"Axel have you forgotten that today is employee inspection? The Original six each are given one or two of you newer recruits to inspect…"
"yeah…and? Why do I care?"
"guess who Xigbar was assigned?"
" Yeah…freaken figures Manswex would get Saix so 2 would get 8...this just proves my non-existent life sux."
"yup he has none other than our very own flaming boy! The Superior assigned me Roxas and Xion again…apparently they told him I'm the only one of the original 6 who doesn't scare them beyond a reasonable level."
"well…they are like an inch taller then you…^.^"
"what was that? You want Xigbar to spend the night in your room to make sure the inspection is perfect? Okay I'll let him know!"
"no…NO! HE WILL RAPE ME! He will abuse me sexually and give me nightmares for the rest of my non-existent life! You…cant…do…that!"
"then behave yourself number ! you'll pass inspection and we wont have to worry about Xigbar, I'm only trying to help you…"
"…yeah right…and I always do as told at inspections…its probably the only reason I'm still here and not a dusk."
"oh and the members at the physical age of 18 or older…get a physical exam too…"
"FUCK ME! That it I am ssssoooooo out of here!"
" oh, he will! But why? What are you hiding?"
"he is not touching me there! NO only Roxa…AND IM NOT HIDING ANYTHING! WHAT DO YOU THINK IM A FUCKING WHORE?"
"well for all I know you are hiding drugs in your butt! You act so suspicious all the damn time! What am I supposed to think."
"HA! Funnyyy drugs in my ass…you know he is going to stick something of his up there and I am not referring to a gloved finger!"
"hey not my problem! Luckily I'm only physically 17 and numbers 13 and 14 are way younger then me so none of us have to worry!"
"you know how much I hate you. Why is it that you are always the barer of bad news, especially when it comes to me?"
"because it is the one thing that brings me joy."
"I wish you would find a new hobby. I'm beginning to have an irrational hatred for you and it does not bring me joy."….."Zexion…my room just got dark and *flame* AAAAHHHHHH XIGBAR! What are you doing! NNNNNOOOOOOOO that doesn't go there! Stttttoooooooooooooopppp!"
"hmm…he's a bit early!"
"…really! I didn't know! STOP or ill burn it off! No you can not demote me! that's sexual Harassment! that's rape! You can not…you can? … this is not what they ment by PHYSICAL! They meant examination, not how long you can last!
"flick him on the nose!"
"…I cant reach that fare behind me!"
"…well there's nothing I can do!"
"what would flicking him on the nose help!"
"it confuses him."
"so I could run away!"
"yup…but this might fail you…"
"…so he gets angrier…there for rougher…yeah oww…a little to ow for that! Ooowww!"
"oh well Roxas and Xion just walked in soooooo…good luck!"
" MMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!"
…...
"so Axel. Roxas , Xion and I are going to see a movie…and Roxas wanted to know if you wanted to come…please say no…"
"well since you insist…of course ill go! Heh…wonder what Roxas is wearing….."
". he's wearing pants…that's all you need to know…are you sure you want to come because I don't know if I can handle being in the same room as you for that long…"
"don't worry. I'm not going to be talking to YOU! Ive got bigger fish to fry! You can talk to Xion or something…"
"she doesn't talk much…maybe I should invite Namine…they get along don't they?"
"sure do! But honestly I'm going to have my hands full. If you know what I mean. anyway isn't there something we have to do before…like…clearance or something…ahhh screw it!"
"well…this is going to be awkward…I asked Namine…and now she thinks we're going on a date…how do I tell her? …oh your right! …never thought you'd read these words from me… anyway we need to talk to Xemnas."
"that's right! Mansex trying to keep track of us…and PPFFTTTT! What is it with you and people misinterpreting your motives!"
"I don't know but…I'm a bit scared! What do I do…never mind ill worry about it later…meet me outside number 1's office…we'll get this figured out."
