoke a few minutes later, his tone tired. "If they try to hurt me, let them."

"I won't do that," Nathan responded.

Lucas looked up from his hands and told him, "If they hurt you, I'll have nothing left."

"You'll have plenty because I don't intend to let them win, Lucas. You don't let them either. Cynthia's threat was all talk. For her to do what that letter said she'd have to have an ally and there's no one in this house that would help her." Bridger's hands trembled just a little and he yawned involuntarily.

Yawning as well, Lucas shrugged his shoulders and sheepishly admitted, "I haven't gotten any sleep yet."

Nathan nodded and took him back to his room, getting Lucas into bed and settling in next to him. "I'll stay until you're asleep, alright?"

Kristin found them the next morning, Lucas's head pillowed on the Captain's thigh and Nathan half hanging off the bed.

"Here is the test to determine whether

your mission on earth is finished.

If you're alive, it isn't."

- Richard Bach -

Barrett Cale's daughter, Ginny, had been a friend of Robert's when they were small. A delicate girl who'd known at the age of three what it meant when her parents divorced, Nathan had taken a shine to her. It was he who'd turned in the girl's stepfather for abuse when Ginny was seven.

It was that which the UEO took exception to and Nathan reluctantly agreed to not go to trial proceedings. He was not happy about the idea of Lucas being apart from him, but he understood why he couldn't be. The media could play it as favoritism and Lucas would be lost in the frenzy.

Dropping Lucas and Kristin there on the first day had not been easy. Nathan and Katie had both had to restrain Ben from getting in the car when Lucas started to get upset, and the fact that Lucas had had to have a treatment that morning had not helped matters. Lucas threw up twice on the way there and when Kristin finally called four hours later to tell them they were done for the day, Nathan was at headquarters in five minutes.

"How'd we do?" Nathan asked as soon as Lucas was in the car and out of earshot. Ben had accompanied him on the drive back and kept the boy distracted while Nathan and Kristin conversed.

"Alright, I think. Judge Cale seemed a little upset that we hadn't told him before that Lucas was undergoing the chemotherapy, but it was directed at the Wolenczaks mostly. I think he was mad that Lucas has been forced to come in for the proceedings when he could be resting." She smiled a little. Barrett had been more than mad; he'd had a few choice words for the defense team.

"So we're doing well," Nathan nodded.

"That we are," she responded as she gestured toward the car. Lucas had thrown up once more before the trial began and luckily his anti-emetics had held out long enough for him to do so only once more. The boy had dry heaved, however, while they'd waited for Nathan to get there. She had to get something into his stomach before he went through another bout. "Lucas asked for a cheeseburger. I told him if he wants one he's to have one from a place that doesn't fry everything in oil."

"How about something better?" He noted her skeptical reaction. Nathan knew Kristin was more concerned with getting Lucas to eat than what he ate in particular, so long as Lucas wasn't going to immediately get sick. Truth be told, it was on his mind, too. But he'd remembered not long before about a restaurant Nathan had promised to take Lucas to the next time they were around Hawaii.

He told Kristin how he'd taken it upon himself to make reservations, thinking the fun of the place which catered to surfers would amuse Lucas and perhaps entice him to eat something. Nathan hadn't realized Lucas had admitted he was hungry and was smiling at the news.

Kristin burst that bubble. "I wish we could take him there, but his immune system is nearly decimated. I was planning to stop and go in myself to get him something to eat so I could bring him back to the house," she told him. "I need to keep him in as sterile an environment as I can. Abbott and Jessie will have my head if he gets any sicker than he is and I'm sure they'll start yelling at whoever will listen as well." She sighed. "Come on. Let's go get McDonalds or something equally disgusting."

Nathan smiled, imagining Ben reminiscing about the days when a McDonalds' burger had beef in it. "Alright," he nodded and smiled, telling her, "You get to tell them." He shut the door before she could reply and by the time he'd rounded the car to get in, he could already hear Ben going on.

