Edward vs. Seras

I do not own Hellsing or Twilight, this is purely fan made.


"Take this spoon." Anderson held out the spoon to Edward. He took it. "What do I do with it?"

"Put it in your mouth."

Edward did it.

"That's a silver spoon!"

Edward spit it out, "Ouch!"

"Faker!" Alucard pointed his finger at the Cullen, "And you're a horrible actor."

Anderson held the spoon out to Seras, "Take ye gloves off first."

"D'oh." Seras slowly removed the gloves, "Why am I the guanine pig and not Alucard?" She growled.

Alucard laughed once, "Because I'm the master, and master says mutilate yourself in front of the poser."

Seras gulped and took the spoon with two fingers. "AIIII!" She dropped it and sucked her two smoking fingers. Alucard picked it up with his gloved hands and stuffed it into his fledgling's mouth. Her scream was too high pitched for words and Anderson lost his hearing in one ear.

She spit it out. "Aluard!" Her tongue sounded like it had gone missing. "Ou uck!"

"I what?" Alucard put his hand to his ear.

"My ungue iz elting!"

"You thong in melting?"

"My ungue iz mehting!!"

"Your thong? Really? Can I see?"

"Ervert!" Seras screamed before she ran out of the room.

Alucard turned to Edward, who was glaring now at Alucard. "See, vampires are neither immune to silver nor abstinent, unlike you."