To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace.
It was a little silly, to think that was how the relationship started. At first, Keith didn't think he would like another person, and then he somehow fell for Lance. And of course, Lance doesn't reciprocate.
The time of unrequited love is the happiest.
Who on earth said this sentence?
Falling for Lance was one of the dumbest things he's ever done in his life. Funny how that was his first love, too. Then again, they have also said that first loves never work out. It always hurts a little more to be made fun of by someone you love, even if it was done with "love" and Keith was never one who could take teasing like it was meant to be taken.
It just… He just didn't like being made fun of. It reminded him too much of his young life. Of his childhood, of all the days following his father's death. Of being branded orphan and unwanted and unloved.
And then he slipped from the team like it was something. Like it was just growing pains for them, him pulling away, letting them down and leaving Shiro back in his rightful place: at the head of Voltron.
It hurt more to realize how much it worked.
And then everything else happened follow that… And then there was Matt.
Matt and his prodding; Matt and his caring about his life.
It was from then, that Keith felt.. different. Not that his decision to sacrifice himself weighed any less in the aftermath, but just.. yeah, a little lighter. A little more pep in his step. More energy when he wakes up. Maybe that was all he needed, to be told that he was needed and wanted and loved. For it to alleviate some ache he felt at not being asked to stay when he told them he needed to be on that mission to follow the strange supply chain.
Sometimes, what people want and what people need are two different things.
What Keith wanted was to escape the responsibility of being the Black Paladin. He wanted to stay the Red Paladin, wanted to go back to a time when everything was a lot more simpler.
What he needed was to be asked to stay. What he needed was to be told he was loved and needed, and that he would be missed dearly. Yeah, they said they would miss him… But being told you would be missed is not nearly the same as actually being missed. To miss is to yearn; to yearn is to seek that which calls your soul.
It was a little weird, then, that that was what he felt from Matt.
Not that Matt gave off any feeling that he would feel anything romantic toward him. They did only know of each other, after all. And maybe Keith was just digging a deeper hole for himself than when he had fallen for Lance, but it wasn't like one could control the feelings one gets.
Anyway, even without the intention of doing it, Matt gave him exactly what he needed, what had been missing in his soul.
The next time their paths crossed was a few days later.
Keith was surprised at it, actually. Because it seemed as if after Matt's confrontation, that their paths cross a lot more than just speaking on webcam about the next mission.
Then again, Keith could just be exaggerating, thinking up things that weren't making sense. Because of a lack thereof of upset team members, he knew Matt kept his promise and hasn't told the others about Keith's near-martyrdom. And for some reason, that solidified Keith's trust in him. And maybe one of the biggest reasons he admired Matt, or started to, is because of the way he reminded him of Shiro… Well, the old Shiro. The one that encouraged him to lead the team, the one who never gave up on him. He still believes in Shiro, but something is… off about the Shiro they got back.
Anyway.
Matt grins at him as he raises his eyes from the holopad he was reading.
"Hey. Looking better."
It was so… inconsequential, the way he greeted him. Small, simple, and for some reason Keith's heart soared. He grinned back, a little unsurely.
"Yeah, thanks.." He trails off as they come to a stop a foot or so away from each other and Keith had the distinct feeling to keep this conversation going, like there was something there to keep it going but Keith just couldn't put it into words.
"Did you read up on the new missions?" Matt asks instead. Keith shakes his head. "Cool, wanna go grab a drink and look it over together?"
God, he asked it so casually. It nearly left no room for Keith to decline. Of course, it wasn't overbearing and there was an out if Keith didn't want to do it, but…
"Sure." Keith replies, smile a bit more genuine as he pulls down the hood on his suit.
Matt slouches back against the couch in the common room, leg folded up on the edge of the couch as the holopad rests against his thigh. Keith sat next to him, near close enough to touch, looking over the holopad Matt has in front of them. Drink pouches in hand, Keith scrolls down when he needed to, Matt allowing him to scroll at his pace.
It was… nice.
Easy. Matt didn't have any kind of expectation of him. Or at least, it didn't seem like he did. To be accepted without exceptions was like a breath of fresh air.
"Cool, huh?" Matt grins, glancing to Keith as he reached the bottom of the report. "With Zarkon out of the way, insider information, and the rebel alliance growing, it seems like we'll finally be able to win this thing once and for all." Matt looks back to the holopad, scrolling through the information once again.
Of course, it only had information and missions the rebels would be on, not the Blades, and Keith wonders if he might be looking too much into it… Because why would Matt invite him to look over missions about his organization, which, more or less, have no overlapping missions with the Blades', other than to spend time with Keith? It was a dangerous thought. It gave him hope where there could be none. Matt could be just being nice, giving Keith a helping hand and support when it didn't seem like he had any of the support he needed at the Blade of Marmora. Sure, yeah, they support him… In that they have enough belief in him that he'd get the mission done. But, Keith thinks, and it could be his human side talking, but he needed more. He needed the support of someone who understands his struggle, who would place importance on life instead of mission.
Someone, it seems, who isn't Galra.
"Yeah.. And then you'll finally able to go home." Keith says lightly. And he wonders why he said you like he also wasn't able to go home. But.. He guesses, there was nothing waiting for him back on earth. His father is dead, his team is in space, and his mom is some Galra out in the universe doing god knows what. Matt raised a brow, glancing at him.
