Summary: AU: Stanford Era: "Dean … Sammy's in trouble." A late night phone call sends Dean Winchester and long-time friend, Caelan Hagan in a desperate search to find Sam before the unthinkable happens; uncovering lies and secrets involving the youngest Winchester, that have been years in the making.
Warnings: Violence, swearing, physical abuse, torture, implied adult themes.
Disclaimer: I don't own the supernatural characters.
Author's Note: Just another possibility on why Sam left for Stanford. Introducing new character, Caelan Hagan. Hope you enjoy.
Special Note: Thanks to Mimmi85 for your kind words. Here's another chapter just for all you guys who have taken the time out to read this story.
DEMON SPAWN: THE PHONE CALL
CHAPTER THREE
Dean ran an anxious hand through his short dark blonde hair, shooting his friend horrified glances as Caelan finished telling him about the phone call he had received from Sam earlier. "Holy shit," Dean whispered, stunned at the account. "Sammy didn't want to go to college? He didn't want to go to Stanford?"
Caelan shrugged, trying to squash down his own emotions after recounting the whole conversation to Dean. "Seems like," he answered non-committedly, trying to keep his voice and tone neutral.
He had to remain calm. He had to be in control. Because Caelan knew that once the shock had worn off, Dean would do anything in his power to get to his brother as fast as he could, becoming reckless to achieve his goal was inevitable. Caelan had to have his own turbulent emotions in check so that he would be able to ground Dean in the present when Dean's emotions spilled over the top, entering his dangerous – someone hurt Sammy and now they are dead – mind frame.
Dean shot Caelan a puzzled look at the almost cavalier reply. "What about this "agreement" that Sam mentioned? What do you think it means?"
Caelan cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable as he had a disturbing inkling as to what that meant. He hesitated, not sure if he should reveal his suspicions to Dean or not.
"What?" Dean demanded when he saw the hesitant look upon his friend's face. "What are you thinking Caelan? Do you know something that I should know?" He asked, becoming apprehensive at his friend's continued silence. "Caelan! What aren't you tell me man?"
"No … nothing." Caelan shook his head, a little hurt by Dean's doubtful, insinuating tone. "You know everything I do man … promise," he added when he saw Dean's sceptical look.
"Okay," Dean replied, seeing that Caelan held no deception within his brown eyes. "So, what's with this guilty act then, dude?"
Caelan let out an exaggerated sigh and decided to just let Dean in on his suspicions, even though he knew that Dean would feel guilty as hell afterward. "I might have a theory … kind of …" Caelan began hesitantly, shooting Dean a worried look.
Dean schooled his expression to remain impassive and calm. "Okay. Go on,"
"Well, from what I can gather, Sam obviously had an "agreement" with multiple people … considering he said they broke the agreement."
"Right," Dean agreed. "Makes sense. But … what sort of an agreement?"
Caelan shook his head, bitting upon his lip as he fought to put together all of the pieces of this "verbal" puzzle that Sam had given him... "I'm not entirely sure, but from what Sam said, it entailed him to leave for Stanford; leave his family behind, having no contact with us at all … He left to protect us …" Leaving the youngest Winchester vulnerable, alone and susceptible to future attacks.
Dean closed his eyes, reopening them a few seconds later, trying to control the rage that coiled within him. He would have time to vent his anger later, he was sure, but right now he needed a clear head. And in order to think logically, he needed to push his rage down. "Yeah, okay, but … to what end Caelan? Why would they go to all of this trouble to send Sam away from us and forbidding him to contact us? It doesn't make any logical sense man,"
"I think that maybe it does Dean," Caelan replied, his tone low and dark. "Especially if their purpose was to separate Sam from us so that they could gain access to him whenever they wanted … or needed to."
Dean's expression darkened at the implications of Caelan's words, because if this was true … then everyone – John, Caelan and Dean – had failed in their core responsibility of keeping the youngest Winchester safe. "Yeah … but why?"
