Thank you to everyone for the coolio band names/Bobby Mafia names! If anyone else has any, feel free to send them in.

The Cast!

Kitty Pryde – Rogue

Mr. Pryde – Roberto DaCosta

Mrs. Pryde – Amara Aquilla

Professor Charles Xavier – Eric Lensherr

Kurt Wagner – Pietro Maximoff

Mystique – Ororo Munroe

Scott Summers – Bobby Drake

Jean Grey – Jubes Lee

Lance Alvers – Remy LeBeau

Logan – Kurt Wagner

Sabertooth – Jason Wyngarde

DISCLAIMER: "I saw my advantage, and I took it. That's what heroes do."

"Hey! Whah am Ah in Illinois?" Rogue demands, glancing around her bedroom.

"Because that's like, where I'm from," Kitty says innocently.

"Kitty, go back to your plane of nonexistence!" Tabby yells, and Kitty walks off huffily.

"Whah do Ah have to have a nahtmare?" Rogue demands.

"Because…you just do," Tabby says sagely. "Now quit whining!"

……………

Episode II: The X-Impulse (Part I)

We open in, well, a house in Illinois. More importantly, Rogue's bedroom. And, of course, she's having one of those OMG-I'm-flying dreams.

Well, until she starts falling.

Right through the bed and floor and straight into the basement!

"Hey, Ah have a basement," Rogue notes. "Cool." (1)

Then she realizes something: "Wait, Ah doan sleep in the basement."

Roberto and Amara come running down into the basement. "What happened?" Roberto asks. "Were you sleepwalking? …Why are we your parents?"

Tabby shrugs. "Because you wandered out of your plane of nonexistence."

Rogue, Amara, and Roberto look at each other, shrug, and continue. "No, Ah fell. Ah just – Ah fell through tha ceilin'." She starts sobbing.

"You're a good actress," Amara says, impressed.

Rogue looks up. "Ah know," she says smugly, and continues sobbing into Roberto's shoulder.

Back at the Institute, Cerebro has gone on alert. "Discovery," Cerebro says. "Mutant signature. The second detection in this vicinity."

Rogue's head shoots up. "Wait. Who's Lance?"

"…You don't wanna know," Tabby says. "And get back to Illinois!"

Rogue huffs, but vanishes back to Illinois.

"Extrapolation complete," Cerebro says. "Identity confirmed. Name: Rogue. Residence: Northbrook. Age: 15."

"Ah am not 15!" Rogue squalls.

Tabby holds out a hand to Forge. "Gun," she orders, and he slaps a laserish gun into her hand. After flapping a hand at him to go back to his plane of nonexistence, she shoots Rogue with it, de-aging her to 15. "Now you are. And go back to Illinois!"

Back in Illinois, Amara is attempting to comfort Rogue. "I'm sure it was just a nightmare."

Roberto looks up at the ceiling. "I don't think so." They all look up to see a blanket and pillow halfway phased through the ceiling.

This freaks Rogue out even more. "What am Ah? What's happenin' ta meh?"

In the X-Mansion, Magsy takes off the Cerebro headgear. "Prep the Blackbird."

THE NEW TOTALLY SWITCHED UP X-MEN: EVOLUTION!

At Bayville High, Pietro is late for school…again. "Crap! Late again!" he says, glancing at his watch. "…I hate going so slow!"

"Deal with it," Tabby says airily.

Pietro stuffs the rest of the gut bomb into his mouth and ports just outside the school building. He turns around to see…

"GAH!" Pietro yells. "Um, I mean…hello, Miss Munroe."

Ororo grabs Pietro's wrist and glances at his watch. "Watch isn't slow. Must be you." She grins. "I like being evil."

"Don't we all?" Tabby asked. "Except maybe Scott."

"Another tardy, Mr. Maximoff, and I'm enrolling you in my after-school group," Ororo threatens.

The door opens, and Bobby walks over to Pietro. "Hey, light a fire under it," he says. "Your teach sent me to look for you. Miss Munroe," he nods and Ororo and pulls Pietro off. "Stopped off for another breakfast burger gut bomb, huh?"

"What can I say?" Pietro says. "It's an addiction."

In Illinois, Rogue is in the process of sneaking out of her house. She gets as far as the door when…

"Dear?" Amara asks. "I thought we agreed you were staying home today."