"You will, too." He says, simply, like it made all the sense in the universe. Keith smiles, feeling a tad bit warm in his heart.
"Yeah.."
The second time he ran into Matt after what he has been dubbing The Incident™ was a couple weeks later, after they had run some missions with Lotor's information. It had been relatively easy and painless. Voltron had been coming in hot and wrecking everything they needed to wreck to stall the empire's crumbling expanse.
Keith had been walking the halls of the castle, haven gotten in late that night to regroup and have a physical meeting with the team for later that morning. He didn't expect to come across Matt glaring a hole in the tiles of the hallway, completely in his own world.
"Matt, hey," Keith blinks as he passes, grabbing his elbow out of reflex before he passed too far. Matt jerked- not away, but out of surprise. Keith can't tell you why he felt compelled to reach out to him. Matt blinks, seeming to come to himself as he stares at Keith.
"Oh. Keith, hey." He smiles, but it's strained. "Sorry, didn't see you there. What's up?"
And Keith was never one for skirting around topics.
"Is something wrong?" Keith asks and Matt's eyes go wide with surprise for a moment before it falls into something easy.
"You could say that." Matt sighs. Keith turns to face him more fully, about to ask. "Lotor has information on my father... " He says, leaning back against the wall and folding his arms, glaring at the floor once again. "For whatever reason, Zarkon got ahold of that information and took him from the lab he was forced to work at…" Matt trails off. Keith stepped closer, lips pursed. ".. He wants to make a trade. My dad for Lotor."
Ah. There it was. The dilemma.
If they turn Lotor over, they would lose their leverage, not to mention the death of Lotor would dampen their plans for universal peace with Lotor as emperor. But then again, if they don't trade him, their father would stay at the mercy of the Galra. They might not kill him; a scientist is very valuable to the empire, after all, but he would no doubt be miserable. Keith leans on the wall next to Matt, half a foot away, shoulder pressed to the cold material.
"What are you gonna do?"
Matt sighs, losing his serious demeanor. He looked a lot younger when he does that, Keith notes. The fine lines at his eyes and the dark circles under his eyes seem just.. a little less. He was Shiro's age, Keith thinks. Maybe a few years younger.
"Pidge doesn't even wanna think about going for other plans. I mean, I get it. I want Dad back ASAP, too." Matt hums, raising his head to rest back against the wall instead of hang, staring at the tall ceilings. Keith's gaze follows his, wondering if he sees anything, before dropping to Matt's profile. "But Shiro has always had a weakness for unruly children." He says and Keith could hear the teasing in his voice. It was… Not as bad as he thought it would be. Though, he wonders if Matt was talking about Pidge, or himself, or if he even knew who Keith was before all this, if Shiro ever spoke about him to his peers and friends and colleagues. Matt chuckles, breaking Keith's thoughts, as Matt finally drops his gaze from the ceiling to Keith. "So, there like a 110% chance of us trading Lotor for Dad."
Keith smiles, giving a nod. "I'm glad you're getting your father back." Matt grins, turning to that he was also facing Keith, leaning his shoulder on the wall.
"Thanks. Me too. Although there's like a gajillion percent chance of being double-crossed. Cuz, ya know, it's Zarkon and whatever." Matt slouches, expressive in his posture. "Will you be there?" He asks, straightening up a bit in a normal stance, but still leaning against the wall. Keith paused, surprised.
"Uhh— me?" He blinks, completely floored. Why would Keith be there? "I— well, no…" He says unsurely. Matt smiled kindly, though, and it puts his anxiety somewhat at ease.
"Yeah, figured. Lots of Marmorite things to do, huh?"
"Marmorite..?" Keith furrows his brow, now getting confused by the second. Matt chuckles and nods.
"Yeah. That's what Lance calls you guys. It's kinda catchy, isn't it?"
Keith didn't know how to respond— or if he should or even could. Is having a crush supposed to be like this? Constantly feeling like your brain doesn't work? Briefly he wonders if it's not working because it's Matt, or because Lance was mentioned and he was still (kinda) getting over his crush? Maybe it was both.
Both sounded just about right.
"I— y-yeah. It kinda does." He finally settles on after a semi-long awkward period of silence for which Matt seemed completely immune to. Matt chuckles, letting his head rest against the wall and made his hair fluff up in the most ridiculous of manners that had Keith pursing his lips to keep from laughing.
"Haha, yeah." Matt sighs again, sounding a lot lighter than he previously was. "Too bad you can't come, though. We would've made a great team."
Keith swears, he stopped breathing.
His mouth drops just a tad, his brain stalled.
We make a great team.
Keith feels his face heat up, trying to stammer out a response that's semicoherant as his heart tries to find its way out of his chest.
"Keith!" Keith jumps, hearing the voice at the speaker of his suit. "Convene on the bridge."
"U-understood." He replies, glancing from Matt to the floor as if to not confuse him as to who he was talking to. When his eyes went back up to Matt, he was still casually leaning against the wall, a lazy smile on his lips and Keith's brain stutters to a halt once more. "Uh— sorry, I-I have to go.." Matt shrugs a shoulder, as if letting him know he understands and Keith's heart skips another beat before he pivots on his heel, closing his mask as he practically runs away.
What Keith see, though, was how Matt brought a hand up to cover his mouth in light amusement, eyes light.
"Adorable."