Caelan cleared his throat, his dark tone vanishing, hearing the pain and self-incrimination within his friend's voice. "I don't know man," Caelan said softly, hesitating a moment so that he could regather his thoughts. "What I don't like is how Sam kept mentioning being tainted and cursed or the … punishments…"
Dean flinched at those words, his green eyes narrowing dangerously at what "punishments" actually entailed or what it could mean. "Yeah, well, he's wrong." Dean growled. "Sam isn't tainted or cursed. Don't know where the fuck he got that idea from."
"From … them, I would assume," Caelan replied, gripping his hands together in an effort to remain calm as the next piece of his "theory" became clear to him. "And if that's the case, then it's safe to say that these … "punishments" have been happening for a while." Caelan paused, glancing over at Dean to gage his friend's reaction, noticing that apart from white-knuckling the steering-wheel, Dean's expression remained (painfully) neutral (Dean managing to control his emotions for now).
"The way that Sam spoke about being tainted and cursed," Caelan continued, his eyes returning to his clenched hands. "It was almost like … it had been repeated to him, over and over, drummed into him. And if that's true … then it's logical to assume that these "punishments" have been happening for years."
"But that's impossible!" Dean argued, beginning to hate Caelan's "theory" with a passion. "If Sam had been … punished for years, we would have noticed. There would have been signs …"
Caelan turned to look at Dean and Dean couldn't help but gasp at the haunted look within Caelan's brown eyes. "But there were signs Dean. Once you sit back and think about it … there were signs. We just didn't have any reason to suspect that anything was wrong and that's why we missed them completely." Caelan concluded his voice fill of sadness and regret.
"What signs?" Dean demanded, angry now and insulted; because in an indirect way, Caelan was telling Dean that he hadn't been doing his big brother duties. He hadn't been protecting or looking out for Sammy. And Dean refused to believe that he had been that oblivious to his little brother's punishments. He would have noticed, damn it! He knew everything about that kid. And if Sammy was being hurt by someone, Dean would have noticed it.
"Relax Dean; I'm not having a go at you here man. All of this … it's on me too."
"What signs?" Dean repeated through gritted teeth, his attention focused upon the road before him.
Caelan swallowed back a sigh and proceeded with caution. "Nothing that would stand out on its own," Caelan quickly assured his friend. "And really, its things that happen to children all of the time.
(Children?! Dean's jaw clenched tightly, unwilling to believe that his Sammy had been hurt by people for God knows how many years. It wouldn't happen. It was impossible. Caelan was wrong, damn it!)
For instance," Caelan continued. "Being afraid of the dark …his nightmares … his clingy, needy attitude …" Caelan counted them off on his fingers, ignoring the fact that his friend was grinding his teeth beside him and growling. "And then, of course, there's the big sign which should have clued us into something being terribly and horribly wrong … the panic attacks."
"Oh c'mon Caelan! Really?!" Dean exploded incredulously. "You're trying to tell me that Sam being afraid of the dark and having nightmares were signs of Sam being punished? Sam's always been a needy, clingy kid, that's just who he is. It doesn't mean that –"
"Like I said Dean, they are all afflictions that most normal children suffer with from time to time in their lives." Caelan quickly interjected. "But … I've been thinking it over and … I find it strange that Sam would use the words tainted and cursed to describe himself. It's … odd that they would tell Sam that … use those specific words … It sort of makes you think that maybe they would have to know about the history of your family, don't you think?"
Dean cocked an eyebrow questioningly, the churning sensation within his stomach telling him that he wouldn't like where this conversation was heading as he felt his body tense expectantly.
"About your mother's death," Caelan clarified so softly that Dean almost had to strain to hear what he was saying. "More specifically … how she died." Caelan finished off in a rush, noticing Dean's right eye begin to twitch violently.
Yep. He was pissed. And Caelan knew that Dean would be pissed as soon as he had brought Dean's mother into this. Even after all of these years, Dean still had trouble dealing with and accepting her death. He carried a lot of unnecessary guilt concerning her death. Even though Dean had been just a kid, he still felt that he should have been able to save her that night. Caelan knew that no one would or could blame him for not being able to save his mother, but Dean still carried that guilt around as if the whole tragic accident had been his fault!
Caelan shook his head in frustration. Damn Winchester stubbornness and pride! All three of the Winchesters had an unhealthy obsession with placing the guilt and blame of things they had no control over upon themselves. Caelan wished that he could ease his friend's misplaced and misguided guilt, but he knew that no matter what he said or did, Dean would always carry that regret and guilt around.
