Title: Long Way to Heaven
Summary: "So, Fujisaki-kun, I think I found a way to loosen you up. You need to find yourself a girlfriend." And one Hell of an emotion roller coaster that will be for poor Suguru. Only that it won't be a girl he'll be looking for...
Chapters: 3/3
Warnings: Perhaps some cursing and a bit of shounen ai.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or any of its characters. Only one in this story is mine.
I'd like to thank everybody for being patiently until my next update.
I'd also like to thank everybody who read this,
And of course I thank my reviewers! You guys are the best.
Well, now enjoy the last part of Long Way to Heaven…
Part 3
With a wide grin Shuichi sat down next to Tomiko, turning his eyes to Suguru, to the girl and back to Suguru again. While Shuichi was being irritating curious - in Suguru's opinion - Hiro had sat down next to Suguru and was watching the whole thing with interest.
'She's your girlfriend?' Shuichi asked Suguru after a few seconds and Suguru sighed, feeling like dropping his head onto the table. 'No!' He said and Tomiko wrinkled her nose. 'If you weren't liking someone at the moment, I'd be highly offended by the speed you answered.' She said and Suguru died on the inside.
It were this kind of situations that made him wonder why he tried to like being around people. Most of all Tomiko. Because this wasn't the first time the girl had talked before thinking. And when Shuichi put his elbows down onto the table and leaned forward, Suguru knew he was in for it.
'No,' he groaned and buried his face in his hands. 'Shuichi, don't.' He heard Hiro say and was grateful for that. Although he did wonder why there was a bitter ring to the guitarists words. But right now he decided that that was the last thing he would wonder about.
But as Hiro had already predicted when he spoke up, Shuichi grinned impish as a warning before wailing. 'Who do you like, Suguru-kun? Who is it? Is it someone I know? Will you tell me... pleease!' And all the while when he spoke he leaned forward, over the table until his face was just a couple of inches away from Suguru's.
And for a moment Suguru scowled. But after that he slowly raised his right hand and with a smirk on his face pushed Shuichi's face away from his. 'Curiosity killed the cat, did you know?'
'It's never killed me.'
'And perhaps that's a thing subjected to change.' Suguru smirked as he saw the look of fear crossing over Shuichi's face. 'You don't mean that.'
'Says who?' Suguru snorted as he leaned back, folding his arms. But Shuichi stuck out his tongue at him with a smirk. 'Don't change the subject. Who do you like?'
'I won't tell.'
Back in the recording room Shuichi had sat down in a corner, mopping about the fact Suguru wouldn't tell him who he liked. Hiro meanwhile turned towards Suguru with an apologetic smile on his face. And Suguru wanted to smile back, though he didn't know why. Don't you like him? He flushed as Tomiko's words shot through his head suddenly and Hiro raised a brow as suddenly Suguru turned around and walked back to his synthesizer with his head down.
But meanwhile Suguru's head was reeling. Why did he always seem nervous around Hiro lately? Why would he flush and embarrass himself? It was all a big question mark to him. But when he raised his eyes, feeling watched, and caught Hiro's gaze he felt an unfamiliar jump of his stomach. It felt for a moment like he was being shot up in a carnival-attraction called a "drop-shot". His stomach seemed to make a little flip-flop and he gasped, turning his head away from Hiro with a small blush staining his cheeks. No way. He thought. Because although he'd never felt this way. He had heard enough people talking about it. And it couldn't be that he actually was in love with Hiro. It couldn't be!
So with that problem solved –according to himself that is- Suguru turned his look to Shuichi, still sitting in a corner. He sighed and rolled his eyes, walking towards his band member. 'Shouldn't we get started again?' He asked, tapping Shuichi's shoulder. With a pout the other man turned around and pulled a puppy-dog-face on him. Suguru rolled his eyes and walked back to his synthesizer. 'That you openly tell the whole world your secrets.' He muttered as he straightened his papers out.
About two hours later –it was around half past five- Shuichi had left in a hurry and Suguru was left alone with Hiro. There hadn't been much work left to do, so K had just let him run, so that he himself also had a valid reason to leave. At least, that's what Suguru thought. Because their trigger-happy manager had left at the same time as Shuichi, chasing the young man he said, and hadn't come back since.
He sighed heavily as he raised his eyes a bit to stare at the sheet music of Bad Luck's next song. 'You okay, Suguru-kun?' Hiro asked and Suguru's head shot towards the guitarist. 'Yes, I'm fine.' He said, managing a small smile on his lips. But Hiro didn't seem very pleased with this answer because he frowned slightly before standing up and slowly walking towards Suguru. When he was in front of the synthesizer he stood still, placed both his hands on it and leaned forward, frown still on his face.
'How are things going with Seguchi-san?' He asked suddenly and Suguru paled, so much he was sure Hiro had noticed it. And he had, because Hiro lifted his right hand and laid it on Suguru's cheek, looking at it with softness in his eyes Suguru could not place. But before Suguru had any time wondering about it, Hiro had already lifted his eyes to gaze into his. 'Does he hurt you?'
'No!' Suguru almost yelled and Hiro was taken aback a little. He removed his hand and with a questioning gaze asked: 'than what? You seem to have closed yourself off of everybody. You're not concentrating fully. And don't come around with the nonsense that I'm mistaking, because I know I'm not.'
'Why do you care anyway? Things are fine. We just fight sometimes and that's all.' Suguru said, turning his head away to avoid Hiro's intense gaze. It wasn't because he felt pressured under it. It was more because it made him feel strangely dizzy in a way he hadn't felt before. And it confused him. And confusion had always been a thing Suguru Fujisaki avoided most. Because it could play with your mind and made you think things that weren't really true.
'So you fight. That possibly can't be the only reason why you dislike him so much. Come on Suguru! You stand on my doorstep so much lately I'm going to believe you're a stray cat. Can't you at least tell me what's wrong?'
'Hiroshi-kun,' Suguru started and lifted his eyes to stare at Hiro with an apologetic smile. 'Is it okay if I tell you later?' And Hiro sighed and he wove a hand through his hair. But after that a small smile appeared on his lips and he nodded. 'Yeah, but I do expect you to tell me sometime.' He said and Suguru nodded.
