SANTANA
Santana eyed Jane suspiciously. She didn't like it. These Troubletones brunches were for the Troubletones only. They had made that rule, and they stuck by it. Even when Tina had felt left out, and when Sam had been really bored, and especially when Berry had tried to muscle her way in, saying something about 'our time in New York making us even closer bedfellows', whatever that meant.
She snuggled closer to Brittany. She found upon reaching her 26th year that alcohol had less of a tendency to make her cry, and more to make her want to cuddle her wife. Which wasn't such a bad thing. They had been married for almost five years (their anniversary having just passed which they thankfully did NOT spend with Klaine), and every year was just as awesome as the last. She wished she could go back in time and shake that scared, lonely version of herself, in love with her best friend, but too afraid to say it. All that wasted time.
She tried not to dwell on it as she watched her friends all smile around her. Jane looked nervous, and Santana still hadn't decided if she liked having her at the table or not. But, she seemed like a pretty chill person, and didn't talk much, which was fine by her.
Santana looked around the diner and saw that it was still as busy as ever, even at 12:15. She still liked the Lima Bean better, but she had to admit that Mercedes had good taste. If anything this place reminded her of a brunch place in Tribeca that she and Britt would have to take Mercedes to the next time she was in town.
The two of them had just moved into a nice place in Brooklyn, and as much as Santana tried to hide it (she never liked to seem too enthusiastic about any one thing, besides Brittany, of course), she loved it there. They had rented a house (small but serviceable), that put them in a nice area, but far enough away from St. Berry (they had seriously changed their last name to that), and the AnderHummels that neither Rachel nor Kurt felt like they could just drop by whenever they wanted. After one too many times of almost seeing Britt naked Santana had made it her vow to get out of their 'dropping by' radius. Of course both Rachel and Kurt had keys only because Santana still hadn't figured out how to say no to them when they got really annoying.
She was really enjoying her life. After a surprise transfer to NYADA (of all places), she had impressed the right people after graduation, and was teaching voice classes at NYU. She was an adjunct professor, and only taught three days a week, but it gave her plenty of time to drop in on Britt whenever she wanted, and be home in time to make dinner. She was really getting into the whole Susie Homemaker routine. Kurt and Rachel gave her enough trouble about it whenever they came over and she was elbow deep in paella or something. Britt was right, she was a terrible cook, but her wife was gracious, and would usually eat what she prepared, only if it was to determine exactly how much take out they should order.
Teaching was fun, but the pay was shit, so she had used the connections she made at NYADA to get a gig writing music for pop acts over at Columbia. She had written a few good songs, and the residuals managed to add a little to the family pot. She wasn't necessarily proud of the work, she always saw herself in front of a microphone, not a desk, but it put her close to the music making process, and at the moment it was enough to keep her happy.
Plus, she had her wife, so that's really all that mattered.
She listened with Jane as the other three ladies reminisced about their days in high school, and in the Troubletones. She laughed along with them when they talked about the time she had given Finn a week old burrito, and how Shelby had confronted them about it.
"So, you never told Ms. Corcoran that it was Santana?" Jane breathed, her eyes wide.
"Well, she wanted to tell on herself. But we couldn't lose her, not that close to Sectionals. So, we just didn't say anything. It was a one for all and all for one kind of thing." Mercedes said, spearing a strawberry with her fork.
"Ms. Corcoran read us the riot act." Brittany said, chuckling softly. "She probably yelled at us for a good hour. I'm surprised she could talk the next day. But none of us would admit to it, and so she sent us off."
"The next day we all had to write ten page letters to Finn telling him why trying to poison another student by old burrito was wrong." Sugar added.
They all paused for a moment, laughing at the memory.
Santana smiled softly. "She should have known not the mess with the Troubletones, we always stick together."
\
Santana had been walking around the hallways of McKinley in a daze. It was the Friday of Finn's so called "Lady Music Week', and she didn't feel better. She only felt worse. Sure, her parents had accepted her, but her conversation with her Abuela had left her feeling more miserable than ever, and she could barely look Brittany in the eye. Every time she saw Finn she just wanted to punch him in his smug face. The slap she gave him the week before in the auditorium hadn't been enough.
She skulked around the halls, and though things had certainly changed, everyone still knew that it wasn't a good idea to mess with a pissed off Santana Lopez, so they steered clear. After school, she had just wanted to get home, and avoid everyone, but Ms. Corcoran had called for a special meeting of the Troubletones, and Santana only wanted everything to go back to normal as quickly as possible, so she went. As she entered the makeshift choir room, everyone turned to look at her, but made it look as though they hadn't been looking. She scoffed, and sat down as far away from everyone as she could.