"Beef, junior, it's the proper way to have a burger. I can remember a perfectly done Big Mac with..."

"Meat that's been outlawed," Lucas cut him off. "I'm good with the fake stuff, Ben. It's healthier." Despite Lucas' preference toward junk, he had told Kristin on several occasions that he ate it knowing that he was balancing it out with the food provided in the mess.

Ben shrugged. "Kids these days. No wonder you're such a twig, kid. Need a good couple of meals, real gut fillers."

"I'm not thin because I eat healthier foods than you did at my age," Lucas spat than looked away. The air in the car grew tense and Lucas spoke again without looking up from his hands, "I'm thin because I've got cancer, Ben."

Everyone was silent.

Lucas had not called his illness by name at all since he was told he had it. While he'd talked about the chemo, the surgeries, and everything else that accompanied it, he had not given voice to it. Not within their earshot at least.

Nathan pulled over suddenly, turning around in his seat once the car was in park, and looked at the two in the backseat. "Lucas?" He could see Lucas eyeing Ben, sizing up the man in a way he never had before. Nathan knew Lucas was about to say something the boy was worried Ben could misunderstand. "Lucas, just say it. It's alright."

Blinking, Lucas curled in on himself a little. Kristin had to stop herself from reaching for the boy; forced herself to not question Bridger.

It took several minutes for Lucas to articulate what he wanted to say, but his tongue felt two sizes too big in his mouth and he stuttered through it. "I... I mean." He paused there, breathing against the rising panic attack. When the anxiety passed, he continued in one sentence. "I'm going to die."

Kristin opposed that immediately, putting all the belief and strength she could put into her voice. "No! Lucas, I know it seems like all you keep getting is bad news, but you are getting better. Your cell counts are looking better every time we check. You just have to hold out a little longer."

Skepticism colored his features and Lucas glanced at the Captain, begging him to understand what he was saying. To understand what he wasn't saying.

Nathan looked at Kristin and Ben. "Lucas and I need to have a little chat." He settled himself back at the wheel and pulled on to the road. The house wasn't that far and Kristin and Ben were out of the car in less than ten minutes. Lucas switched himself to the front seat.

They were completely and comfortably silent as Nathan drove, going deeper into O'ahu. Pearl Harbor disappeared behind them and it was nearly an hour before the car came to a stop, the setting sun coloring the land vibrant shades of yellow, orange, and red. It was beautiful and Lucas hated it. "Where are we?"

"Mokule'ia. Other side of the island. I'd take us farther up but we'd get back pretty late and Kristin would not be happy." Nathan never looked at Lucas. He watched the water churn below them, the ocean glistening like a cheesy postcard. It was as close to the water as he could get without letting Lucas in it. He hoped the ocean would ease Lucas' nerves, as it usually did.

But Lucas wasn't to be calmed by the sight of the water. He glanced over at Bridger. "You said to tell you if I felt like giving up."

Nathan nodded, shifting in the seat to look at the boy. "Because of the trial or because you don't want to be sick anymore?" He needed to know if there was a specific reason, though he doubted that was the case. Lucas wasn't a normal kid and his emotional issues were not simple.

"Because of everything," he replied. He scratched at his arm idly and looked forward. The rippling of the tide was hypnotic and he tried to imagine Darwin exploring the waters, but instead he thought about never seeing the dolphin again. "It's too much. I've never been the center of attention before. At Stanford, I was only noticed by my professors. Everyone else was too busy drinking or having sex to care about what the kid was doing."

Lucas turned and began to gesture with his hands. "On seaQuest, I mean I know everyone is aware of me, but it's not like 'oh look, there goes the genius kid.' Now everybody is watching me. And there's the trial. And I hurt everywhere all the time. It hurts just to go to the bathroom. I know if I want to live, this is what I have to do but I don't think it's worth it anymore."