He had to guess, but he would say that it was around six o'clock now. He and Hiro were still in the recording room, but that didn't mean they had actually produced that much. Most of the time they had just been fooling around. Well, Hiro had been fooling around and Suguru had mainly been laughing his ass of. To be honest it had been a while since he'd last laughed as much as he had done today.
But for the moment Suguru had decided that perhaps he should practice a bit before going home. For a moment he wondered why Hiro hadn't gone home yet, but he decided that he just thought he hadn't anything better to do.
After ten minutes or so, Suguru was just totally undisturbed. When he was playing for a while, he always got so caught up in his music he didn't notice any other thing going on around him. And while he was busy playing on of the softer songs on Bad Luck's album, something disturbed his concentration badly.
It started out as the soft tune of Long way to Heaven that he thought was just bugging him in the back of his head. Because how lovely the song was, when he was focusing on Bad Luck it was kinda distracting. But slowly the tune got a bit louder, and when his mind registered the tune being hummed his concentration was broken and he made a few miss steps in the song.
He stopped playing all together and looked up with big eyes at Hiro, for he was humming the tone to himself softly. And his mouth almost fell open with astonishment as he stared at his band member. No way, he thought. It couldn't be Hiro, right?
'Uhh, Hiro?' He questioned softly, almost afraid, and Hiro stopped humming and looked up from the sheet music he was writing on. 'Yeah?' He asked and Suguru blushed slightly, softly asking: 'What song were you humming just now?'
But Hiro just frowned and said he wasn't humming anything. 'O,' was all Suguru could mutter after that. He blushed slightly and looked down again, wanting to play. But his concentration was completely gone and all he could think about now was the possibility of Hiro being the one that had send him the love song.
And not long after that he had packed his stuff and he was out of NG before Hiro was. He had no idea if he left the man smiling or with a big question mark above his head. But mainly, he couldn't care less.
Coming home he immediately went up to his room and dropped himself down onto the bed. He opened the drawer of his nightstand and got the lyrics out. He stared at it for a moment and after that grabbed for his phone. He dialled the number and waited for someone to pick up.
'I need your help!' He'd said it even before the girl got any chance of saying a proper hello. 'Well, hello to you too.' She said and he could hear the sarcasm in her voice. 'Tomiko-chan! Please say you'll help me.'
'Yes, of course. You know I will. Now what is it?' She asked, not even the bit annoyed by Suguru's demanding attitude. 'Did I let you hear the tune of Long Way to Heaven?'
'Nope, you didn't.'
'Well... I, today... ugh,' Suguru closed his eyes and sighed. 'I don't know what to think. Today at work, he... he was humming the tune of the song!' He blurted out, but Tomiko didn't understand a bit about it. 'Suguru-kun, who are you talking about?'
'Hiro! Hiroshi-kun, he must be the one that send me the letter! How else could he have known that tune?'
'Suguru-kun, calm down! It's not the end of the freakin' world.' Tomiko said and Suguru sighed dramatically. 'It's the end of mine.'
'Why?' Tomiko asked, suddenly surprisingly fierce. 'Why is it the end of your world that Hiroshi-kun is the one that send you that song? You like him, don't you?'
'I don't know, Tomiko!' Suguru said and closed his eyes. He did know that every time he was concentrating hard, a random thought about Hiro confused him. He also knew that he felt all warm an giddy inside whenever Hiro touched or came near to him. What he didn't know was what to think of it exactly.
'How can you not know!' Tomiko shrieked. 'If you like someone, how can you not know?'
'I don't know if I like him, that's what I mean.' Suguru whispered softly and closed his eyes again. He knew he liked Hiro. But to also admit it. That was hard for him. 'You don't know if you like him...' Tomiko said and Suguru could just see her weaving a hand through her hair. 'Okay, let's see. Feel butterflies in your stomach when he talks to you? You think about him a lot? You hope that lyrics is his, right?'
'Yees,' Suguru moaned and he could just feel Tomiko grin on the other side of the phone. 'But you already knew that you liked him, didn't you?' Tomiko asked and Suguru sighed with a 'hmph'.
'You're such a boy, Suguru.'
'And what's that supposed to mean?'
'Ha,' Tomiko laughed, 'first of all having quite the difficulties of actually admitting to like someone.' And Suguru rolled his eyes. 'And secondly, taking the step towards the right direction to start an actual relationship with the person you like.'
Silence after that. Suguru frowned slightly as he dropped the lyrics onto his nightstand. 'He send me the lyric. He's supposed to say it himself even though I figured it out.'
'You think as an old-fashioned girl, Suguru-kun! Stop with it.' Tomiko whined.
Suguru rolled his eyes. How could a girl, that was as sappy and romantic as the movie the Titanic itself, tell him he shouldn't think as he wanted? He knew that many girls had the image of how to confess their "I love you's" in their mind already. He knew they wanted it to be perfect, romantic and just the way they had always imagined it. He rolled his eyes. It was stupid, because things never worked out that way.
If life were supposed to be perfect it would be boring. But even though it was silly, a thing that would never happen, who could deny him the right to think like that at least a bit? And if it was his shyness, his insecurity or just his little way of hoping things would go perfect that stopped him from walking up to Hiro and saying: "I know you wrote the lyrics, wanna make out", he didn't know. But he did know that he wanted Hiro, or whoever wrote the lyrics, to come up to him and confess it themselves.
'Suguru-kun? You still alive out there?' Tomiko asked and Suguru was roughly shaken from his pondering. 'Of course I am.' He answered and frowned as suddenly someone knocked on his door. 'What?'
'Suguru-kun, dinner is ready. Are you coming?' The voice of his cousin sounded through the door and Suguru sighed. 'Yeah, just wait a couple of minutes.' He yelled back and on the other end of the phone he heard Tomiko giggle. 'Hope for you you'll survive.'
'Thanks. It'll be easy, I'm sure of it. The day that he can actually kill me is the day… well, the day that I die.'
'Haha, not funny.' Tomiko deadpanned and Suguru laughed. 'Whatever. Speak you later tonight. Bye.'
'Yeah, bye. Say hello to your cousin from me, will you.'
'Tomiko-chan says hi to you.' Suguru said as he gave a small nod towards Tohma. He picked up his glass and took a small sip, gazing at Tohma and seeing the man was looking at him with a raised brow. 'That's the second time I hear you call that girls name. Do you by any means have a girlfriend, Suguru-kun?' He asked, a little bit of laughter playing in his eyes.