She could see the hesitation in Brittany's eyes. She wanted so much to come over, and comfort Santana, but she knew that at this rate, she would probably get rejected. Santana didn't like it, but Brittany was probably right. Sometimes she couldn't stand herself when she got in a mood, but she couldn't help it. Everything hurt, and nothing felt right. Not even Brittany.
She watched as Ms. Corcoran entered, shutting the door behind her, and clearing her throat.
"Ladies, I'm glad you could join me." She looked pointedly at Santana, who tried to pretend that she wasn't even in the room.
"I know that we've been doing some joint exercises with the New Directions, concerning the unpleasantness."
"Yeah, like Finn totally outing Santana to the whole school. Which he had no right to do!" Mercedes spoke up, offended on behalf of her friend.
Santana looked a bit in Mercedes direction. She hadn't know the other girl felt so strongly about the matter. If she wasn't in such a foul mood, she might have smiled a little.
Shelby continued. "Yes, that. And trust me, we will be dealing with that. But, I just want to make sure that everyone in this room is okay."
She looked around at each other the girls. "It's all well and good for the New Directions to want to make everyone feel all warm and cuddly. But I'm not the coach for the New Directions. I'm the coach for the Troubletones, and that's where my loyalties lie."
The girls around her nodded.
Santana was glad to have someone like Ms. Corcoran on her side, even if she wouldn't admit it. She was a good woman, one who always looked out for her choir. She only wished that she had been a bit more forceful when it came to standing up to Will and Principal Figgins. It might have saved her some trouble.
She shrugged slightly to herself. There was really only one other person in the world that she wanted to be thinking about at the moment, and it wasn't Shelby.
She looked wistfully across the room as Ms. Corcoran continued to talk. Brittany was looking at their coach with her full attention, but Santana could tell she wasn't just looking at Ms. Corcoran. She was not looking at Santana. She had been avoiding Brittany all week. At first the blonde had chased after her, trying to catch her at a free moment, but after a day or so she had just stopped. Santana hoped it was because she knew that she would come to her when she was ready, and not that Brittany had given up on her.
Santana stared at Brittany a bit longer, silently willing her to turn and look, hoping she could catch a glimpse into those eyes, and know that everything would be alright between them. But Brittany continued to look away, not even chatting Mercedes and Sugar who were muttering nearby.
"Does that make sense to everybody?" Ms. Corcoran finished.
Santana mumbled her assent with the other girls, even though she didn't even know what she was agreeing to. With that Shelby gathered her things and walked out of the room, throwing a sympathetic glance towards Santana, who grabbed her own books and made to head out the door.
"Hey, Santana, can we talk to you for a minute?"
Santana stopped, rolling her eyes before turning to look at Mercedes who'd stopped her right as she was about to make her escape.
"What is it, Aretha? I'm heading out." Santana snapped.
Mercedes didn't acknowledge the tone, acting as though Santana was the nicest person she'd ever met.
"Awesome, thanks. I just wanted to know what you were doing tonight?"
Santana furrowed her brow and looked to Sugar, who was standing close to Mercedes' shoulder and Brittany who was standing near the back of the room pretending that she wasn't paying attention to the conversation but doing a terrible job at it.
"I dunno. Why?"
"It's just that me and some of the Troubletones are having a sleepover and we'd like for you to come."
Santana made another move towards the door. "I don't think so Wheezy, I'm not in the mood, and also, I don't want hang out with you all too much, lest your loser stench get all over my Cheerios uniform."
Mercedes winced, but didn't give up. She reached out, placing a gentle hand on Santana's arm.
"C'mon, Santana. It's just going to be us. We'd really like it if you came."
Normally, Santana would have just brushed her off, and continued on her way. But there was something about the pleading look in her eyes, something about the way that Sugar looked at her expectantly. And also, looking back at Brittany, who'd finally raised her head, and met Santana's eyes; something in those crystal clear blue eyes as well. A pleading look that would make Santana do just about anything. Who was she kidding? Actually anything. She'd do anything for Brittany.
"Who's coming?" She asked suspiciously.
"Well, it's going to be me, Sugar, you, if you'll come, and Brittany." Mercedes paused a moment before she said Brittany's name, as if it was a secret that Santana was prying out of her.
"C'mon Santana, it'll be fun! I'm going to sneak some booze out of my Daddy's liquor cabinet. It'll be fun!"
Santana wanted to act like she needed to be convinced. She wanted to act like she was too cool to hang out with these losers, and too cool to be hanging out at Mercedes' place getting drunk on what would probably be really expensive wine coolers, but meeting Brittany's eyes again, she couldn't hold out.
"Sure, whatever. I'll be there at eight."
