Chapter 3: The Choice to be trapped

"Ican't escape walking down these halls
Hard to find a place where there are no walls
And no lines begging me to cross
Only straight ahead better move along" Trapt

Jax wakes up in unfamiliar territory. He stretches his arms out to the cold side of the bed. His fingers flex, hoping to draw her body close. The bed's empty, the room is empty, and his heart breaks all over again. He let his life slip away. He was so consumed with rage and revenge he wasn't able to see the light at the end of the tunnel; his family with Tara; the life they made together. He woke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, everything that Tara said to him finally sunk in. She's pregnant, and he walked out on her. He didn't even acknowledge the fact that he was happy about it; because at the time, he didn't hear her. He wanted her gone; he wanted a better life for her. His brain screams, 'dumb-ass'. If she didn't love him, didn't want to be his family, his Old Lady, she would have left long ago, maybe never have even come back in the first place. He told her that God had given him a second chance when she came back; well what a way to spend that second chance, now having to ask fate for a third.

She was the one at the house that day, not him. She had the choice, and Clay was right, had it been him in her shoes, he wouldn't have had the balls to make the decision that kept everyone, well almost everyone alive. Tara took on that burden and he threw it her face. He remembers the last thing she said to him before he left for Ireland.

He sat with his bike idling between his legs. The lights are on in the house and her car is parked in the driveway; she's home, alone. Because of him. Jax musters up enough strength to climb off his bike and tread the front steps carefully. His knuckles roughly rap against the door and Tara answers in her pj's and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. She's never looked more vulnerable than right now. He wants to reach out and put his hand over their baby, but he holds back, he doesn't deserve that yet. But with the spoon dangling from her mouth, her hair piled on her head, and her eyes still slightly puffy, all he wants to do is take her to bed and erase the last week. But he can't. His stubbornness made damn sure of that. "Can I come in?" She swallows the mouth full of ice cream and hesitantly nods her head and moves to let him in. They sit on the couch, him on one side and her at the other; an empty space between them. "I don't know what to do or say to you. I failed to protect you, I failed in loving you and the only thing I know how to say is I'm sorry." She spoons another mouth full of ice cream into her mouth and offers him some; he wants her to have it instead.

"There in lies your first mistake. You didn't fail and you don't need to protect me Jax. I'm a big girl; I can handle that on my own. You think the club provides a danger to me; I could go for a walk tomorrow and get hit by a truck. Think you'll save me from that by not being in my life? Nothing is ever clear cut in life. But I chose to be with you. I know what the life of a biker entails. But you and SAMCRO are the good guys; albeit sometimes you veer off the good guy course. You can say sorry all you want, I'll forgive you but you can't just walk in here, say sorry and think it will fix everything. You have to go to Belfast and bring your son home first. We'll deal with the rest after."

"You'll still be here when I come home?"

"Where else would I be? But I'll tell you something right now, and I'm only telling you this once so it better stick in that thick skull of yours. If you ever deny that SAMCRO is my family or, that you and Abel aren't my family, I will rip your balls off and force feed them to you through a straw. Remember you told me that you'd help me find my place, well you did and then you ripped it away from me. You won't make that mistake again." Jax stands and pulls Tara into his arms. His lips brush a kiss to her forehead. Headlights shine into her living room and Tig pushes the horn. "I'm going to bring our son home."

"Be careful. I love you."

"And I love you." The hardest part was letting her go again, but he had too, for Abel's sake.

Although he and Tara are on speaking terms, he still vows to make it right with his Old Lady. He climbs out of bed and pulls open the shades. "Top o' the mornin' to you Belfast. We're coming for you Jimmy!" He snaps his leather vest around his neck and walks out into the bright sun of Belfast and into a hand shake with Clay. "You're mother called." He squints into the sun,

"Yeah?"

"Seems Tara's quite the uh…"

"Evil mistress boss." Juice pipes up, then hisses when his smile irritates the gash above his eye.

"What's he talking about?"

"Seems Tara's found a way to keep your mother out of jail."

"What?"

"Yea, she just called and asked if I can send two boys back home, she needs help kidnapping Agent Stahl. Seems she's skipping out on your plea deal you had with her, now she's after us for going on the lam; along with the previous charges. But, Tara had a plan before that; this little tidbit just added fuel to her burning fire."