With a smirk on his lips Suguru shook his head. 'No, she's just a friend.' He said and Mika now also turned towards him. 'If she's just a friend, then who's the one that made you float on clouds the past few days?' She asked and Suguru almost choked on his water and a blush appeared on his cheeks. In a soft whisper he asked: 'You noticed?' And Mika nodded with a smile. 'So, who is the lucky girl?'
'Ugh, no-one.' Suguru said as he turned his head away. He heard Mika let out a laugh and Tohma didn't make a sound but he knew he was smiling. 'It doesn't really matter who it is. It will be good for you, I'm sure of it. I'm also sure that you'll be able to concentrate better now.' He said and Suguru frowned slightly. He wanted to come back with a mean comment but decided that today it was perhaps better to keep his cousin in the good mood he was in now. So he just cocked his head to the left a bit and gave a small smile. And he went back to dinner in the hopes it was over with this.
But it wasn't. He knew that the moment that Tohma shot him another look and said: 'I certainly hope Bad Luck's new album is a good one.'
'Why?' Suguru asked as he lay his cutlery down. 'Today we released the first single on our new album. It's a great success. I hope for Bad Luck they will be able to work up to that.'
'I think we will. Our new album sounds very good, thus my opinion.' Suguru said, managing a small smile on his lips. Perhaps the man didn't know, but he was annoying Suguru more and more. And he was turning angry bit by bit. He was sick of being treated like a child that didn't know what he was talking about. He was an artist just the same as Tohma was and he knew well enough where he was talking about.
'Yes, it is good. But from what I've heard it probably won't reach Nittle Grapsers standards.'
'And why won't it?' Suguru asked, frowning slightly. He had the feeling that today it came down to it again. To Suguru's endurance. Because again Tohma was treating him as a child again. As the little kid he used to play with when he was younger.
'Well, of course the success of Bad Luck is mostly the voice of Shindou-san -'
'What?' Suguru objected but was silenced as Tohma raised his hand and continued as if Suguru had said nothing. 'But it seems that your mood of the past few weeks has effected him. And of course it has also effected your own play. Because that is an almost painful noticeable fact for me. Because I'm so used to hearing you play and now it's as if I don't recognize you anymore. What's wrong, Suguru-kun? I've been wondering for a long while now but at this moment, I demand an clear answer from you.'
And Suguru felt a slight PANG in his heart. Not because the one he was madly in love with turned him down. No. It was more because at that moment all of the images he had of his cousin were shattered. The man he had always looked up to just told him he wasn't achieving enough although he himself was the reason for that. And Suguru blew up. For a moment he closed his eyes but when he opened them again, he was ready to kill.
'It's because of you actually.' He said, voice frighteningly calm for the situation. 'I'm sick of you and your attitude. I think it's time to see the truth now, Toh-chan.' He said, laying a sarcastic tone on his cousins name. 'You have to realize I'm eighteen now. I'm not a kid anymore and I'm sick of being treated as one! You never take me as I am. For almost all my life I've tried to work myself up to you, your status and to Nittle Grasper. But I never get to hear a compliment from you! You always push me harder and harder and all the while you treat me like I'm still ten years old!'
For a moment he paused and there Tohma took his chance and while standing up and glaring at Suguru started his own sermon. 'Suguru-kun. I never realized that. I only want the best for you, you do know that.'
'No, I don't! You've got a weird way of showing those things anyway, Tohma. And the fact that you didn't realize it also doesn't shock me, actually.' Suguru now yelled as he pushed his glass of the table. He clenched his fists and glared at his cousin. 'You only live in your own isolated world. You never care for others and you just don't want to see what bothers others! For once it would be nice to be your cousin instead of just a fucking employee. For once it would be nice! And I've always tried to work up to you, Tohma. But now I realize I don't want that! Yes, I want to be better. But not like you, never like you! I don't want to be blind to others, to the people that care about me. You just don't give a damn about anybody but yourself and your music! You never turn around to say someone did well. I'm sick of it, I'm so sick of you telling me what to do! I'm old enough to do that myself, don't you realize? I'm not ten years old anymore!' He yelled, and all the while Tohma and Mika just stared at him.
But Suguru didn't wait for one of them to say something back. Because before they even got the chance, Suguru had bolted already. He had run out of the door and was fleeing to a place he was sure he was wanted. Where someone would care and not fake everything that was said to him.
If things ever became more miserable than they were at this moment, he decided then and there he would certainly end his life. And as in movies -how cliché it was- it rained. Of course, he thought angrily as yet again a sopping sound came from his shoes.
He had no coherent thought coming to his mind at this very moment, so it was hard for him to grasp what he had done. Where he should go. But he did know that his instincts -his emotions- told him to go see how Hiro was. And for once, he decided, he felt completely comfortable with his feelings. And perhaps for the few times in his life, he now also acted on his feelings.
He turned and with a sigh he started to walk towards Hiro's house. It was at least a ten-minute walk. He would be sick within a week. As if having just fought with Tohma wasn't enough, he thought.
If Hiro had expected a happy face when he opened the door, he would be disappointed greatly. Because Suguru had an ugly scowl plastered onto his face when the door opened. 'I assume I can make up the couch for a night-visitor?' He asked, a slight smile on his lips. 'Why do you ask?' Suguru said, but Hiro only smiled. 'Ass,' he growled as he stepped inside. He knew he didn't need a straight answer from Hiro. He knew he was welcome to stay.
But when he walked past Hiro a hand on his shoulder stopped. It wasn't forcing. It just rest there, comfortably and full of unspoken words. Not the words from the lyrics. No, words of friendship, trust and softly whispered love that couldn't be exposed. 'If Seguchi-san bothers you this much,' he started but paused for a moment. In that time Suguru turned his head and looked at Hiro. He had a tight frown on his face and Suguru knew he was worried.
'If he bothers you this much, you know you can stay here... right?' He asked, a little uncertain about his own words. But in that moment Suguru's expression softened and he looked at Hiro with a small smile. 'I know. Thank you.' He said and walked further as Hiro dropped his hands off of his shoulder. He shivered as he tried pulling off his jacket.
'You take a shower and I'll get you some warm clothes, okay? You're pretty soaked.' He said, and pushed Suguru into the direction of the bathroom.
