Ch. 3 I Said it's Sam

The wake up call in the mornings were always annoying. See the first time the nurses would wake you up to check your blood pressure, at six in the morning. That's right six. They would pull you out of bed just to check your blood pressure. Sam hated that about the hospital, they couldn't do it at breakfast or any other time, no, it had to be six in the morning. Though as long as you had decent luck you would get the nurses who were better about waking people up. See, most of the nurses were perky and gentle about waking you up, they didn't want to be rude so they would lightly shake you or talk in a calm voice. That was fine, except the whole six in the morning part, but there was one nurse who was neither gentle or perky. Either Sam had bad luck or Castiel had bad luck because she always seemed to be the nurse waking them up. She had a fire about her, if Dean had spent more then five minutes around her he would say she was a real 'pain in the ass'. Though that was the difference between Sam and Dean. Sam always tried to be polite to people, even if he didn't really like them.

"Wake up sunshine." a sarcastic voice cackled.

Every Morning there's a heartache hanging
from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed
I know it's not mine and I know she thinks she loves me
but I never can believe what she said

The preteen rolled over, this happened every morning. Every single one, his hallucinations found another way to wake him up. Sometimes it was playing music loudly, always a different song. Or once Lucifer threw fire crackers around his bed, that was quite the jolt. The worst was when he shouted military cadences through a megaphone. No matter how he was woken up it was always unpleasant, the doctors thought he was getting better; right.

Sam groaned, feeling heavy and tired, having just woken up. His eyelids lifted reluctantly, Sam hated the mornings. Though it was nothing new, he always seemed to have trouble waking up in the mornings. However, having trouble waking up could be attributed to being a preteen, most of them don't sleep right. He was greeted by his pale nurse, her brownish black hair in nice little rings, framing her face. Even if Sam didn't like her that much, he had to admit she was a nice sight after just waking up. As a thirteen year old boy being woken up be an attractive woman was great, even if she was kind of a bitch. She wore pink scrubs, her name tag said 'Meg Masters' on it.

"Meg." Sam said weakly.

"Like I said, morning sunshine. You know the drill, fork over your arm." Meg said impatiently.

"That was you?" Sam complained as he lifted his arm up. Meg only shrugged, didn't seem to bothered by the question even though she probably should have been alarmed. I wonder how she manages to keep herself from getting fired. Sam thought to himself. Then he heard Castiel shift in his bed, "Castiel you up over there?"

"You know her bedside manner kind of stinks." Lucifer cracked, sitting down on the windowsill across the room. Sam shot him a quick glare but then realized he shouldn't be reacting. He withdrew his attention quickly turning back to Meg who was giving him a questioning look.

"Yes." Cas groaned.

"You two are just a barrel of fun in the morning aren't you?" Meg smiled, though it really was more like a smirk. "Alrighty Sammy your blood pressure is normal, good for you. Gold star Clarence."

When are people gonna get it through their heads that only Dean and my mom are allowed to call me Sammy?

"Yeah Sammy you tell her." Lucifer jabbed, running his finger along the windowsill and observing the dust that collected.

"It's Sam-" he started.

"Only Dean calls him Sammy." Castiel finished. Sam smiled at Castiel's statement, at least someone caught the message.

"Aw. He's sticking up for you. How very... sweet."

Meg rolled her eyes at Castiel's comment and ignored the voice that was only present in Sam's head. She reached for Sam's arm and started unhooking Sam from the device. The she stood up and started moving the cart over Cas. Her footsteps were clunky and loud because of the clogs, she didn't seem to eager to respond to Sam and Cas. In fact it kind of seemed like she wanted to get on with it. Though Meg did always seem really impatient. Or maybe that was just Sam's impression.

I wonder what she's like when she has to wait in traffic?

"Good question Sammy." the devil sneered, walking over and plopping himself down on the end of Sam's bed.

"Alright your turn handsome." Meg smiled, reaching for Castiel's arm. Her statement had caused a little rosiness in his cheeks which Sam quickly noted. Though he supposed if Meg ever called him handsome he'd probably blush too. Then she realized Cas was still wearing a trench coat, "Can you take that off? More importantly, do you sleep in that thing?"

"Yes I sleep in it and I'd really rather not. It's important to me. I don't like to not be wearing it. It feels like a part of me, like I'd feel naked without it." Cas offered.

