Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to write a review. I love hearing your feedback! Here is part 3! Mistakes are mine and I don't own glee. Enjoy!


Finn is nervous going into tonight's meeting. He hasn't spoken to Rachel at all and he's worried she's not going to come. He walks in to see her sitting in her normal chair and feels relieved. Finn heads to his normal seat but Rachel calls his name and pats the seat next to her. Not questioning this break in routine, he sits down quickly before the meeting begins.

Mr. Scott gives them an assignment to help with closure. Several of them are struggling with this so he makes it a group wide thing. Everyone is to make a memory box of their lost loved one, putting only the most important things in it. He stressed to them that objects aren't memories and that you don't need to save everything that person ever owned to make their legacy valid. Finn pictures his closet full of Krista's clothes and it makes him want to vomit.

The usual people participate and Finn even tells everyone about the new face Janie makes that reminds him of Krista. He only sheds a few tears and is able to smile through it. Progress for him.

Mr. Scott asks if anyone else has anything to say and Rachel raises her hand. Finn turns to her and grabs her other hand tightly, realizing what she's about to do. She nods to him, indicating she is okay and begins.

"I want to tell you about my son Ben." Rachel says quietly. "He was the light of my life and at the age of 3.5 he died. And it was my fault."

Mrs. Martin let's out a tiny gasp at Rachel's words, but the rest of the group sits intently waiting for her to continue. Sad and tragic stories are the norm in this group, so no one is ever disrespectful. It is what it is.

"I was late for rehearsal. So so late. My husband had a meeting across town last minute so I had to get Ben to my parent's house before I got to work myself." Her voice grew shaky as she continued.

"Ben loved cars, trains, buses, you name it. Every time we walked through the city he would make me push the stroller towards the curb so he could watch them go by as we waited to cross the street. Except this day I didn't have the stroller because I wasn't supposed to be picking him up from school. "

The group listened closely to her words, knowing that every one of them meant something dearly to her. Finn continued to hold her hand tight, fearing she would melt away once the words finally left her mouth.

"I was carrying him but he was so heavy. He was very tall for his age and a solid boy," she giggles softly. "I had both my giant work bag and his backpack on either arm. He was squirming to get down so when we stopped at the corner to cross I put him down to readjust the bags. It was literally just a few seconds…" Rachel stopped to catch her breath before she continued. Finn squeezes her hand for reassurance and closes his eyes to prepare for what's to come.

"He….he stepped into the street and the car didn't see him. It happened so fast. It was all my fault. If I hadn't put him down he would still be here." Rachel broke down and those were the last words she could squeeze out before the sobs took over. Finn felt like he was going to be sick but pulled her into his side as she continued to sob.

Mrs. Martin came from across the room and knelt down in front of Rachel. "Listen to me sweetheart," she said as she rubbed Rachel's knee, "It's not your fault. It was an accident. You loved that little boy and no one here doubts that. Just let it out. Let it all out."

Rachel began to cry so hard she was no longer making sounds. Just a silent cry to the universe full of pain. She runs to the trashcan and gets sick while Finn holds her hair back. He wishes he could scoop her up and take away her pain.

Everyone stays until Rachel had calms down, a sign of respect for all those who grieve. Finn shoots Kurt a text saying he will be late tonight and he offers to take Rachel home. She was in no state to take care of herself.

They walked in silence as they usually do, except this time Rachel was snugly walking under his arm with her hand clutching his shirt.

"I'm proud of you Rachel. You're so brave."

"I don't feel that way," she says as she wraps her arms around Finn's side.

"Well you are," Finn replies.

Once inside her apartment Finn was unsure of what to do. Should he stay? Make her something to eat? He didn't want her to be alone.

"Rachel can I call someone for you? Your dad maybe?"

Rachel set her stuff down on the cool granite counter in the kitchen. "No. He'll just hover over me and my mom can't deal. I'll be ok. You were right, it did feel good telling my story. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner."

"Rachel don't apologize. It's not my timeline, it's yours. Can I ask though, you said you have a husband? Where is he?"

Rachel sighed as she sat down at the kitchen table, crossing her legs beneath her. "He left. Two months after Ben died he told me he wanted a divorce and he left. He blamed me for Ben's death and he just couldn't deal."

Finn tried to hide the appalled look on his face, but he was always a terrible liar.

