Minus Piece of Mind
Chapter 3
Friday passed as any other day would, cold, rainy and lacking in any overall excitement. I had an autopilot for school. I'd mastered the art of appearing to pay attention and blending in during my time in Arizona so I was rarely called on to participate in anyway during class. This is how life had been when I was in Phoenix. It was familiar and I didn't complain.
I passed in my paper for literature with relief during fourth period. Now all I had to do was wait and see what grade I would get back. No more rewording or editing. It was better this way. I could spend several wasted minutes out of each hour of each day at the computer trying to find the best way to express irony and truth in She Stoops to Conquer. It was a focused obsession. A distraction. Not noteworthy.
At lunch Mike was excited. He was a frequent flirt and whispered to me that we'd be working the same shift today. During the remainder of lunch Mike bounced around from chair to chair in the cafeteria yammering about some video game and weekend plans for disc golf.
At work, Mrs. Newton wanted both Mike and I on hand to move out some of the winter products because the spring products needed to be stocked. We laughed and joked sorting through last season's inventory. Mike talked mostly of college preparations, something I had been seriously neglecting. He confided that he thought that the reason he and Jessica couldn't make things work is because he is ready to date "more mature girls". "College girls," I corrected his meaning.
"My thoughts exactly," he smiled.
It was nice to converse with Mike like friends again. There was a time I worried that Mike and I wouldn't be friends once he got past his unrelenting flirtation with me. He and Jessica broke up for the first time shortly after Edward disappeared. Jessica's animosity manifested with evil stares and incoherent whispers between her and Lauren in the cafeteria, in the hallways, in classes we shared. Incredulous. This was during my "dark era" so I hardly noticed Jessica's hostility. Mike and Jessica's relationship had been on again off again many times. I wasn't overly concerned with who was dating who anymore, mostly because I'd lost track. The relationships at school were the equivalent of currency, constantly changing hands.
Jacob met up with me after work. I wasn't home five minutes before I heard his familiar knock and the sound of his voice calling my name as he was walking through the door. "Sup Bella, how was you day?" he asked walking though the door. His step was light, smile constant and his enthusiasm brought back faint recollections of someone I used to be. A person I was ready to embrace again. I beamed back at him as we sat quietly talking and holding hands, in the fading daylight of the kitchen. Together we chatted about our days. I told him of my relief since passing in my lit paper, my shift at Newton's and Mike's "college plans".
Jacob recapped his day by recollecting his boredom in class and the antics of him and his friends during their lunch period. I smiled shaking my head as Jacob described a food fight that ensued after hiding Quil's lunch under Leigh Clearwater's cafeteria chair. "None of like to talk to her if we can help it so Quil tried to take my lunch but, ah," he hesitated, "I'm bigger then he is. Didn't have a chance," Jacob said puffing himself up. I sincerely enjoyed Jacob's attempts to impress me with his blossoming masculinity.
Charlie was expected home soon so as Jacob talked I put together a salad and prepared pasta for dinner. I listened carefully when Jacob spoke about his friends and family. When he spoke of Embry or Quil he moved his body around a lot. He paced the floor or his hands flew about excited, as though he were reenacting the story he was telling. He was energetic. On the other hand I noticed as Jacob spoke of Billy, he sat tall and respectable. He was open but diplomatic about their relationship. Reverent. Jacob was a pure good person. Even when speaking of Leigh, whom he confessed he didn't like, his voice had a tone of sympathy, his quips without reproach.
"Well I hope everyone's satisfied with dinner," I remarked clearing plates to rinse in the sink.
"Awesome Bella!" Jake was, to no one's surprise, first to respond.
"Very good, thank you," Charlie commented as he got up from the table.
"Bells, I've been meaning to ask you," Jacob said clearing cups and silverware from the table. "Did you spill something in here?" he wrinkled his nose.
"No, why?"
"I'd swear its engine coolant or something. Maybe it's something you clean with. It seems like it's everywhere. Its giving me a headache, I think."
"Beats me," I said.
