A/N once again i don't own the things such as Pitbulls and parolees or Bring me the horizon - and lol whats up with John today? also the font is smaller in the last paragraph but i don't know why so whatever XD

It's been a month since Ashton came to stay with me, we don't talk much but I know that every time he looks at me he thinks I blame him. I guess I have almost come to terms with myself – he isn't a bad man, he was only put into a bad situation that a lot of people shouldn't have to go through. Especially like something I went through, I feel bad that he had to be the one to tell me, and I know that I shouldn't have acted to irrationally and childishly. I probably will not ever tell Ashton this though, and I have a feeling that he knows that I will never tell him anything more that he has to know.

It was strange, being out of my parents bedroom in some skinny jeans and a Bring Me The Horizon band t-shirt, almost like everything was back to normal. I sat on the couch, the long seven-seated recliner couch. My feet stretched out on the far left recliner watching my favourite show Pitbulls and Parolees. I wasn't exactly watching it, but more like feeling bad for the dogs and what they had to go through – I guess im just a sucker for a sad story. My mom used to say that all the time. I smile fondly at the memory, and reminisce a little more, only breaking out of the daydream when I feel the dip on the other side of the couch.

"I haven't seen you in a while," Ashton starts slowly, like he is talking to a wounded animal. He doesn't move and I know that he is probably feeling really uncomfortable and I know that he is because I am too, and I haven't moved an inch since he sat down on the other end of the couch at all.

"Um," I said and try to find the right words to express something I didn't know how too, like I was speaking a different language – human interaction was always a hard thing for me to do. Step one, make small talk I think to myself as I open my mouth again and slightly glance his way – he is already looking at me, "Yeah I, um, haven't been feeling too good lately." I cough slightly to emphasize the point I'm trying to make, the point that I will try to take this step. That I will try and make a friend out of the person that I have been living with, yet ignoring, for a month – brushing off his attempts at talking to me.

He doesn't respond for little while, and I've started to get back into the show, its only when the commercial break comes on and I sigh because commercials always seem longer than the actual show itself that he speaks to me "I'm sorry."

I turn to him, and oh god I have forgotten those beautiful eyes, and it's actually the first time I have even looked at him properly. Ashton has a squared jaw, with a little stubble on his chin and eyes that are lit with some sort of fire that I cant identify properly. His hair is in all different directions and is the colour of the light sands on the beach. It makes me remember a memory of when I was little, when my family and me went to the beach and enjoyed the sun but not the seaweed. He had small dark bags under his eyes, I would assume that he had had a big loss of sleep because of the fact that he had been making his home on the loveseat couch all the time.

I don't know how long I had been starring at him, but his cheeks tinted the lightest shade of pink and then he turned with a small 'humph'. I smiled, like a real smile and then said cautiously, "I don't… hate you." I said quietly. I watched as Ashton whipped his head back around and narrowed his eyes in curiosity so I continued, my confidence quickly fading, "I, um, I know it wasn't your fault for the… accident that happened with my parents and I, um, just wanted you to know that you don't, um, need to feel like you owe me anything…"

I tried to smile when I heard Ashton give a almost relieved sigh, and watched as he ran his hands down his face with a smile that brightened his eyes up even more. It made my smile become a little bigger and I gave a little giggle of my own – "oh god," he said with the smile in his voice, I don't think he really meant to but he reached over and wrapped a pretty muscular arm around my shoulder and pulled my in close for a hug, laughing a deep throaty laugh as he did so, "God kid, I actually thought that you hated me so much! When you didn't come out of your room I was so worried I thought you blamed me and everything." By the time he had come to the ending his voice had quieted down to just a whisper and he held me close. It was sort of… comforting. I hadn't been held in a long time. It almost felt like it made my heart swell.

"Hey, don't cry," Ashton, said after a while, and he gripped me even tighter. I didn't understand until I wrapped an arm around his shoulder to get to my face, and my cheeks were wet with tears. I let out a small sob, and fully wrapped my arms around him. He was so warm – it reminded me of my family it made me feel so much more full, not as empty as I felt months ago. I smiled lightly and put my head o his shoulder. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep in his arms – not bothering to think of anything except for this welcoming warm