"I know," Rachel said acknowledging the questions on his face, "but I can't really blame him. It was my fault Finn. No matter what anyone says, Ben died in my care. However, the abandonment I felt on top of my grief is what pushed me over the edge. At least with Steve around I felt some connection to my old life before Ben. When he left I was nothing."

Finn sat down across from Rachel and grabbed her hands in his. "Rachel it's not okay and it's not your fault. It was an accident and your husband shouldn't have left."

"Grief does funny things to a person Finn. No one knows how they'll react until it happens to them. Steve left and now I realize he probably wouldn't have been any help to me, but at the time I wanted to die. I sat in this apartment and thought about all of the ways I could do it. End my pain and be done. For some reason I just couldn't follow through."

Finn takes a deep breath in and breathes out hard. "I'm glad you decided to stay."


He finds an old gift box, probably from a wedding gift, and scribbles "Krista" on the top of it. He's working on Mr. Scott's assignment of making a keepsake box of memories. His mom had called earlier and he told her about what he needed to do. She cried. Then he called Krista's parents saying he was going to start sorting through her stuff if they wanted to help him. They cried too but said he could go through it first and they would help with the rest.

Finn finds himself once again staring at the closet full of her clothes and shoes. He decides to save the shirt she wore when she told him she was pregnant. Janie would love that story when she was older. He places her wedding ring, a photo of their first vacation together, and a bottle of her perfume in next.

He struggles with what else to put in. How can you sum up how wonderful a person was into one tiny box? He knows that's the point of the assignment, to show that objects don't represent a person. The trouble was, everything reminded him of her. He wanted to shove her entire life into this box and save it forever.

Janie wakes up and he lets her play in his bedroom while he rummages through the closet. She tries to put on a pair of Krista's heels and it's the cutest fucking thing he's ever seen. She has a bright red heel in her hands and squeals as she tries to put her tiny foot into it. She's so smart already, Finn thinks to himself. He snaps a pic on his phone to remember it by.

Finn knows he has to save Krista's wedding dress for Janie. She might not use it but she'll never know her mom except through these things and that's a big one. The trouble is every article of clothing, every piece of jewelry, it all holds a story. There are the running shoes she wore when they decided to do a Bubble Run and they both cried with laughter when they finished the race looking like they had taken a bath fully clothed. Finn found her favorite black dress she used to wear only on special date nights. Those usually ended with Finn ripping the dress off at the end of the night.

He shoots Rachel a text to see if she's worked on hers. She only has the box ready she tells him. He asks her to come over to help him so she does.

He leads her to the bedroom when she arrives. His mom had originally offered to help, but for some reason it's easier to do this with someone who didn't know Krista at all. Rachel could be objective, his mom could not.

Finn shows her what's in the box and explains to her what each item means. He waits for her reaction hoping she would like what he picked. Rachel always tells the truth.

"It's a good start Finn. I mean this is for you, but also for Janie too when she's old enough to understand. I don't even know where to begin with Ben's box." Rachel sits on the edge of the bed as Janie crawls up to her and pats her leg. "Hi Janie! Did you just notice I was here?"

Janie pats her leg again in response.

"I think she wants you to pick her up," Finn laughed.

Rachel swoops her up above her head and Janie giggles as she reaches for Rachel's face. Sometimes Rachel doesn't want to get close to Janie, or anyone, because ultimately it sets her up for heartbreak and sadness. Soon Janie squirms to be put down.

"Yeah this is her new thing. You pick her up and she wants back down. I only have to do it about 100 times a day." Finn rolls his eyes and Rachel laughs and somehow this sad situation seems normal.

"Yeah Ben did that for a while. It's like they can't make up their minds because they are so busy moving around and discovering things."

Finn notices a faint smile on Rachel's lips as she says this. He's never seen her talk about Ben and be remotely happy about it. Maybe her speaking at the meeting offered her some relief from her pain, even if temporary.

They end up back at Rachel's apartment later in the day. He offered to help her with Ben's memory box too, since it's not the easiest task. They walk into Ben's room and he places Janie on the floor.

"Oh is it okay if she crawls around in here while we work?" Finn asks, not wanting to upset her.

"Yes it is. Ben loved having kids over. Now help me decide what to put in here." Rachel pulls his box off the dresser. Ben's box is way more detailed than Krista's box. It's navy blue with all types of vehicles drawn all over it and BEN written in yellow across the top. "Don't ask. I have a lot of free time just sitting in the house all day. I wanted it to be perfect."

