The team had done a very thorough job in searching Meredith Castle's background, and in the end they were able to prove that Jane's hunch was correct. Mrs. Lee Harper, the victim's late mother, turned out to be no one else than Alison Jane; she'd died some nine years before, about the time of the murder of the granddaughter and daughter-in-law she never got to know.

That was the reason why Jane couldn't help but attend his sister's funeral. Lisbon was there at his side, and that was a small comfort to him; however, the sight of the family gathered around the grave only brought back those painful memories that were permanently engraved in his mind.

He'd been there before with Angela and Charlotte; his beautiful angels were now sleeping under green grass, while he still tarried there in his vain quest for vengeance. His rash words had got them killed, and now another innocent person had died because of the sick game he was playing with the serial killer; it was no wonder that guilt was eating him up from the inside, destroying whatever semblance of humanity that was left to him.

Beckett was standing right beside Castle, her arm wrapped around his shoulders; while Alexis was sobbing against the shoulder of a woman that Jane supposed to be her grandmother. He knew that Castle's mother was an actress exactly like Meredith, and the theatrical emphasis to her gestures only supported that theory.

Meredith had once expressed the desire to be buried there in Malibu, and the family had decided to respect her wish. Jane for one had never really cared about such things; his family wasn't really where indicated by their names carved on the tombstones, though he'd just been unable to let go of them when he'd moved to Sacramento. They weren't there anymore, and yet he couldn't help wandering off to that very place once the funeral was over.

He was vaguely aware of Lisbon following him, though at some distance; but he couldn't turn to her now, he didn't deserve it. After staring into emptiness for what seemed an eternity, he slowly turned around and headed back to the car.

"You alright?" Lisbon asked tentatively as she drove them home.

His eyes were lost outside the window when he finally spoke. "I don't really like funerals."

"You were under no obligation to attend."

"I know. It's just – I had to. She was my sister after all."

He could tell that Lisbon felt the urge to rest her hand on his own, offer him some silent comfort; however, she wasn't completely sure of what his reaction would be, and he grimly told himself that it was better that way. At least he was giving her a sporting chance not to lose her life to the serial killer; he wasn't allowed to show her how much her cared, how much he needed her to keep going.

"Were you there – at the funeral of your wife and child, I mean?"

A spasm of anguish passed over his features, and yet he somehow felt grateful that she was giving him the chance to share his burden with an understanding friend. "I was," he muttered at last. "It was in fact the last thing I remember, right before…"

He trailed off, but had no doubt that Lisbon could easily guess what had happened next; after all, she already knew he'd had a nervous breakdown, and ended up in Sophie Miller's care.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," she hastened to apologize, but he shook his head.

"It's okay," he assured her, then relapsed into silence. He wasn't sure how many victims his conscience would be able to bear, before he ended up losing it once again.

xxx

It was the following day that Kate Beckett went back to the CBI; Jane marveled upon seeing her again, even more so when she asked to talk to him alone.

"What is it about?" he prompted as they were sitting at a table of the nearby café. "Is there anything you think has been overlooked about this case?"

"It's not just about the case. I read about your wife and child, and I can tell when someone is after revenge."

"So what? Are you going to arrest me, detective?"

Beckett shook her head. "I went after revenge myself. My mother was killed when I was young, and that was precisely the reason why I joined the police."

He leaned forward and looked her straight in the eyes. "Why did you change your mind then?"

"Revenge is a harsh mistress, Mr. Jane. I very nearly lost my life to it, and the love of the people I cared about as well. The bastard might be still alive, but so am I; it has to be enough."

"For now," he added, as if filling in the gap.

The detective shrugged her shoulders. "If you want to put it that way."

"Are you and Castle engaged to be married?"

A wry smirk tugged at her lips. "Are you sure you're not Rick's long-lost brother? You're just about as nosy as he is – and I think he shares some of your uncanny power of perception."

"I don't think so," he replied at length, and the slightest hesitation in his voice wasn't lost on his interlocutor. However, she wisely refrained from confronting him about it.

"You are a smart man. I'm sure that deep down you know the game isn't worth it."

"That's where you're wrong," he shot back. "My family is dead, I've nothing to lose anymore."

The look in her eyes clearly told him that she knew exactly what she was talking about, and the thought only made him feel uneasy. There was actually something – someone – he still had to lose, and that was the woman that meant the world to him now.

Even if he decided to give up on his chase for the murderer of his family, that didn't meant Red John would give up his little game of cat and mouse in turn. Wherever he looked, there was no way he could escape; his only chance was getting to the serial killer before the serial killer got to him – and ever worse to those he cared about most. Teresa Lisbon wasn't the only one, there were also his other friends and colleagues to take into account.

"Think about it, Mr. Jane," that was what Beckett told him before she left.

He stared at his half-empty teacup for a good five minutes, then gulped down the dregs of the lukewarm beverage. Detective Beckett might have a chance to get her happy ending, and he wished that she actually did; however, he knew well enough that the same wasn't going to happen for him, no matter how much he wanted it.