The ride to Roque Records was silent except for the low music coming from the radio. The wind was whipping through my hair as I thought what I did this morning. I can't believe I had allowed myself to resort to self harm. However, it did make the pain go away, temporarily anyway. I kept thinking of the large amount of blood from the wound as we picked up speed. The wind ruffled my clothes roughly from the speed we were going. I tried blocking the awful image from my mind, but it was harder to do so than I had originally thought. By the time I snapped out of my thoughts we had just pulled into Roque Records. Logan killed the power and we hurried inside. We ran down the hallway and reached the recording booth. Gustavo was already waiting for us with an unpleasant scowl. A few hours later, actually more like seven, we were tired, sweaty, and aggravated. So Gustavo let us go early, worried that we would start another one of our famous catastrophes. When we arrived back at home Carlos and I plopped down on the couch and started playing video games. Logan I'm guessing went to finish some homework, and Kendall went to meet Jo. After eating four pies each and playing the video game for three hours straight, we went to our room. Carlos ended up falling asleep, but I just lay awake, thinking more about my parents. I don't try to think of them they just sort of invaded my thoughts. The memory that came to mind happened quite awhile ago.
I was awoken by the sound of yelling. I crept out of my room and peeked around the corner. I saw two shadows against the wall. I heard my parent's voices. What they said scarred me for life. They were arguing about whose "thing" I was. They both said they didn't want me, but they also didn't want to get rid of me. Apparently they needed a maid to clean up their house, and figured I was just perfect for that. They told me apart from that I was completely worthless. I gasped and silent tears ran down my face. They must have heard me, because the next moment a hand was clasped around my throat. They turned me to face them. "What are you doing up?" my dad said through clenched teeth. He still hand his hand around my neck so it made it a challenge to speak. "I heard yelling so I went to see what happened," I answered truthfully. He released his grasp and pushed me backwards. My mom then left me alone with my dad. After she left he gave me an evil smile and proceeded to beat me, laughing ever so often at my cries.
I shuttered at the memory. That smile will haunt my dreams forever. My stomach starting churning and I felt nauseous. Eating four pies was a very bad idea. I raced into the bathroom and kneeled down by the toilet. Everything I had eaten ended up in the bowl in few moments. I sat down against the wall and leaned on the cool tile. I steadied my breathing and flushed the toilet. I stood up and grabbed my toothbrush. When I finished brushing my teeth I rinsed my mouth out and walked out of the room.
As I passed Logan and Kendall's room I noticed the light was on. I glanced in to see Logan asleep on his bed holding a science book close to his chest. Kendall was lying face down on his bed with the pillow over his head. If I had a guess, I would say he came home and tried to get some sleep, but Logan here was still trying to study, so he put the pillow over his head and ended falling asleep that way. Then while studying, Logan fell asleep as well. I laughed to myself. I flipped the light off and instead of going to bed I walked into the living room. I heard a soft roll of thunder and proceeded over to the window. For some reason I loved watching storms. They just look so beautiful in a way. The water makes a misty scene that only the bright streaks of lightning can penetrate. And the thunder so powerful, it can shake the house without trying.
I leaned closer to the glass to get a better look, but I ended up opening the window instead. I stuck my head out and let the icy water relax me. A small smile crawled across my face as the lightning lit up the sky. My hair stuck to face and dripped water onto my once dry clothes. I shook my head like a dog to get the extra water of my face. A loud clap of thunder caused the lights in the kitchen to flicker. I kept my head out the window for a few more minutes before pulling it in quickly. I closed and latched the window, then pulled down the shade. As I passed the bathroom I grabbed a towel and proceeded into my room. I was drying off my head when I entered the room. I glanced at Carlos, who of course was still asleep. I laughed to myself and lay down on my bed. The light from outside shined through the open window and landed on the wall behind me casting an eerie glow. I stared up at the ceiling, wishing, praying that sleep would finally consume my thoughts. However, no relief was provided. This is just one more night to add to the long list of dreamless sleeps. I sighed and kept staring up, looking into the darkness that surrounds me constantly, both day and night. The pain that eats away at my inner self is never ending. The depression that consumes me is killing me physically, not just mentally anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm not myself, and I doubt I will be ever again. As the numbness of sleep finally took over I knew only one thing for sure. I needed help. Help freeing myself from my own worst enemy, myself.
