Author's Note: Okay guys, I'm going on a 2 week break for Christmas! This fanfic will continue as soon as Christmas break is over, thank you all so much and Merry Christmas!
It was the day after Christmas, Mikasa was resting in bed in her room. She gazed out towards the window at the snow falling gently, as she opened her book.
She started reading it, still wearing her red scarf. Her mind wandered...remembering last night. The look on Historia's face...and what Eren said.
Mikasa knew...whatever she and Eren had...it needed to stop. It wasn't fair on Historia...besides, they barely knew each other.
They were just friends at most...more like just two patients that were flat mates, acquaintances. Mikasa's eyes softened, swallowing the heavy lump in her throat, blinking several times as she placed a hand over her chest.
So then...why did her heart ache so badly? The door opened, snapping Mikasa out of her deep thoughts.
Rubi entered, strangely silent. Mikasa bit her lip, already knowing, but she continued to hide in her book. Rubi walked up to her sister's bedside, and set down a small envelope. Mikasa blinked, looking up.
"You want to explain to me why there was only $200 in your bank?", asked Rubi, shaking furiously. Mikasa frowned, and she sighed realizing Rubi withdrew the remaining $200 and that's what was in the envelope.
"I...spent it for a Christmas present", she replied simply. "$150?! Who the bloody hell did you spend $150 for Christmas?!", Rubi demanded, angrily.
Mikasa didn't answer, and slowly traced her fingers over her red scarf. Rubi glared. "On Eren?! Mikasa, what the hell is wrong with you?! He has a fiancee! And this money? It's supposed to be saved for a faster surgery!", Rubi yelled.
Mikasa glared, looking down. "Eren...lost his memory. He's stuck in this hospital for months...I wanted to get him something nice. He's alive after all...and is going to continue to live", she simply said.
Before Rubi could say another word, Mikasa looked at her. "Stop kidding yourself sis...$350? It would cost at least $787, 700...money neither of us have. And the insurance won't cover it to happen sooner...", she said, looking away.
Rubi froze, but still glared. "So you're just giving up?!", she cried. Mikasa closed her eyes, turning onto her side and laying down, her back to her sister.
"Sis...my body won't last..much longer. I can feel it...every day I get weaker. If I'm going to die...the least I could do was make sure...people I care about...have something nice. That's why I got you that artist kit...", Mikasa explained, numbly.
Rubi swallowed hard. "Sis...Eren isn't someone special to you. He's engaged to another woman...", she started.
Mikasa glared. "I KNOW that already, Rubi! That's why I'm not...seeing him anymore! Okay?! Are you happy?! I won't see him anymore!", she snapped then, sitting up, tears in her eyes.
Rubi fell quiet, a worried look in her eyes. "Oh my god...Miki...you...you're in love with Eren...aren't you?", she realized, her heart sinking.
Mikasa didn't answer, looking down. "It doesn't matter...he's engaged. And...I'm not going to be here much long-", she was cut off by a sudden coughing fit, as she clutched her chest, struggling to breath, getting severe chest pains.
"Sis!", Rubi hurried to her side, rubbing her back, and quickly getting her oxygen on. "Deep breaths sis, deep breaths...Ymir!", Rubi yelled out urgently, as Mikasa coughed violently into the oxygen mask, struggling to breathe.
Ymir hurried in, helping Rubi as they turned the oxygen up, making sure Mikasa's back was propped up. Mikasa continued coughing hard through this, gasping for air.
"Her heart is beating really fast, Rubi...", Ymir commented worriedly, watching Mikasa's vitals carefully.
Rubi held her breath, keeping hold of her sister's hand as they waited for the oxygen to take some effect.
Very slowly, Mikasa's coughing fit eased, and her breathing remained labored. Ymir and Rubi breathed a sigh of relief as the attack died down.
Mikasa took several minutes to catch her breath. "No signs of heart attack or cardiac...she's in the clear, Rubi...just...that was too much stress on her heart", Ymir confirmed, checking the vitals.
Rubi exhaled, squeezing her sister's hand. "Any pain Miki...?", she asked fearfully. Mikasa shook her head weakly...the attack had worn her out.
Rubi's eyes softened, looking down. Mikasa was quiet for a long while, as Rubi didn't leave her side. Finally, Mikasa went to reach for her notepad and pen.
"Ah, I got it Miki...", Rubi grabbed it, handing it to her. Mikasa began to silently write on it. Rubi blinked, confused but she waited.