…this next part is dialogue…not texting…
Axel: I know im a little late im sorry. I got distracted while going to pick up Roxas…
Zexion: yeah…when I said "pick up" I didn't mean a full blown princess lift…you can put him down now…
Xion: so what are we doing?
Roxas: we have to talk to the superior so we can get permission to leave…Axel…you can put me down, the superior might suspect something.
Axel: yeah yeah yeah…
Namine: well I sure hope we get to go! This is gunna be so fun!
Zexion: GAH! Umm…no offense but…could you please not touch me Namine!…lets just go inside…NOW PLEASE
Axel: okay Zexy…oh and Namine…just so you know…he totally wants you! He even told me earlier!
*Roxas opens door* O MY GOD!
Axel: what? Let me s- IM BLIND!
Zexion: somehow I'm not surprised…Xigbar could you please get off Xemnas for a few minutes?
Namine: AHH! *hides behind Zexion's Hair*
Zexion: HOLY CRAP SHE JUST LICKED MY NECK!
Xigbar: no can do Zexy. As Number 2 my job is to make sure the superior is…pleased. You can join in if you want? Same goes for hot body over there. *winks*
Axel: RUN RUN AWAYYYY! *hides behind Roxas and Xion*
Zexy: not a chance *puts hand over Xions eyes* well then your just going to have to wait because we need to ask him a question…we need permission to go see a movie…
Xion: im not sure I want to go anymore.
Zexion: YOUR GOING! I need you ro sit between me and Namine!
XEMNAS: GO…..mmmmmnnnnnnnn…..NOW!
Axel: DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE!* Runs away pulling Roxas*
Zexion: well…that went well
Namine: I cant wait for our date! 3
Xion: aaawwww! You two are going on a date!
Zexion no we are NOT!
*meets on the front courtyard of castle oblivion*
Roxas: so now what?
Axel: we leave…to go to a dark and loud theater…
Zexion: so what do you guys want to go see?
Xion: why are you and Namine hand cuffed together?
Zexion: *twitch*
Axel: Namine you know its not nice to force your will upon others… now your acting like Xigbar…HAHA ZEXY'S GOT TWO XIGBARS IN HIS LIFE!
Roxas: Namine, un hand cuff Zexion right…pfft NOW!
Zexion: she's…worse…
Namine: aww…you guys are no fun! Well I guess I'll just have to hold your hand!
Zexion: Axel…put the handcuffs down…you cant have them…
Axel: but theyd come in handy when we come back to the castle…are you sure I cant have them?
Roxas: don't give them to him, he already has three!
Xion: no one gets the handcuffs!
Zexion: lets just go please.
Axel: fine *pouts*
Roxas: aw Axel…no need to pout! And Zexion, are we going to the theater in twilight town?
Zexion: yeah…what else would we do?
Namine: kiss…?
Zexion: oh dear GOD!
Xion: haha this is better than a movie!
Zexion: *warps with Namine*
Roxas: better get going*warps with friends.
Axel: so what movie are we going to see, not that it matters…
Zexion: what do you guys wanna see?
Namine: ohh we should see Twilight, its supposed to be romantic!
Zexion:…shes already sucking the life out of me…
Namine: what was that sweetie?
Zexion: NOTHING!…but lets not see that please…
Xion: I'm plenty entertained.
Roxas: of course you are, its like a sit com.
Axel: I think we should go in now…cause im parched…yeah…parched…XD
Xion: so what did you buy us tickets for Zexion?
Zexion: the one about the were smurfs…
Namine" I call a set next to ZEXY!
Zexion: please don't call me that.
Axel: im getting a seat next to Roxas…oh and by the way namine…SHUT UP! YOU WILL SIT WERE YOUR TOLD TO SIT!
Roxas: so no one kills each other this is what is going to happen. Namine is gunna be in the left most seat. Then Xion and Zexion then me and Axel. Got it?
Axel: MEMORIZED!