He feels naked without a trench coat? Sam wondered to himself. I wonder why it's so important to him? I could ask but I don't think that he would tell me. Sam turned to the ceiling staring blankly, he let out a soft sigh.

"There's a thought." Lucifer smiled.

"Fine." Meg sighed rolling up Castiel's sleeve. Castiel held still as she turned the machine on. As Sam watched, he was again struck by how absolutely weird Castiel was.

The guy can't go without his trench coat, even right now he looks uncomfortable without it on the way it's normally on. He also looks absolutely distressed by Meg's presence it seems strange. Though she does have a very dominant air to her and I guess that could intimidate him. Still the whole things kind of weird.

"Alright boys, we'll wake you up again in two hours for breakfast." Meg said on her way out.

Sam laid back and let his head hit the pillow, "Hey Castiel?"

"Yes?"

"Why a trench coat?"

"It was a gift. I'd rather not go into the details." he said rolling over.

Sam sighed. He didn't mean to upset Castiel but sometimes the strangest things would cause him to go quiet. Sam closed his eyes but now that he was awake he wasn't tired. He rolled onto one side.

"Rather not go into details huh? What do you think Sam? Sounds scandalous." Sam grabbed a hold of his pillow pulling it around his ears, he didn't want to close his eyes but he didn't want to see anything. His doctor told him that if he wanted to keep the visions out he should ignore them. He was really tired of Lucifer bugging him though.

Go away. Go away. Please. Go Away.

"Come on Sam. This isn't fun when you don't listen to me." Sam pulled the pillow tighter around his ears. "Fine, fine. I get it, you don't want anyone knowing about the fact that even though your on medicine you keep seeing me. You want Dean and mommy dearest to think that you're getting better. Right. Don't want the world to know about little Sammy Winchester's crazy mind. I'll go. You won't pay attention to me anyway and that's no fun."

A silence fell on the room. A thick silence, it was heavy and stifling. Sam opened his eyes slowly and looked around he was still in the hospital and there was no Lucifer. He wanted to take a deep breath and let it go but for some reason the air was still suffocating. Sam knew that even if he thought he was gone it didn't mean he really was. The preteen wanted to jump to his feet and run and hide from everyone, shutting out the world. He couldn't. He had to keep up this ruse.

I'm okay. I've got to be. If I'm okay I'll get out and I can be with mom and Dean. So I'm okay. I am okay.

"Liar."

Sam inhaled deeply feeling the air get stuck in his throat, like bile. It burned and it was painful, he wanted to get up and spit it out but he knew there was nothing really there. He laid still hoping he could make the clock move faster with his mind.

"Good morning everyone," nurse Masters voice rang over the speaker, "if you could head to the day room now breakfast will be there for you guys."

Sam leaped to his feet turning quickly to Castiel, "Come on let's go get some food."

"Yeah. Alright."

During breakfast Sam tried his best to ignore Lucifer as he commented on the hospital's terrible food. He said he didn't need to make Sam imagine that there were bugs in the food because the food probably had some in it anyway. When Sam ignored those statements he started to throw the food at the walls, causing Sam to jump. Provoking a curious look from Castiel but he didn't say anything. That was very frequent of Castiel; he observed but he didn't question aloud. Sam was secretly grateful, he didn't know if he would know what to say to Cas if he asked a bunch of questions about why Sam was flinching at random times. He just didn't need that.

You know the food there wasn't even that bad. In almost every show and book people always commented about how bad hospital food was. Sam didn't actually think it was that bad, there were certain things you wanted to stay away from like the green beans and the mashed potatoes. Still it wasn't all bad. If Lucifer was a figment of his imagination he didn't even have to eat any of the food.

After breakfast Sam had a shower, showering was terrible. They were "safety showers" so after about three minutes of being on they turned off and you had to hit them on again. Meaning that by the time Sam could relax, the shower would stop and had to repeat the process all over again. Not that it was even possible to relax when Lucifer was sitting on the bench nearby commenting about how genetics were kind to him.

I promise when I get home one of the first things I'm gonna do is take a shower for as long as I want to. Sam thought to himself as his shower went off for the third time. He decided it wasn't worth it and got out wrapping himself in the starchy towels. That was another thing, the towels were so clean and starchy they kind of hurt to dry off with. I must have really sensitive skin.

"Ah the sent of sterilized misery." Lucifer sneered as Sam tossed the towel into the dirty basket.