"She's pregnant, she shouldn't be doing this."

"That's what I said."

"And?"

"She told me, 'that's why I'm asking you to send two boys home to help."

"When did my Old Lady become such…"

"An Old Lady boss?"

"Shut up Juice."

"Sorry man."

"Anyway, what exactly is her plan?" He runs a hand through his hair, worried for her safety and their baby, but deep down, proud as hell that she hasn't left. There's added hope for him yet. Juice gets excited as Clay begins to lay out Tara's intricate plan.

"Now this is quite the heist if you ask me. If she pulls this off, I will be forced to kiss her."

"You do that Juice, and I'll cut out your tongue."

"Eh news is…you ain't with her."

"Yeah, well, I plan to correct that." Opie comes to stand next to him and nudges him in the shoulder.

"It's about time you pulled that pretty little head out of your ass." A wind kicks up the dirt around them and they wait a moment before it dies down. Clay flexes his stiff fingers and crosses both arms. "As I was saying, Tara plans to simulate a heart attack on your mother, fake surgery and get her out of the hospital and into the custody of a rehab center. Stahl only drops in at the hospital once a week. The have four days to do this without her foiling the plan. Margret has been coerced into signing off that Gemma's surgery was approved and done and that she will need at least a month of rehab. Once Gemma's out of the hospital, she'll stay with Tara. Stahl will definitely start snooping around and that's when Tara plans to snatch her and keep her in the basement until she confesses to setting Gemma up for Edmond's murder. Once she confesses, to covering it up, most likely, all her stories will be questioned and hopefully dismissed."

"Wh-" Speechless. Jax is rendered utterly speechless. Where the hell did Tara go? What's he saying, when family is threatened; it brings out the momma bear in everyone. Especially Tara, who's learned from Gemma; although, even Gemma will have to bow down to her, when this is all over.

"Wow."

"Yea, and to think, after the way you treated her, she's still kicking ass for you."

"Juice, shut the fuck up. I get it. I'm a fucking idiot. I know. Now drop it." He looks to Clay, "Who's going back?"

"A bunch of them want in on this action. They all want a piece of Stahl to put on their bikes as an ornament, but I think I'm sending Tig and Juice. But, she's your Old Lady, you decide."

"Tig and Juice. She'll probably need someone for security set up and Tig can do any job she doesn't have the stomach for." Clay nods his agreement and straddles his bike. The formation starts. Jax pulls Tig and Juice aside, "If anything happens to her, I'll string you up by the balls and let you hang."

"You got it boss." Juice revs his bike engine.

"Hey, she pulled a slug from my shoulder without throwing up; I'll do anything she wants. And you, be careful, don't act stupid and I got in touch with Happy. He's coming to take my place. You know, in case you need to pull someone's finger nails off or torch their feet or-"

"I get it Tig. I get it." He shrugs and pats him on the back.

"Good luck brother. Bring that boy back."

The boys separate. Tig and Juice head for home. The rest head for Maureen Ashby. Jax fingers are lax against the key in his ignition. He pulls his phone from his back pocket and hits 1 on his speed dial. "You've reached Tara Knowles, I'm unavailable at this time, so leave your name, number and message and I'll call back." "I know about Stahl pulling our bail, thank you. Take care of my mom for me. Juice and Tig are on their way back. Put them to work and kick agent Stahl in the balls for me. We both know she has a pair. I love you Old Lady and if there was a way to tell you how proud I am that you refused to let me push you away, I would tell you, but I don't have the words. I'll just have to show you when I get home. I do have one thing to say, well maybe two. I didn't sleep with Ima. I just paid her to look like we did. And second… the way I feel about you hasn't changed. I'm in love with you. Always have been. I woke up this morning and everything sunk in. God, we're having a baby could have died, just like Half Sack and you were right, I would have lost everything. I'm not okay with that. I woke up this morning and the bed was cold and my fingers literally itched to hold you. I don't want to be trapped anymore. I don't want darkness to consume me. I want you in my arms and I want our children home, with us. I want to be your Old Man." He puts the phone back in his rear pocket and meets Clay's gaze. The two share a knowing nod and the roar of engines and the cloud of dust is all that they will leave behind in Ireland.