Zexion: thank you kind child!
Namine: aw poo
Xion: well at least I get a front row seat to the drama!
Axel: and I get a front row seat to Roxas's lips…I mean movieeee!
Roxas: *hits Axel lightly* SSSSSHHHHHHH!
Axel: yeah yeah yeah
* now in theater*
Xion: stop trying to throw pop corn at Zexion!
Namine: you all just want him to your selves!
Axel: no I deffinatly want Roxas to myself! *pulls Roxas into seat*
Roxas: even if we did want Zexion, theres no possible way to keep him anywere, he'll just escape and leave you with no memory.
Xion: come to think of it, why are you still here Zexion?
Zexion: I paid for the tickets, im gunna see the movi!
*namine lunges at Zexion and kisses him/technically rape…"
Zexion: AAAAAHHHHHHHHh get her of me!
Axel *pulls face from Roxas's* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA XION YOUR RIGHT THIS IS ENTERTAINING!
Roxas:Namine get off of him, I swear you belong with Xigbar!
Xion: oh this is great!
Zexion:*now in fetal position* it was my first kiss…and she stole it…I'm gunna die…
Xion: there there it'll be okay…*pats Zexion's head* I HOPE YOUR HAPPY NAMINE!
Namine: oh I am don't worry! * now handcuffed to chair* ^.^
Axel: even though I don't particularly lick Zexion *streaches arm around Roxas's shoulder* that was pretty low Namine!
Roxas: at least she wont be interrupting *looks at Axel* the movie…for everyone else *smirks*
…..after movie….
Zexion: *snore*
Xion: well…he whimpered himself to sleep and missed the entire movie…I have to say im glad I came…this was great!
Namine: I had fun!
Xion: yes…we all know, anyway thanks for carrying him Axel…
Axel:…yeah..what ever. Hey Roxas, meet me in my room in ten 'kay?
Roxas: I don know…I have a mission tomarrow.
Axel: we'll make it quick, if you want…hmm…I have a strong earge to throw him in Xigbars room…along with NAMINE! In fact, Namine your sleeping in Xigbars room! End of discussion!
Namine: well if that's the case I can show him that Zexy is mine now!
Xion: Nami! Your staying in my room tonight remember? We were gonna have a sleep over!
Axel:…mkay…ROXAS! WANNA HAVE A SLEEP OVER!
Roxas: …yes…but there has to be SOME sleeping. Like I said I have a mission.
Axel: you'll be so worked, you'll fall asleep right after. And it's a recon mission! Its not that hard!
Zexion: *snort* huh…were am I?
Namine aww my Zeku-kun is awake!
Zexion: aaahhhhh keep her away from me! *thrashes around, accidentally punching Axel a few times*
Axel: DAMN-IT ZEXION! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! *nose bleed drips on Zexy* sit still or…better yet *drops on ground and hits head. Out like a light*
Xion: Axel! Now look what you did! Thank god Namine went back to her room before you dropped him
Xigbar: *hanging from ceiling* I'll give you each 50 Munny to put him in my room!
Axel: even though I love the sound of that, Im gunna have to say no…you can have namine if you want…or one of the LONELY MALES THAT WANT YOUR SERVICE!
Roxas: …niiice…..
Xigbar: awww poo! Well…see you next inspection day Axel *leaves*
Xion: wow Axel I'm surprised at you! You actually showed sympathy for your fellow member! Or was it something else…
Axel: well to tell you the truth, Xigbar is ruthless and doesn't know what the word no means…specially when he's raping you *shudder*…he raped me…*cringe*
Roxas:…he….raped…you….gggrrrr…
Xion: ummm…well…sorry about that but…what do we do with Zexion?
Roxas: someone has to look after him *looks at Axel* its your day off tomarrow, and I have a mission. Ill be back early and then we can go to the clock tower…but…I think…please don't kill me…but you need to look after him…
Axel: can I set him on fire?