Finally, Mikasa finished. "S-Sis...", her voice came out croaky and weak from her coughing fit. "Can you...give this to Eren, please?", she pleaded.
Rubi took the note, read it, and she actually paled. Her heart sunk. "Oh Miki...", she wiped her eyes. "You're right sis...Eren is engaged to another woman...this...this isn't right...besides...I'm not...", Mikasa began, weakly.
Rubi shook her head. "No sis...stop. You ARE going to live...I promise you that...I am NOT giving up on you yet Miki, you're my baby sister...I'll..I'll figure something out, just hang in there a bit longer for me, yea?", she pleaded.
Mikasa remained quiet, as she gently squeezed Rubi's hand to comfort her. "I'll try my best sis...I love you...and I'm sorry for snapping...", she whispered.
Rubi choked back a sob, nodding. "I love you too sissy...", she gently kissed her sister's forehead, letting her get some rest, as she exited the room.
Mikasa sighed weakly...it...was better this way. Eren not only had a woman who loved him, but she was healthy, strong, and able to stay with him forever.
Even able to bear him healthy children...Historia was perfect for Eren. Mikasa convinced herself of this. She would just be a burden to him as a lover...she would just cause him pain.
She went to remove her scarf...but then she hesitated. Tears welled up in Mikasa's eyes...she...she couldn't do it.
Instead, she held it closer, keeping it on, choking back a sob, making the red fabric slightly darker where her tears fell.
Rubi entered Eren's room, seeing him playing on the Nintendo 3DS. "Eren Jaeger", Rubi said firmly. Eren blinked, setting his game down.
"Yes, Nurse Rubi?", he asked. Rubi glared, as she then set the note down on his bed a bit roughly. Eren blinked, not understanding.
"You better love Historia, Jaeger...because this has caused my sister enough pain", Rubi growled, before storming out. Eren starred, in complete confusion, and worry now.
He quickly picked up the note, and started to read it:
Eren,
I've been thinking about what you said to me last night...how I'm the only thing that makes sense since you lost your memory. I'm writing you this...because you need to stop thinking that way. We barely know each other...and the illness I have? I'd just be a burden to you...you don't need some sickly girl dragging you down...you should be focusing on living your life. You got a second chance of life...so embrace it. Marry Historia, build new memories with her, have children with her, be a good husband to her...and just..forget about me. We can't see each other anymore Eren...it's not right. Thank you for the book and scarf...and I hope you find happiness.
Mikasa
Eren's heart dropped, as all color drained from his face. He leaned back onto his pillows...of course he knew this wasn't right. And Mikasa was being responsible...but..why did he feel so horrible?
And just like that, he was back to feeling lost. So very lost...like nothing made sense in this world.
By that afternoon, Eren attempted to see Mikasa in person. He wheeled in front of her door, only to see Ymir guarding it.
"Ymir...um...can I see Mikasa?", he asked. "I don't think that's a good idea, Eren. You should go see your fiancee, she's in the waiting room", Ymir insisted, crossing her arms.
Eren bit his lip, hesitating. "Why the hell are you hesitating?! Historia is your fiancee! She loves you, she's been trying so hard to get close to you again, while you've been running around with Mikasa!", Ymir growled then.
"We just exchanged Christmas gifts and read books together", Eren pointed out.
"Please...you don't think we never see the looks you give each other? I'll never understand you men...Historia is beautiful, she's as gorgeous as an angel, she's sweet, patient, considerate...she's perfect", Ymir rambled a bit then, some color reaching her cheeks.
Eren blinked, noticing how bitter Ymir sounded. "Are you and Historia close...? I mean...before my accident did you two know each other?", he asked.
"No...but for the passed month I've watched her come here almost every day, trying so damn hard to get her fiancee to love her again...it's heart breaking", Ymir replied.
Eren looked down, shamefully. "I never had intentions to hurt her...I just...I don't remember her...I don't know her", he admitted.
"Then GET to know her", Ymir sneered, glaring. Eren swallowed hard, he took one last glance at Mikasa's door.
"Right...okay", he gave in, as he began wheeling towards the waiting room. He saw Historia sitting near the vending machines, and sighed.
"Hey um Historia...", he began. Historia smiled. "Eren, good morning!", she smiled. Down the hall, Mikasa stepped out of her room, and peered out towards the waiting room.
She could see Eren and Historia talking, her eyes going darker.
"So...I know this is kind of random but...maybe you and I could have lunch in the cafeteria together?", Eren asked Historia.
"I'd love that, Eren!", Historia beamed, as they went to get on the elevator.
