Chapter 3:
Mysterious Disoriented Pizza and "When Birds Attack"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
What a nice start for a chapter...
Back in the Evil Layer, Voldemort seemed to be jumping around, looking forward to something. Meanwhile, our little 15-year-old Princess of Evil, Saphira, relaxed by reading a magazine.
"Saphira, get your nose out of that magazine!" snapped Voldemort at her. "Cousin Saruman'll be here soon!"
Saphira didn't look up from her magazine "Yah...uhuh...oh my gosh!"
This caught Voldemort's attention. "What! Is it an article about Harry Potter dying?" he urged.
"No," Saphira rolled her eyes. Leave it to Voldemort to obsess over a boy's death. "It's an article about Orlando Bloom! Man, is he a hottie!"
Elizabeth didn't hesitate to speak up "Just wait 'til my hottie comes to rescue me!"
Saphira glanced over her way "I thought you were gonna shut up if I gave you a magazine to read!"
Elizabeth crossed her arms, nose high up "I changed my mind"
Saphira growled in anger and picked up a rock that lay on the floor, and chucked it at Elizabeth, who dodged it. You gotta love having a blacksmith-gonna-be-pirate boyfriend!
But her victory dance was cut short by a ringing sound.
Voldemort beamed. "Ooh, that's the doorbell!"
Saphira had gone back to her magazine. "No, that's the telephone" she told him.
Voldemort quirked an eyebrow at the telephone, which he answered gingerly. "Hello?...yeah...uhuh...uhuh...hold on..." he removed the earpiece from his ear and turned to Saphira "It's the pizza guy," he informed her "says he's lost and doesn't know where to find us"
"Then give him directions before the pizza gets cold!" snapped Saphira exasperatedly.
Voldemort turned back to the phone. "Hello?...listen, we live in number 58 Privet Caves...no, the number stands for how many feet we're above the ground...ya, it's a huge cave with a neon sign on the door, you can't miss it...how to get there? Well, you cross the forbidden forest, go down the river, turn left at Gondor, go straight to the black tower and there, you turn right into the ancient forest. If you get to Mt. Doom, you've gone too far...ok, bye." he hung up, satisfied.
Saphira, on the other hand, saw to the obvious, and frowned. "Wait a moment," she said "we didn't order pizza..."
"Who cares?" Voldemort wheeled on her "We're gonna get free pizza!"
Saphira only rolled her eyes at him, before going back to her interesting magazine.
Ron got out of the phone booth looking victorious "I told ya they'd fall for the pizza delivery trick!" he told the gang.
Harry turned to Hermione, smiling. "You owe me 10 bucks, Hermione!"
Hermione only raised her hand and looked irritated "Whatever"
I'm sure the sane reader will be asking him/herself this question..."How in hell can a Telephone Booth be set up in the middle of a Forest?" Meanwhile, the insane readers will be saying to them "Who cares? It's funny!" but the answer is this...THE STICKMEN SET UP THAT TELEPHONE BOOTH! Why, you ask? Well, I don't have any idea. Probably to make some money before taking over the world, or something. Anyways, back to the story...
"Okay, so..." Jack spoke onto the awkward silence that had set up after the odd little rant about Stickmen by the Author. "Where's the river?"
All eyes were set on the Resident Braniac: Hermione.
Hermione noticed they were all looking at her, and shouted out in frustration "How am I supposed to know! It's not like I studied Magical Geographic Studies and know what geographic features to look for to find a mystical river of pure water that runs upstream and goes west directly to Gondor!"
There was a silence after her little rant, broken by Will's cute and dumb comment.
"So, does that means East?"
Ron sighed "We need to ask for directions..." Others mumbled in agreement.
BEEEP, BEEEEEP
"Ooh, the door bell!" beamed Voldemort
"No," Saphira flipped the page of her magazine "that's the microwave"
Voldemort blinked, uncertain "But, I wasn't cooking..."
"That was me," said Saphira "I was making some tacos"
"Ooh," Elizabeth bit her lip, smiling "Can I have some?"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
Silence.
Good! I think the argument's over no-
"Legolas and Aragorn have abandon us, Sam"
"No, they're looking for us!"
-oww...Merlin, they'll never quit!
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
Back with the other gang, Jack and Will were playing a very interesting, mature, pirate-y, complicated game that helped a Captain make any important decisions...
Jack's voice spoke up, "One, two, three!"
"Ha! Paper beats rock!"
"and my sword can cut your throat!"
"Okay, okay!" Will backed away "I'll climb then..."
Okay, so it isn't so sophisticated, mature, complicated or pirate-y, but it's still a good decision-maker!
Will, admitting defeat, climbed up a tree, as they had agreed that loser would have to climb up.
"What do you see!" Harry called out to him.
Will looked around the forest from all the way up there, studying the horizon, and reporting it back to them.
"Some trees...dirt...rocks..." Very efficient, isn't he? (For those who don't catch that, this is called sarcasm)
Jack sighed and rolled his eyes at the incompetent blacksmith, thinking that he might've actually downed a bottle of rum from Jack's private stock. "Besides that."
Will continued to scan the forest "I see two kids coming..." he informed "and a bird coming this way really fast..." he squinted at it "I think it's gonna attack my tree..." he shifted "Oop, I stepped on a bird's next...man, that bird looks angry..."
"Uhh...Will?" Jack said uncertain
Will ignored him, watching the bird "It looks like it's gonna kill..." he commented
"Will, uh...I suggest you get down..."
"But I wanna see who the victim is!" protested Will
"Trust me, you don't," said Jack "now get down! Get down you idiot!"
Will was quite intrigued by the bird, though "It's coming closer...and closer..."
"Come down!" hissed Jack
"Guys, do something!" Hermione urged the other two, not bearing to see any killing.
And they did something.
"I'm betting 5 galleons on the bird!" Ron said, excited.
"10 that he jumps off!" offered Harry, also beaming.
"Will!" Jack shouted, ignoring the wizards "Come down from there!"
Will was still gazing at the bird "What sharp beak it has-" reality dawned on him "Aaagh! It's coming after me!" without hesitation, he jumped off the tree, before the bird could reach it.
"Ha!" Harry cheered "You owe me 5 galleons!"
Ron sulked "Put it on Hermione's tab, I'm broke"
"Hey!" Hermione scowled indignantly.
But of course, they all ignored her.
DING DING
"Ooh, the door!"
"Nope" said Saphira lazily "My beeper"
Voldemort growled.
Well, it seems they've stopped arguing for at least a moment.
"Sam," said Frodo, sounding quite amazed "did you see that? A bird almost attacked that guy on the tree!"
Sam sighed in a worshipping kind of way, "Must've been a brave fighter..."
A/N: Okay, that's it for Chapter 3. No more 'til next year!
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'Til next year! Bye!