Finn sits down next to Janie who has found a truck and is throwing it on the ground over and over. "Well what were his favorites? Or what will you remember him most by?"

Rachel walks over to the bed where she picks up a tattered lovey. It's light blue in color and a terry cloth material. She holds it up for Finn to see. "It's his Lion," she tells him rubbing the Lion's head. "He loved that it had a Lion head but a blanket for a body. Bed would rub the edges under his nose at night to fall asleep." Tears form in her eyes as she speaks, but she doesn't let the sorrow overcome her. "He was always asleep within five minute if he had this."

"Well that's a good place to start then isn't it?"

Rachel brings the lovey up to her nose and inhales. Sometimes she can still smell him even after all this time. She lays the lion gently at the bottom of the box and wipes a tear falling on her cheek. "Okay let me think of what else I can put in here."

The two work together and talk things out. Rachel puts his two favorite trucks inside and a train they got from a souvenir shop in Times Square. She chooses his favorite blue footie pajamas covered in pictures of cars in as well. He insisted on wearing them nightly and was so sad if they were dirty.

Rachel sits down with Janie and Finn when she decides to take a break. Janie climbs into her lap holding the same truck she was throwing earlier. Rachel rubs Janie's curls and kisses the top of her head. "It feels good to have a baby in the house again. It's just always quiet in here. At first I needed the quiet, but then it just became a reminder of what I no longer had."

Finn looks around the room at everything Ben once had in here. "What will you do with all of this Rachel? It's not healthy to have this shrine to him in here. Mr. Scott said -"

"I know what Mr. Scott said," Rachel interrupts. "I honestly don't know. I know this is holding me back but the thought of just giving it away makes me want to throw up."

Finn reaches over to rub her arm. "Hey, just relax, No one said you have to do it today. Would his dad want any of it?"

"I haven't heard from his dad in over a year. He took some pictures when he left but I wouldn't even want to contact him. I'll have my parents call him if anything." She places Janie back on the floor and begins to rummage through the dresser of clothes.

"You know he shouldn't have left Rachel. You were both hurting and he should have helped you."

She stops what she's doing and turns around. "He couldn't help me Finn. No one could."

"I wouldn't have left," he tells her.

"I know."


Two weeks before Janie's first birthday Finn gets a promotion at work. He pats himself on the back because he managed to keep his shit together with a newborn baby and his wife dying. He didn't know he had it in him that day Krista died. He's come so far but he still misses her every single day.

After picking Janie up from daycare he picks up takeout and heads home. She's trying to walk now and eating out is almost impossible since she never sits still. He texts Rachel because that's what they do. Now the texts aren't just about sadness, they include happier things. She's texts back that she's so happy for him and that she has news too. He invites her over.

When she arrives Janie says "hi" in her cute voice as Rachel walks in. "Well hello Janie!" she replies. Finn hasn't ever seen her like this. She almost seemed...happy.

"Finn I am so happy for your promotion! I know you deserve it! You kept it together for you and Janie and you should be proud."

He beams at her words because he is proud and he never thought a year ago this is where he'd be. "So what's your news? You've never had any to share before so I'm excited!"

She blushes as she sits on the couch, Janie immediately crawling over to her and pulling herself up on her pant legs. "Well, I think I'm going to go back to work."

They had talked about her career over the past few weeks. She opened up to him about her career on Broadway that so abruptly ended when Ben died. Her understudy had taken over and she never stepped foot back in a theater again.

Finn hugs Rachel so tight because he knows what a big deal this is for her. She spent the better part of two years barely hanging on, so seeing her like this made him so happy for her. "I'm so proud of you Rach. Really. This is huge and I can tell you feel good about it."

Janie smiles up at them and points to Rachel. "Rach?" Janie asks.

"Yes, that's Rach Janie! Good job!"


Finn invites Rachel and Mrs. Martin to Janie's first birthday party. They know it will be a tough day for him because the day his daughter turns 1 is the one year anniversary of his wife's death. They both offer to take over if he needs a minute to breathe.

Krista's parents had come into town last weekend to celebrate with Janie. They've been nothing but supportive and appreciate Finn keeping them in the loop just as their daughter would have. He lets them go through Krista's things and they take a few items, but leave many. He still hasn't decided what to do with all of the boxes in his bedroom that now contain her things.