'Ugh, thanks.' Suguru said with a small grimace as he studied the long sleeves of the sweater he had borrowed from Hiro. Hiro laughed as he watched Suguru struggle for a moment with the sweater. The sleeves were too long. The bottom of it way too long and the neck of the thing fitted on one shoulder. Because on the left side it draped over his shoulder, showing pale skin and slim collar bone. And it didn't occur to Suguru that he looked totally innocent and had a different effect on Hiro than he thought.
'You know, if you roll up the sleeves, they might fit at least a bit.' He said and smiled as Suguru did just that. But when Suguru tried walking again, another problem arose. Because when he had set just one step, he tripped over the pipes of Hiro's pants. He got himself not to fall by stumbling a bit, but it did make Hiro break out in a dent of laughing. Suguru scowled for a moment, but the laughter in his eyes ruined that. And while Hiro just kept laughing Suguru pulled up the pipes of the pants and walked –a bit uneasily- towards the couch and plumped down onto the couch.
'Stop laughing at me!' He said as he gave Hiro a small push. With a smirk Hiro took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down a bit. 'Sorry,' he managed and Suguru frowned. 'Yeah, whatever.' He said and Hiro leaned back against the back of the couch. 'You hungry?' He asked and Suguru nodded. 'Yeah, I stormed out before I got the chance to get some decent food.'
'You stormed out?' Hiro asked, trying to keep the astonishment out of his voice but failing miserably. 'Yes,'
'On Seguchi-san?'
'Yes, on him yeah. And it's stupid, I know. But I was just so mad... and what could I do? I mean, I had yelled at him so hard for so many things I just had to leave!' He said with a sulky face. But the words did spike Hiro's interest and he turned his body so that he was facing Suguru completely. But Suguru didn't really notice, because he was sitting with his eyes closed as if afraid of being hit. Well, it wasn't that, Hiro decided. It was more like realizing what he'd done. 'I shouldn't have done that.' Suguru breathed, his voice hoarse. 'He's going to kick me out of Bad Luck, for sure.' Suguru panicked but Hiro lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. 'K won't stand for that.'
'Then he'll kick me out of the apartment. He's paying for it.'
'You can stay with me. Don't worry, things will be fine.' Hiro said but Suguru shook his head. 'No, not after what I yelled.'
'Well, what did you yell then?' Hiro asked with a serious gaze. 'I... – ugly things.' He said, turning his eyes away from Hiro's to the ground and fidgeting with his fingers in his lap. 'Suguru-kun, don't lock me out.' Hiro asked, a little pleading sounding in his voice. And when Suguru didn't answer and just closed his eyes Hiro lifted the young man's chin with two of his fingers. And when Suguru finally opened his eyes –very carefully- he could see an encouraging smile on his friend's face. 'Not now. I think it's time you tell someone something to get rid of the problem. Don't you think that too, Suguru-kun?'
But Suguru just looked at him with a grim expression, although doubt was shining in his eyes. 'Perhaps.' He spoke softly. He was getting a bit nervous by now. Were it the two fingers on his chin or the fact he just didn't want to share everything with Hiro, he didn't know. But he did know he didn't like it very much. Please God, he thought, let him just stop asking.
And he didn't know why he didn't want to tell Hiro. All he wanted right now was to curl op on the couch and eat. But this was Hiro's house, he thought and sighed. He probably wasn't getting any food until he told.
'Perhaps? Was it that bad or do you just have a low self-esteem, Suguru-kun?' Hiro asked and Suguru's eyes widened a bit. Not so gently now, a small voice spoke in the back of his head. Must be loosing his patience. But he couldn't really blame him. Hiro had been his friend for so long. What would I think? Suguru suddenly asked himself. What would I think if a friend of mine was sad and wouldn't tell me what was wrong?
And suddenly Suguru smiled sadly. He would feel abandoned. As if he wasn't trusted enough to know. He sighed and finally cracked. Everything piled up in the words he spoke to explain what had happened. His anger at Tohma, his anger at himself, the frustration of the band. He told Hiro everything that he himself had been denying for so long.
'Suguru-kun?' Hiro asked, after Suguru had told everything that happened between him and his cousin. Tears were brimming on the edge of his eyes, his head was bowed and his cheeks were a bit red in embarrassment. 'Do you think that we treat you like that too?'
'N-no...' he started, but paused for a moment. He looked up through his bangs and smiled shyly. 'Sometimes... Shuichi does it most, though. And from you... I don't mind that much.' He said and saw a smile coming to Hiro's lips. The redhead raised his hand and touched Suguru's cheek lightly. But only a moment after Suguru's brain figured out what was going on, the hand had already been removed.
And the only reason as to why he had to believe it actually happened was the slight blush on Hiro's cheeks and the almost burning tinkling feeling on his cheek. 'Thank you,' he whispered at Suguru, an honest smile on his lips. 'So, do you want a pizza now?'
It was now an hour, half a pizza and half a movie later and Suguru was feeling quite comfortable all snuggled up on the couch. He had his feet folded under his thighs and rested his head onto one of the big cushions of the couch. His breathing was steady and he probably didn't know it, but his soft breathing gently whispered across Hiro's shoulder, making the young man shudder once in a while.
All with all the evening was going rather gradually. With the occasional touch, blush and apology included. But Suguru didn't mind. He actually liked the somewhat shy touches that could be done by mistake, but were actually just meant that way.
'Do you want another drink?' Hiro asked as he sat up a bit to turn his head to his green-haired friend. Suguru shook his head and continued watching the movie. 'No.' He said very softly. Hiro smiled a bit, leaned back against the couch and also watched the TV-screen again.
But five minutes later Suguru sat up completely and watched the TV with a frown, wondering out loud: 'you think that girl dies? If she doesn't within five minutes of time I have to say this is one of the worst movies ever.'
Hiro let out a laugh and good-heartily placed his hand on Suguru's shoulder. 'It'll be fine.' He said in a played voice, while patting Suguru's back. 'Hmph,' Suguru crossed his arms and pouted. 'You poor baby.' Hiro said, winking as Suguru scowled at him. With a wide smile Hiro stuck out his tongue at the other and Suguru pushed him in the shoulder. But he couldn't back away, because Hiro had grabbed his wrists, pulling Suguru towards him. Suguru shrieked softly as he was being pulled forwards toward Hiro. He struggled a bit to get his wrists free, but to no avail. With a soft thump he fell down onto Hiro's chest. Started his eyes grew wide and a huge blush came onto his cheeks.