Dean instinctively wanted to sock Caelan in the jaw for having the audacity of bringing his dead mother into this. But Dean resisted that temptation, knowing that his friend wasn't purposely trying to hurt Dean, he was trying to help … even if his "theory" was way off base and delusional at best. But then Caelan's words began to fit together like puzzle pieces and it all began to make a horrible, sick kind of sense.
Dean recalled the times that Sam would show symptoms of all of the so-called "signs" that Caelan had mentioned – being afraid of the dark, nightmares, clinginess and the panic attacks – and now that Dean thought about it, there was a definite pattern. Sam would show all of these "signs" for roughly about one to two months and then most of them would start to die down or tapper off completely.
Being afraid of the dark was one of the first Sam would dispose of after one month (he had to sleep with a light on for at least two weeks straight). The clinginess wouldn't completely go away but it would die down to being bearable and Sam-like four weeks after his fear of darkness dissipated. The panic attacks never really left Sam, although he learned – with Dean's help – how best to manage and control them so that he didn't have a full-blown panic attack every second day. Normally after his clinginess had settled down, Sam would have a full-blown panic attack maybe once a month until he turned sixteen and then it was once every six months (that Dean knew about). The nightmares though, had plagued Sam for most of his life. But they too eventually died down until one or two a month. Although most nights Dean had been awoken by his brother's whimpers and Dean would get up, sit by his brother's bed and hold his hand, rubbing his thumb soothingly along the back of Sam's hand until he calmed down and fell into a more peaceful and undisturbed sleep.
Dean had never thought to investigate any further as to why Sam had suddenly developed panic attacks; he had just assumed that it was a manifestation of the nightmares that had plagued his younger brother his whole life. But the pattern was the same. Every year, without fail (and why the fuck had Dean not put this together before now?) Dean would have to help his younger brother combat and conquer those symptoms.
And now that Dean thought about it (Yeah now! What about when this had been happening, damn it?) these childhood symptoms; issues; signs would increase dramatically two weeks before a specific date; a specific anniversary that all of the Winchesters were not immune to – November 2nd – the day the Demon killed Mary Winchester and changed all of their lives forever.
Sonuvabitch! Holy crap! Caelan was right; Sammy had been punished; possibly for … years! But why? And who the hell would bother to punish a kid on that specific date? Who else knew the date of his mother's death and the circumstances surrounding it?
Dean's eyes widened as realization dawned upon him. Fuck no! It was impossible! But yet it made perfect sense.
Dean's hands shook violently as he quickly steered the Impala onto the side of the road and shut off the engine, his world narrowing until the only thing he could hear was his harsh gasps of air, realising the implications this revelation would cause.
"Dean … what's wrong? Are you okay man?" Caelan's almost frantic voice reached Dean's muted ears. "Dude! C'mon … you're really starting to freak me out here,"
Slowly Dean turned toward Caelan, swallowing back the bile that threatened to erupt and licked his dry lips in an effort to allow himself to get the words out of his mouth. "You asked who would do this to Sammy and why, right."
Dean saw Caelan nod out of the corner of his eye. "Well … I think … the only people that know about the true circumstances of my mother's death are … Hunters."
DW CH SW DW CH SW DW CH SW DW CH SW DW
One Hour Earlier: Before Phone Call
Sam's eyelids fluttered open as he was brought back into the land of consciousness, a groan emanating from him at the pulsing ache of his handcuffed wrist, arm and shoulder because it was pulled taunt; almost as if he had tried to yank it free while he had been unconscious.
Very carefully, Sam manoeuvred back until he released the tension upon his shoulder and wrist, breathing a sigh of relief now that most of the pulsating ache had dissipated.
Sam could have kicked himself for his naivety and gullibility. He had believed them when they said that if he left his family, having no communication with them, then he would no longer have to receive punishments to atone for his sins.
His father and brother wouldn't have to live with the knowledge of knowing that Sam had been tainted by the Demon who had killed his mother above his crib when he was six months old. They wouldn't have to know that the Demon had come for him that night, and because his mother had tried to protect him, the Demon had murdered her instead; because of him.