Roxas: no…you can set Larxines room on fire if you want…
Xion: I agree with Roxas, you need to watch him…we cant leave him alone or else either Xigbar…or Namine will rape him,,,boy…fandom has sure messed her up…
Axel: fine…but I wont like it!
Roxas: of course not! Especially when you were going to spend the night with me! *winks* well I'm going to bed…see you Axel…
Axel: night…see you after work *smirk*
Xion:…you know everyone knows what you guys are doing right?
….later…..
Zexion: *gerk* *uses powers to form sword* who's room am I in and do I need to protect myself?
Axel: *snore* Roxas? Get over here!…hhuuuhhh…NO XIGBAR GET OFF MEEE! Someone save me PLEASEEE! *turn* *snore*
Zexion: he talks…in his sleep…interesting….why am I covered in blood?
…..next morning….
Axel: did Roxas leave already?
Xion: yeah he left about an hour ago…he said he'd be back soon. Zexion, here's your coffee.
Zexion: thanks uh I'm so tired…
Namine: can I have a sip Zeku-kun?
Zexion: AAAHHH!
Xion: oh no,nononononono!*pushing Namine out of room* you can have your own cup later! Geez…at least give him a chance to recover!
Axel: can I have some coffee…please? I really need a zinger.
Xion: sure but you have to make the next new pot…oh and I need you to watch this mental *points to Zexion* patient until he is stable again…I also have a mission today so have fun!
Axel:…thanks for the coffee…*sip* so…Zexion…at least you weren't raped?
Zexion: I was face raped by a seemingly innocent girl who now thinks im her boyfriend…that's pretty bad
Axel: you could have been droped off in Xigbar's room, and I could have gained 50 munny, but that didn't happen…so I'd say it wasn't so bad…ish…"
Zexion: I have two Xigbars and you have one…50 munny…im worth more then that…
Axel: I guess Xigbar figured you were out like a light so he wasn't even going to try. *sip* its okay though, they quilted me into watching you so no one actually raped you.
Zexion: well I guess I should thank you…but I wont because a small blond artist now has me by the ankle and I'm going to start screaming now please don't let her take me! AHHHHHHHH!
Axel: NAMINE! GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM OR ILL BURN YOU TO A FUCKING CRISP! *flame* now leave! Shew! Next time I throw you with Xigbar!
Namine: he your no fun Axel! See you later Sexy Zexy!
Zexion: and now I'm gonna cry…excuse me for a moment. *lets head fall and hit table* uuuhhhhhh why do I have to be so beautiful!
Axel: ppfftt! I could ask myself the same question my friend. Anyway. You seem to atract the wrong kind of person. You attract crazy rapests. Not sweet and loveable or sexy and a little devious, just crazy!
Zexion: *turns head and glares at Axel* that really isn't helping me…but ehy is it true? Ive got Xigbar, Larxine, Namine and…
Demyx: HEY ZEXY G'MOURNIN'!
Zexion: oh god not that one!
Axel: Demyx we were just talking about Zexy and his talent for attracting crazy people. Whats your opinion.
Demyx: why what happened?
Zexion: UGH WHAT DIDN'T HAPPEN?
Axel: lots of people have been trying to rape him. Even Namine…
Demyx: well…I guess they like him because…I'm hungry!
Zexion: *grabs a bottle of pills from table looking like hes about to down them all*
Axel: no Zexy you are not about to do that *swipes pills* we can't have our plan maker dieing a final death…cause then Xiggy would be planning our plans…and we all know what he would do…
Zexion: just half the bottle then? I wish I could sleep-
Demyx: *hits him with frying pan* there I helped!
Axel: no no you didn't! know he's out!
Zexion: I'm still awake…and bleeding!
*Roxas warps into room*
Roxas: I'm ba- what did you do to him Axel! You were supposed to watch him! Not kill him!
