"I think that we are the best friends in the world," Lexie said to Jeff.
"I
know. We grabbed that one by the horns."
"So your not feeling
bad for Matt I'm assuming."
"Why should I feel bad for
him?"
"You shouldn't but I was just making sure."
"How
are you feeling sweetie?"
"I'm feeling good and healthy and
ready to pop this sucker out."
"Yeah but it's not any easier
after."
"But helping Casey is preparing both of us for being
parents. We are going to be new at this and it's going to help."
"I
know but I wish I could have a little bit more experience with
this."
"I know but no first time parents have much experience
baby. It's the way that these things work."
"Lexie babe I
know but every parent always worries."
"I just wish that my
parents were here with me. I know they would have loved to see my
daughter."
"Well your parents raised you right and our
daughter will turn out as beautiful as her mother."
"Thanks
babe," Lexie said before giving him a kiss. They went outside with
Ryan and sat by their pool with iced teas in hand. Jeff was just
happy to relax a little bit and Lexie really enjoyed the company.
"Hey Jeff."
"Yeah baby."
"What am I going to do after
the baby comes?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like when am I
going to be able to go back to work? I don't know the protocall for
these type of things and I want to be here for Brooke and for Ryan
but I don't know if I can give up my job."
"They have a
great invention now known as a nanny."
"I know they do but I
just don't think I can leave my baby alone for that long, you know.
I keep going back and forth about this because I don't want to have
to get rid of my passion even though it will be worth it in the
end."
"Baby we have enough people in our lives that would love
to help us out. Casey's mom and Allyn's mom look at you like a
daughter so I'm sure that they wouldn't mind watching her for a
day or two. I mean, I'm sure that Vince would love to have you back
in any way, shape or form. If that means that you only do Monday
nights then I'm sure you can work something out with him."
"Maybe
I should give him a call."
"Or you can come to see him."
"What
do you mean?"
"Raw is in Charlotte on Monday. Maybe you and
Casey can take a little road trip and see everybody. I mean it's a
little over a 2 hour ride but I think that everybody would love to
see you and meet little Ryan."
"Yeah I might think about it,
but don't tell anybody. If I do decide to do it I want it to be a
surprise."
"No problem baby, but if you have questions for
Vince you should probably have a plan of what you want to happen, how
long it will be until you want to come back and so on. It will be
easier for him so that he can prepare for your return. He's
probably the one person that you should tell if you decide to come
up."
"Yeah I should. Let me think about it okay?"
"Don't
take it wrong but I was just giving you a suggestion. It might be
good to take a little bit of a road trip."
"Yeah it might be a
good idea but I need to think."
"I'm going to take Ryan for
a walk. Do you want to join me?"
"No, I think that I will just
sit out here for while."
"Alright no problem. I'll be back
in a little while."
"Alright, I love you babe."
"I love
you too."
He picked up Ryan and brought him inside and put him
in his stroller. After Jeff left, Lexie got her notebook out of the
kitchen and went back outside, throwing her feet up on the chair that
Jeff was just in.
When I first wake up in the morning
I wonder what my life will be like in a few months
I wonder if I will be the same person I used to be
I wonder if I have made the right decisions
I wonder how much life means to me
And I wonder who still love me after this
It's
not what I should think but it is
I know that I still have
everything
But I still want to have my life back
I
don't want to turn away from the one thing
The one thing that
always made me happy
The one thing that I could escape reality with
The one thing that has always been there for me
And
the one thing that keeps my mind off of everything
I love what my
life is becoming
But I don't want to be just another soccer mom
The one that always goes to PTA meetings
Driving my kids around from practice to practice
I want to be the cool mom
That brings them to wrestling shows
The one that brings them to autograph signings
The one that they can look up to
And realize that no matter what
That their dreams can be a reality
I'm torn between two loves in my life
My job and my children
It's hard for Lexie to look at her life and have doubts about wanting children and knowing that her entire life would change in the matter of months. It would be hard for her to be a mother and wrestler because there was nobody that she could turn to. No woman has ever left the industry to have a baby and then make a comeback. They turn into housewives and make appearances when they need a few extra dollars. She wanted to be the first to break the mold of working mothers in the wrestling industry. To make the other divas aware of the fact that they can have kids and not lose all of the love that they have for their jobs. It is hard to realize what kind of impact one split second in time can have over a life. The split second that could change absolutely everything and as much as she wanted it to stay the same, she knew that it wouldn't be possible.
