Before we begin, I'd like to point out that to type up Zim's deliveries, I decided to use caps and italics to represent his yells and drawing out of words, respectively. Sometimes, I do both.
Back in the room, Lana scoffed, "That wasn't scary."
"She's right, dude." The group sees Luna, holding Lily, and Luan walk into the room, "That story was kinda weak."
Luan walked over to Leni and asked, "You know what is scary, though?" Leni shook her head and Luan pulled out a small box, which covered her right index finger, "This severed finger!"
She removed the lid on the box, showing what appeared to be a bloody severed finger.
"AHHHHH!" Leni jumped up and ran off, running into the door frame before running down the stairs, "AHHHHH!" She ran into the door and opened it, running off again as she kept screaming, "AHHHHH!"
After that, Lily grabbed the finger and suckled on it, making Luan pull back and remove her finger from the box, "Ew, ew! Baby spit!"
As she wiped her finger using her shirt, Lori popped her head in, "Luan, did you scare Leni again?!"
Luan hesitated and shrugged, "Maybe."
Lori rolled her eyes and walked down the stairs, "I'll go after her."
Lincoln grabbed the flashlight and said, "OK, now that Lynn's story is out of the way," He pointed the light to his face, "It's time for my own macabre tale, which I call…"Lightning flashes, showing the title of the next story, "Hungry are the Danged!"
One summer evening, the Loud's were gathered in the backyard as they set up for an outdoor barbeque dinner. Rita, Lori, and Leni were setting up the table, Lynn Sr. was showing Lincoln how to man the grill, and all the other Loud's looking at the stars as Luna strums on her acoustic guitar.
Lori was swatting at the many flies and mosquitoes, "Dad, will you do something?! There's literally hundreds of bugs!"
"Not to worry, honey! Just let Papa turn on the trusty ol' bug zapper." Lynn Sr. turns it on and walks away to grab the lighter fluid from the table. As he had his back turned, the zapper gave off a big zap and what sounding like a pained groan, "WHOA! That was a big momma!"
After, he took the lighter fluid and began to cover the charcoal in it, with Lincoln concerned over the amount he was using, "Uh, Dad, are you sure you're not using too much?"
"Oh, relax, son! I've been grilling my whole life! I think I know what I'm doing." Lynn Sr. gives the fluid one last squeeze and tosses it aside, "I tell you, son, there's nothing better than a hamburger," He lights a match and tosses it, "Grilled to perfection…" The match caused a giant mushroom cloud to erupt into the night sky.
Lynn saw it and laughed, "Cool!"
"LOUDS!" Mr. Grouse pokes his head out the window and shakes his fist, "Watch the fireworks! Remember the last time you people had a barbeque!?"
Lynn Sr. apologized, "Sorry, Mr. Grouse!"
As Lisa was chewing upon a piece of wheatgrass, Lola pointed to the sky, "And that one?"
"That is Canis Major, aka the Big Dog. You can tell, because it possesses the brightest star in the night sky: Sirius."
Luan joked, "Well, it Sirius-ly is bright! Hahahahaha! Get it?"
All of her siblings groaned at this, and Lana remarks, "You sure, Lisa? Cause that big, glowly star is pretty bright."
Lisa gasped, the wheatgrass falling from her mouth as she sat up, "That's no star."
Just over, there was a giant UFO in the sky, which looked like The Massive from Invader Zim, only about half the size. As it made its way down, emitting a green aura around the family, the Loud's look on in shock, but Lisa looked on in glee, "Ooooh! Where's my camera when I need it?!"
Leni walked up, typing on her phone, "Hey, guys! You gotta see this cute dress I found onli..." Leni finally looked up, dropping her phone and staring in awe.
Out of nowhere, many lights emitted from the UFO, sucking each of the Loud's into their own little beam and bringing them upward. All of them were screaming in terror, with Lily crying.
Lincoln screamed, "WE'RE BEING ABDUCTED!"
Lisa grinned, "I KNOW! ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?!"
Lori screamed, "I LITERALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!"
After everyone goes into the ship, it flies off. Mr. Grouse pokes his head out again, "LOUDS! I thought I told you to…" He notices there are no longer in the backyard, "Eh. Nevermind."
Once the ship was in outer space, the Loud's were together on the ship, quivering and huddled together in fear. Lisa, however, was jumping up and down in sheer joy. A strange green alien approached them, speaking in a strange voice, "GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS! I am ZIM!" He tells them, "Do not be frightened. I mean you no harm."
Rita stuttered, "Y-you… y-y-you speak English."
Zim chuckled, "Actually, I am speaking Irken. By an astonishing coincidence, our languages are exactly the same."
Lincoln asked, "Well, what are you going to do to us?"
