Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's the property of J.R..

Chapter Three- Monday

'Of all the moronic, dangerous, irresponsible things to do, Peregrin Took, clambering about on the outside of Brandy Hall in the middle of the night and with a potentially fatal drop below you, was indeed the most moronic, dangerous and irresponsible.'

This was perhaps not the most caring or gentle awakening Pippin's mother had ever administered. But it was deserved. When Merry and Pippin had been discovered in their unfortunate predicament, the adults had decided not to shout at them then and there, as it would wake up the whole of Brandy Hall. Pippin had simply been marched back to his bedroom, and both boys had been roused that morning to be met with a telling-off instead of breakfast.

'I don't even know how you managed it,' puzzled Paladin.

Pippin didn't either, really. He'd just sort of edged along the sloping Hall sides, which provided a vague platform. Brandy Hall had looked rather stunning at night; the immense Smial had been covered with a jumbled stretch of glowing, round windows, lighting up the outlines of the distant hills.

But just like inside Brandy Hall, Pippin has trouble finding Merry's room. He'd decided to use a process of elimination, and look inside every window that he came across. Unfortunately one of these windows was the bedroom window of the same couple he walked in on yesterday, who had been enjoying themselves. And they saw him too, despite his best efforts to scoot past their window quickly. The wind had buffered him, he stumbled a few times, and a pigeon deposited something unpleasant on his shoulder. But his journey's trials were forgotten when he'd found Merry's room. Until it was cut short.

'Also,' said Eglantine, frowning. 'We've had complaints from Mr and Mrs. Boffin that you've been stalking them or something, so you'd better apologise to them later.'

'So,' said Saradoc. 'So far, you've both managed to burn down the shed, commit theft, break a dressing table, almost kill yourself on the side of Brandy Hall and ruin several sets of clothes.'

Merry and Pippin nodded.

'I don't understand how you've managed to do all that in 48 hours,' said Paladin, looking genuinely puzzled.

'Natural talent,' said Pippin.

'Genetically inherited, of course,' added Merry.

In the end, Merry and Pippin got off pretty lightly. Their punishment was to assist with the washing-up for the rest of the week, and Pippin had been made to apologise to the alarmed couple he was allegedly stalking. But thankfully, Merry and Pippin had been put in the same room again, as the adults thought it best before all the bedroom furniture was demolished.

When the adults had finished their rant, they dispersed from the living room to cook breakfast/watch breakfast being cooked. Pippin's three sisters drifted in and settled themselves on the various sofas.

'Oi, Vinca,' hissed Pippin. 'Thanks for not telling Mum about the mouse. I owe you one.'

'That's okay.' She stood up and crossed over to him, hand outstretched. 'Truce?'

Pippin began to shake it, but was distracted by Vinca's shout of 'Now!' The other two sisters sprang up and charged over to Pippin. Merry wisely moved out the way.

Pippin cowered. 'Oh, no no no no no. Come on, girls! Don't!'

His complaints fell on merciless ears. The girls held him down on the sofa; Nel sat on his legs, Pearl pinned his arms, and Vinca began to tickle him. One may think this is not much of a punishment, but Pippin, like many people, deem tickling to be pure torture.

Pippin continued his fruitless protesting. 'Please! Three against one... n-not fair! Arrrgghh! STOP IT! I can't stand it! You're killing me! You're killing me!'

By now, his sisters and Merry were in hysterics, watching Pippin's wild struggling and listening to his deafening yells. Pure overreaction.

Pippin saw his mother enter the room with dirty laundry. Rescue at last.

'Mum, help me!'

'With what?'

'Can't you see? They're TORTURING ME!'

'Oh Pippin, don't be ridiculous,' replied his mother, looking not the least bit concerned about his plight.

Pippin couldn't believe it. 'What the... Please help!'

'I think you're managing fine on your own.' She left the room, a smile tugging at her mouth.

'MUUUUUUUUM...'

After a few more unbearable seconds, Pervinca finally relented, and Pippin was freed.

'Oww, Nel you made my legs go dead. I can't believe you two took part in this,' said Pippin, looking with hurt eyes from Pearl to Nel.

'Well you shouldn't have put that mouse in Vinca's bed; you know she's afraid of them,' said Pearl fairly. 'I'm sorry if I hurt you.'

'I'm not,' said Pervinca.

'Neither am I,' said Nel, lying back on the sofa, giggling.

'Never go in my room again,' warned Pervinca, hitting him with a cushion for emphasis.

Pippin kicked her back, but before a full-blown fight broke out, Eglantine summoned them to breakfast, and as usual food took priority.