Sugar furrowed her brow. "But the party starts at six thirty-"
Mercedes interrupted her, putting her hand up to cover the other girl's mouth.
"We'll see you at eight."
Santana nodded and marched out of the classroom. She could still feel them looking at her, and it was a while before she could shake the feeling.
By the time Santana showed up it was almost nine. She didn't bother to say anything, but a short hello to Mercedes' parents, and then jogged up the stairs to her friend's room. Sugar was doing her best Rihanna impression to a YouTube video while Mercedes and Brittany were playing Connect Four, with Brittany hanging upside down off of Mercedes' bed.
"Wow, don't tell me this party got lame without me."
"Well, look who finally showed up. Nice to see you, Ms. Lopez." Mercedes smiled softly, not bothering to get up from where she was sitting.
Sugar bounded over the bed, nearly landing on Brittany in the process, and crushed Santana in a hug. Santana pushed her forcefully away, dropping her bookbag on the ground, and plopping down beside Mercedes.
"I was told there'd be booze."
"Oh right!" Squeaked Sugar, who jogged over to her own bookbag, and pulled out a handful of little bottles. They were the kind that you usually saw on airplanes, or in hotel minibars.
Santana raised an eyebrow as Sugar dumped a handful of them into her lap. She could tell from just one look the stuff Sugar had brought was neither cheap nor weak.
"Very good, Motta. I'm beginning to remember why I keep you around." She turned to Mercedes. "Do you have anything to mix all this with?"
Mercedes shrugged. "I might have some juice in the kitchen, or soda. But, look, Santana, I don't want to get too crazy, my parents are right downstairs and-"
"Can it, Wheezy. And go get me some mixers."
Mercedes sighed, and got up, heading out the room. Brittany looked at Santana with worry, and scratched her nose. Santana thought she might say something, and dared her to with her eyes, but the blonde remained silent.
"Tonight is going to be so much fun!" squeaked Sugar.
An hour or so later neither Brittany, Sugar or Mercedes had done much with the little bottles Sugar had brought. Mercedes didn't want to go too crazy, Sugar complained that the drinks weren't sweet enough, and Brittany just seemed kind of subdued. This didn't stop Santana who was pounding back the drinks like there was no tomorrow, eventually forgoing the mixers altogether and drinking the alcohol straight. While Sugar laid on her stomach in between them, her footie pajama clad feet in the air, gazing at her idol in was was clearly awe, a worried look passed between Brittany and Mercedes.
Santana didn't miss the look, and got annoyed.
"What? Why are y'all looking at each other like that?"
Neither Brittany nor Mercedes said a word, but they went back to the Connect Four game that they had tried to finish.
"Nah, nah, see, you two are trying to act like you know me! That you're all better than me, but you're not."
"Santana-" Mercedes looked at her friend with concern.
"I don't want to hear it, Mercedes. You think you know the first thing about me? About all this?" She gestured around the room. "Well, you're wrong. You don't. You don't know what it's like to have everything, all, out there. People looking at you like your from another planet, people judging you."
"Santana, people think you're amazing." Sugar still had her legs kicked up in the air, and didn't seem to register the change of the tone of the room.
"Oh, shut it, Pollyanna. Nobody cares what you think."
Santana was getting louder, and more emotional. The tears started flowing before she could stop them. Her face twisted in a painful grimace.
"And you!" Santana shouted, pointing at Brittany. "You haven't said a single word through all of this. He didn't just come after me, Brittany, he came after you. If he'd just come after me, maybe I could forgive him, maybe I could see past it. But he hurt you too. He hurt you and he didn't even think about it. And that's something I can't forgive."
Brittany sat up, her eyes wide. Her lip was trembling but she didn't respond.
"And now it's Lady Music Week?! What kind of bullshit is that? Oh, thanks Finn, for ruining my life, thanks Will Schuester for sticking up for him, thanks Principal Figgins for threatening to expel me, thanks Sue Sylvester for not having my back. Why is it that the people you're supposed to trust the most always let you down?"
She was sobbing now, her voice coming in fits and starts, her breathing hard and unsteady. Mercedes was walking towards her like she was a wild bird trapped in a cage; hands out, walking slowly as not to startle her, eyes wide. Sugar sat back on her heels and jutted her lip out, not comfortable, but not knowing how to help. Brittany stood there, tears forming in her own eyes.
Santana crumpled to the floor, her voice lowering to almost a whimper.
"She told me she didn't ever want to see me again. She told me that I wasn't good enough anymore. She didn't know it, how could she? But she was breaking my heart. Why wasn't I enough? Why am I not enough?"
Mercedes moved to take another step towards Santana, but before she could, Brittany swept by, gathering her up in her arms. Santana reacted the only way she could, putting her own arms around Brittany, and crying deeply into her shoulder.