'H-Hiro!' He stuttered out as he tried to scramble off of Hiro's chest. But Hiro just threw him a lazy grin, not letting him go. 'What?'
'H-Hiro… let me go.' Suguru pleaded softly, bending his head forwards – burring his nose in Hiro's chest in the progress – so the other man couldn't see the blush staining his cheeks. 'Hmm…. No.' Hiro said, laughing as Suguru tried to push his hand away as he playfully ruffled the younger ones hair.
'Hiroo!' Suguru suddenly whined. He really wanted to be released. He was feeling so comfortable right now it was beginning to be downright uncomfortable, if that was even possible. The warm tinkling that had started in the pit of his stomach the moment Hiro touched him had now spread over his whole body and he had to suppress a shudder. He wanted to close his eyes and lay his head down, because Gods did he want to stay here, feeling like this, for the rest of his life.
'What? Something wrong?' Hiro asked with a bit of an impish grin on his face. 'Y-yes!' Suguru stuttered out and tried to manage a scowl on his face, but failed. Meanwhile Hiro rolled his eyes and let go of Suguru's wrists, but the younger one didn't notice. He just kept squirming around, keeping his head down as much as possible. Hiro just wanted to speak up again but before he got the chance to do so, Suguru sighed and laid still. Hiro smiled and laid a hand on his head and saw Suguru glare up to him through his bangs. 'You know, I let you go already.'
'Wha -' Suguru started and sat up immediately scrambling to the other side of the couch. 'You're cute when you blush.' Hiro said with a grin.
But suddenly they heard a horrified scream coming from the television. With a wrench Suguru turned back to the TV. A grin broke out on his face and he clenched his fist. 'Yes,' he said loudly and turned to Hiro. 'The witch is dead.' He said and with a roll of his eyes Hiro answered: 'Ding-Dong.' 1 But the words came out dryly and Hiro didn't smile. For a moment Suguru wondered if something was wrong with Hiro. Had he said something wrong, he wondered. But he didn't give it anymore thought and he turned back to the TV.
Twenty minutes later the movie-credits started rolling down the screen and Suguru yawned. He shot a look towards the clock. 1 O'clock. He yawned again and shot a sideward glance towards Hiro. He was looking towards the screen with a somewhat disappointed expression on his face. 'Didn't like the ending?' Suguru asked and Hiro turned to him. 'Uh? O... no. I don't like open endings.' He said and grinned. Suguru just smiled and nodded.
'I'm off to bed, okay?' He said and Hiro nodded. 'Yeah, okay. I'll clean up here and then I'm going to sleep too. Sweet dreams.'
'Yeah, sweet dreams Hiro.' Suguru said and walked out of the room.
But suddenly, when he opened the door to the bedroom he was sleeping in, everything changed. 'I love you,' Hiro whispered, from the living room. Suguru stood dead in his tracks, feet nailed to the ground and a blush forming on his face. He hadn't heard that right, had he? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to have, no one else was around to have said it. But the words were so soft. Suguru was sure he wasn't meant to have heard them.
With his legs a little shaky, Suguru closed his door and sat down onto his bed. He sat there, staring at the wall. Before, he almost knew for sure that it was Hiro who had sent him that lyric. Which also meant it was Hiro who liked, perhaps even loved, him. But to hear the words, instead of just having to think them.
To say the least, it came as quit the shock to the young man that until now never had somebody – besides family – tell him they liked him. And when he finally realized what exactly Hiro had said, a huge grin broke out on his face. With his hands covering his mouth and eyes shining he let himself drop back onto the bed. He felt happy that now he knew for sure that Hiro loved him.
Tomorrow. He thought. Tomorrow I'll tell him. But the question was, would he have the same confidence and guts as he did now in the morning?
He felt a bit giddy the moment he woke up. He had to rub his eyes to know where he was again. And it took him two times of blinking to remember why he felt so giddy. A sort of a silly grin appeared on his face as he remembered Hiro's words. "I love you."
At this moment he wanted nothing more than to walk up to Hiro and tell him with a big grin on his face he loved him too. But of course things never were that easy. His grin lessened a bit as he heard the soft tunes of Hiro's guitar from the living room. He had heard the man tell before that he loved to play in the morning, to wake him up a bit more. But now he'd rather have it that Hiro had slept in today. So that he could at least prepare a bit.
With a sigh he heaved himself out of his bed and shot a look at the two pairs of clothing in the room. Hiro must've brought his clothing to the room this morning. Or maybe yesterday night, he wouldn't know.
He wondered for a moment which one he would wear today. With a shake of his head he decided he would just go with Hiro's clothes. Even though they were too big, they were more comfortable than his own. Which he didn't understand. He'd never been a person to wear a bit of... well, baggy clothes. Because for Hiro they were a perfect fit. For Suguru they were baggy. And he liked it.
When he had put the clothes on he shot a look to take himself up in the mirror that hung in the room. He combed his hair a bit with his fingers and after that nervously walked to the door.
When he opened the door, softly at that, he took a small look around the corner to see Hiro sitting on the small couch under the window. One foot folded under his other leg and his left foot resting on the ground. He took a deep breath and closed the door behind him, walking towards Hiro.
'Hey, good morning.' He said and Hiro looked up after a moment. A grin appeared on his face as he answered: 'hey there. Slept well?'
'Yes, actually I did.' Suguru said as he walked towards the couch Hiro sat on. 'Thanks for the clothes.' He said, as he sat down a decent amount of space from Hiro. 'You're welcome.' Hiro laughed as he looked at Suguru. 'But you didn't wear your own.'
'No, yours are nicer.' He said and Hiro nodded. Without any further words Hiro turned back to his guitar and started playing again.
For five minutes Suguru sat in silence, chewing his bottom lip softly. With a sigh he turned to Hiro and without thinking blurted out: 'I heard you yesterday.'
'Heard what?' Hiro asked as he raised a brow and turned to Suguru. Suguru swallowed and turned his head as he said: 'You love me.'
