~3~
The days passed by slowly, and all I did was eat and sleep for the most part. When I wasn't sleeping or eating, I was usually alone in solitude thinking. I didn't want nor did I have the energy to talk to anybody else, even Jacob. I needed time to heal my wounds from what I saw on that night before I could be open again.
I sat on the warm sand on the shore of the island, watching the waves roll in as the sun set. I heard the squishing sound the sand made as I looked to see my mother walking toward me, the orange and pink sky behind her, giving her a goldish glow. Her graceful strides took her to sit right down beside me on the soft sand.
"I came out here to talk," she said quietly.
I sighed, watching my fingers trace patterns in the sand, "I don't want to talk mom. I'd rather just be alone."
"I know," she said, "but you're always alone and that's not good. I thought if you talked about everything that's happened, you might feel better."
"Mom, I don't think I can."
"Yes you can. After all, you've done it before. You've opened up to someone before about the pain inside of you. You've opened up to Aiden," she replied peacefully, with no essence of reproach in her voice. I didn't respond to her. I just kept drawing circles and patterns in the sand, until I noticed that one of the patterns I drew was a broken half of a heart. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, and place my head on them.
"I know how you feel Renesmee. You may not believe me, but I've been where you are right now and where you have been. Maybe it wasn't as extreme, but I sure felt the same emptiness and loss that you feel now," she said to me, her voice containing nothing but empathy. "I thought it would be easier for you to open up about what has happened, if I tell you something similar that I went through. Would that be okay?"
I didn't know what else to say. I doubted anything she said to me would change me in anyway, but she seemed like she sincerely wanted to help me so I just nodded my head in agreement.
I heard her take a deep breath before she started. "I know that you counted on Aiden a lot when Jacob and me and your father left, and that's part of the reason you two became so close. I know what it must have felt like for you, to have someone to brighten up your day when you felt so lost in the dark. I know what it must have felt like, because I had someone like that too."
I was surprised, but not in total shock. I had never heard very many stories of my mother's life before me, and I was suddenly curious as to what experience she had gone through just like me.
She continued, keeping her soft façade, "I don't think I've ever really told you this, but I know you remember that I met your father when I was still human. We fell in love, but one day, an accident happened, and he felt like he had to leave me in order to keep me safe. I was miserable, no I was a lot worse than that, I was gone. It was like I didn't exist; when he left, he took everything of me with him, even my soul. I was a lot like how you are now, just keeping to myself. It seemed like I was gone forever, until him."
She paused to look at me, but I still kept my face down and wondered to myself where my mother was leading. Without a response, she went on. "He was like my sun. With him, I was finally able to smile and laugh with him. I was broken without your father, but when I was with him, it was like I was whole again. It became to a point where I needed him, I couldn't live without him, I didn't know what I would do. I had become to love him and count on him so much, that when I couldn't be with him at different points, I would be an emotional wreck. So you see, this thing that you're going through right now and how you felt about Aiden, I know how it feels because I was there, and that's why I want to help you, because believe it or not, you will heal and things will turn out okay."
It felt weird to be connected to my mother in a way we never were before. I had never imagined that she had went through exactly what I did, and I suddenly felt a new appreciation for her and a longing to be closer to her.
I looked up at her, "What happened to him?" I asked. She never mentioned if she had to leave him to go back to my father or if something else occurred and how she managed to survive through it all.
This time, she looked down, appearing to not know how to answer me. After seconds of silence, she glanced back up at me, her golden eyes meeting my brown, the same she once had. "Nothing," she sighed, "He's still right here. He's still here with me, and even though we're not as close as we were, I can still count on him the way I always could."
I looked at her dumbfounded, until her eyes seemed to give the answer away. Jacob, I thought, of course, they had always said they went far back.
"Jacob?" I asked to make sure, my voice with surprise.
"Yes," she said, "And I know that one day, Aiden will still be there with you, whether it be physically or emotionally. He will come back and brighten up your day once again, just as Jacob did."
I didn't know how to take these realizations, whether to be upset or happy with this. I thought it was weird that Jacob and my mom were like what Aiden and I had, but in a way, I was glad. I was glad that my mom found something like Aiden when she was desperate. I had suddenly gained a new understanding of my mother, and saw her in a new light. I had also gained a new appreciation for Jacob. No wonder he was always there for me like he was there for my mother, and I suddenly got the urge to find Jacob and just be close to him.
I hugged my mother close to me until the sky turned a deep black. I felt like I had someone again, someone to understand me and I felt healthy and full once more. I didn't think I ever felt more love and more connected to my mother than in that moment.