They wouldn't have to live in shame, fear or embarrassment of their brother and son being tainted, cursed, a … Demon Spawn, the Winchester name becoming sullied, ridiculed, laughed about, his family becoming shunned within the Hunters community all because of him and his unforgivable sins.
If he left and never contacted them again, ridding them of the curse that flowed through his veins, they would never learn just how weak and pathetic Sam really was. His family would never learn how Sam had allowed those people to punish him for the last eleven years; allowed them to beat him, torture him and to finally break him by …
Sam quickly cut his thoughts off before they could go there. He did not want to think about that. He didn't not want his family to know of the shame and humiliation Sam had felt while they beat and tortured him, telling him why he had to atone for his sins; why he was being punished while they – he – finally broke him when Sam turned eighteen years old and finally giving into their demands, deciding to save his family – not only the embarrassment, shame and humiliation that he would bring to the Winchester name – but also to protect his brother and father; to spare their lives. Because it was only a matter of time before he got them killed, just like he had his mother.
And so … like the coward he truly was … Sam agreed to walk away from his family and let them live their lives in peace while Sam had tried to come to grips with his whole world shattering around him.
Sam knew that he could have told his father, his brother, about his punishments, and he probably would have told them before it had ever reached the breaking point, but … they had threatened his brother.
They told Sam that if he didn't keep his mouth shut about this, then they would start their "punishments" upon Dean; letting Dean know that it was Sam's fault for him being punished like that.
That was something Sam would never allow to happen. Punish him as much as they wanted, but leave his brother out of it. He was innocent and had already given up a lot to look after Sam. Dean had lost his childhood, his innocence, his freedom to go out with his friends, have a girlfriend, go to college, and go on hunts with their father because Sam was too young, too sick, and too stubborn to move to the next town …
So Sam had kept his mouth shut. And when the time came, he had walked away, abandoning his family. It was the least he could do for Dean so that Dean was no longer shackled to Sam, having no choice but to protect him, to look after him, to comfort him or to … love …
Sam took a deep breath and let it out slowly. God, he wanted … needed his big brother so badly right now. He would give anything to hear his brother's confident, calm voice; for Dean to tell him that everything would be okay, for Dean to know that Sam hadn't selfishly abandoned his family … abandoned him.
Never.
Sam would never willingly abandon Dean. He craved the safety, the security, the comfort that only his big brother could provide. But … even if he did make the call, would Dean even answer his call for help? How stupid was it of Sam to think that Dean would drop everything and come running to save his little brother just because he was in trouble … yet again?
Sam stared down at his phone once more, seeing his brother's beloved name upon his phone's display, hesitating as the ramifications of what placing this call would actually incur. Dean would have to be told everything in order for Sam to be able to protect his family from being hunted because of him. Sam would have to tell Dean everything.
Sam swallowed hard as another horrible thought struck him. What if Sam placed the call to his brother, Dean picked up, realised it was Sam and then cut the call, refusing to speak to Sam at all? Sam chewed on his lower lip worriedly, knowing that was what scared him the most.
Rejection.
Sam didn't care if his brother found out about his "punishments". Sam didn't even care if Dean found out he was the cause of their mother's death – although it would hurt like hell to admit that to his brother – or that his family's name would be shunned and humiliated because their youngest family member was Demon Spawn.
No, none of that paled in comparison to the fear of being rejected by the one person who he loved with his whole being, idolized and hero-worshiped; the one person who he would die for in an instant, without the slightest hesitation.
Being rejected by Dean would be the worst thing that could ever happen to Sam. It would hurt more than all of the punishments that Sam had endured and received throughout the years. Because being rejected by your hero meant that Dean had given up on him completely and Sam couldn't live with the knowledge that Dean no longer believed in him anymore.
Sam let the phone drop uselessly at his side, feeling defeated, dejected, hopelessly and utterly alone; his will to seek help from his big brother beginning to fade and vanish. "Dean!" Sam cried miserable, clutching the phone within his right hand tightly and couldn't help the tears that poured down his checks.
What the hell did he do now?
TBC
