I finally reach Peach Creek and head straight for Eddy's house. Everyone has moved since we were kids, so I bypass our old culdesac and go a few streets over. As I ride by, I can see my old house is still standing and there's even a car in the driveway. I pull up at Eddy's but don't see Edd's car. "He must not be here," i think to myself, "which means he's at Ed's." Ed has an apartment in downtown Peach Creek which is in the opposite direction. I don't mind all the endless driving though, because I just really need to see Edd. Making things right between us is my only goal. On the short drive, I think about what I'll say. "I'm sorry doesn't quite cut it this time Genius," I tell myself out loud. Why do I have to be such an idiot anyway? None of the words that flow through my head quite seem to fit the situation. The blow through my mind as fast as the streetlights I'm passing under. Before I know it, downtown Peach Creek sprouts up around me. Peach Creek never really grew much so it's still got this homely small town feel to it. Normally, I seethe at the sight of it and all the memories it holds, but right now, I'd gladly relive every single one of them if it meant I could take the events of tonight back. Throwing the car into park in front of Ed's apartment building, I take a second and collect my thoughts. It's now or never. I run into the lobby and search through the call box for Ed's apartment number. After buzzing him twice, I don't get any answer at all. "Must not be home," I say to myself. Just for good measure, I buzz him 6 more times. When he still doesn't answer, I realize the guy must truly not be there. But if he isn't there, then where could Edd be? After a moment, it dawns on me. Edd's parents still own the old house he lived in, even though they moved about a year ago. They figured it would be a nice gesture to give it their only son, despite the fact that we live together. Edd has it cleaned every week and when he needs a break or wants to get away, he goes there. I really hope he's here now, even though he probably won't let me past the front door. So once again, I get back in the car and head across town.
Pulling up on our childhood street makes me feel funny. It's a feeling that makes your stomach drop and your mouth taste like iron. On top of that, the rain is now beating down mercilessly. It all seems climactic in a way. Parking in front of Edd's house, I see his car in the driveway. To say I feel relieved is a bit of an understatement. Hopping back out into the downpour, I run up to the front door and am greeted by the familiar sight of Edd's shoes on the welcome mat. I sight makes me smile faintly. He only leaves his shoes on the front porch when he goes walking in the field behind the house. The backyard is gated but there is a huge wooded field that sits directly behind it. Turns out, the Vincent family owns that land too. As teens, Edd would walk back there to clear his head and would often sit by this huge old tree and watch the river that runs across the back of the property. I take off at a run toward that exact stream now. The saturated ground squishes under my shoes, the suction making me slip or get stuck a few times. "Edd," I yell. He doesn't answer. Over the rain, I know he can't hear me anyway, but I figure he should at least have some warning that I am coming. I call his name a few more times, and still get no answer. Soon I reach the river. It's completely full and extremely turbulent. I look around but still find no Edd. "Dammit," I curse. The huge tree is still there, so I figure maybe he's sitting next to it and ignoring me. I trudge through the rediculously fucking sticky mud toward the tree. It doesn't really provide much shelter from the rain under it's lithe branches, but I ook anyway and find that there is no Edd here either. Now I begin to get worried. Standing there, I rack my brain thinking about all the places he could be. Edd doesn't have very many friends that still live in Peach Creek, so he obviously isn't here. Thunder roars in the sky again, and this time is followed by lightning. I figure I'd better go inside and wait the rest of the storm out since it seems to be building. Running back up to the house, I take my shoes off at the door and lift the welcome mat. There, in the same place it had always been is the spare key.
I let myself in and head straight for the laundry room. "No use in keeping these muddy clothes on," I tell myself, so I throw them in the washer. On the shelf above the washer and dryer are extra towels, so I grab one and head upstairs to take a quick shower. Normally, I would wait until after the lightning is done, but with all this dirt on me, I can't rightfully sit down on anything because I know if Edd finds out, he'll have a conniption. Thinking about the sight, I chuckle to myself as I turne on the hot water. "Hopefully, he just comes back in a little while," I say to myself. Then I realize I still have no clue what to say to Edd when I find him. Some of things I said to him were pretty fucked up and I know a simple apology just wouldn't fix things between us. So, I decide I'll write him a letter. "Not a bad idea Kev," I reassure myself, "that way I can write down everything I just can't figure out how to say. Edd will more than likely still be pissed at me, but it's a start." Now I just have to figure out what the right words are. Towelling off, I run back downstairs and check on my clothes. The washer has stopped so I transfer them to the dryer. Then I step over into the kitchen. I remember that there is always a small notepad on the couner that Edd said was for writing grocery lists. I can't remember ever having seen him use it though so I hope it's still there. Cutting on the light, I see the notepad. Next to it is Edd's beanie. Over the years he has kept it in great condition and wears it when he goes out for a drive or was is laying around the house. He told me once, that it's comforting to him and always reminds him of where he came from. I pick it up and smell it. It doesn't smell like him anymore and instead smells like soaked cotton from the rain. He must have had it on when he came here. Next to the beanie, on the top page of the notepad is freshly written note. A nervous feeling blooms in the pit of my stomach and I can't bring myself to look at it. I'm not sure if he's gong to tell me to fuck off forever or just say to give him some time so we can talk. More than anything, I hope for the latter. I pick up the notepad and read.
DEAR KEVIN,
I AM SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE THE WAY I LOVED YOU AND WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE THAT WAY AGAIN. IT KILLS ME TO THINK THAT YOU COULD HAVE HELD THAT MUCH RESENTMENT TOWARDS ME. DO NOT FRET, FOR I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN, I HAVE MADE SURE OF IT. A LOVE LIKE OURS WOULD BRING ANYONE IMMENSE JOY. YOU'LL FIND ME WHEN THE WATER RECEDES. ALWAYS AND FOREVER YOURS,
EDDWARD
