December 28, 2009

---

Derek paused momentarily in his step as he noticed Penelope standing by his desk. It wasn't often his Baby Girl stepped out of her lair and the fact that she'd come all the way to the bullpen apparently not around for JJ or Emily was also abnormal.

"Mama," he greeted with his most charming smile. "What brings your gorgeous self to our bullpen?"

"Well, my hunk'o'chocolate beauty," she began, weaving her fingers together. It was one of her most blatant signs of nervousness. "I figured it was about time I revealed myself to the poor, poor misfits of our world."

Derek didn't believe her for a moment. He simply arched an eyebrow at her as he took a seat.

"Okay, okay. I'm worried. What if Hotch doesn't come back?"

"What if he what?" Derek asked in shock. "What if he doesn't come back?" It had never, even for a moment, considered that Hotch would not be returning to the Bureau. Hotch needed the BAU the same way the BAU needed Hotch. Even Derek probably wouldn't have felt comfortable taking the unit chief position without having access to Hotch. Even as it was, Derek had started spreading the usual paperwork Hotch had picked up between the team. They were preparing for his return.

"He's got Jack, Derek. He may not want to come back," Penelope said.

He snorted, hiding his newfound fear that maybe Hotch really wouldn't be coming back. "There's no way Hotch isn't coming back."

Penelope shook her head. In Hotch's shoes, she knew she probably wouldn't return to the Bureau. He'd just lost his wife, ostensibly because of the job he did, and he was now a single parent to a five-year-old. Even with Emily around to support him. Emily couldn't be there when they were on the road and what was Hotch supposed to do with Jack? He'd lost so much time with his son that Penelope had a hard time believing that Hotch would be willing to lose anymore because of his job.

"Baby Girl, Hotch is the BAU. If you had been in the room when he chose to step down…"Derek shook his head.

"Jack is a powerful pull," the blond tech argued.

Derek paused, thinking for a while before saying, "Both ways. Jack idolizes his father, Mama. Hotch is Jack's hero."

"His return isn't in the system."

And Penelope would know. She kept an eye on the files of the team, on the paperwork that went through on them. It was how she supported her family, heading off issues before they happened. She sighed and patted Derek's shoulder as she left, no more reassured than she'd been when she'd stepped into the room and leaving Derek with food for thought.

---

Emily shook her head at Jack's hopeful face, unable to hide her chuckle. "No, honey. The deal was two treats, so you have to pick."

They were grocery shopping. She had volunteered to go and Jack had seemed eager to come. Aaron had stayed behind and Emily had to give him credit – and a sweet kiss of approval – for making that choice. Now, Jack sat in the front of the cart as Emily checked off item after item on their grocery list.

For that was what things had become now. Sure, she still had her own condo and once things settled back into a routine would probably make it back there more often, but at this point, with how often she'd spent the night with her boys, it was almost as if their place was as much hers. Not to mention that after spending night after night in Aaron's bed there was really nothing else it could be called. There was definitely nothing official involved, but that didn't matter to her.

"But I don't wanna pick," Jack whined. "I want chocolate and Fruit Loops and ice cream."

"I'm sure you do," Emily replied. "But our deal was for two treats."

Jack pouted from the front of the cart as Emily picked up frozen vegetables. Emily simply smiled down at him as they reached the end of the aisle and headed towards check-out. It wasn't until they were loaded in the car and Emily was just strapping Jack into his car seat that the five-year-old spoke again.

"Em'ly?"

"What is it, honey?"

"Are you going to be around forever?" he asked in his little, innocent way.

A million answers raced through Emily's head. Did she want to be there forever? Heck yes. She'd wanted forever with Aaron long before she'd even met Jack and now that she'd met him, she wanted forever even more. But Jack was five and she didn't want to give him false hope. There was still the chance that things between her and Aaron wouldn't work out and she didn't want to tell Jack that yes, of course she'd be around forever when she wasn't sure that was the truth.

"I don't know," she finally settled on, stroking a hand over his head and kissing his hair.

"You gotta stay around forever, Em'ly," he told her solemnly. "I don't want you to go away too."

He was looking for a promise, a promise Emily wasn't sure she could give him. "Well, how about this: I'll be around as long as you and your daddy want me to be, okay?"

Jack seemed to think about it for a minute, then he looked up at her with eyes that reminded her so much of Aaron. "I want you to be around forever, Em'ly."

Emily smiled and kissed his head before closing the door and moving around to the driver's side. She sighed as she started up the engine, looking back at Jack who had immediately started singing along with the radio.

I want to be around forever too, she thought to herself as they drove off towards home.

---

Aaron stroked his hand up and down Emily's sweatpant-covered thigh. They were on the couch, Emily's legs thrown over his, her head pillowed on his shoulder. "Derek came to visit me today."

"Oh?" she returned, looking up at him.

"He wanted to know if I was returning to the BAU."