Looking at him critically, Nathan noted the trembling in Lucas' hands, the fear in his eyes and a tiredness that emanated from the boy. Lucas' face was still drooped on one side, though he had started the exercises that would help that, and he was constantly picking at his pant's waistband. He'd never been a fidgety person before, but Lucas could no longer sit still for longer than a few minutes.

"Well, kiddo, what do you want to do then?" Nathan asked, genuinely wanting to know. "We can't drop the charges, but we could try to settle. I can see about easing down your treatment, but we have Kristin to contend with."

"I don't know. I just... I want it to stop," Lucas admitted. His voice cracked and he felt the tears well up. "And I'm tired of this! God..." He wiped angrily at his eyes, nearly scratching his cheek in the process and he bit down on his tongue to avoid losing control.

"Hey, tears are good. Remember that," Nathan prodded. "Why do you want it to stop, Lucas? I need to know, pal. What is it you haven't told me?"

Lucas shrugged. "Everyone says they know what's best for me. They don't let me say anything, just assume that I'd go along with them and I'm not a kid! I was talking in full sentences by the time I was a year and a half old – I can talk for myself." He was clearly pissed off by the end and Nathan could understand why.

Nathan had tried since becoming Lucas' guardian to let Lucas make decisions about his medical care and the case, but there were still instances where he'd made the choice before Lucas even knew there'd been one to make. Kristin, Abbott, and Jessie had taken on more pro-active roles in his care as they tried to keep him alive.

The command staff had become babysitters and Nathan could just imagine Lucas and Jonathan going head to head over something like swimming.

"Well that I can help with. I'll talk to the doctors in the morning; let them know you need to be informed about all decisions, alright?" He started, adding a few seconds later, "And I'll tell Ben he needs to pass the word around that you're not going to break. Hopefully that will help."

"Thanks," Lucas mumbled.

"And I want you to promise me something else."

Lucas looked at the Captain. He'd already made so many promises to the man, so many agreements with Bridger and he wondered what deal there was left to make. "What?" he asked, his shoulders slumped back as he finally relaxed.

Nathan reached into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper. "I've been walking around with this for a while now. Kristin apparently decided I needed a picture to remind me that, even when I want to stop all of this for you, we're doing the right thing." Unfolded it, and it was indeed a picture, worn though definitely new. It looked to not be more than a few weeks old judging by the state of Lucas' body.

He took it and fingered the worn edges, the crease lines. It was something Nathan had clearly looked at over and over. A few drops of coffee had discolored a section and Lucas looked at Nathan for some sort of clue as to what was going on.

"You're the best, kiddo. Promise me you'll remember that," Nathan didn't-quite-ask him, taking back the picture and putting it safely away in his pocket.

"Do you carry other pictures?" Lucas wanted to know -- he needed to know if Nathan had more. If he did, if Lucas was just one of a dozen pictures the man carried, it wouldn't make him any more special. It would only mean the Captain was trying to manipulate him by using guilt, a technique his father had been skilled in.

Nathan shook his head. "This is the only one."

Lucas stopped. He was expecting a yes, that Nathan would have pictures of Carol and Robert in the very least. He blinked, trying to let the knowledge sink in. The captain of the seaQuest, the UEO's flagship, carried only one picture and it was of him? His own parents had never carried any pictures of him or even had one in the house when he was growing up.

"Lucas?"

The car was suffocating. He couldn't breathe; he needed air, so he jumped out, running for the shoreline. He stomped into the water even though he knew he was scaring the hell out of Nathan, but the rush of the water as it rolled past his legs was cleansing. It was freeing and he stopped when he was nearly thigh-deep.

Not at all surprised when a hand clamped around his arm, Lucas said nothing in apology or to acknowledge Bridger's presence. They stood quietly for a few minutes, absorbing the calm of the water, and when Lucas spoke he told Nathan, "I've never been someone's son before. I've been their kid, but not their child."

The distinction made, Nathan pulled Lucas closer. "You'll get used to it."