'What are you kids going to do today?' asked Saradoc.

Some replies on 'don't know' and 'gardening' (and what sounded like 'log-balancing' from Nel).

'Pip and I are going for a wander through Buckland,' replied Merry. 'Pretty much right now... oh, well as soon as Pippin has finished his egg.'

'Ab dalmost duh.'

'You're not going anywhere until you've done the washing up, as your punishment states,' said Eglantine.

Groans came from the boys, and a satisfied smile from Pervinca.

Merry and Pippin needed constant supervision during washing-up. They got more water on themselves than in the tub, they repeatedly used the wrong cloths, and they broke two plates (although Merry dropped one on purpose, because Vinca had been walking past.)

'We have to find a way of avoiding this,' muttered Merry to Pippin, who nodded grimly, having just broken his plate when being jumped by Merry breaking his.

When every shard of pottery had been swept from the floor, the boys were allowed out.

Unlike yesterday, the weather was good, and the sun was shining through the thin wisps of cloud. The Brandywine rippled by them. The waters were occasionally crowned with a boat, usually containing some lazy Bucklander asleep, hat over one eye, fishing rod held loosely in one hand. After a while of strolling along a vague path the cut through the hills, Pippin suddenly halted, eyes wide with bewilderment.

'What's the matter, Pip?' queried Merry.

'When I walk I can hear something rattling in my skull.'

Merry snorted. 'Don't be daft.'

Caustiously, Pippin began to walk forwards again. He gave a yelp.

'There it is again. I heard it.'

'You're just listening for it now.'

'No, I'm not. I can hear it.'

'You are, you're panicking over nothing.'

'I'm not. I've never had this before.' Pippin's eyes widened. 'I bet it's that pipeweed. People say it carries health risks.'

Merry rolled his eyes. 'You had about five puffs. It won't have done anything, least of all dislodged a piece of your brain.'

'Oh Merry, that's the last time I'll ever-'

His cry was halted by a cheery call of 'Hello there Master Meriadoc, and Master Peregrin.'

'Good morning, Miss Clayhanger,' Merry called to the elderly lady, who had appeared at the door of a hobbit hole.

'How is life keeping you?' asked Miss Clayhanger.

'Not bad. Some family have come up from Tuckborough, so the hall is very lively at the moment.'

'Oh, do be careful,' warned Miss Clayhanger. 'Don't bring the place down. I never trusted those mansion-smials. My brother has always been convinced that it's only a matter of time before the hill caves in from all those tunnels.'

Merry and Pippin exchanged an alarmed glance.

'Well I won't be keeping you, boys. Oh, and Master Merry, it's so good of you to volunteer to be the doorman for the fair,' she said, beaming away. 'It's made Barney ever so happy.'

Merry winced. 'It's nothing. Goodbye Miss Clayhanger.'

They carried on down the path.

'Why don't you just tell Barney you don't want to be the doorman?' asked Pippin.

'I can't. I bet he's told the whole of Buckland by now. Self-absorbed twit.'

'Exactly! He's using you and your... status! Your status as the Master of Buckland's son,' exclaimed Pippin. 'That's like false advertising, saying Look! The Master's son eats our vegetables! They must be the best vegetables in Buckland!'

'Hmm. Not down that road, Pippin,' said Merry suddenly, yanking his friend by his scarf.

'Arck. You almost strangled me! And don't manhandle the scarf; I've had it since I was, like, seven, and you go and destroy it-'

'I didn't destroy it. It's just a bit creased. Sorry, alright?'

'Okay, but why not down that road?'

'I want to avoid Newbury. Or anywhere with people. I'm fed up of being congratulated, and told I'm Barney's saviour.'

Pippin gave him a look. 'You just wanna avoid Barney himself, don't you?'

'Yeah.'

Merry took them on a long, exhilarating walk through several fields, and over many hills. They passed the time by eating berries, rolling down hills (unfortunately one of these hills turned out to have a smial beneath it, and Merry and Pippin were chased off, accused of crushing the roof-garden), stick-fighting, and playing Make Up A Song About The First Thing You See After Shutting Then Opening Your Eyes Again.

They were right in the heat of the game, when the very person they were avoiding rounded the corner. Barney Bunce. Unfortunately, Pippin hadn't seen him in time to stop his 'Two rabbits mating' song.

'Oh, they found a handy rock

Where Mr. Rabbit whipped out his-'

Merry gave him an almighty nudge. Pippin stopped, and grinned at Barney, who looked a bit scared.

'Hello, Barney,' said Merry, forced smile in place.

