James, 2020, Fifth Year

Fuck. No, seriously, bloody fuck.

Dad invited Teddy over to spend the night, and he agreed, and he would be spending it in JAMES' room.

Fuck.

James ran his hands through his hair.

At dinner, he'd at least been able to pretend that everything was normal- especially with his mom, dad, sister, and brother all around him. At least he'd been able to pretend that everything was okay.

His bedroom door snicked open and James whirled around, wild-eyed, praying that it wasn't Teddy.

It wasn't. It was Al. He sat on James' desk chair. "Can we talk for a minute?"

If James had been paying any attention at all to his brother, he would have noticed the way that Al's eyes flickered anxiously, or the way he was bouncing on the hard wooden chair. But James wasn't paying attention. He resumed pacing.

"Er, Al, can't it wait? I'm a little-"

"I'm gay," Al blurted out. Then his eyes widened as James spun around, his heart in his throat.

"That wasn't exactly how I planned to tell you," Al said, his eyes downcast.

James was staring at his brother. "You're... you're what?" he stammered out.

"Gay," replied Albus in a very small voice.

James ran his hands through his hair. "You're... sure?"

Al nodded. "Quite sure."

"How?"

"Well, the week before Holidays a completely naked Amandine Thomas accosted me in my completely empty dorm room, offering me no-strings sex, and I shoved her off so I could go find Scorpius to work on our holiday homework."

For a moment, James could only gape like a fish. "B-but Scorpius, he's-"

"Dating Rose, yes, I know. I'm very aware of that, thank you very much."

"Well, I suppose the Potter line stops here," James mused.

Albus looked non-plussed. "What are you on about, James?"

James rolled his eyes. For the supposedly smartest one in the family, Al could sometimes be incredibly dense.

"I'm gay, you dolt."

Al's eyes widened, then he looked at his older brother with something akin to hero-worship in his eyes. "How did you know?" he whispered, standing up.

James sank down on the bed. "I found out last year, actually. On the train ride to school, in September."

"You were acting funny at the feast," Al said, grinning. "You were this nasty shade of green and you kept jumping whenever anyone said your name, remember?"

"Well, it wasn't as if I was very pleased with my little discovery," James said, smiling a little. "I didn't have you to confide in."

"Why not?" Al demanded.

"Well- you're my little brother. I didn't want to give you any reason- didn't want to-" he couldn't seem to find the right words. He'd never been good at speaking. He supposed he got that from his father, who'd stumble over his words whenever he'd have to give some sort of savior speech to the greater wizarding population.

He was surprised to hear Albus laugh, and looked up.

Al sat on the bed, fixing his eyes on the older boy. "You're my big brother," he said. "Did you honestly think that anything you did or said- much less who you love- could make me love you any less?" he chuckled, then added as an after-thought- "besides, knowing that about you might have helped me."

James just looked at his brother for a moment, then he suddenly grinned. "You're such a poof, Al."

"Hey, I am a poof, and proud of it," Al said in defense. "Let me be poncey if I want to."

James wrapped an arm around his younger brother, and they sat in silence for a moment.

"So who was it?" Al suddenly asked.

"Who was what?" James asked, confused.

"The boy, the one who made you realize on the train. The one who turned your face green and made you all jumpy. Who was he?"

"Oh, right." James was quiet for a minute, trying to decide whether he should tell Albus. "Uh, nobody in particular."

"Was it Miles? Lorcan? Lysander?" Al persisted.

"I said nobody in particular, Al, now leave it," James said, a little irritably.

Albus' face twisted.

"What?" James snapped.

"I- it wasn't... Fred, was it?" Al whispered.

James huffed out a breath. "No."

"It was, wasn't it?" Albus said, horrified. "You fancy our cousin! Oh, Merlin, James-"

"Albus Severus, I can promise you that I don't fancy Fred."

A pause.

"Oh. Okay." Al looked mollified. He knew his brother well enough to know when he was lying and when he was being absolutely truthful. "Well, then, who was it?"

"Nobody, Al, okay?" he made up a story on the spot. "When I was talking to Rose at one point on the train, before she went to find you and Scorpius-" he subconsciously noticed the way Al twitched when James said Scorpius' name-"she said something offhand about a bloke walking past, something about how nice his shoulders were, and in my head, I agreed."

There. That was vague enough. He actually had talked to Rose briefly on the train before finding Lily and pulling her into a compartment, and Rose wouldn't remember all the unimportant details of the conversation- but she would remember talking to him.

Unfortunately, Albus was his brother, and Albus knew when James was lying to him. But, being a somewhat understanding brother, he decided to let it slide. Whoever it was, James clearly wasn't comfortable telling Al yet. He was still betting on Miles.

A knock sounded on the door. Al sprung up. "That's probably Teddy- he's staying the night in your room, isn't he?"

"Right," James said, as normally as possible, trying to ignore the twist in his gut.

Al opened the door and grinned cheerfully. "Hey, Tedder-o. I was just on my way out. See you in the morning, James." he quickly shut the door behind him.