Rogue whirls around. "Yeah, well, what's tha point? Y'all doan wanna talk about it. And Ah'll totally go crazy sittin' around here! …Ah just said totally."

Further inside the house, Roberto is crashing around and looking for Rogue. "Do you really have to make that much noise?" Tabby asks.

"No, but it's fun," Roberto says stubbornly.

"Please, Mom," Rogue pleads. "Dad'll make me stay."

"…That sounds weird," Amara says. "Don't call me Mom."

Roberto sticks his head in. "Tell me about it."

Amara turns back to talk to Rogue. "Fine, you can go." Rogue salutes her, then turns and runs off to school.

"…Whah am Ah so happy ta go ta school?"

"Because if you didn't, you'd get cabin fever," Tabby said.

Meanwhile, Jubes and Magsy are flying to Illinois. "Why just me?" Jubes asks. "Why not all of us?"

"Because you're the one who can connect with this girl," Magsy replies. "That, and Bobby would scare her away before we could even say hello."

"But what about the other kid Cerebro spied out?" Jubes asks. "The one in the foster home."

"Yes," Magsy says. "Remy LeBeau." (2)

"WHAT!" Rogue squawks. Everyone ignores her.

"Let me worry about that," Magsy continues. "I'd like you to focus on Rogue's parents. Remember, you're a model of what we're offering them. No pressure."

Jubes laughs. "And to think I passed up a nice, relaxing midterm for this."

At Rogue's house, Amara is (obviously) confused. "What are you talking about?" she demands. "How do you know Rogue?"

"Please, may we come in for a moment?" Jubes asks. "We'll answer any of your questions and any-"

Roberto interrupts rudely. "Excuse me, miss. You can talk to us out here."

"Why you insubordinate little-" Magsy snarls, throwing a spoon at him.

It bounces off his forehead. "…What the hell was that?" Tabby asks.

"Prof-Man," Jubes says, "You can't manipulate metal anymore. He's having letting go issues," she adds in a whisper to Roberto and Amara.

"I think you know that Rogue is going through a very unique transition," Magsy says. "We simply want to help her through it. Why don't you tell us about last night?"

"Last night is none of your business!" Roberto yells. "Please, just leave us alone." They walk back inside the house and slam the door.

Jubes snaps her gum. "Rude much? Next time, we should just call and get hung up on. Less hassle."

Magsy ignores her. "You'll need to make contact with Rogue directly, at her school."

Back at the Institute, Kurt is cleaning his bike when he hears another motorcycle gunning by. "Mastermind," he growls from his spot on the roof – despite the fact that he was on the ground approximately 2.5 seconds ago.

Mastermind, riding down a road, sniffs at the air. "Nightcrawler." And he guns down toward the city.

Kurt is now in a dark garage, as he gears up in his X-Men costume, then somehow ends up back outside on his bike, and speeds off past Bobby and Pietro.

"What's up with Kurt?" Pietro asks.

"Whoa, that man is packing some serious attitude," Bobby says.

"Well, he was pretty angsty to begin with," Pietro points out. "Wanna follow him?"

"Let's go!" Bobby agrees, and they run off to the garage to pick their method of transportation.

"Should we take the X-Van?" Pietro suggests.

"A lower profile, I think," Bobby says, hopping into his red convertible. "You coming?"

Pietro hesitates. "You're driving?"

Bobby rolls his eyes. "I can drive," he says.

"Right," Pietro says uneasily as he ports into the passenger seat. "You just can't ride shotgun."

"Hey, those goosi are out to get me!"

In Illinois, Rogue's busy angsting about the whole falling-through-the-ceiling ordeal, and so of course barely notices when the bell rings and instead opens her locker.

Taryn and Risty, the residential Plastics (3) –

"Hey, why are we the Plastics?" Taryn demands.

Risty turns into Ororo. "Because being a bitch is fun." And she morphs back into Risty.

"Besides, Taryn, you are sooo a Plastic," Tabby adds. "And it's your fault for wandering out of your plane of nonexistence!"

Risty nudges Taryn. "Hey, Taryn, check out the Rogue Pity Party," she says, jerking her thumb at spacing-out-in-her-own-little-world Rogue.

"Dreading PE, no doubt," Taryn says. "Probably the only class she's not acing."

"Let's give her some time off," Risty suggests.

The two proceed to shove Rogue in her locker and slam the door on her. "World closing in on you, Rogue?" Risty taunts, and they run off, laughing like the Plastic biyatches they are.