Mikasa swallowed hard, going back into her room. She held her red scarf close, and went back into bed.
When Eren and Historia arrived, they were sat at a table. Eren picked at his food, suddenly not having much of an appetite.
"Eren? Are you okay? You haven't touched your food at all", Historia commented, after babbling for quite a while to him.
"Oh, yeah sorry...guess I'm just sick of hospital food", Eren lied, forcing a smile. "I don't blame you, if you want I can bring Chinese, or a pizza over later...oh that reminds me! Last night, Ajax got his head in the fridge, and ate an entire pumpkin pie! Oh, and my father made a suggestion on some apartments we could buy...", as she babbled on about a life Eren was completely unfamiliar with, his mind wandered.
As he starred at her while she rambled...he couldn't help but envision it being Mikasa sitting across from him instead.
He pictured it in his mind...her beautiful black hair, her gorgeous dark eyes, and her smile...how she could talk about interesting books for hours.
Not to mention her wonderful singing voice...just her personality alone, Eren loved. How could somehow...so full of life and talent...be so ill?
He wanted to hold her in his arms...make her pain go away...
"Eren?", Historia raised her voice a bit then, snapping him out of his thoughts. Eren blinked, shaking her head. "Oh...what? Sorry...I spaced a bit", he admitted.
Historia's eyes softened, worried. "It's all right...", she assured, biting her lip. Eren looked down...still having not touched his food.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his mind off of Mikasa. And Mikasa couldn't get her mind off of him either.
As the week went on, both grew more and more miserable. Rubi entered Mikasa's room on Thursday morning, and saw her sister was still laying down.
Mikasa's pillow and scarf were wet with tears, as she hugged another pillow close to her chest, trembling. Rubi's eyes turned worried.
"Miki...sis you need to eat", she said fearfully, as she placed a hand to her sister's shoulder. "I'm not hungry...", Mikasa answered, her voice cracked. Rubi bit her lip.
"Sis...if you don't eat by tonight, I won't have a choice but to use a feeding tube, you know this", she pointed out, worriedly.
Mikasa didn't answer, not looking at Rubi. In the library, Eren and Historia were visiting again, but through most of it Eren spaced out during Historia's babbling.
He just gazed out the window...unable to get his mind off of Mikasa. He also could barely eat. It was fairly easy for them to avoid each other...Mikasa stayed in her room throughout the entire week.
There was a bathroom connected to each patient room of course. Mikasa refused to leave her room, so Eren and her didn't even accidentally run into each other.
When Sunday arrived, Mikasa was on bed rest. Rubi had to use a feeding tube, and plus extra fluids to keep her from hydrating.
Her sister's condition only seemed to worsen...and Rubi knew it was because she was losing will to live. And right now...a will to live was crucial for Mikasa.
Eren also had lost some weight, barely eating a thing. It was like the world had turned black and white...nothing made any sense anymore.
Without Mikasa...the world was meaningless to him. He was lost in it...nothing mattered to him anymore.
His visits with Historia were getting foggier and foggier too. Even visits from Armin were getting blurry.
Eren had taken the elevator up to the roof, where it was snowing gently outside. He wheeled toward the chain link fence, his eyes dark.
If he had...no meaning in his life...what the hell was the point of living? He didn't want to live if it was all an act, if it was all fake.
And that's just what his marriage to Historia would be...an act. He didn't want that...as it was he felt so lost.
He couldn't even remember his parents...it was like he was transported into a strange dimension or even a different planet, and everyone around him were aliens who didn't speak his language.
The only person who appeared human to him...and spoke what he spoke...was Mikasa.
Eren gripped the sides of his wheelchair, and went towards the stairs. They went inside, and there were several of them. Enough to cause serious damage if one was to fall down them.
He gripped the wheels, his mind blank, as he wheeled toward the first step. He then, let himself fall down the stairs roughly.
The sound of the wheelchair crashing was extremely loud, and he felt pain hit his ribs and legs, as he went down a second flight of stairs, before hitting the wall hard.
From the hard fall, he slipped into unconsciousness.
It didn't take long for someone to find him, and Rubi and Ymir, along with other doctors hurried him into the ER.
As he slept in the bed, hooked to an IV and heart monitor, Rubi sighed. "He damaged his legs further...and his ribs", she commented.
"Do you think he just fell?", asked Ymir. Rubi bit her lip, shaking her head. "No...I don't", she confessed.
"Suicide attempts are actually not uncommon in amnesia patients. They feel completely lost with no memory...", a male doctor explained.
