If I Could Turn Back Time

The next time he woke, it was with a throbbing heart and a burst of panic in his throat. He wasn't sure why he was frightened at first, but nevertheless, obeyed the instinctive drive to roll onto his belly and get his hands under him for a quick start. Not that he needed it, for afterwards, he remembered. He remembered Togami's bluish face and Komaeda. Dear, sweet Komaeda. Locked away with nothing like a wild animal. That couldn't be good for him. Didn't they know he wasn't healthy? It was obvious when you looked at his collarbone and saw how the skin sagged around it. Komaeda needed a bed, and a warm blanket, and the person he loved the most . . . had loved the most?

Wait, where was he? This wasn't the damp, dark cargo hold. This was the same room he had woken in before, his jailcell. Had he been – ?

"Nae. . . Makoto, relax."

Kirigiri. His body instantly listened. It took her command a little too far actually, and his chin ended up falling back to the mattress. He had to prop himself up with his elbows. Kirigiri was sitting in the same place the Imposter (Fukawa?) had been before, her posture straight as she snapped a small book closed and set it on the desk.

"Are you ready to speak with me yet, or do you need a few minutes?" she asked.

"I'm ready. I'm ready!" he said breathlessly. He was always ready for Kirigiri.

She nodded. "Togami-kun is fine. Everyone is fine. What happened was unfortunate, but there will be no lasting injuries."

"I saw Komaeda-kun and the others in a cage," he said that hesitantly, not wanting Kirigiri to think he was accusing her of anything. He bet she would be as surprised to learn this as he had been.

Yet, she wasn't. At least, she gave no physical sign of surprise. But, this was Kirigiri. Not reacting was kind of her thing. "I'm sorry you found out like that."

He didn't like the phrasing. It gave off the impression that she was the one who had carried this out. "Do you know where the key is? Wait, we don't need a key, do we? I bet you know how to lockpick! Uh, not that I'm saying you do anything illegal. . . But you're an amazing detective and all the detectives I saw on TV can."

"That pop culture nonsense was hardly close to reality," she scoffed. Feeling a blush come on, he turned his face away. "However, you are correct that I was taught how to pick locks. But releasing Ultimate Despair is out of the question."

"But –"

She held up a hand for silence. "Do you remember when I found you?"

He smiled bashfully. "Which time?"

That earned a hint of a smile. "With Ultimate Despair."

He nodded furiously, grinning widely. Of course. How could he forget the best day of his life?

She said, "I see. Then you should remember what you said Ultimate Despair would do if they got their hands on me."

The grin stayed on his face, but there was no longer any joy to it. It simply remained there like a drawing on a chalkboard.

"You were unconscious for a while," she acknowledged, "but the hostility between us didn't lessen in that time. It's only gotten worse. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I could talk to them. Maybe I could get them to calm down." Even the hopeful words didn't make his voice sound very strong. How was he supposed to argue with Kirigiri? She was Kirigiri! "But what about Komaeda-kun? Some of the others are dangerous, but he isn't. Komaeda-kun wouldn't hurt anyone!"

She stared at him for a very long time.

"I don't want to take chances," she finally said. "He may not be actively hostile, but his allegiance is still to the Remnants, and his luck is a threat even if he doesn't act like one."

She was right, of course. She was right and he knew it, but that didn't stop him from grinding his teeth together. "It's not their fault. The Future Foundation locked them up in cages. Anyone would be upset!"

"Your sister didn't tell you anything?" she said, aghast. "Makoto, the Future Foundation has nothing to do with this."

"But if the Future Foundation didn't do this, then who . . .?" He sat up fully. "Kyoko . . .?"

"Yes. Your suspicions are correct."

"B-but why?" he cried. "You can't do that to them! Komaeda-kun's sick, and Tanaka-kun needs to take care of his animals, and Owari-san doesn't eat unless I make her –"

"Makoto, relax," she repeated. "You don't need to worry about them anymore. I have everything under control."