Emily carefully kept her face neutral. If she was honest with herself, Aaron returning to the Bureau had been a topic she'd been studiously avoiding. She had no idea how Aaron felt about leaving Jack behind and she didn't want to influence him either way. The decision as to whether or not he was returning to the BAU needed to be his decision alone after weighing all of the factors.

She knew Jack was a huge pull, and rightfully so. Aaron was the only parent Jack had left and the last thing the poor little boy needed was to lose another parent. Plus, she knew Aaron regretted how little he'd been around in Jack's life and she really wouldn't have been surprised if he chose to leave the Bureau to be able to make up for lost time with Jack. At the same time, she knew all about the drive, all about the need to keep doing the job. They all had it. They all did their job to bring something good to the world, to feel like they were helping other generations, other people. More than that, she knew the drive was slightly different for JJ and Aaron. They did their jobs to make the world safer for their children.

The new year was coming. She knew that was the deadline for Aaron to make his decision. Jack would go back to school in January and their BAU team was back on rotation starting January second. Things were going to have to go back to whatever new normal was going to follow Haley's death.

"What did you tell him?"

"I couldn't give him any straight answers," Aaron admitted. "I don't know, Emily. I'm a single parent with a young son, I shouldn't be traveling as much as the job requires."

Emily filed away the fact that he'd said 'shouldn't'.

"And I'm a workaholic. There's always so much to do."

She waited making sure he'd said all he'd wanted to at that particular moment. "Aaron, I told you a month ago that we would be with you, every step of the way, no matter what you decided. I meant it then, and I mean it now. If you want to stay home with Jack, I understand that, and the team understands it too. If you want to come back to the Bureau, Derek has already started breaking up the paperwork between us so you won't be working as hard. The team is prepared to step up."

She put her hand on his cheek, meeting his eyes seriously. "This isn't an easy decision to make, I know that, but whatever you choose, you have to be okay with it. It has to be a decision you make for yourself alone, not because we need you."

Aaron sighed. If he'd expected Emily to make his choice easier, he'd been dead wrong. He still didn't know what to do. He was terrified that going back to the Bureau would change him into the father he'd been when Haley had been alive. But now, Jack didn't have his mother. He only had his father and part of Aaron knew it was necessary for him to step up and be the kind of father he wanted to be.

But Derek had also made some good points. He had also mentioned that the team was starting to pick up the slack, starting to do some of the paperwork he'd done on their behalf. It had changed their rhythm and a little bit of their workload, but everyone didn't seem to mind it. In fact, Reid had been utterly shocked at the amount of paperwork Aaron had picked up so his team could focus solely on the profiling.

More than that, Derek had said that the Bureau was in his blood. There was no doubt in his mind that it was, and now that Jack had seen his father in action, Aaron knew that part of his drive for the Bureau was to ensure his son kept the same theory about him. Aaron was Jack's hero. Aaron made the bad guys go away, and that was as much as his son could understand. What was he going to be to his son if he stepped down?

"I don't know," he repeated, this time into her hair as he pulled her close.

"It's a lot to think about," Emily agreed quietly. "And it probably doesn't help that you know you have to make a decision soon."

"If I go back, I become Unit Chief," he pointed out, pulling her body tighter against him. His relationship with Emily was now also one of the things that was floating around in his head when he considered returning to the Bureau.

"Aaron, that's a bridge we'll cross when we come to it. We're both good at our jobs, we know that, and I trust you in the field," she said. Right now, he just needed her utmost and unwavering support. "This, whatever is between you and me," she paused, thinking carefully. "Don't let what's between us dictate your decision, okay? I'm going to be here for you, no matter what."

He blew out an explosive sigh that had her turning her gaze up to him in concern and confusion. "What did I do to deserve you?" he asked quietly.

The part that scared Emily about that was that she knew a good portion of him believed that, believed that he didn't deserve her. "You were you," she responded quietly. "And despite the stoic face you put on for the team, I know you're a compassionate, caring man. Look at Jack. Look at the team. We're loyal to you because of who you are, and nothing else."

He leaned down and kissed her and even as he pulled back, he felt no closer to his answers than he had when Derek had knocked on his door.


For the record, this chapter counts over 2000 words prior to this author's note. Cool hey?

And I made a decision. Instead of stressing myself out by trying to catch up, I'm going to write as the story paces itself. I know tomorrow is New Years Eve (or it is tomorrow in my time zone) and in theory, the last chapter should go up tomorrow, but as by dearest, most darling sarramaks can attest to, I have had terrible trouble with this chapter, and with the one I'm off to write now. Though, the one for the 30th, most of it is written and the 31st shouldn't be too difficult, so we'll see. My ultimate goal is to have them all posted before I head back to school.

And on the going back to school note, I'm going to do a quick poll. For those of you who are reading my other works in progress, which one should I attempt to finish first? I really should focus on one thing at a time and I really need to not start a new one. So, I turn to you to determine which story I should finish first.

I think that's my entire story other than hoping you guys are still with me and that you'll review!