'Oh,' he heard Hiro mutter. He didn't dare to turn his head towards the other man to see what kind of expression he had on his face. For a moment he wondered what he had done. Had he ruined things now? And even though it was obvious the lyric came from Hiro, and with the words he from last night he certainly had heard right. He still felt scared as if he had made one big mistake. 'I wouldn't have thought you heard.' Hiro said on a soft voice and Suguru sighed. He hoped the other man didn't expect him to say something first. Because he certainly was at a loss of words now.
'But you know, since you did hear, I meant it.' Hiro said and now Suguru turned his head, just a bit. Hiro was looking at him, a bit of a nervous expression on his face. And even though it felt that Suguru's words stuck in his throat, he felt a wave of relief flood over him. He felt like floating and was sure he would never land again. He closed his eyes, a small smile appearing on his lips. He could drown in this moment.
'Suguru?' Hiro suddenly questioned. Fear was now clearly to be heard in his voice. Fear of being rejected. But Suguru now fully turned to him and spoke with a small smile on his lips. 'I think that, at first, I was too busy with my work.' He said, and drew his right hand through his hair. 'And then I just didn't know what to think. You were just a band-member, at first. And then my friend. And then I got that lyric. And I felt that, even though I didn't know who it was, I could keep on floating on a cloud forever. So Shuichi was right.' He said and gave a laugh. It almost sounded alien to his ears. Shuichi was right.
'And then we were such good friends. And you hummed the tune of the song, and I was so confused. I didn't know what to think. And you were so nice and I felt like floating. I guess it just took me quite some time to realize that all that time I was just feeling... love.' He said, and looked down with a blush. There, the high word was out.
And he didn't know why he was still nervous. Hiro loved him, he knew. He loved Hiro, Hiro knew. What was there to be nervous about? Perhaps it comes with every first time... he thought. Yeah, he decided, that was it.
But suddenly Hiro laughed, and Suguru's head shot up. 'You could've just said I love you too, ya know?' He said and Suguru smiled in relief as he saw the look of pure happiness on his friends, wait, lovers face. Nerves. Hiro was nervous, just as him. 'Yeah, perhaps that would've been easier.' Suguru said with a soft sigh. He tensed a bit when he felt a hand stroke his hair and when he looked at Hiro the other man was close. He had laid his guitar down and was now sitting next to Suguru. One hand stroking Suguru's hair while he laid the other down on Suguru's knee.
'I'm going to kiss you now, okay?' He asked and Suguru blushed. It would be his first kiss. 'Yeah,' he whispered softly and closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do. But people always closed their eyes when they kissed so…
Only moments later Hiro's lips touched his own. At first it was just like a whisper, touching but just barely. Suguru felt a flutter in the pit of his stomach and a pleasant warmth started to spread over his body as Hiro pressed a bit closer. Slowly lips moved against lips and he felt lost in a world of pure bliss. Without him even realizing it his hands found their way around Hiro's neck. Hiro's left arm was now laid loosely around his waist. Suguru tensed for a moment as he felt Hiro's tongue on his lips. But soon he relaxed again and opened his mouth. Things went easy and nothing in his whole life had felt as natural and right as this. Their tongues touched, but it wasn't a battle. It was soft, slow. A world that existed out of bliss, fireworks and nothing but the two of them.
He felt Hiro draw back, and as he gasped softly he opened his eyes slowly. 'Hiro...' he whispered softly as he other man touched his cheek. He leaned in the touch, closing his eyes again. 'Fantastic. A fantastic first kiss...' he mused softly and was sure this is what a cat must feel when petted.
'First kiss hmm?' Hiro asked and Suguru blushed. 'Y-yes, I -'
'Thank you.' Hiro interrupted and Suguru smiled. You're welcome, he wanted to say. But he thought it was just better to stay silent. With a sigh he leaned into Hiro's touch and smiled. Things were just perfect.
Of course, Hiro and Suguru were late for work. The black barrel of a gun and Hiro gulped and Suguru laughed greeted them. He was in such a good mood today. He was sure nothing could ruin it! 'Hiroo! You told him!' Shuichi said as he bounced towards us.
'Why say that?' Hiro asked, a playful expression in his eyes. 'Otherwise Suguru-kun would've been on time!' Shuichi said, proud of himself he had found it out. 'So, have you told him about the song?' Shuichi asked and Hiro's eyes grew bigger. 'Forgot.'
'I don't care! Get to work, all three of you!' K suddenly yelled and they all went to their instruments. Microphone for Shuichi. But before they started playing Suguru turned to Hiro and said on a hushed voice: 'I loved it.' And Hiro grinned.
'He loves me!' He said through the phone with a slight blush on his face. 'He kissed me!'
'And you feel like a schoolgirl with a crush.' Tomiko deadpanned and Suguru rolled his eyes. 'No, I'm in love.' He said and he heard Tomiko laugh. 'That's what I wanted to hear.' There was a small pause on the phone before the girl continued. 'You've changed fast.'
'Yeah,' Suguru said. 'But that's good, right?'
'Yeah! That's what we were going for in the first place. Although Hiro isn't a girlfriend, I think he's even better for you!'
'Why that so?' He asked, a frown forming on his face. 'Hm, my guess? You're gay.' Tomiko laughed and knew that if she was sitting in front of Suguru he would have put his tongue out at her. 'I don't mind.' He answered and Tomiko giggled. 'With Hiro by your side I'd doubt you would.'
'Ha-ha, just shut up.' Suguru scowled for a moment but then smirked. 'You know what.'
'No, please enlighten me to your moment of brightness.' Tomiko deadpanned, but Suguru's smirk just grew wider. 'I'm going to find you a boyfriend.'
'Whoa there sturdy-one. Got it a bit too big in your head now you've got a boyfriend? I don't need a boyfriend!' Tomiko shrieked and Suguru laughed. 'Yeah you do.'
'Okay, first you won't succeed at setting me up. With anybody! And second of all... why the heck are you even thinking of setting me up?'
'To get you to talk less. You know, shut up once in a while.' Suguru said and laughed as he could almost see Tomiko's scowl. 'You don't like me talking?' She asked and Suguru rolled his eyes. 'No, I love you talking. But you do it much, lots of it! I'm thinking of lessening it a bit and immediately putting down your ideas of meddling with my personal life.'
'But Suguru-kun! I am a part of your personal life!' Tomiko protested. 'But that doesn't mean you have to meddle with it. I certainly appreciate your talks with me about Hiro-kun, but I don't want to be adopting a child from China or something due to one of your ideas.'