Mercedes wasn't sure what to do, so she gathered the small bottles that were strewn around the room, and folded up the blanket they had been lying on. Sugar only watched thoughtfully from the chair near the bed, alternating between watching the pair and her cuticles which were suddenly very interesting.
Brittany was whispering into Santana's ear, so low that at first Santana wasn't sure of what she was saying, but as the pounding of her heartbeat lessened and her breathing returned to normal she could just make it out.
"You are enough. You're more than enough. And I love you."
Brittany was repeating a variation of the three phrases over and over again, and that only caused Santana to hold on more tightly to her.
Finally, Mercedes came up beside them, sitting down on the floor. She scooted in close and wrapped her arms around both Brittany and Santana.
Not saying a word, Sugar soon followed, sniffling a bit herself at the emotion of it all.
After a few moments locked in the embrace, Santana cleared her throat, shaking off all of the arms.
"This whole slumber party just got really weird." She tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a strangled cough. The other girls only smiled sadly.
"Look, Santana. I don't know what happened with you and your grandmother. I don't know what's going to happen with Finn, and I don't know what's going to happen when that commercial hits the airwaves. But, I do know two things. One. You will always have your girl, Brittany. Even before Finn opened his big mouth, I knew there was something going on between you two, and I knew that you loved each other. Really. And two. You will always be my Troubletones homegirl. So, if someone messes with you, they mess with us too."
Mercedes pointed between herself, Brittany and Sugar.
"And we won't ever let you down."
Santana felt a small surge of hope go through her system. They had been through a lot together. The four of them. If anybody could make it out of this nightmare, it would be the three girls sitting in this room with her.
She wasn't sure if she completely trusted them (well, everybody except for Brittany), but she knew that they were her closest friends, and she really, really wanted to. She pulled her knees up to her chest, and rolled her eyes.
"I guess." She sniffled a few more times, and cleared her throat. "I'm sick of all this touchy feely shit. Let's watch a movie."
This was met by riotous applause, and Sugar bounced over to Mercedes' shelf to browse through the DVDs. Mercedes went to get some more popcorn, and Brittany sat close to Santana's side, one hand on her arm, the other gently scratching her scalp.
It was the closest they had been in days, and Santana wondered why she'd gone so long without her.
"I'm sorry, Britt." She whispered, almost on the verge of tears again. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Ssshhh." Brittany hushed her, not stopping the movement of her hand through Santana's hair. "None of this is your fault. I love you, Santana Lopez, I just want you to be happy, and safe."
"And I want the same for you! You shouldn't have to taking care of me all the time."
"Honey, we take care of each other. That's what good couples do, right?"
Santana sighed, and nodded. "How did I get so lucky finding you, Britt? You're so amazing."
Brittany laughed softly. "We found each other, San."
Her tears had dried, and she was starting sober up when Mercedes came back with popcorn and more snacks for the movie.
She joked about what she had said when her mother had asked about the yelling.
"I told her that Santana had stubbed her toe, and was yelling at the furniture."
Brittany scoffed, smiling. "And she bought that?"
"Not completely, but she know's Santana's been having a rough week, so…. She let it slide."
The rest of them nodded solemnly. Sugar turned around excitedly, breaking the mood.
"How about Dreamgirls?"
"Oh, now you're talking!" Mercedes hopped onto the bed. "With my girl, Beyonce? Bet."
Brittany looked down at Santana, waiting to see her reaction.
"It's fine, B. I actually like this musical."
Brittany smiled. "Dreamgirls it is, then."
"It's just…" Santana said quietly. "Do you think we can sit together like this during the movie?"
"Of course, San. I wouldn't want to watch it any other way."
They looked at each other for a moment more before Mercedes broke the mood.
"Fine, and I'll get you a blanket, but if you two start getting freaky under there, you are going to separate corners! I don't want this to be a replay of Kurt's slumber party in March when all I could hear through the movie was Brittany making squeaking noises and Santana getting all pant-y!"
Santana covered her face. "We thought you couldn't hear that."
"Well, maybe not everybody, but I made the mistake of sitting right next to you all. I'll never do that again."
"B, I told you, we have to be more careful."
Brittany only giggled as she held Santana more tightly, and turned her attention towards the television as Sugar pressed start on the movie.
"Are we allowed to sing along?" asked Sugar, her eyes hopeful.
Before anyone could voice their objections, Santana spoke up. "Why not, Sugar. It'll be good practice."
Sugar bounced on her heels before diving on the bed and joining Mercedes.
Santana snuggled closer to Brittany. She'd probably never admit it, but she was glad she'd come after all.