Axel: Demyx that is not fucking helpful! *picks up Zexion* hes bleeding profusely…but vexen will test on him…so were do we take him?
Roxas: dun know…superior?
Axel: no Roxas that's just asking for trouble.
Zexion: doctor…I need a doctor…and drugs…
Axel: alright*warps to hallow bastion* YUFIEEEEEEEEEEE WE NEED YOUR HELPPPPP!
Roxas: our friend is injured…can you help us?
Yuffie: you bet! I the great ninja Yuffie wi-
Zexion: I DON'T NEED A NINJA I NEED A DOCTOR! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!
*gets rocks to head causing him to thrash against Axel a lot*
Yuffie: don't interrupt me! Its rude and stupid!
Axel: ahhh my nose! Damn-it Zexy!
Roxas: don't drop him this time.
Axel: im trying…were gunna find someone else…
*warps to Midgar*
Roxas: can anyone help us?
Loz: MOTHER CAN HELP YOU!
Zexion: no ANYBODY BUT THEM!
Yazoo: Brother? You've returned!
Zexion: I'm not your brother! Stop sending me Christmas cards!
Kadaj: fine then, but when mother returns, you will parish just like everyone else! *walks off*
Axel: okay…..*walks randomly to Shin-Ra's new HQ* CAN ANYONE HELP US!
*ROXAS POUNDS ON DOOR*
Reno: hey some pf us are trying to sleep! While others are trying to break into the bosses files and see if he's hid my paycheack there!
Zexion: GAH! don't care anymore, some one just fix my head!
Reno: hey you with the red hair! I like your style!…who is the little girl you're holding?
Axel: back at yeah! And her name I is Zexy. We need someone to fix her head. Got anyone to do so?
Roxas: he looks just like you…
Axel: nahhhh we just haves miler taste!
Reno: come on in! I'm used to bandaging people up! Ha just look at Rufus!
Zexion: hey I'm not a-*axel covers his mouth*
Axel: is he the guy raped in the sheet? couldn't have done it better my self!
Roxas:…nahhh Axel, you would fail even more epically then that…
Axel: shut it Roxas…anyway Zexy here is a little delusional…she thinks she's a boy…pppffttt!
Reno: yup I'm pretty good at this stuff! Not to mention she's pretty cute!
Rude: I'm pretty sure that's just a young boy and that guy with the red hair looks just like you…
Reno: hmmm…really I don' see it but he is rather attractive!
Zexion: will someone just fix my head!
Reno: now for the anesthetic *hits him over head with EMR*
Axel: pppfffttt at least you knocked him out!
Roxas: yeah, cause Demyx did a poor job of it!
Axel: so, Reno was it? What is that metal object you used to knock her out?
Reno: not sure but it came free with this suit! Alright all wrapped up! She should be just as pretty as before but with some slight emotional trauma!
Axel: oh she has so much emotional trauma, you don't even want to know! Thanks by the way! She might have bleed out if it wasn't for your mad skills! *looks at Roxas* why do you keep looking from me to Reno?
Roxas: I cant get over all your similarities! Its amazing!
Reno…naw! We just have a similar style! Anyway when she wakes up, heres my number! See you later red head buddy!
Axel: BYE style buddy! *walks out door and far enough so they can warp back to the caslte.*
Axel: I'm gunna lay him in my bed and were gunna hang out in here, kay Roxas?
Roxas: yeah yeah I know…so in the mean time…*starts kissing on couch*
Zexion: ugh…ow owowowowowowowowowow!…drugs…I need drugs!
Xion:alright im back…hey were is everyone…why Is there blood everywere? *walks into Axels room* O MY GOD!
Roxas: AHHHHH! XION DON'T YOU KNOCK?
Axel: enjoying the show are you?
Roxas: don't you NOCK!
Axel: babe you already said that!
Xion: I cant believe this!…I'm gone for 2 hours and you guys have nearly killed Zexion! I said take care of him! What did you do Axel!