Rogue pounds on the inside of her locker. "Hey! Let meh out, ya (censored because Jamie has wandered away from his plane of nonexistence)! Somebody open this (see aforementioned censor) door!"

Meanwhile, Remy has crept out of the boy's bathroom with a can of spray paint and proceeds to spray a line of red paint on the lockers.

"That's so original," Tabby says sarcastically.

"Shut up!" Lance snaps.

"Go back to your plane of nonexistence!" Tabby snaps back. "Don't make me stick you in an airplane," she adds threateningly.

Lance eeps and runs back to his plane of nonexistence.

Inside her locker, Rogue hears the spraying and pounds on her door harder. "Let meh ou-" And she pounds right through the locker.

And right onto Remy.

"Hey, you see what-?" Remy begins, then stops, grabbing at his throat.

"Oh, the Authoress was watching Season 3 and realized that your accent is, while not entirely nonexistent, not nearly strong enough to affect spelling or grammar, like Rogue's," Tabby explains cheerily. "Forgot to tell you."

Remy frowns, but continues. "You see what you just did?" he asks Rogue.

"What?" Rogue says. "Ah…Ah just fell out."

Remy stands up with a goofy grin on his face – made even more goofy by the stripe of paint across his nose and cheeks. "Yeah, right through the door! That is so cool!"

"Yoah crazy!" Rogue says, and proceeds to run away.

Remy grabs her by the wrist. "I'm the one guy here who gets the beauty of it. 'Cause you're just like me. Really!" Rogue glares at him skeptically. "Fine. Watch this." And his eyes go all rolling-back-into-his-head-y as the ground shakes and all the lockers bang open. "Getting the picture?"

"No!" Rogue says. "Yoah just some freak. Leave meh alone!" She runs off.

"You can run, but you can't hide, because…" Remy stops. "Please don't make me say it. Please don't."

"It hurts all of us," Tabby says, "But you have to say it."

Remy winces, but finishes. "Because I'm gonna rock your world."

Everyone shudders.

In PE, Risty and Taryn are stretching when Taryn notices Rogue running over…in sweats…despite the fact that everyone else is wearing a PE uniform…

"Hey, Risty," Taryn says. "Check who got out."

"Rogue, you're late," Jamie the PE teacher says sternly.

"Sorry, Coach," (4) Rogue says. "Ah was having trouble with mah locker." She glares at Risty and Taryn.

"All right, you three, to the long jump," Jamie says. "Rogue, you're tardy, so you're first."

On the roof of the school, John and Ray (who, unlike most people who walked out of their plane of nonexistence, fell out of theirs) run over to what looks like a potential roof entrance. Ray taps it while John walks around, then elbows John in the knee. "Shut up with the clodding around!"

"Stow it, Crisp," John says, elbowing him back. "Can we bust in through here or not?"

"Not," Ray says. "It's wired into the alarm system."

"Well, now what, LeBeau?" John asks Remy, who is watching PE class. "We got no way into this stinking office and midterms start in the morning."

"Yeah, and exam answers aren't exactly gonna fetch a prime price after the test," Ray points out. "Can't you just, you know, make a door?"

"Sure, and have them know we were in?" Remy demands. "They'll change the tests! I got a sweeter idea. Her." He nods at Rogue.

"What, are you gonna have her long jump through the wall?" Ray asks. "Come on, get serious!"

Remy grabs him by the wrist (he seems to like doing that to people). "You riding me, Crisp? Huh? Are you?" The ground starts shaking.

"Actually," John pipes up. "On Never Have I Ever Night, I remember the two of you getting incredibly drunk. And I remember you giving you," he points at Remy, then Ray, "a piggy-back ride through the 'stute."

Remy drops Ray's wrist. "We really don't need to bring that up again."

"Lasso miming and all," John adds. "And you were both-"

Remy claps a hand over John's mouth as the ground starts shaking even more. "Say another word about that, and I will murder Zippy, Joyce, and Delilah."

John gasps and clutches his lighters to his chest. "Not my babies!"

"You two losers just line up the customers," Remy says as the ground stops shaking. "I'll snatch the answers."

Rogue, meanwhile, has tripped and fallen into the sand, completely mutilating the thing that is the long jump.

"Take notes, Rogue," Taryn says Plastic-ly. "This is how athletes do it."