Carol and Burt came into town for the occasion. His mom still cried a lot about Krista but now they were more of happy tears of how much Janie looked and acted like her. Kurt and Blaine came too, because they had basically saved him this year by babysitting while he went to his meetings. He felt really lucky today in a weird way. So many people had helped him get to this point.

He dresses Janie in her pink tutu and white shirt with a pink number 1 on it. Krista would have loved it. He's trying his best to make today a happy one. Maybe later he'll visit Krista's grave, he hasn't decided yet.

The party is small but Janie loves all of the attention she's getting. They discover Janie loves to open presents and rip the paper off. She claps every time she rips a little piece off, so of course the crowd also claps for her.

His mom and Burt bought her a little pink doll stroller to push around with her first baby in it. She still isn't walking but she can toddle behind the stroller with ease. Finn is so proud of her.

He finds himself constantly checking to see how Rachel is during the party. He knows this must be hard for her, but he sees her chatting with his mom and she's smiling so he hopes she's okay. "Smile and Nod" is what she told him and that's exactly what she was doing now. Carole reaches out towards Rachel and they hug for longer than usual. When they pull away they are both a little teary and she hopes his mom didn't upset her. He walks over to them slowly.

"Everything okay over here?" he asks reluctantly.

Rachel wipes a tear from her eye. "Oh yes. Your mom was just talking with me about some things and we got emotional. It's fine really." She smiles at Carole and they glance at each other and Carole walks away.

"Are you sure? Did she upset you? She tends to cry a lot over stuff."

Rachel reaches out to touch Finn's arm. "Yes, your mother is very sweet Finn. I promise I'm not upset at all. I'm really trying hard to focus on the good now."

Finn feels relieved and Rachel squeezes his forearm as she heads over to talk to Kurt and Blaine. They seem to be hitting it off as well and he thinks it's good they can talk to Rachel about her Broadway career. She's told him about her upcoming auditions and the sparkle in her eye is slowly coming back.

They sing happy birthday and Janie smashes her cake all over her face. She licks the frosting off of her hand and it gets in her curls and she'll definitely need a bath ASAP. Rachel and Carole clap while Burt snaps pictures. He feels his heart twist a little as he notices the lack of Krista's presence.

Kurt and Blaine give Janie a bath while his parents help him clean up. Rachel announces she has to head home because she has an audition in the morning. She and Carole hug one last time before Finn walks her to the door to wish her good luck.

"What is it they say? Break a leg?" He smirks as he gives her a hug. "Good luck tomorrow Rach and please let me know how it goes."

Rachel pulls away slowly. "Of course I will Finn! You'll be the first one I call, after my parents of course." Rachel pulls her bag over her shoulder and smooths out her shirt. "Thanks for inviting me Finn. Your family is great and it was really nice to do something out of the house."

As he walks back inside his mom is crying again, but he doesn't know why.

"Oh Finn, Rachel is such a nice girl."

"Mom stop, it's not like that. I've told you all before we are just friends."

His mom rolls her eyes as she wipes her tears. "No one would be mad if it was more. I promise."

Finn shakes the thought from his head because today is the anniversary of his wife's death and it's weird that his mom is saying this stuff to him right now. A year ago she was worried Finn would be able to function on his own and now she's trying to tell him to date Rachel.

Before bed he reads Janie this book his mom made with pictures of Krista in it. They've been reading it every night for a month. Tonight though, Janie studies the pictures closer than usual and says "mama". Finn tries to hold back the sob that wants to escape his throat for fear of scaring Janie. He swallows hard, but the tears flow anyways because his daughter only knows her mom through pictures in a book. Janie doesn't notice and keeps patting the picture and babbling "mamamamamama" over and over.

Finn doesn't go visit Krista's gave. Instead he gets her memory box out. He opens the lid slowly, releasing the scent of her perfume. He picks up her wedding ring rubbing his fingers through the cool metal. He remembers how long it took him to pick out the perfect ring. She wanted a plain princess cut solitaire but he had to make sure it was the best one he could find. Finn slips it on his pinkie finger and imagines it's her hand instead. He leans back onto his pillow reflecting on the past year and his little girl sleeping in the next room.


Part 4 should be up within the next couple of days. I hope everyone is liking this! It's one of my favorite things I've written so far :)