Chapter 3
Back in her dark, little bedroom, Sira was contemplating her feelings about Sirius. It had been a week since the Order meeting and she hadn't dared to go back to Grimmauld Place. Do I really love him? She constantly thought to herself.
Yes, you really love him.
I have just met him!
You LOVE him.
She had not thought about anything, nothing about the Order, nothing about her mission. She didn't even think about what she needed. Her thoughts seemed to plague her. She lay on her bed, gazing up at the ceiling, thinking what she should do. She needed to see him. She needed to talk to him.
I'll do it! I'll go back to Grimmauld Place!
With that thought in her head, she Disapparated.
There she was, on the doorstep of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. She knocked on the door and Remus Lupin answered the door. "Hello, Sira. Come in. I was just leaving." Her heart was pounding like it wanted to jump out of her chest.
"Hello, Remus," she said, trying not to sound nervous. "Where is Sir-?"
She saw him looking down at her from the top of the staircase. Her heart stopped pounding as she felt tears well up in her eyes. "Good-bye," Lupin said as he shut the front door.
"Sira," Sirius said so sweetly that she was on the verge of crying.
"Sirius, I… I." She couldn't speak more than that.
"Sira, I need to speak to you in private. If you don't mind, can we go to my room? I just don't want to be over heard."
"Yeah, sure." She couldn't say much more than that. She climbed up the stairs towards him and he led her with a smile to his room. He opened the door and politely ushered her in.
Gryffindor banners hung everywhere along with many pictures of motorcycles. He obviously decorated his room this way as a teen to make his parents mad. She didn't mind. She went over to his bed and sat down on the very edge and he sat down next to her. There was so much she wanted to say but she couldn't bring herself to say it. "Sirius." He looked at her and she hesitated a bit. "I have wanted to talk to you ever since I left her last week."
"So have I," he said gently.
"I need to tell you how I feel about you, Sirius," she said as her tears streaked down her face. She looked in his gray eyes. "I love you, Sirius Black," she whispered. He didn't look surprised at all; he just smiled and leaned close.
"I love you too, Sira Volkov," he whispered into her ear. Sira wanted to collapse and cry tears of joy but yet hold him close and never let go. "I couldn't believe how I felt after meeting you."
"I felt the same but I didn't want to come back. I thought that you would be angry at me because of what I am going to do for the Order."
"Oh, Sira," he whispered as he pulled her close and ran his fingers through her hair. "I wasn't angry at you; I was just surprised and concerned." She looked into his eyes. "Sira, please stop crying," he said as he wiped the tear from her face. All Sira wanted was to stay here in his arms. She never wanted to leave. She moved in even closer to him.
He cupped her face in his hands as his eyes whispered, 'I love you.' The longing welled up inside her. His lips met hers. She wanted this to last forever. She could feel the passion, the longing, the comfort and the strength in his kiss. His breath was hot in her mouth. All of her tension, her stress, and her apprehension melted away. All she could feel was her longing for him. Too soon, his lips parted from hers.
"I'm sorry, Sira," he said remorsefully as he moved away from her. "I shouldn't have done that. I, I got carried away."
"Sirius," she said as she gazed deeply in his gray eyes, "I feel like I have known you my whole life and, in these dark times, we may not have each other forever."
"I know, Sira," he whispered as he pulled her close and held her once more. "I know."
During the next two weeks, Sira never left Sirius' house. She decided that it was better to wait for Dumbledore's summon at the Order's headquarters than back at her house. Also, Sirius and her barely spent more than a second apart.
She sat on the sofa, where she first met Sirius, waiting. Something deep within her told her that today would be the day when she would get word from Dumbledore. She hoped that this feeling was wrong. Just then, Sirius walked into the room. "Hi," he said with a smile. He went to her and kissed her passionately.
"Well, hello," she giggled.
"What are you waiting for?" he asked as he sat down beside her and put his arm around her waist.
"Oh, just waiting for word from Dumbledore," she said smiling,
"You don't want to leave, do you?" he whispered into her ear.
"No, I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you."
"That's my girl," he said and then kissed her again. How she wished that she would never have to leave Sirius. She felt the same passion, the same longing in every kiss. Her heart fluttered whenever he walked into the room. She never wanted this to end, she never wanted to go, but she knew that, one day, she would have to. She would leave his handsome face, his gray eyes, and his loving smile someday, but she would never let his love leave her.
Then, someone knocked on the door. Sira's nerves flared in her chest. Oh, please, not now. She stood and walked over to the door. She opened it slowly. Standing there on the doorstep in black robes was Severus Snape.
"Hello, Sira," he snarled. Her heart was trying to beat out of her chest.
"Come in, Severus," she stated. Snape walked into the living room and she followed him.
"Oh, look, it is the dog, Sirius," Snape hissed as he smirked at Sirius.
"You can get out of this house!" Sirius barked at him and pointed towards the door.
"You know that Dumbledore wouldn't like that," he laughed. "I have an order from him," he glanced at Sira, "for her."
Crap, she yelled in her mind. I knew it! I knew it!
"So if I could to her, I'll be on my way," Snape said a little kinder. He headed towards the dining room and she knew she would have to follow. "Not so fast, Sirius," Snape growled as he sat in one of the chairs. "This is an order for Miss Volkov and Miss Volkov only." Sirius looked flustered as he turned and head for the staircase. Sira sat down across from Snape. "Now, Dumbledore's order. He wants you to be at Hogwarts tomorrow night at eight o' clock. From there, we, and by we, I mean, you and me, head to the Dark Lord. From there, you are on you own." He was smirking again and Sira just wanted to slap him for it. "Also, he wanted me to remind you to keep your mind closed. Got it?"
"Yes, Severus," she hissed. He stood and left the house. Footsteps came from the stairs and Sirius was in the room in a second.
"Sira," he panted. His soul was burning behind his eyes. "What did he say?" There was concern in his voice along with hatred and anger.
"Tomorrow night at eight o' clock, I am supposed to be at Hogwarts to start my mission," she said in monotone. He pulled her into his chest in a hug. She would miss the way he held her. She needed him, and he needed her. She looked up into his gray eyes that now looked desperate and concerned. She couldn't leave him.
A wave of exhaustion hit her and she almost collapsed in his arms. It was only seven in the evening. "Sirius, I'm sorry but I am exhausted."
"It's okay, Sira. If you want to you can sleep in my bed tonight, since we don't have a spare room open. I don't mind sleeping somewhere else."
"Thank you, Sirius," she said as he led her, more like carried her to his room. She could barely stand. He pulled back the covers and helped her into the bed. Once she was settled, he climbed into the bed to hold her. They were facing each other when Sira's vision started to blur. Sirius pulled her close and stroked her hair until she fell asleep.
He knew that she would have to go but he never thought of that when he was with her. He wanted to hold her in his arms every night until they both fell asleep. He never thought that she may be gone from his life forever.
"Sira, I love you," he whispered to her and then fell asleep.