Axel: I love how she asumes its me! Well…namine tried stealing him, but I saved him, he tried killing himself…but I saved him…demyx hit him with a frying pan…but I saved him…Yuffie hit him with a rock while I was trying to save him…the remnants didn't do anything…and this cool guy named reno fixed him…and thought he was a girl…oh and heres renos number Zexy…
Zexion: Xion please kill me…
Xion: not today…Axel you've left me no choice…im going to the superior…
Axel: its not my fault hes a magnet for crazy…and rocks and frying pans…
Roxas: *interupts axel* ITS NOT OUR FAULT!
Axel: I did nothing wrong.
Zexion: someone bring me namine! Bring her here!
Xion:…what?
Axel: he's delusional!
Roxas: o my god he probably has serious head trauma!
Namine: did I here Zexion call me, what is it my dear?
Zexion: you love me right?
Namine: yes of COURSE!
Zexion: well if you love me…you'll take this knife and kill me now please!
Xion: OH NO YOU DON'T! gimme that, Axel grab her!
Axel: no you don't! *grabs Namine and travels down the hall to Xigbars room* HERE XIGGY SHES A RAPEST JUST LIKE YOU! *drops her, shuts door, and returns*
Roxas: what do we do what do we dddddddddooooooooo!
Axel: ssssshhhhhhh baby I cant think!…what if we take him to Aerith?
Xion: why didn't you take him there in the first place?
Zexion: I need…a hug…AND MORE DRUGS!
Axel: I wasn't able to think with a bleeding Zexion in my arms. *picks up Zexion* were going to take you to Aerith okay?
Zexion: I like apples…
Xion: lets just go!
Axel: OKAY! *warps to Aerith*
Roxas: Aerith we need your helpppp!
Xion: and Fast…now he thinks he's a pokemon
Zexion: Pika pika?
Aerith: what is it? Oh my this one looks bad. Please bring him in here.
Axel: kay.*sets him down* are you sure you can fix him?
Aerith: of course I can fix him! Ive had to deal with way worse! Especially with that Zack Fair, always falling…red biy, has anyone told you you look like that turk…what was his name…
Axel: Reno?
Aerith: yes. And you. Girl and biy, look like a boy ive seen…Sora.
Xion: we get that a lot…
Aerith: let me see what I can do…*ten minuts later*
Xion: wow he looks ten times better and hes sleeping like a baby! Howd you do it?
Aerith: well I just hit him with this stick! Then I used some-
Xion: that's okay I don't need to here anymore.
Axel: so is he ready to be taken back?
Aerith: yes I believe so. The materia should have heald his injuries.
Roxas: thanks…
Xion: he gets hurt one more time im going to Xemnas…*said going threw portal*
Axel: and tell him what exactally?
Xion: that's for me to know and for you to hopefully never find out.
…..one week later….
Zexion: Xion can I have some tea? Thanks…so Axel, why exactally did you let me sit there and bleed for so long?
Axel *drinking coffee* I didn't let you sit…Reno fixed you and I thought you were fixed…oohhh…and he thought you were hot….I THOUGHT YOU WERE FIXED!
Zexion: well I wasn't. I was asking for help but you and Roxas were apparently to buissy you hear me! Xion were is the Cinnamon?
Xion: in that closet…
Zexion: *gets up to open closet but namine jumps out at him* AAHHH! SHES DOING IT AGAIN!, I DON'T LOVE YOUUUUUU!
Axel: Namine I will put you in Xigbars room again if you don't leave him alone!
Namine: humph your such a party pooper!
Zexion: why…why are you still on top of me?
Thanks for reading our ridiculousness! There will be a video on youtube soon on the Kmpunk21 profile, so look for it some time this week! Please review, because if there are no reviews, then we don't really know if people like it, there for we will not write anymore. So please do everyone a favor, and review! Clicky CLicky!
