Sitting On The Baby By HPOD sufferer
Date: Saturday, 20th May, 5:49PM
Rating: K+ (Scary and Supernatural themes may scare young children, includes character death)
Summary: Sirius bounded into the compartment, making to sink into the seat next to Lily. The seat in which a sleeping baby...well, slept.Eyes popping, James grabbed his friend's wrists, stopping him from sitting. Sirius Black was frozen in a strange, half-sitting, half-standing position. Lily grabbed the baby quickly, and James released his friend."You know," said Lily " Baby sitting doesn't usually consist of actually sitting on the baby."
A baby has appeared. Where from? Why? Who does the baby belong to? Harry travels to Marauder Era. AS A BABY! Something went seriously wrong on that Halloween night.
Chapter 3:The Start Of What Was
Children are a lovely thing, they smell and they pee,
They throw food, and they wail like a banshee.
They create havoc, and easily confuse,
When caring for a babe, it is easy to amuse.
Toddlers will shock you, they will excite,
But be sure of one thing: everything will be alright.
Lily had Huffed. Lily had puffed. Lily had snorted, stamped, glared, blushed, pleaded, was polite and reasoned.
Look where it got her.
"Purple Pog," she grumbled at the fat lady, who nodded and swung open.
Crawling through the portrait hole with a baby in your arms is not easy. Especially when you can feel the breath of James Potter on your backside. "Will you move back!" she shouted, as she tumbled into the common room. That was how she found the whole of Gryffindor gawping at her. Harry tweaked her nose.
"Mummy wikes daddy! Hawwy want bed. Daddy and mummy kissy Hawwy!" He chuckled.
Lily held his hands as she walked, purple-faced, to the bottom step that lead to the girl's dorm.
"Hey, Lils!"
Lily turned, her eyes narrowed at Potter. "Yes?" She ground out through gritted teeth. The black-haired boy suddenly seemed shy and nervous.
"Um...I'd just...I mean, I think..."
"Get on with it, he need's a diaper change!" Lily growled, holding the smelly baby away from her person.
"I'm sorry!" James blurted out. Lily's head tilted in a 'yeah right' way. "Really I am! I didn't know it was going to end up...like this!" James poked the baby, which howled.
"Yeah, well-it did!" Lily cried, frustration evident on her face.
"Look..." James began, running his hand through his hair. Lily's nose wrinkled, and his hand fell limp to his side, and James blushed. "Why don't we work this out. I'm sure Dumbledore will find his parents soon enough, and then it'll all be over. Plus, it is our responsibility. So can we please just work together-for Harry's sake?"
The guilt card worked nicely. Lily sighed. "Okay, we'll take it in turns. I'll have him tonight, you tomorrow, me the next day and et cetera."
"Thanks, you're a gem Lily." James said, smiling and walking away confidently, with a small swagger due to the fact that he had talked to Lily.
As Lily walked up the stairs, she said to the baby "You stink!"
"Hawwy want daddy kissy!" the baby cried. Lily rolled her eyes.
"Daddy's not here, silly!" Harry glared at her.
"Is twoo."
"Is not."
"Is twoo."
"Hey Lily!" Lily turned, ready to storm at the person to see her friend, Alice, holding a bag. "McGonagall gave me this-told me you would need it."
Lily took the bag, half grateful, half apprehensive. She opened it to see...diapers, baby clothes, bottles, toys and wonder of all wonders, a foldable cot.
"Thankyou, so much!" she gasped, and the pair walked into their dorms.
"So...you're keeping him!" Alice teased. Lily looked to the heavens, mouthed something and looked back at her friend.
"Until his family is located, yes," Lily informed her friend as she assembled the cot. "I wonder where McGonagall got this stuff?"
The girls giggled at the mental images...that is, until the stench of baby poo became too overwhelming. Lily approached Harry, who sat on his back on her bed, diaper in her hand. Alice solemnly laid a towel on the bed, and the baby was transferred onto it. Lily pulled up her sleeves. She took a deep breath. Lily pulled down his little pants. The diaper was swollen, and the smell strengthened.
