Author's Note: Hey guys. Here's Chapter Three. We're back in Castiel's point of view for this chapter. There's a night terror in this one...and if you're easily triggered, I'll warn you now so that you can just skip over that part. Ash and Jo may make an appearance in this one but I'll see if I can fit it in. If not they'll definitely be in the next chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it and please review.
True Rayanne Adaire
Chapter Three
Castiel
We stayed up until one in the morning, talking and laughing with Gabe and Luci before Bobby sent us all off to bed. Gabe and Luci headed off to bed with grins and promises of fun for the next day and I couldn't help but to smile at them. Dean and I headed for our own bedroom, talking quietly as we got dressed for bed. Or...undressed in Dean's case. My roommate, it seemed, liked sleeping in nothing but his boxers which was definitely not against any of my rules. I slipped on a pair of baggy sweats and a long sleeved shirt, ignoring Dean's curious look at the scars that covered nearly every inch of my skin. Maybe someday I'd tell him how I got them but not right yet. I wasn't about to scare him away by telling him that I'd slit my skin open because I was a freak. That would come later. When we were both ready for bed, Dean flipped the light off and went to sleep easily. It took me three hours to fall asleep and when I did nothing good came out of it.
"I'm going to make you scream my name until your throat is raw."
Balthazar's voice was little more than a whisper but it felt like he was screaming. He loomed above me, naked and ugly and I wanted to scream as he began to pull my clothes off, rubbing hands on the most intimate parts of my body as he went. Leaning down, he put his lips at my neck and bit down hard enough to make me nearly scream. When I didn't scream, he put a hand between my legs and stroked my penis softly until it was painfully erect. My body was betraying me, lighting up at his every fucking touch and it disgusted me. I felt the tears coming as he continued to play with me, kissing my lips and my neck and forcing my body to react to him -
"Cas! Cas buddy wake up."
My eyes snapped open and I sat up, looking around the too-bright room. Dean sat on the edge of my bed, looking worriedly down at me. Taking a deep breath, I pulled my hand through my hair and pushed the blankets off. My skin felt tight, itchy and I knew what I had to do but I couldn't do it. Not with Dean watching my every move. I clenched my hands into fists as the itching got worse and worse, my skin begging for the familiar sting of my blade against the scarred skin.
"I'm sorry. I...you shouldn't have had to see that." I said, my face turned away from him.
"It's all right. I have 'em too once in a while. Sammy does too. I've heard Lucifer screaming at night as well. You aren't the only one."
"You shouldn't have had to see it regardless. What was I doing that woke you up?"
"You were whimpering. Biting yourself when I turned the light on."
Goddammit. He probably thought I was some kind of freak now. "I'll uh...I'll work on being quieter from now on."
"It's all right. I swear."
I sighed, not speaking, and went to grab my blade from one of my bags. It didn't matter anymore if Dean could see, I was going to go nuts if I didn't cut. My skin was itching so badly I felt like I was going to explode. His eyes followed me as I pulled it out and I felt him staring as I dragged the blade across the smooth skin of my legs, sighing in content as the itch disappeared. When I was done, I pressed an old handkerchief against my leg and slipped the blade back into my bag. There were fourteen new cuts on each leg and I glanced up at Dean, suddenly worried that he was going to start yelling for Bobby or Ellen. He didn't.
"Please don't tell anyone about that. I...shouldn't have done that in front of you but I couldn't help it. I really couldn't..." I rambled, not meeting his eyes.
He slipped a finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. "It's okay. I won't say anything. Can't...I do the same thing once in a while."
"Thank you."
We stared into each other's eyes for a long moment before our lips met. I don't know who started the kiss but it lasted for what felt like years before he pulled away, looking shocked and scared and my heartbeat raced. 'Cas you're an idiot. Why did you do that?!' I yelled at myself as he stumbled away, back into his own bed. I never went back to sleep.