Jacob's eyes shifted left and right as he examined the floor. Nothing seemed wet. No residue. The floor was clean. "S'weird," he whispered. "Chief Swan, s'possible your cruiser may have a coolant leak? I can smell coolant like it's everywhere."
"Not my cruiser, Jake," Charlie responded confidently from the living room.
"Maybe Bella's truck," he thought aloud as he pulled his jacket from the hook.
"What are you talking about? I can't smell anything," I questioned, thinking his concern excessive.
"Be right back," he said pecking my cheek and then stepping out the door.
I watched Jacob's examination from the living room. He bent over and looked under the engine block. It had been raining so long the ground everywhere was wet, including under my Chevy and Charlie's cruiser. He looked under the hood, closed it again and then stared at the pavement searching for runoff. Puzzled, he returned to the house.
"That's weird. Everything's all set. I can smell it outside too, though."
"You okay?" I asked watching Jacob's face flush before my eyes, starting to burn up.
"Ya' know, I don't think I do feel so good," his eyes narrowed. "I think I'd better head," Jacob paused to swallow his words, "out," he said swallowing one more time and then regaining his composure.
"You don't look good. Let me take you home," I said reaching for my coat.
"Nah, I gotta get my Rabbit home so I can work on it."
"Then at least let me follow you to make sure you get home alright?" I pleaded concerned.
"Thanks, I'll be fine Bells," he said reaching to give me a hug goodbye. "I probably caught what Embry's got. I'm just gonna go straight home."
"Call me when you get there," I insisted flashing him a look of sincere concern.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said hugging me quickly, tightly. "And call you tonight," he said kissing my forehead before he left.
Jacob did call when he got home. The conversation was brief but he promised he'd be fine enough tomorrow for our date. He wanted to surprise me. His only hint was the weather was supposed to be dry and there would be dinner.
The next day Jacob called around noon. His voice was weak and he apologized repeatedly promising he'd make it up to me. I told him to rest and assured him that I did miss him but was much more concerned with him getting better then with dry weather and dinner.
"You know," Jacob said before getting off the phone, "I wish I kissed you last night."
"You did," I recalled raising my hand to my cheek, remembering his warm lips on my forehead.
"You know what I mean," Jacob said with his deepest voice before beginning to cough. Jacob cleared his throat. "I didn't want to get you sick though. I love you Bella."
"Love you too," I said before hanging up.
I made no effort to contact Jacob Sunday, assuming if he were better he would have called. Jacob had been right about the weather. It was dry and the sun made an appearance on Sunday afternoon. Monday was much of the same, same grayness during the day, sun in the afternoon and still no word from Jacob.
On Tuesday I started to become concerned. After work, I drove down to La Push. The angry rain clouds had returned. Billy answered the door and explained that Jacob still had the stomach flu. "He's been out since Sunday morning." Billy seemed too casual for someone whose son had lain in bed unconscious for the last 2 days. I questioned Billy regarding Jacob's symptoms asking about his fever, whether or not he was eating, et cetera until Billy began to grow impatient and I began to get very damp standing on the Black's doorstep, outside in the rain. "He'll be fine," he assured me, so I left without being invited in, which on a typical day would have been absurd.
When I came home from school on Wednesday Charlie had left me a message asking for me to join him in Port Angeles for dinner and that he'd talked to Billy who says that Jacob is fine and would call me tomorrow. Charlie picked me up after leaving the station and we drove in near silence, occasionally discussing school, the station, basically anything to keep from revealing anything personal but still considered conversation. Charlie circled around the back of buildings I'd never seen down a small alleyway, parking in an adjoining lot. It was pouring rain; the sky so overcast it seemed dark though it was not yet late. I put the hood of my jacket up over my head and made a mad dash for the restaurant. Charlie did the same, beating me to the door and holding it open for me.
I paid little attention to where I was going, my focus being keeping dry. I was completely caught off guard when I realized I was being directed to a booth at La Bella Italia. I said nothing, my hands shaking.
We were seated in a booth. Charlie handed me a menu and perused his own while deciding what to eat. Charlie was good for letting you make your own decisions, but something told me that this outing was about a decision I wasn't making and that was concerning him.
"Have you decided?" he asked. Ironic.