Zim explained as Gir, his robot assistant appeared, "Gir and I are going to take you to the planet Irk! A world of infinite delights to tantalize your senses and challenge your intellectual limitations."
Gir shouted, "WE ABDUCTED YOU!" He walks over to Lisa and asks, "Will you be our new friends?"
Lisa approached Zim, "Look, we know that to you, us Loud's are a lower order of life. We face that prejudice every day of our lives. But we are happy on our little planet." She drops to her knees, "We throw ourselves on your mercy! Please, return us to…"
Lisa was cut off by a table appearing before the family and Zim announcing, "DINNER TIME!"
The Loud's smiled, with Lynn saying, "Whoa! Get a load of that spread!"
"Here you go, Earthlings. Take all you want but eat all you take."
Rita thanked, "Oh, well, thank you, Mister… Zim, was it?"
Zim ordered, "GIR! Remove the lids!"
Gir turned red and saluted, "At once, oh master!" He jumped onto the table, doing his famous Duty Mode moves, before turning back to blue and removed the lids one at a time.
Each plate had their favorite foods on it, which they all happily announced.
Lisa smiled, "Sardines!"
Luna grinned, "Bangers and mash!" She threw up the goats and said in her accent, "Rockin'!"
Lincoln smiled, "Chicken nuggets!"
Lynn Sr. laughed, "And goulash!"
Rita gasped, "Oh, my. Radish rosettes! These are very hard to make. You really are an advanced race."
Zim told them, "Come, Earthlings. EAT! GROW LARGE with food."
The Loud's began to eat, with Lisa commenting, "There's something not quite right about this."
Lincoln nods, "I see what you mean, sis." Lincoln asked, "Could I get some barbecue sauce for these nuggets?"
Gir nodded and ran off. Zim stayed and stared at the Loud parent's, drooling the entire time.
Lynn Sr. asks, "What are you looking at?"
Zim chuckled, "My apologizes. I was just admiring your wife. She's quite the dish."
Rita gasped, "Oh!" She blushed and gave a girlish giggle, "Why, thank you."
Zim looked at the Loud girls and commented, "I see where your daughters get it from." This made all of them also blush and giggle. He looks to Lincoln, "Not sure where he got his from."
Lincoln glared, "What's that supposed to mean?!"
Later on, Lisa and Lincoln look out the ship's window into Outer Space, both looking as though they couldn't shake off a strange feeling.
They see their family beside a huge TV, with Zim telling them, "It is our great pleasure to provide you with unlimited entertainment on your… intergalactic journey." The TV turns on, showing an episode of ARRRGH! "We get over a MILLION channels from the far reaches of the GALAXY!"
Lynn asked, "Do you get HBO?"
Zim bluntly answered, "No, that would cost extra." He shows them over to another screen, showing a game of Tetris, "Here's our achievement in amusement technology. It is a game where you fill up different geometric shapes in a finite area, and each…"
Lincoln cut him off, "Hey, wait a minute; that's just Tetris! Get with the times!"
Lynn Sr. joked, "Rita and I played that old game before we were even married."
Zim defended, "Well, I did build this spaceship you know. RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE FROM A SPECIES THAT HAS MASTERD INTERGALACTIC TRAVEL!" Zim raised his hand, and so did Gir. The Loud's didn't raise their hands, probably so as not to offend him any further. However, Lynn raised hers, which prompted her mother to slap it. She quickly got the message and brought her hand down.
"Yeah. I thought so."
Rita apologized, "We're sorry. Your game is very nice."
Zim shouted, "I know that! Don't tell me things I already know!"
This made Rita give an uncomfortable look.
Gir wheeled in a cart of food, and Zim tells the family, "Dinner time."
Lisa asked, "Hey, wait a minute. How come we never see you eat?"
Lincoln got suspicious and asked, "Hey, that's right! Why don't you eat?"
Zim, drooling again, explained, "Oh, uh… I wish not to spoil my appetite for… the Great Feast when we land on Irk."
Gir removed the trays, and the angle made it look like the Loud's had their heads literally on a platter. Lynn Sr. smiled, "Oooh! The Great Feast?"
Rita asked, "Will we be invited?"
"Oh, you'll be at the feast. I have a feeling you'll be the… guests of honor."
Zim and Gir shared a laugh, with Zim's sounded evil and maniacal, but Gir's sounding like genuine laughter.
Lynn Sr. asked, "Tell us more about this feast."
"NO! Eat now! When we arrive, there will be plenty of time to… chew the fat."
Zim and Gir laugh once more, and while the Loud's eat, Lisa looks on with a look of suspicion.
Later, the Loud's were in line to step on a scale, with Lincoln stepping on and Zim remarking, "Very good, Earth boy, very good." As he steps off, Zim orders, "NEXT!" Rita steps on the scale and Zim observes how large she apparently was, "My, my, Mrs. Loud! Fat and healthy, I see!"