Oh. He still hated it, hated the thought of his friends behind bars. But if Kirigiri said she had things under control, then everything must be fine. He still didn't get why it had to be done, but who was he to try to decipher Kirigiri's brilliant mind?

"Judging by your reaction, you don't understand what is going on," She closed her eyes briefly. "What do you remember before waking up on this ship?"

"There was something really bad happening. I don't know why, but Ultimate Despair had started fighting each other. Komaeda-kun said that some of them had turned traitor, and . . . We were running. He was trying to keep me safe." He remembered Komaeda pretending to kill his sister, but he didn't need to tell Kirigiri that. She'd overreact. "I don't remember how I got here."

"So, you don't remember meeting us. Given your luck's track record, I thought this might be the outcome." She turned in her chair so that she faced him. "Listen closely. We're on a vessel heading for an abandoned Future Foundation site on Jabberwock Island. The passengers consist of us, our class, your sister, and Ultimate Despair. Kamukura-kun and I have reached an arrangement to treat you and the Remnants on Jabberwock where we wouldn't have to worry about the Future Foundation attacking. I should also mention that in the eyes of the Future Foundation, our class are now considered deserters."

"Treat them? You mean we're going to give them hope?" he whispered.

"Presumably. My understanding is that is the cure."

"That's great. That's really great!" he said giddily. He couldn't wait to spread Hope again! "But, uh, why did you include me in that sentence? I don't need help. I'm already the Ultimate Hope!"

After a moment, she said, "You're still in poor health. I've been informed that you've lost a significant amount of weight since our time at Hope's Peak. Considering how slim you were to begin with, I find that concerning."

He plucked at the skin on his forearm. "That's because I ran away. . ."

"We can discuss the details once we arrive on Jabberwock," she said. "In the meantime, I need you to keep your distance from the Remnants."

Up to now, while Naegi hadn't liked everything Kirigiri had said, he'd kept himself under control. But this? This was too far. He sprung to his knees, protesting. Kirigiri remained calm and cold; it felt like she had expected this fight.

"You can't do that!" Naegi was saying. "You can't stop me from seeing them."

"This is for everyone's sake," she said. "They're anxious and aggressive, and there are no hospitals we can turn to if something goes wrong. You are not going to flirt with danger just to provide them with stimulation."

"I'll talk to them!" he vowed. "They wouldn't hurt me."

"They wouldn't hurt you," she said. "But every time they see you while you are not under their control, they grow more hostile toward us. Your actions nearly killed Togami-kun today. I will not see a repeat of that."

That was a low blow. That red-blue skin flashed in his mind, but he pushed it away. Togami was fine. He wasn't dead or anything.

"You need to stay away from them," Kirigiri said. "Do you understand?"

". . . Fine," he lied.

She studied him. He knew he hadn't been a good liar at Hope's Peak, but he'd gotten tons of practice with Ultimate Despair. That had to mean something, right?

If Kirigiri saw through him, she gave no sign of it. "Are you strong enough to walk? The others want to see you."

"The others." His mouth ran dry. "So, they're all here. Everyone's here?"

She stood. She readjusted her glove, making sure it fit snugly before extending a hand to him. "Come and see."

He did feel strong enough to move. He could have gotten out of the room without any help, but Kirigiri still stuck to his side. She made no move to touch him, nor did she ask if he was okay. But she was there, and she made no secret of it. It was a comfortable presence, like how Ultimate Despair stuck close to him whenever he went outside.

They didn't need to go looking for Komaru. His sister pounced the moment he set foot outside, winding her arms around him like snakes, making him still and pant uncomfortably. Kirigiri only let the hug last for a moment before reaching over and prying Komaru's fingers loose.

"I told you to wait with the others," Kirigiri said reproachingly. Her arms were crossed against her chest; oh, she was mad.

"Everyone else is where you told them to be," Komaru said dismissingly. She hung to Naegi's arm and aimed a bright, hopeful smile at him that was impossible not to mimic.

"We'll talk about this later. Makoto, follow me." Kirigiri walked ahead, not checking to see if they were following.