As she sat and pondered what was going on in her own life she knew that Casey's life was getting somewhat back to normal.
"Shannon."
"Yeah
Casey."
"I really appreciate this."
"What?"
"You
getting back into my life. I really love it."
"Trust me I
think that this was meant to be. We both went off to other people but
somehow we ended right back where we started. It's not that I
didn't love you this entire time but I was trying move on because
it is what you wanted."
"I thought that I wanted all of this,
that I had feelings for Matt. I think that I wanted a change and a
change I got with Ryan. I know that I have always loved you just
because you were my first, but I don't want to start something up
with you again if the only reason that you are back is because you
feel bad that Ryan's father is no longer in the picture."
"Well
Casey, I do feel bad for you that you are a single mother but Ryan
should have been our child because I know when you lost the baby that
it was mine."
"I know."
"And it was hard for me to lose
the one thing that I had left with you."
"And it was hard for
me to lose my baby. I was astonished to realize that I was pregnant
again and Ryan is the most beautiful child that I have ever seen. I
am so lucky to have him in my life because he has changed me so much.
I feel like I have been blessed."
"And you are. Casey I love
your son and if it comes to it I will be his father. I want that
responsibility and I want to be with you. I have never stopped having
feelings for you but I guess it took us breaking up with our
significant others in order to find each other again."
"I know
Shannon but I don't want to rush into this again. I want us to take
our time because I don't Ryan to get attached to you quickly and
then live."
"Casey I just want you to know that no matter what
happens I will always be in Ryan's life. I'll be his father, his
uncle and his best friend. I will never step out of that child's
life because he deserves it and you deserve to have somebody in your
life that loves your child as much as you do."
"Shannon you
are just the sweetest guy I've ever seen."
"I'm just
telling you the truth."
"Well Shannon you are a sweet guy and
I'm lucky that you are here for me."
"And if you need
anything from me, anything at all, just tell me."
"No
problem."
They walked around the paths a little bit more that
intertwined around the trees and a little lake. They talked and
laughed, catching up on old times. Most of the talk was about Ryan
and a little bit about returns and comebacks.
"So Casey, what
happened with Matt?"
"I honestly don't know."
"Well
do you want to talk about it because if you do we can sit up here on
the bench."
"I guess so." They went and sat down on the log
bench that looked over the stream. "I'm just surprised that you
have the balls to ask me about this situation."
"Is that a
good or a bad thing?"
"Good. I mean, everybody seems like they
are walking on eggshells around me. I feel horrible because I'm not
the only person in the world who has had the father of their child
walk out of their lives."
"I know that but it's that nobody
wants you to feel uncomfortable talking about it."
"That I
know but I do want to talk about it."
"That's why I'm
here. So what made Matt go a-wall?"
"I think that one night
after Ryan came home, he wouldn't stop crying. We tried everything
in our power to get him go to sleep and he just wouldn't. Matt said
that he just couldn't deal with it anymore and went out for drive.
I just thought that he needed to clear his head, to get some peace
and quiet and he never came home. I haven't heard from him, I
haven't gotten any sort of response. It's like if he died then
nobody would know what happened to him."
"I know that you
probably want to know if he's okay and that is understandable. I
just want you to know that we are all here for you."
"I know
but it's hard because I have absolutely no source of income coming
in and I just want to make sure that Ryan has the best life that he
could have."
"And he will. Casey this is a small bump in the
road and things will only get better from here. You have me now and
you have Lexie and your parents. We are all here for and I can
guarentee you one thing."
"What?"
"None of us are
leaving you."
"Thank you so much Shannon," she said with a tear coming out of her eye. He looked at her and smiled.
With a laugh "Come here honeybun." Casey smiled and let the tears fall out of her eyes. It was the one name that Shannon had always called her and she hadn't heard him say it in so long that it brought a sudden comfort to her and an over-all calm.