As Taryn runs down the track, Remy sends a tremor down to the sand so it flings Taryn up and over smack onto her back. (5)

Rogue glances over to the roof, where Remy waves at her like a stalker shamelessly come out of hiding. Unsurprisingly, Rogue runs away…straight into Jubes. Without even apologizing, she runs off to the theater.

Inside the theater, Rogue kicks a chair aside and attempts to sit on the edge of a table. The table, feeling rather persnickety that day, falls over, upending the bowl of fake fruit on it. Rogue attempts to catch the bowl, but it (feeling persnickety for being flung up in the air like that) phases through her hands.

"Rogue, are you alright?" Rogue jumps up to see Jubes walking down the aisle.

"That Taryn a friend of yours?" Rogue asks. "'Cause Ah had nothin' ta do with what happened in the sandpit." She takes a mask off the wall and starts fiddling with it.

"I know," Jubes says. "And I'm not Taryn's friend."

"Well, you look like you'd be her friend," Rogue says, putting the mask over her face."

"I'm insulted!" Jubes says indignantly. "But I know what's going on."

Rogue lowers the mask. "Yah doan know anythin'! And neither does that creepy guy out there!"

"Who, Remy?" Jubes asks. "Forget about him. This is about you. You and your wonderful new gift…wow, that sounded tacky."

"Ah doan have any gifts," Rogue says. "Just a curse."

"Only if you let it be…that's also tacky," Jubes replies. "I'd like to help you understand it. Together-"

"Ah doan want any of this!" Rogue interrupts. "It's hard enough just bein' normal, yah know?"

"Rogue, look. I want you to watch me for a second. Please?" She proceeds to levitate the mask out of Rogue's grip and hang it back on the Almighty Invisible Hook on the Wall.

"How'd yah do that?" Rogue demands.

"The same way you can pass through walls," Jubes says. "Just like you, one morning I woke up and I had this power. And trust me, I hated it too."

"Ah doan believe you!" Rogue says stubbornly. "This is a trick!"

"No, you do believe me. I know because of my other ability. I can read your thoughts."

"Hey, get out of mah head!" Rogue screams, and runs off.

"Rogue, wait!" Jubes calls, but is then hauled around by Remy. "Piece of advice, Yellow," he says.

"Is that in reference to my jacket or to my ethnicity?" Jubes asks.

"…No clue."

Jubes shrugs. "Whatever."

Remy shrugs and continues. "I'm the only friend that girl's gonna need. And I'll be teaching her what's what. So you just back yourself off."

"Ooh, I'm scared now," Jubes says sarcastically.

"Don't make me say a lame rock pun!" Remy threatens.

Jubes holds her hands up. "I'm good."

……………

(1) – I don't have a basement. But I live in the Bay Area of CA, where we worry more about earthquakes and floods than tornadoes.

(2) – As much as I love Kurtty, I'm trying (keyword: trying) to stick with the canon pairings (in Evo) – well, the ones that actually get screentime ie: Jott, Lancitty, Kurmanda, Romy…and that's about it. If there are others I missed (that actually get decent screentime), please let me know so I can yell "OSH!T" and try and fix it. Oh, and re: the whole Scott/Rogue unrequited crush thing…that's probably the most whack ship here now. Hey, it wasn't meant to be, so I don't feel particularly guilty about the two.

(3) – Ya know, like from Mean Girls.

(4) – Is my school the only place we don't call our coaches "Coach"? Seriously, we only call them by their first names.

(5) – You can get the same effect with hitting a small child as you toboggan down a hill. Make sure the child's facing the other way, though. And no, I haven't hit a small child, I was the small child hit. Did a full backflip, landed on my back, didn't hurt at all, was one of the most fun experiences of my life. Don't look at me like that. I was five at the time, okay?

Poor Remy. Poor, poor Remy. He has to say so many rock puns. Oh, and Joyce and Delilah are names I made up for Johnny-boy's lighters. Zippy is a name I got from toddfan (in one of her ficcies…While The Adults Are Away, I believe).

From now on, updates will more than likely be rather sporadic, since school's starting up again (and my schedule is no fun at all). I'll update when I can, but there shall be no consistent update (like every other day, or on weekends), since as soon as I get acquainted to my schedule, some club/afterschool thing/extracurricular pops up to mess it up all over again (Murphy's Law loves to bite me in the ass, I swear). Sowwies!