The diaper came off.
"EURGHHHH!"
"GROSS!"
"DISGUSTING!"
"GEB IB AWAY!" Alice cried as she held her nose.
Lily put a hand to the side. "Wipes, please."
The wipes were placed in her hand. "Wipes."
The baby's bottom was wiped.
"Powder please."
"Powder." The girls were enveloped in a cloud of white baby powder. Choking, Alice performed a wind charm to get rid of it all.
"Clean Diaper, please!"
"Clean diaper."
Lily spent the next ten minutes struggling with the magical diaper ("Honestly, you'd think wizards would learn a thing or two from muggles!") which did not have sticky things, but needed a sticking charm to be fitted on properly. Once done, she patted the boy on the bottom, turning to the baby. "Oohhh..." She said, eyeing the little suits. "I love playing dress ups!"
Alice looked at her friend as if worrying for the red-head's sanity, but upon seeing the little clothes, oohed and ahhed as well. Giggling, they chose a small blue pyjama suit for little Harry. All through this, Harry sat on the bed, not wondering but sure of his 'Mummy's' insanity. His eyes were thin, as were his lips. His mind was just at the point where it was capable of wondering what had ever had happened to his mother who always worried. Not that he didn't enjoy this new Mummy, but she was a bit immature-honestly, Mummys were supposed to be able to understand baby speak, not giggle!
Well, since his mother had forgotten Harry speak, he would have to speak very simply. As she tried to put the ridiculous suit on him (Duckies really weren't 'him') he stamped, whined and wailed. "No Mummy!"
Lily was pretty annoyed by the time she had finished doing up the buttons. Harry rolled about on the bed like a wet dog, until she picked him up and took him over to the white cot.
He little hand held onto the front of her robes, his head buried in her shoulder. He glanced at the cot, and buried his head back, trembling. Lily looked at the child. "Are you ok?"
"Bad man hurt mummy! Hawwy sqwared!"
Lily jigged the baby. "Shhh...no bad man going to get you..."
"Bad man fink hurting funny..."sniffled Harry. Lily frowned. She could think of one such man.
"Mummy...is daddy weally wite? Bad man not gonna hurt Daddy? Daddy was being silly...daddy didn't kissy Hawwy!"
"Hey, it's ok, it's ok...shhhhh...daddy is out there, and we're going to find him, and your mummy too..."
"But you is Hawwy mummy!"
Lily placed Harry in his cot. Could it be that-that his parents had been killed? She turned to her bed. "Mummy kissy!"
Lily paused. She turned, then turned back. She turned back to the cot again. Harry sat, clutching the bars gazing at her plainitively. Wondering what on earth had gotten into her, she bent down and kissed his tiny forehead. "Sweet dreams, Harry."
Harry smiled, lying back. His eyes closed and thumb stuck into his mouth. Lily hopped into bed feeling, for some reason she could not place, extremely pleased.Although, she vowed herslef, if she ever had children, she would put a permentant odourless charm on it.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lily sprung out of bed, heart racing. The cries continued, and as she squinted through the dark, she remembered the events of yesterday. With a quick glance at her clock-2 am, she put her feet into her fluffy slippers and crossed the room to the cot. The girls in her dorm were emerging form their slumber, complaining. Lily cautiously approached the cot, where the small body was writhing.
It seemed that the baby was having a nightmare, because he definitely wasn't awake. He was pressing his head into the mattress, wailing his heart out. With a final scream he slumped over and started to whimper. Instinct took over, and Lily pulled him into her arms, where he sniffled and murmured into her chest. She had noticed that the cut on his forehead was bright, and placing a hand on his forehead to see if he had a temperature proved it to be burning white hot. She rocked him until he was dreaming.
"Da bad man..."Harry muttered before his breathing evened out. Lily rocked him, her now awake mind wandering.