After the doctors and nurses cleared out to let Eren rest, and to call Historia, his door opened slowly again. Mikasa stepped in, her heart beating fast.
She turned white, seeing him. She had heard the commotion, and realized it was about Eren. It was the first time she left her room in a week too.
"Eren...", her voice came out cracked, as she approached his bedside. Eren remained still unconscious. Mikasa bit her trembling lip, tears appearing in her eyes.
She sat down next to his bed, watching over him. She ignored the weak feeling in her body, along with her mild chest pains, not taking her eyes off of him.
"Why...why would you...do this?", she sobbed shakily. Rubi passed the room, and paused, seeing Mikasa in there.
She swallowed hard...deciding to leave it alone. She knew why Eren tried to kill himself...and she knew why Mikasa was starving herself.
They...needed to be together. "Eren?!", a voice came then. Rubi blinked, seeing Historia hurrying over. She then closed Eren's door.
"I'm sorry Historia...he took a long and hard fall on the stairs, he can't have visitors right now", she insisted then.
"It's that bad?!", cried Historia fearfully. "I'm afraid so...", Rubi led Historia away from the room...letting Eren and Mikasa be alone.
When the next morning arrived, Eren finally stirred. His head was foggy, and his legs hurt like hell. He slowly opened his eyes, noticing it was sun rise, very early.
His entire body felt sore from the fall, as he struggled to sit up. He winced, groaning, but managed. He blinked then, seeing Mikasa was sitting at his bedside.
She...was asleep. She had fallen asleep sitting up, still wearing her red scarf. Eren's eyes widened with worry...and at the same time relief.
She...was here. It felt like he would never see her again. Slowly, her eyes opened next. She stirred, looking exhausted.
She had dark circles under her eyes and appeared paler than usual. "Eren...?", she cried weakly then, in relief.
"Mikasa...please, get some sleep...you gotta be tired", Eren pleaded worriedly, gently taking her hand. Mikasa gave a weak smile.
"I'm okay...", she assured him weakly. There was a moment of silence.
Mikasa's eyes darkened a bit then, as she gripped his hand tightly. "Eren...why? Why would you...try to kill yourself?!", she cried.
Eren swallowed hard, looking down. "When I got your note...the world went black for me. It's like I said...nothing makes sense in this world...except you. Without you...my life is meaningless", he confessed.
Mikasa sniffed, tears appearing in her eyes. "You don't understand...!", she sobbed then, gripping onto his hand tightly now, lowering her head, pressing it to his shoulder. Eren froze, his heart sinking at her despair, but listened.
"Eren...I'm sick...I'm so...so very sick...it's my heart", Mikasa confessed then, tearfully. Eren's eyes widened. "Your heart...?", he asked, his voice coming out cracked.
"My heart is failing Eren...I need a transplant...but I'm on the waiting list. My sister and I...we don't have the money to have it done in time...I can't have it for another year...but..I know my body won't last to Spring...I'm dying..do you understand?", Mikasa asked him, shakily.
Eren was silent, his heart sunk to his gut at her words. Even though he had a feeling all along it was terminal...it didn't ease the shock. No...this couldn't...he wouldn't accept it. He refused to.
"Mikasa...", he then gently cupped her cheek. Mikasa blinked tearfully, lifting her head up and gazing into his eyes.
"That doesn't change a thing. I still love you...I love you so much that it hurts. And..I have faith. I know you can pull through..I'm going to fight for you to live...I promise", Eren told her.
Mikasa's heart skipped a beat, her eyes widening. "E-Eren...I love you...so much. My heart hasn't stopped aching at all...unless I'm close to you...I'm in pain...as crazy as that sounds...but...we can't...you have Historia...", she began.
Eren shook his head. "I don't love Historia! I...I can't even relate to her! She babbles about stuff I don't even understand, and I feel nothing for her. I tried to get to know her all week but...I was miserable without you...she literally got me a soccer ball for Christmas!", Eren gestured to his busted legs, causing Mikasa to actually give a tearful small laugh.
They fell quiet, gazing into each other's eyes. "I love you Mikasa...nothing will change that", Eren promised her.
Mikasa swallowed hard, and then she leaned forward. Their lips pressed against each other, and their kiss deepened. Mikasa wrapped her arms around Eren's neck, as Eren held her close.
They clung to each other like their lives depended on it, kissing passionately. A single tear fell down Mikasa's chin as they continued to kiss, as the sun rose outside.