Komaru continued to cling to his arm, as if worried Kirigiri would suddenly turn around and try to separate them. He didn't mind. Not much.

"I'm glad you're okay," Komaru said quietly. "I don't remember if I told you that before. After I heard about what happened to Hope's Peak, I worried about you every day."

"Did you see what happened?" he said back, equally as quiet. It felt like they were trying to hide their conversation from Kirigiri, although he couldn't imagine why. "Enoshima did air it everywhere, so. . ."

"No. I didn't have access to a television. Not one that would show what was going on in the world," she said with a scowl. Obviously, there was an entire story behind that answer that he didn't know.

"Where were you staying?" Naegi asked. "I know Ultimate Despair captured you and held you in Towa City, and then Kirigiri-san saved you, but I wasn't told anything else."

Her shoulders slumped. Her eyes dimmed. Normally, that would have been a code red, a lightning strike to his core that would electrify his inner hope and send that factory into overdrive. But, this was different. This wasn't despair, he was looking at. A descendent, maybe; or an ancestor. This wasn't the sickening sludge that had seeped into the souls of Ultimate Despair, or a ghost five steps behind like that which followed Kamukura. This was acknowledgement, acceptance. Almost healthy –

What was he doing? This was despair. There was nothing good about despair! He squeezed his jaw as his fists trembled. What had he been thinking? He knew better! Was . . .was he contaminated? He'd failed and despaired once already. What if he hadn't recovered?

"Makoto! It wasn't that bad!" Komaru was saying to him. Her words sounded like they were coming through a long tube. "I spent most of it being held captive, so I had food and water, and I was safe until Asahina-san kicked down my door."

"Held captive?" he repeated in a daze.

He laughed. He laughed with high-pitched, hiccup-like sounds that hurt his chest. Like brother, like sister. Maybe it was in the genes. With a great gale of relief, he shook off his earlier thoughts. Of course, he wasn't contaminated; he was Hope. The purest Hope to ever be.

"Makoto," Kirigiri said sharply, "come walk with me."

He glanced sideways at Komaru. "Um. . ."

"Makoto."

He shrugged apologetically at his sister, and then picked up his pace so that he was at Kirigiri's side. She seemed tense.

(He wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Komaru whisper an apology.)

They stopped before the door that would lead onto A-Deck. With a hand on his shoulder, Kirigiri spoke. "Our class is waiting behind that door. Are you sure you're ready to see them?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Naegi asked honestly.

"We'll see," she said. Honestly, he couldn't tell whether she was acting ominously as a joke, or if she was truly concerned.

Mentally, he was prepared for the sunlight this time. Physically, that was a different story. He didn't want to, but his body still mistook the unfamiliar heat for flames and recoiled; his eyes blinked rapidly as they were unable to detect anything but white spots. It didn't last long. It wasn't allowed to, because Asahina rushed them, Kirigiri's glare barely keeping her back as her shadow fell across Naegi's face. The change in heat was noticeable.

"Naegi-kun!" Asahina was wringing her hands, bouncing on her toes, anything to burn off her energy without crossing over the invisible boundary Kirigiri had set. Asahina looked the same as he remembered, although she, uh, she was wearing a bikini. A pretty revealing one. Not that he was looking or anything.

"Yo, Naegi-chi!" Hagakure loped over. He had ditched the jacket and yellow shirt for a floral shirt with thinner fabric, although for a reason only god would understand, he had kept his baggy, rolled-up pants. His hair was hilariously frizzy, so that it looked like someone had taped a tumbleweed to his head.

"H-hello!" Naegi said. "Hi, everyone!"

"A year to think about what you'd say when you saw us again, and that's what you came up with?" Togami sniffed. "I expected a little more."

Togami had ditched the black jacket and tie, settling for his white dress shirt. He had rolled up the sleeves to fight the heat, creating a picture that struck Naegi as wrong somehow. Otherwise, Togami mostly looked as Naegi remembered. Except for the blue-black bruise blooming around his throat. Although he must have seen Naegi staring at it, Togami gave no sign something was amiss. He stared into Naegi's eyes instead, as if daring him to point it out.