Sam walked back to his room to find Castiel looking out the window. Typical Castiel behavior. Sam sat down on his bed and pulled out a book and started reading. After some time Meg knocked at their door.

"Hey boys. Time for drugs." she said handing Sam a cup with some bright blue pills and another cup of water.

"These drugs will make you better Sammy!" Lucifer shouted jumping to his feet and reaching through Meg's stomach pulling out some of her small intestine. "You know that's a lie right? If these pills were going to make you better don't you think they would have done something by now? If they were going to make you better could I do this?" Sam looked up slowly seeing blood drip down the walls. The preteen bit down on his lip trying to look away but no matter where he looked he could see the blood.

"Sam are you okay?" Castiel asked calmly.

"What?" Sam said looking at Castiel then at Meg, "Yeah. I'm fine." He lifted the pills to his mouth and downed them. Meg lost a smile for a moment but she didn't say anything, she just headed for the door. She stopped in the entrance and turned back.

"Sam. Ruby will see you when she get's here alright?" Then she was gone.

"Oh yay!" Lucifer shouted sitting down next Sam who flinched due to the sheer volume of Lucifer's voice. "Ruby. The doctor you think is hot. Honestly Sammy you have an interesting choice in girls. I mean really? Ruby. She's kind of bitch. I think she's worse then Meg but maybe that's just me. It's probably just me."

Just ignore him. He isn't here.

"Come on Sammy it's no fun when you don't pay attention to me! Do I have to make you have a bad trip? Is that it?"

Just ignore him. He'll go away soon, he'll get bored that I'm not paying attention to him and he'll leave.

"Heavy audible sigh. Fine I'll let you get back to your book." He paused before leaving, "I'll see you later, bunk buddy." Then he was gone.

After a few minutes there was a knock at the door. His doctor, Ruby Cortes stood tall. She had a nice figure, her hair was long and a deep midnight brown. She had an air to her, this type of air that made her feel dominant. Ruby was the type of person who wouldn't let others control her, she would do what she wanted when she wanted. Like Meg, Ruby had a certain hardness to her which was a bit odd considering that she worked in a mental hospital. Sam had always assumed that people like her weren't cut out for jobs like this. Still, Ruby managed to keep it together when she was treating him.

Even if her treatment wasn't working. Sam didn't blame her, it was probably his fault. He was just nine kinds of crazy so he supposed it wasn't her fault that this was happening to him. Upon seeing Ruby, Sam eagerly jumped to his feet. He couldn't help it, something about her drew him in. "Hey Sam. How are we feeling today?" with an alluring tone. She smiled and put glasses on the end of her nose, looking at her clip board.

"I'm-"

"Crazy? Confused? Psycho? Turned on and hoping you'll play doctor with him?" Lucifer rang.

"Fine." Sam finished with a half smile.

"That was quite the pause Mr. Winchester. Come on, let's go sit in the meeting room where we can be alone so we can go over your files. Alright?" Ruby said heading out of the room. The bumbling preteen followed closely behind, fidgeting with his hands as he walked.

"Scandalous." Luci remarked with a casual smirk.

The meeting room was a smaller space. It had one of those really large mirror balls with a camera inside on the ceiling, that way the nurses could see the whole room. The room was painted a pasty yellow color, it wasn't the prettiest. The chairs were brown arm chairs, there was four of them. Sam made sure not to take the one by the window, it had a slightly damaged leg so it rocked a little when someone sat in it. Irritating. The other three were in good condition though, there was also a small coffee table by the two chairs by the window and a book shelf. Ruby took a seat next to the bookshelf, she sat cross-legged observing Sam as he fidgeted in his seat. Sam was antsy most of the time, but around Ruby it was magnified. He wasn't sure if it was because she thought she was pretty or the fact that she had an air about her that felt very heavy.

The type of air that said 'I'm in control and you better not screw with me'. Sam imagined her as the type of person to laugh in the face of danger, the type of person to use others if she needed. He knew he had a school boy crush on Ruby but he figured it would pass with time, Lucifer wasn't helping though. He was a constant reminder of the stupid feelings, every once and a while Lucifer would give him a day dream about her only to interrupt it at the best part. Sam would suddenly realize that he wasn't kissing Ruby, he was kissing Lucifer. However since Cas showed up, Lucifer had done that less. Or maybe it was simply his imagination.