Harry, luckily, did not wake up again that night. Yet Lily, along with the rest of the seventh year girls, were all exhausted when they awoke, and jokingly asked Lily if she planned to put a silencing charm on Harry in future as they pulled on their robes and fussed their hair. Lily picked up the baby, along with his carrier and bag of supplies and walked downstairs, eager to give him to James. It had not crossed her mind-yet- of how responsible he would be with a year-old child. She seated herself on an armchair, resigned to the fact that boys will be boys and always wake up late. Head boy or not.
So she was quite- not in the pleasant sense- surprised when two, large, masculine hands covered her eyes and a voice that unmistakably belonged to Potter said "Guess who!"
"Potter?" she said tiredly, pulling his hands away from her face. She turned, and stuffed the baby and its accessories into his arms. "Here."
Potter looked stunned as the girl of his dreams walked away, a baby in his arms. He couldn't help but notice a slight sway in her hips as she disappeared through the portrait hole. "Damn."
"You got it bad mate." Sirius said, appearing at his shoulder. James nodded dumbly. He hitched the baby in his arms, and Sirius, an understanding look on his face, shrunk the bag so it would fit into James's pocket. "Take this," he said, handing it over. James pocketed it without looking, eyes still on the portrait hole. "come on James."
The boys made their way down to the Great Hall, slumping in their seats and serving themselves crumpets with honey. It was only with when Remus appeared, and reminded him, that James thought to feed Harry. Harry refused the crumpet he was offered, and took matters into his own hands by sticking his fingers into the honey pot and doing an impression of Winnie the Pooh, sucking on his fist with an elated expression. Remus shook his head, resolving to teach James proper child nutrition: later.
Barely any time had passed when McGonagall was passing out timetables and the four boys who named themselves the Marauders were all pleased to find they had a free period next. Making up their mind, they decided to go up to Gryffindor tower to plan some pranks to use in future.
James could not understand why he did not feel the same enthusiasm as he usually did.
"Right, get comfortable boys!" Sirius announced as they positioned themselves around the dorm- Sirius and James on their bed, Peter leaning against the wall and Remus at the lonely desk with a quill and piece of parchment spread out in front of him. James let the boy leave his arms and crawl about the mess still on his bed.
"So...what's this week?" Sirius asked.
"Something tame I reckon...lull them into a false sense of security, but if we do nothing, they'll think something's up, so something simple," Peter said, looking thoughtful.
The other three nodded in agreement and Remus' quill started scratching. All too soon the boys were talking in loud voices, arguing and suggesting for the coming weeks. It was because of this that James lost track of what Harry was doing. Twenty minutes until the bell, Remus glanced over at James, and his jaw opened. "Uh...where'd the baby go?"
James, still tossing a Quaffle with Sirius answered "he's on the bed somewhere."
"No he's not!"
James glanced down, and the Quaffle hit him on the head. Rubbing his temple he exclaimed "Yeah...WHERE IS HE?"
A frantic search ensued. It was not much later that James found his wand missing...as did Sirius...and Peter. Remus, relieved to find his own wand still encased in his pocket, looked around thoughtfully and cried "Accio Harry!"
Nothing happened. "Accio Baby!"
"Accio Peter Pettigrew's wand!" A wand appeared out from under Peter's bed and zoomed towards Remus. James and Sirius smirked. "Accio Sirius Black's wand!"
Another wand came out from Peter's bed, and a tiny giggle followed it. Remus glanced at his friends and bent down, looking under it. Straightening up he said "weird, he's not there...but I swear I heard..."
Red sparks came out from under the bed. With a cry, Remus jumped back. "Something's under there!" he hissed.
"Well, duh." Sirius said, retrieving his wand. "Can baby's make themselves invisible?"
James hit himself on the head. "The cloak! He took the cloak!" He got down on his knees and crawled under the bed, fumbling around for an invisible baby. He could hear giggles and shrieks, but he had no luck. Sirius stood behind James, snorting at the feet which twisted and turned as James's cussing blared out from under the bed.
Remus sat at his desk, shaking his head. His pant leg fluttered in a breeze coming form the closed window.