I sat frozen not really reading the menu options. Charlie speaking didn't startle me back to the current time and place. I couldn't help remembering the bizarre turn of events which brought me here before. Edward had insisted that I eat to prevent shock. His conversation was cryptic as though trying to say more then he was allowed. I later learned that perception to be true.
"Bella, you all set?" Charlie repeated. I looked up realizing that I was staring mouth open, the waitress tapping her foot waiting for me. "Do you need a few minutes?" her eyes shifting between Charlie and me.
"No, um, mushroom ravioli," I said, quoting the only item I knew from the menu from memory. I took a sip of ice water. Pathetic.
"Very good. Let me know if you'll be needing anything else," she said putting her little steno pad in her apron pocket and dashing away into the kitchen.
I looked up scanned the restaurant for our table. There sat a young couple. The man leaned forward, his body language inviting, smiling and nodding. The lady, a beauty, smiled from behind her mahogany hair, coy. She seemed comfortable with guising her feelings, but not good at it. They conversed as though they were the only people here, without distractions, unlike myself. I felt like I was without air, without the ability to speak or even the capacity to put simple ideas together. I could superimpose Edward and myself at their table, asking hypothetical questions.
I shook my head to shuffle the images from my brain. "So what's up dad," I asked. I need to be here. The truth is, there was nothing formal about Charlie so an uncelebratory meal out was reason to be anxious and any attempt he made to remain casual was nerve racking. He fidgeted and cleared his throat repeatedly trying to broach some subject. Trying to cut to the chase.
"I wanted to talk with you about your plans for next year," Charlie said his voice suddenly sounding fatherly, sagely.
"I haven't put a lot of thought into it, to be honest with you, dad" I admitted begrudgingly.
"Yeah, well, I'm concerned and Renee keeps sending me these," Charlie leaned forward, reaching into his back pants pocket. "I wasn't keeping them from you. I just thought you might be a bit," he paused looking for the appropriate word, "distracted." Charlie handed me several brochures from the University of Florida in Jacksonville. "It looks like your mother and Phil will be settling there and Renee was hoping that you'd go home."
"Jacksonville isn't my home dad," I said shaking my head.
"Have you considered schools in Phoenix?"
"There's nothing for me in Phoenix either."
"Than where are you then Bella?" he asked sheer confusion crossing his face. Concerned. "You came to Forks and you've never seemed happy. I can't imagine why you'd want to stay here."
"Dad, I don't know if you've noticed but Jacob and I-"
"Yeah, I've noticed and don't think I don't believe Jacob isn't good for you, Bells. He doesn't let you take yourself too seriously and you need that. Reminds me of your mother like that, but still this Jacob thing is new and you shouldn't plan around it."
"I just haven't been planning anything," I confessed, "let alone around anything else," I said letting my voice take a snide tone.
"I've noticed," he said shortly. "I'm not trying to be critical but you should be careful with other people's feelings," Charlie warned.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I said whispering contempt. Direct.
"It wasn't even a year ago that you bolted to Phoenix because you didn't want to be stuck here in Forks. That is what you'd get with Jacob. He's a good young man, likes to keep things light, but those Quileute boys, they're tied to their land."
"Oh, yeah, what about Rachel and Rebecca?" I asked referring to Jacob's older sister who had both left La Push.
"I said 'Quileute boys'," Charlie corrected. "Trust me Bells," he said as our meals arrived and we resumed not talking for the time being. Dad opened his newspaper, refolding it in quarters and scanned as he ate. His eyebrows furrowed as he read.
I sat confused. I thought he wanted me to be with Jacob and after his concern last winter, and threatening to send me Jacksonville, I thought we were passed that, thought that I had done what Charlie said but it seemed like we were at that place again. The concerned place.
The couple in the corner was still engrossed in conversation, not really eating, moving their food around on their plates with their forks. How familiar I was with the habit of feigning interest in food as a cover. Of course, I was sure the happy couple was just more interested in each other than eating, not just pretending to eat.
I hate this day. My heart sank into my stomach. I ate very little as I sorted out my thoughts, overwhelmed with thoughts of Jacob, the future, this place.