'Adopting a Chinese kid? How cute Suguru-kun! You should do that.'
'Tomiko-chan! Shut up. You get my point.' He said and he could hear Tomiko sigh. 'Yeah, yeah. I get it. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.'
'Good girl.' Suguru said with a smile. He looked up as he heard the scrapings of the legs of a chair and smiled as Shuichi sat down. 'How does Hiro-kun kiss?' Suguru blushed and his eyes grew wide. 'None of your business.'
'C'mon, Suguru-kuun!' Shuichi whined but Suguru shook his head. 'I'm on the phone.' He said and turned his head to the window, resuming his conversation with Tomiko. 'Sorry, Shuichi is being irritating.'
'It's okay. I've gotta go now anyway.'
'Okay,' Suguru said, looking up for a moment. From the corner of his eyes he saw Hiro enter the room and he smiled. 'I'll call you later, okay?' Tomiko asked and Suguru nodded, as if Tomiko could see it. 'Nodding your head?'
'Oh, yeah. Yes, that's okay. Bye.'
'Yup, bye.'
Hiro sat down next to Suguru and smiled at him. 'Your friend?'
'Yeah, I had to tell her something.' Suguru said with a small blush on his cheeks. 'Of course. Although all of your gossiping and telling Tomiko does make me wonder if you aren't actually a girl.' Hiro said with a grin, which earned him a glare. 'We weren't gossiping.'
'No, just telling her the good news, ne?' Shuichi asked, eyes sparkling as he saw Hiro grin and Suguru blush. 'What good news?'
All three heads shot up at the sudden voice. Because at their table was now standing Tohma Seguchi with a questioning look on his face. At first he was looking at Shuichi, since he was the one that made the comment. But when Shuichi just grinned one of his biggest grins and shot a look towards Suguru and Hiro Tohma also looked at them. Suguru blushed a bit and ducked his head while Hiro grinned and patted his hand.
'We're dating.' Hiro said simply and he could just imagine Suguru's red cheeks and happy grin. 'Although Shuichi brings it as if we're going to get married.' He said with a look towards Shuichi. For a moment Tohma frowned, but than he smiled. 'Well, congratulations than. Lets all hope it will last.' He said and immediately Suguru looked up at him with a glare. 'What's that supposed to mean?'
'Nothing, trust me. Just that I wish you both all the happiness in the world.' Tohma answered with a smile before he turned and walked away with a grace that fitted him perfectly. 'Yeah, right.' Suguru snorted but looked up at Shuichi as he heard the other laugh. 'What?'
'Nothing. Just that you can't believe your cousin is actually happy for you, can you?' He asked and Suguru was a bit taken aback. He wondered what Shuichi meant. Tohma's comment was made as a bad one, right? He thought.
But now he wasn't so sure anymore, actually. It was all a bit strange. Tohma acted as if Suguru never walked out of the house yesterday. It couldn't be he just didn't care, right?
'Suguru-kun, did you even hear me?' His head shot up at the sound of Shuichi whining. 'What?'
'You didn't.' He said, expression a little disappointed. Suguru thought it was a typical Shuichi-thing to do. To be disappointed over such a small and silly thing. 'Shuichi, don't put the pout on him. He didn't even hear you.' Hiro suddenly said with a laugh. Suguru looked at Hiro with a small frown. 'What did he say? Come on, tell me.'
'Na-ha, you just had to listen to me if you want to know.' Shuichi said with a grin. Suguru scowled at him but Shuichi just stuck out his tongue at him. 'C'mon, tell me Shuichi-kun.'
'Whine for it!' Shuichi said. With a small pout on his face he turned to Hiro and laid his head on Hiro's shoulder. 'Do you want to tell me, then?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'You only talk to me when you need something. I think it's unfair.' He said with a small smile at Suguru who just threw him a nasty look. 'I just wanted to know. It was about my cousin, you know.' Suguru said as he turned his head away to stare out of the window.
Things weren't going his way this time it seemed. Not that things usually went his way, but this one was just a bit more frustrating. When he was young he had been so close with his cousin. And it seemed that now that close bound was disappearing slowly. And what perhaps hurt most of it all, was that almost everybody seemed to think it was his fault.
And perhaps, when he thought real hard, he could come up with things he shouldn't have done. But it just couldn't be that all of this was all his fault. It wasn't all to blame on Tohma either, but he surely had his part in things. His bossing around and always being curious about what was going on with Suguru was highly irritating. He wasn't a small kid anymore that needed to be looked after.
He wondered now what he could do about it. He seriously regretted walking out on Tohma and Mika the other day. He could talk to Tohma about it. But that idea seemed so alien to him. To explain to his cousin he felt treated like a kid all the time. It was just hard to imagine for him to talk with his cousin about that.
'Suguru-kun?' A bit hasty Suguru turned his head to look at Hiro. He also noticed Shuichi was gone and wondered if he had been in thoughts that deep. 'Yeah?' He was a bit confused at the whole situation. A bit confused with everything that was going on right now. Everything and everybody around him seemed to change so fast, while he was only beginning to catch up. Perhaps now, with Shuichi as his friend and Hiro by his side, it was time to try the long run. To patch things up and put a bandage on all things wrong to stop the bleeding. Perhaps he should apologize to Tohma and explain things. If only he knew how.
Suddenly he heard Hiro chuckle and noted with an embarrassed blush he had been lost in thought again. with a humoured look still playing on his face Hiro leaned forward and gave Suguru a peck on his cheek. 'Let's go for a walk.' He whispered softly and Suguru smiled. 'Yeah, let's.'
As they were walking through the park, Hiro holding Suguru's hand and Suguru pressed close to his boyfriend, Suguru wondered: 'Won't K-san mind?' He blushed as he heard Hiro laugh at his question and he looked up at him. 'K-san will have to bear with us for today. You need me more right now and we're ahead of schedule anyway.' Hiro answered with a grin to Suguru. Suguru frowned and turned his gaze towards the path again. 'I need you, huh? Why is that?'
'Because I thought it was best that you talk to someone that listens and will care and understand.' Hiro said as he softly pulled Suguru towards a bench. He sat down, pulling Suguru with him, and laid an arm around Suguru's shoulders. Suguru sighed and laid his head on Hiro's shoulder. There was almost no one at the park this time of the day, so they were free to show their affection right now. But of course, that wasn't the reason why they had sat down, of course.