It was then, realising the window was closed, that he realised it could not be a breeze. Plus, breezes don't pull your pants down. Clutching the waist band of his pants, he gazed at the spot at his feet. Reaching carefully down, he found the material and pulled the cloak off Harry. Harry giggled, his little hand on his mouth as he gazed up at Remus.
"I found him!" Remus gasped. James poked a cob-web covered head out from under the bed, and when he saw the subject of his searching, scrambled out and picked the boy up.
"Don't do that!" He said, as he positioned his hands under the little boy's bottom.
"Dadda look silly!" Harry gurgled, pulling the older boy's glasses off. He carefully positioned them on his own tiny button nose, and turned to face the other boys, grinning lopsidedly.
They burst into laughter. James scowled as he took his glasses back, and put them back on.
"So..." he said as he tried to regain his composure. "Get the map out, we'll see if we can get Snape before Potions."
James's hand, the one under Harry's bottom, suddenly grew very warm. A smell so horrible met his nose. "Oh, Sweet Merlin!" he gasped, pinching his nose. "What s- - t is THAT!"
Remus looked up from the mess of James's trunk, which he was searching through for the map, and smiled. "That James, is baby s- - t, as you so eloquently put it."
James's face turned into a mask of horror. "Does this mean I have to...?"
"Welcome to the joys of motherhood!" Chuckled Sirius as he clapped his hand on James's shell-shocked back.
James fumbled around, laying the baby on the bed and looked helplessly at the bag. "Help!" he whimpered.
"Youb is on your own dere!" Sirius said as he walked past, holding his nose.
James undid the diaper and threw it into the furthest corner, shooting a "Reducto" at it as it flew. The ashes settled on the edge of the carpet. They were soon joined by the ashes of the baby wipes. He then upturned half the bottle of baby powder all over the baby, most of which rebounded and covered his glasses and hair. Wiping his glasses he selected a new diaper and spent ten minutes putting it on backwards.
Remus had found the map by now, and tapping it he declared "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
He spread it out, and headed towards the desk to get his pranking notes. Sirius glanced at the map, eyes scanning. His eyes found their dorm automatically, and his eyes widened at what he saw.
"James, come 'ere!" Sirius said worriedly.
"What?" James called, battling with Harry to change his diaper.
Remus walked over to Sirius, parchment in hand. "JAMES!" Remus cried, after glancing at the map.
James ran over, holding the naked baby by the legs. "What?"
"Uh...put the baby down." Remus said. Harry was hanging upside down, his round face turning purple.
James dumped the baby on his bed like an unwanted toy.. Harry rolled up the right way and crawled over to the map. James glanced at the map, and went pale. Then he started to laugh. "HAHA, Very funny Sirius!" he cried.
"James..."Sirius said slowly. "I didn't do this. We charmed it not to lie, and that's irreversible."
James's laughter died away. Harry poked at his name on the map. Harry Potter.
"So...that's true?"
"Yep." Sirius affirmed.
James grabbed a parchment and quill. "I really need to get in contact with my parent more often. Them having a baby without telling me!" he said, as he started to scribble. His two friends exchanged a despairing look.
"James...aren't your parents err…a bit old to have more children?" Remus asked.
"They're only fifty, Remus!"
"And you are a seventeen year old, hormonal teen who's had five girlfriends over the past few years!" butted in Peter, a tiny trace of jealously in his voice.
"He's looks like a professor at the moment though," Remus said, gesturing to James's white hair and glasses which had slipped to the end of his nose.
James looked sharply at his friends. "Excuse me, I haven't knocked up any girl!"
"Yet." Sirius whispered under his breath.
A/n: Yep, it's offical, I'm on a roll: three chapters in three days! I know way much happens in this chapter (ok, not really) but :D.
Just to make it clear: Dumbledore knows who Hawwy is, but doesn't want anybody to know. So James made some stupid comment which ended up with him and Lily having to take care of Hawwy. The bad man is Voldemort. Any other questions and I shall answer.
