Sebastian,
Today I had the strangest dream,I found myself in a dark room,I had no idea where exactly,but I wasn't alone. I never actually saw them, but I heard the tiniest voice calling out to me.
The voice seemed so sad and I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurt me. It told me it was afraid,I don't know what came over me, I just wanted to find where it was coming from and just wrap my arms around it. The feeling was so strong and yet somehow I knew it wasn't possible.
I couldn't help feeling guilty that I couldn't do anything to comfort it. I don't know how to describe the experience to you. The feelings that filled my heart,it was confusing and yet somehow amazing. It asked me to come back to visit,how could I refuse such a tiny voice, I felt like there was something connecting us.
When I woke up, I was almost..sad,I suppose would be a good way to say it. The feeling of leaving it alone in the dark,while it felt fear, it was a bit...familiar.
Being alone in any situation is difficult,but something that sounds so helpless and knowing it needs you to protect it,that's another thing entirely.
I know how it sounds. Even as I write this,I know I sound absolutely mad. I suppose this is one of those times when you really need to be there to understand. After all,it's my dream and I don't really understand it myself.
I know what you'll tell me, have a word with your mother,she's been through it before. I have to wonder,all the stress I've had lately, being emotionally and physically drained,the strange feelings and these dreams, am I going mad,Sebastian?
And if it's true,if I am going out of my mind, how could you possibly love me?
I often find myself thinking that the best solution is for me to have the child and walk away. It wouldn't be fair to expect either of you to subject yourselves to that. Maybe it's better for your child to have no mother at all. You could raise it and I wouldn't be a burden to you. But then I can't help thinking that this little one does deserve two parents to love and care for it. There must be someone who would be able to give you everything you need. I love you,but sometimes when you love someone,you have to be able to put them first.
Ps I know it's been months since I wrote this, I did end up talking to your mother about the dream. She called it linking. Apparently the reason I felt so all of that for the voice in the darkness is because I was actually talking to your child. I don't fully understand,but as you so often tell me, your mother would know. Things like that don't happen to , I guess you're right about another thing, demons are strange creatures. I've always thought it was only girls that could have children. Nothing has changed as far as my thoughts go,I just wanted you to know.
Sebastian held the letter to his chest.
"It's all part of becoming a mother,my love." He thought out loud. "You know better now'"
"Dad?" Rowan called, causing Sebastian to turn. The demonling moved closer to his father rubbing the tears from his eyes.
"What are you doing out of bed,son?" The older. demon held out to him.
"I woke up and...I'm hungry." Sebastian placed the letter down on the table and lifted Rowan into his arms.
"I see,I suppose there's only one thing to do about this, we shall have to get you a little snack,but then it's back to bed." Rowan rested his head on Sebastian 's shoulder.
"What were you doing?" Rowan asked.
"We'll talk about that another time, it's late and you need to sleep."
" can we talk about it tomorrow?'
"we will see. You never know what tomorrow may bring." Sebastian said,carrying Rowan into the kitchen and setting him down at the table where the child waited patiently for the snack,hoping to be carried back to bed after finishing itit,and being tucked in once again.