And Suguru had to admit he could guess a little what Hiro wanted to talk about. Although he wouldn't admit it. He wanted to get his problems solved, yes. But talking about them was a thing that he had never been good at. 'Suguru-kun?' With a sideward glance Suguru looked up at Hiro. 'Something is worrying you.'
'How do you know?' Suguru asked with a small smile. He wasn't avoiding the question, and Hiro knew it too. He was just a bit curious how Hiro could read him so well. People knew when he was bothered with something, but that was most of the time anyway. To see he was worried, well, Suguru thought it a good thing Hiro could see it. It meant he really cared, in his opinion at least.
'You talk even less than normal, your eyes look a bit sad.' Hiro said as he lightly stroked Suguru's cheek. 'I just notice those little things about you. But now, come on. Don't stray from the point. It is Seguchi-san, isn't it?'
'Yes,' Suguru whispered softly. 'I really don't know what to do.' He continued. He really didn't know what to say, or how to speak, about things like this. He needed to be pushed into right direction. He needed a question he could answer. But luckily for him, Hiro had noticed that too. 'Because you're fighting?'
'Yeah, he's probably pretty mad at me. I walked out during dinner. With Tohma things like that are never good.'
'You should talk to him.' Hiro simply said and Suguru frowned. 'And say what? "Hey Toh-chan, it's been a while. I've been mad at you because you treat me like a kid."' He said, pausing for a moment to snort. 'Yeah, right. He'll certainly see that one coming.'
'Well, it is the reason you're frustrated with him, right? Why should it be childish or stupid if it's how you feel?' Hiro asked and Suguru sighed softly. 'It is childish of me to think like that, huh?' Suguru asked. Not really at Hiro, but more in a way of thinking out loud. 'I know I should talk to him. I'm just afraid that when I'm in front of him all the things I want to say won't come out of my mouth.' Suguru said as he traced the pattern of his pants with his fingers.
'I think that when you're finally in front of him, the words will come.' Hiro said, as he laid a hand on Suguru's shoulder comfortably. 'And if they don't, Seguchi-san will probably know. I don't know him all that well. But even though he is a bit protective of you, he seems to care a great deal.'
During the next practice Suguru was abnormally silent. He was mad at Tohma, which he knew. But how more the thought, the more he got the feeling he was indeed acting childish.
His deeds spoke against his words now. In the beginning it hadn't been like that, but now he started to notice it. He wanted to be seen as and adult so much by Tohma he had started to act like a child to get it.
And somewhere deep inside he felt a bit guilty. Tohma was a busy man. And he had taken time he shouldn't have arguing with the man. Acting as the child the thought he was treated like. Making everybody around him worried about him.
Bet at least one good thing came from it all, eh thought as he shot a look towards his boyfriend. His Hiroshi Nakano. A happy grin appeared on his face and he sighed. And then and there Suguru Fujisaki decided that as soon as he saw his cousin he would talk to him.
But it wasn't Tohma he saw first…
'Fujisaki-kun! Fujisaki-kun!' He turned around so quickly he was afraid he would trip over his own feet. Luckily he didn't. a bit bewildered he looked at the happy-go-lucky singer in front of him. 'Tohma-chan wanted to ask you something.' He said and Suguru frowned. If Tohma wanted to ask him something, then why was Ryuichi here? His surprise must've shown on his face because Ryuichi continued with a grin. 'But because you're mad at him he asked me to tell you.'
'Tell me what?'
'That we want you to play with us!'
'Huh?' Suguru frowned. With Ryuichi that could mean anything. 'A song, Fujisaki-kun! Would you play a song for our new CD with us? Tohma would really, really like that!'
Wait, stop! Suguru's mind halted and for a moment he was shocked. He was offered the change to play a song with Nittle Grasper? And Tohma would like him playing with them? So Tohma wasn't all that mad at him, then. It didn't take long for Suguru to grin and say yes. It wasn't a hard choice. To be able to play a song with Nittle Grasper was a wondrous thing. But Tohma really wanting him to was best of all.
With a grin on his face he entered the recording studio again. Shuichi and K both frowned and Hiro walked towards him. 'What happened, eh? You look so happy now.' Suguru looked up at him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Hiro grinned down at him and then Suguru let out a laugh. 'I just came across Sakuma-san in the hallway and -'
'O, cool! Sakuma-san is around! I'm going to talk to him later.' Shuichi interrupted but Suguru only rolled his eyes. 'He asked if I wanted to play a song with them for the new Nittle Grasper CD!' He said and Shuichi gave him a big grin. 'And,' he said softly as he looked up at Hiro, 'He said Tohma-kun really wanted me to.' And with a grin Hiro bent down and kissed him.
He was a bit nervous as he waited for Tohma. He had decided to talk to the man before recording started. 'Suguru-kun.' He looked up to see Tohma standing there, ugly fur coat and all. 'I'm glad you decided to play with us!'
'Yeah, well. It's an honour to do so.' Suguru answered genuinely and Tohma smiled. 'For me, too. It's an honour to play together with the one who has gotten so far at this young age a life.' At these words Suguru blushed and looked to the side. 'I'm sorry. For yelling at you and… all the other things. It's just that…' And he fell silent. He wanted to say so badly that he had felt treated like a child. But as he had thought, the words wouldn't come.
'I made you feel that you were still a small child.' Tohma suddenly said and Suguru's head shut up. 'Y-yeah.' He got out softly and Tohma smiled. 'Perhaps I was a bit overprotective. I'll try to keep it in mind.' He said, but with a teasing grin he added: 'But you'll always be my little cousin.'
'Of course.' Suguru answered. 'But also my boss and rival. But most of all my cousin.' He said as he gave his cousin a quick embrace before disappearing into the recording studio.
At the end of recording Hiro was waiting outside for Suguru. He grinned widely as he saw his boyfriend walking towards him with one of the biggest smiles on his face. 'How did things go?' He asked and Suguru grinned. 'Good.'
'And with Seguchi-san?'
'Perfect.' Suguru answered as he gave Hiro a fast peck on his cheek. Hiro grinned naughtily and leaned forwards, kissing Suguru full on the lips.
Yeah, Suguru thought at that moment, life's pretty perfect.
Owari