Last but not least, standing behind Togami was the real Fukawa. Though her clothes were the same, she had changed the most physically. The pigtails were gone, swapped for a hairdo made of long tendril-like strands – like Kamukura's hair. A series of hairclips struggled to keep her mane under control, but they didn't stop a piece of her hair from curling up and toward her head, just like his own ahoge.

They were here. They were all here. He took a dizzy step forward. Asahina stopped breathing.

As his mind skidded to a stop, all he could say was, "Hey."

Asahina screamed. If Kirigiri and Komaru hadn't been behind him to catch him when she leapt at him, that would have been a disaster, for Asahina threw all her weight into him. He had no idea why she had thought Naegi would be strong enough to lift her. But it was the thought that counted, and it was nice to know she trusted him. Even if he had to turn his face out of her. . . away from a certain part of her body.

Hagakure slapped his back. "Naegi-chi! You doing good, little man? If you need something to help you relax, just come by my room later. . . Uh, don't mention that to Kirigiri, okay?" ("I'm right here," Kirigiri said.)

"He doesn't need relaxing, he needs exercise. Look!" Asahina pried his arm off her shoulder and let it hang pathetically. "He's all skin and bone. I bet he hasn't seen a pool since we at Hope's Peak. I don't know how you survived that!"

"Actually, they did have a pool," Naegi said. "I didn't use it very often, but sometimes me and Nidai-kun, or Owari-san . . ."

Kirigiri suddenly grabbed his arm hard, making him pause. She swept forward, and the prideful, powerful way she held herself grabbed everyone's attention. "If our voyage goes according to schedule, then you two will have the ocean in a week. However, Asahina-san, you would have to keep an eye on him. Given his track record, I expect a whirlpool to spawn directly beneath him."

"Aye-aye, captain!" Asahina said with a salute. "Don't worry! I passed with top honours in CPR, first aid, lifeguarding, diving, swift-water rescue, open water rescue. . ."

Togami sighed and checked an imaginary watch. "No doubt you were also taught how to bore everyone to death."

"Oh, lay off." She swatted Togami's arm.

"Togami-kun." Naegi waddled out of Asahina's arms and toward Togami. Togami looked him over.

With a pleased upturn of his chin, Togami said, "So, you finally got rid of that damn hoodie."

Naegi smiled hollowly, not thinking. Not remembering.

And then he lunged and giggled and hugged Togami before he could run away. He wrapped himself around Togami like an octopus, pretending not to notice that Togami was spluttering and batting at him like he was shooing away a fly. That was such a Togami thing to do. So Togami. Just like that had been Asahina, and that had been Hagakure, and Fukawa was here and Kirigiri was here . . .

"Oi! What about me?" Hagakure cried, looking close to tears.

Naegi wiped his eyes and pried himself away from a horrified Togami. Hagakure went in for a bro-hug: an arm around his shoulder that reeled him in close. With his other hand, he ruffled Naegi's hair, and wasn't that so much like Soda?

He tried to rest against Hagakure's chest afterward, content to bask in the warmth of his friends. Hagakure, however, didn't notice and strolled away; Naegi had to stumble forward to keep his balance. That brought him in front of Fukawa. She curled her lip and looked away sharply.

"O-oh, so now you're going to talk to me. I-it's only because there's nobody l-left, right? Don't expect me to fawn over you like those idiots. I know you're . . ."

She went quiet quickly when she was swallowed by a hug. Thankfully, they were around the same height because that allowed him to bury his face into her shoulder so that the fabric there soaked up his tears. It only lasted for so long; his nose started dripping and he had to tear his face away.

"Everyone's here," he said. "We're all alive and we're all here."

"Barely," Togami groused. "I thought I was going to rot in that hellhole. Thankfully, I've been to Jabberwock before and while its still subpar, it is far superior to the sad little shack the Future Foundation calls home. I must say, I'm looking forward to landing."

Hagakure frowned. "But wasn't Jabberwock . . .?"