'Hello Master Merry. Master Peregrin,' he said jollily. 'Just saw you boys stick-fighting down the road. You almost had each other's heads off. I hope that comes in useful if anyone tries to queue-jump at the vegetable fair.'

'Well, about that-'

'Be glad to see you there. Mustn't keep you. Bye bye, now,' said Barney, giving Merry and winding pat on the back, before walked off up the path.

Pippin began to open his mouth.

'Don't say a word,' threatened Merry.

Wisely, Pippin's mouth shut.

Several minutes later, during which Merry pretended to have a violent coughing fit every time someone passed, they came across a little cottage that Merry stopped in front of.

'Hey! This is where they make Buckland pipeweed.'

'Buckland has a branch of pipeweed?' asked Pippin, surprised. The Southfarthing was usually deemed to be 'pipeweed country.'

'Yeah, the stuff we had the other day.' Merry began to walk towards it.

'What are you doing?' asked Pippin.

'Just seeing if anyone's in,' replied Merry casually.

'You said you weren't going to touch that stuff again until you were older,' protested Pippin, but following him regardless.

'I'm just seeing if anyone's in. Phew, what's that smell?' said Merry, sniffing the air with a distasteful expression.

'Whoa, what are you doing?' asked Pippin, alarmed.

Merry had one foot over the fence at the side of the house.

'I'm just seeing where that smell's coming from.' He hopped nimbly over the fence, and disappeared from sight. Pippin attempted to follow, snagging his scarf on the fence.

'Hey look at this, Pip,' called Merry.

When Pippin rounded the back of the house, Pippin saw the backyard. Merry was crouched down, looking at a pile of brown manure, strange liquids and odd cuttings.

'This,' said Merry, 'is not normal.'

When Merry and Pippin returned to Brandy Hall late afternoon, the first thing they did was get Pippin's scarf-hole sewed up, as Pippin couldn't cope with his beloved scarf being damaged for too long. After some persuasion, Vinca agreed to mend it, whilst the boys, and Nel, watched. Nel had volunteered to sew it, but Pippin had hastily declined (Nel was notoriously bad at needlework, and had once been mending a pillowcase, only to accidently sew it onto the dress she was wearing.)

'Poor scarf,' said Nel. She picked up the other scarf end, and waggled it about, as if it was speaking.

'Oh, Pippin, how could you treat me like this? You traitor,' she said in quavery voice.

'Why does my scarf sound like my grandma?' asked Pippin.

'How'd you snag it anyway?' asked Vinca.

'On a thorn-bush.'

Both his sisters looked at him, then looked at each other.

'You're a really bad liar,' said Vinca.

'Fine, but you have to promise not to tell.'

And so Merry and Pippin told them the pipeweed story.

'I wouldn't go back there,' said Vinca, cutting the thread. 'You've got no business to.'

'But they could be making some dangerous crop of pipeweed,' said Merry. 'You didn't see the stuff they had there.'

'Leave it,' warned Vinca. She tossed Pippin's scarf at him. 'I'm done. Now, away with you all.'

Next, Merry and Pippin decided to find the adults, to see how the shed reconstruction was going.

Not very well, was the answer. This was due to the unfortunate circumstance that much of Brandy Hall's supply of wood had been inside the shed itself when it had burnt down. Several of the adults had spent the last few hours trying to find an alternative source of wood. The first thing Merry and Pippin heard upon entering was Paladin's exasperated cry of 'if someone brings me one more mangy log fished out the Brandywine, I will scream.'

They found Saradoc leaning against the kitchen cupboards, tea in hand, and waistcoat buttons undone.

Pippin, the slightly more sympathetic of the two, said 'sorry about this, Uncle. We'll help out tomorrow if you like.'

Saradoc seemed more worried about this than grateful, and just mumbled 'we'll see, boys.'

A few moments of silence passed. Merry cleared his throat.

'Daaaad,' said Merry carefully.

'Yeeees.'

Merry thought of how to say it, without giving himself away. 'If you'd seen something that didn't look quite right, and you weren't sure, what would you do?'

Saradoc frowned. 'You'll have to be a bit clearer than that, Merry. I've got no clue what you're talking about.'

'Well, if you'd got a feeling that something wasn't quite right, but you weren't sure. Would you tell someone, leave it, or investigate some more?'

His father thought. After a while he said, 'Well, I suppose I'd investigate some more.'

'Thanks Dad.'

As they were walking back down the corridor, Merry whispered to Pippin. 'My Dad's just given us indirect permission to turn that farm upside-down.'

Pippin winced. 'This won't be good...'

Hope you enjoyed. Chapter Four will be up soon!