Rita was alarmed by the weight, "Dang it!"
"No, no! No cause for alarm! I like my Earth women with a little… meat on them."
Lynn Sr. showed up behind her and hugged his wife, "So do I." He kisses her cheek, making Rita laugh and blush.
Lisa walks over to her brother and whispers, "Are you as suspicious as I am?"
Lincoln nods, "I think it's time for a little investigating."
Lisa and Lincoln go off into the spaceship and approach a door. Lisa presses a button, opening to reveal the kitchen. They both hide out of sight as Gir cooks away, singing, "Cooking, cooking, cooking food! Make tasty food for humans! Make them nice and fat! Give them the perfect flavor! Doo!" He picks up the pot he was stirring and walks away, leaving a cook book on the counter. Lincoln quickly retrieves it and reads it, along with Lisa. Both gasp at the title of the book: HOW TO COOK HUMANS!
Lincoln and Lisa make their way to their family, who were currently eating a huge spaghetti dinner.
Lincoln shouted, "STOP!"
Lisa explains, "Do you people understand the seriousness of our situation! These astronomic interlopers are subjecting us to an increasing of our biological mass so they can devour our very beings!"
The Loud's merely looked on in confusion, Lana slurping up some spaghetti and burping.
Lincoln translated, "They're fattening us up so they can eat us!"
The family understood this and seemed quite skeptical about this.
Lisa brandished the book, "If you don't believe us," She shows the title to them, "Then just look at this book we found!"
They all gasped, both from the book, and from Zim standing behind Lincoln and Lisa.
The family promptly spat out the food they were eating and Lynn Sr. shouted, "They're right!"
Zim commented, "Humans, you have stopped eating."
Lynn Sr. approaches the little green man, "Now listen here, you creepy little spaceman! Nobody, but nobody, eats the Loud's!"
"I beg your pardon?"
Lola pointed at Zim, "Don't play dumb with us!"
Lori explained, "We found your little "human recipe book"!"
Zim grabs the book, "Oh? You mean this?" He laughs, "Just a harmless little cook book. It's just a bit dusty." He blows on the cover and shows the new title: HOW TO COOK FOR HUMANS, "See?"
This made the Loud's sigh in relief, only for Lisa to look closer at the book, "Wait a minute!" She blows on it and points, "AHA!" The title now said HOW TO COOK FORTY HUMANS!
The family all gasped, but Zim realized, "Hold on! There's still a little bit of space dust on here." He blows one more time, and the final title read HOW TO COOK FOR FORTY HUMANS. As they sighed again, Zim asked, "Wait a minute. You people thought I was going to EAT YOU?!" He glares, "Is this some kind of sick joke?! I am an INVADER! My job is to invade planets, not eat its inhabitants!"
Lincoln asked, "Then why were you trying to make us eat all the time?"
Zim shouted, "MAKE YOU EAT?! I merely provided you all with a sumptuous BANQUET! And quite frankly, you people made PIGS OF YOURSELVES!"
Gir started to cry, "I slaved over a hot stove for days for you all, and this is the thanks I get?!"
As tears poured out of the little robot's eyes, Zim scolded, "Well, if you wanted to make Gir cry, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! It's not like you humans are the only beings in the universe with emotions, you know!"
Back in the Loud's backyard, the UFO opened up to make the Loud's walk down the stairs that led to the ground.
Mr. Grouse shouted again, "THAT'S IT, LOUD'S! I…" He sees the UFO, "Aye-aye-aye-aye-AYE!" He went back inside and closed the window.
As the Loud's exited and stood in the backyard, Zim said some parting words, "We offered you paradise. You would have experienced emotions greater than what you call love and greater than what you call FUN! You would have been treated like GODS and lived forever in beauty. But, now, because of your distrustful nature, that can never be."
Rita groaned, "For a superior lifeform, he sure does love to rub it in."
As the UFO took off, Lisa said, "There were monsters on that ship."
Lincoln added, "And we were them."
Rita tells her second-youngest and middle child, "You see why we say you both are too smart for your own good?"
As the scene floats off into the night sky, the Loud kids kept on riding the two.
Luna frowned, "Way to go, dudes."
Lori added, "You literally ruined our chance at paradise."
Lola added, "We could've been Gods!"
Lynn added, "Thanks again for screwing things up, Lincoln!"
Lucy added, "You, too, Lisa."
Lincoln and Lisa both groaned at this.
For those curious, I kept the scolding end both for accuracy and, since Lincoln was telling the story, it could be seen as a way of him passive aggressively telling his siblings how much of a butt monkey they make him out to be. After all, half the fanbase seems to love making the sisters out to be abusive and hateful towards Lincoln, which is total bull, but different strokes and such.
Hope you enjoyed and I hope you join me next time for the thrilling conclusion!