"So, Sam, you've been here for about four weeks now. The medicine should be in your system by now so you shouldn't be seeing Lucifer anymore. You shouldn't be seeing anyone or anything so if anything is going on I need to know so we can help. I know that your father's death took a toll at your emotions and I know that things are rough. You need to tell me what's on your mind." Ruby empathized. "You can talk to me about anything. Were here to help you Sam, all of us. Everyone on staff wants to help you so that you can be normal."

"Tch. Normal that's funny. This kid wouldn't know normal if it bit him in the face, am I right Sammy? Especially after what happened to dear old daddy. Oh but, you can't tell her that. She'd just think you were crazy right?"

"There's nothing I want to talk about. I'm okay. I mean, as okay as someone who lost their father recently. The medicine is working though and I'm getting there. Soon I'll be able to get back on my feet."

"Liar. You know, I never need to lie to get what I want. Telling the truth always has more impact. You really should take my advice Sammy. Let these people know what's going on. Let them know that your suffering, or don't; doesn't matter to me." Lucifer picked up a book calmly and began reading. Fables.

"Alright Sam. I just want you to know. So let's get this official, are you seeing anyone anymore?"

"Yes."

"No." Sam glanced over to see Lucifer reading on the broken chair. He didn't even look up when he responded it was crazy how good he was at multitasking.

"And are you feeling any mood swings?" Ruby asked scribbling down on her clipboard.

"You know I don't understand why the little mermaid sold her voice just for legs. I mean what a stupid move to make. Lose your voice and you can't tell the man you love so dearly that you were the one who saved him. Who does that? I mean she couldn't have seriously thought that she could win him over with just her looks. She probably wasn't even that pretty. Never liked redheads."

"No. I'm pretty stable emotionally."

"Alright and how's the depression?"

"Seriously who really likes redheads? Do you like redheads Sammy? Oh right you're in the middle of this interview that you're lying your way through." Lucifer jabbed putting the book back on the shelf.

"I'm managing it. I mean, my father died, that's not something someone just get's over. You don't just move on from that."

"Yes I've heard the accident was devastating. It must have been hard to find out that your father drove off a cliff on accident." Ruby empathized giving Sam a long stare.

"Yeah except the accident part."

"It was... tough but like I said I managing." Sam offered.

"Alright well, I have other patients to attend to. Like always if you need anything just let me or one of the nurses know. Were always here twenty four seven, just let us know. Please Sam you don't have to do this alone, you don't have to do these things that go against your nature." With that Ruby left Sam alone. Well not entirely alone, he was never really alone.

"I'm handling it..." Sam muttered to know one.

"Yeah you're handling it perfectly Sammy. That's why you're lying to everyone about seeing me and why you won't talk about what really happened that night..." Lucifer chastised. Sam whipped his head around staring down Lucifer. Anger flushing in his cheeks.

"Shut up."


Writing Lucifer is really fun, just saying. The longest chapter so far, I wanted to give you guys a nice insight into Sam's mind. That's right, as stressed in this chapter, the medicine is not working. Medicine in the psychological world is very tricky as a friend of my mother once described it "It's like the doctors just have all the names of medications tacked up to a dart board. Then they turn away and toss a dart at the board. Whatever the dart lands on is the medicine they try and if that doesn't work then they repeat the process."

However, Sammy can't get help if no one knows the meds aren't working but Sam just wants desperately to be normal. He want's be like everyone else so that he can get out and live a normal life with his family.

Fun fact the original title of this chapter was going to be 'In The Mind of Little Sammy Winchester' but there wasn't enough room so I changed it to 'I Said it's Sam'. To make a jab at the fact that almost everyone will make the mistake of calling him Sammy at some point.

The song that Sam wakes up to, the song Lucifer blares is called Every Morning by Sugar Ray. It was a very popular song in the early nineteen nineties, I remember hearing it on the radio most mornings. As always thank you so much for the reviews and all the traffic that I'm getting for this story. I really enjoy writing it and I really hope that you guys like reading it.

No Dean in this chapter sadly, there won't be any Dean in the next chapter either. The next chapter will be all about Castiel and what's going on his head. Then in chapter five we start to see real action taking place. I hope you guys are as excited as I am! So just stick with me for another chapter of exposition, I promise it'll be worth the wait.

See you in the next chapter!