"It will be nice to finally be able to walk freely," Kirigiri said as she brushed her hair behind her ear. "Kamukura-kun says Ultimate Despair has no presence there."

"Did he provide proof?" Togami demanded. He studied Kirigiri with an intensity Naegi didn't quite understand. She gave him a withering look in return.

"Jabberwock. . . " It sounded familiar, but Naegi couldn't conjure up an image.

"Yeah, check it out!" Asahina ripped out a brochure from one of the pockets in Hagakure's pants. "It's a luxury resort on this small island, and it has beaches and a pool. I'm so excited!"

Hagakure said, "But isn't it . . .?"

"Wow, that place looks amazing!" Naegi said, jostling with Asahina for the best position to read the brochure. "And once we get there, you guys can meet my other friends!"

The group fell silent.

"Uh, come again?" Hagakure said.

"You know: Ultimate Despair," Naegi said. "Kirigiri-san says I can't see them right now, but once we're on the island, everyone can be friends!"

"I didn't say that," Kirigiri said quickly.

Naegi shrugged. "Well, you can't keep them locked up forever."

"Oh, just watch me," Togami mumbled. "Naegi, did you hit your head on the way here? Did you forget what that thug did to me?"

This time, Togami pulled down his collar and clearly pointed to the bruises. Naegi stared at them, hazy memories rising. . . and then he pushed the bad thoughts away and smiled. Fukawa, meanwhile, had screeched, her face drained of color. It must have been the first time she had seen. . .

"Are you going to do that every time I point them out?" Togami snapped.

Oh, never mind.

"It's just bruises," Naegi said. "Nobody's dead. Tanaka-kun won't do it again. He was probably just angry because he saw Komaru."

Komaru pointed to herself. "Me?"

Naegi said, "They don't like you. I think they hate you even more than they hate Kirigiri-san."

"Th-that's not fair!" his silly sister protested. "What did I do?"

Naegi shrugged. "You exist."

Komaru took a step back. Naegi looked around. Everyone was staring at him. Oh! That hadn't been very hopeful, had it?

"It's okay." He swooped forward and grabbed his sister's hands. "You're still just a kid. They hated me, too, at first. I could get Komaeda-kun to talk to them for you! They wanted to kill me, but Komaeda-kun talked them down. He showed me what I was really meant to be and once I understood my proper place, everything was fine."

"They may not have killed you," Kirigiri said, "but they did give you that."

With her eyes, she pointed at the old scar on his forehead. Naegi touched it, letting his fingers run over the rough skin reverently, and laughed. "That was such a long time ago."

"Did they attack you with a knife?" Hagakure asked.

Komaru glanced at Fukawa. "I don't think they would leave that kind of scar."

"She's right," Naegi said proudly. "It was a wrench."

"A wrench left that?" Togami repeated in astonishment.

"Soda-kun wanted me to shut up."

" . . . Naegi –" Whatever Asahina wanted to say, it was lost when Kirigiri grabbed her shoulder.

After a careful silence, Kirigiri said, "You haven't eaten yet. Follow me. I'll take you to the kitchen."

Naegi obediently waddled after Kirigiri. The others watched as the two drew further away and disappeared through a door into the ship's bowels. Togami clicked his tongue, tried to pull his collar up to cover his neck, and slunk off.

Hagakure sighed. "Man, it started off so well. . ."

He walked off, Asahina following him a minute after. Fukawa watched them suspiciously, then turned to Komaru.

"Are you okay?" Fukawa asked seriously.

It took Komaru a couple of attempts to answer. "He didn't see anything wrong with that."

Fukawa shifted uncomfortably. This was not her domain. "They were saying he was a little crazy."

"I don't care what the Future Foundation thinks!" Komaru snapped.

The two stood in silence, Komaru still staring at the door her brother had disappeared through.

"It could be worse," Fukawa said. "So what if he's suddenly masochistic? It's a lot better than, you know, something l-like murder."

Komaru studied Fukawa. Slowly, she smiled.

"You're right." She squeezed Fukawa's hand. "We can handle this."