Hey Lucy .. Big night last night, eh?
Shut it, Pogue. You know full well I wasn't with you.
Sadly, yes. Where were you, anyway?
She was with me.
WHAT? Why would you choose Caleb over me?
Why wouldn't she?
Well, who would?
Is that a challenge?
No, just a fact.
Oh, really?
. . . Boys. You can never take them anywhere.
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Chapter Two
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Caleb and Pogue
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So there we were.
Yes, we were. But . . . where were we, Pogue?
That was the question.
Wait . . I thought that "to be or not to be?" was the question!
You actually read that book?
It was a book?!
You cannot seriously be this stupid. Honestly. No one would let you tell a story if you were this stupid!
Hey, I take offence to that! You can't call Mr-Supreme-Leader stupid!
You know what? This conversation is getting us nowhere.
It got us onto the second page, didn't it?
We haven't told anyone ANYTHING about what happened to us. How do you expect to win the better-storytelling contest if we never actually tell the story!?
That's a very good point. So here we go! Ahem. 'It was a dark and stormy night . . .'
First off, it was in the middle of the afternoon, and it was bright and sunny. Secondly, that's called plagiarism. Let me tell the story.
Fine.
Fine! Don't get all sulky!
Whatever, don't talk to me.
Anyway, so we look around at where the crazy purple bus had dropped us off. And it definitely was NOT Spencer. We were obviously still in England, because swarms of people were wandering around us and talking with decidedly NOT-American accents. But the building in front of us wasn't just a school.
It was a fricken' castle, man!
I thought you weren't talking.
No, I specifically told YOU not to talk to ME. I can talk all I want.
You are by far the most frustrating person I've EVER had to deal with.
Wouldn't that be Reid?
For once, you're right. Now can we please, PLEASE continue with out story?
Fine. But only as long as I can tell the next part.
Okay, okay. But do it right.
Okay, so we look up at this completely HUGE, ENORMOUS, GIGANTIC, ELEPHANTINE castle and we were all totally in shock, of course. So we're just standing there and staring when this girl comes over. She's got long, kinda-curly brown hair and the most amazing brown eyes, and she's probably got a great figure, too, but she's wearing these baggy robes that hid her figure, so none of us could really see.
So she smiled at us and said "You guys seem just a little bit lost. You don't go to Hogwarts, do you?" She had the most adorable British accent, and I'm pretty sure that all four of us were falling for her.
So Reid, being the flirtatious ass he is, steps in front of the rest of us and says "We do now." And she laughs and says "Are you Americans, then? Your accent is sweet."
Good use of the word 'flirtatious', by the way, Caleb.
Thanks, man. I'm not as stupid as I look.
Thank god. Anyway, so Reid is just about to answer (probably to say something retarded like "My accent's not the only thing that's sweet, suga.") when a guy comes over. He's got really REALLY messy brown hair, a pair of lopsided glasses, and this random scar shaped like a bolt of lightening on his forehead.
He seemed like the biggest dweeb EVER. I mean, he brought 'geek' to a whole new level. But he came and put his hand on the gorgeous girl's shoulder and said "Come on Hermione, we're going to miss a carriage."
She looked at us and said: "Do you guys know what you're doing, since you're new and all?" Naturally, we all said we didn't. "Well, you can share our carriage with us; I'm sure we can all fit."
And we all know what she's talking about. Wink, wink.
Dude, that's disgusting. That's like beyond-Reid-level disgusting..
No, it's not. Reid's the one who said it originally; I was just repeating it.
Well, in future, DON'T.
WhatEVER. You are such a spoil sport. And a prude.
You did NOT just call me a prude.
Did too.
You're a dink.
And you're acting like a twelve-year-old. Dink? Honestly.
We still have some information to add, remember? Would you like to do the honours, oh-holy-supreme-fearless-leader?
Don't think I didn't catch that eye roll. But yes, I'd LOVE to continue. So the girls lead us over to this carriage that was lined up in a row of carriages.
But these carriages were super freaky because they didn't have any horses. Or, if they did, they were invisible horses. We found out later that these were mmmglm mbblmm pmmmmbml rrrrr.
Sorry. I would let him keep talking but that would ruin a huge part of the story. So we get into this carriage with the girl Hermione, the guy with the messy hair, and another redheaded guy. It was SO cramped, but we managed to fit.
Mmmmblm gggglmmmmb!
Pogue, don't lick me! That's disgusting!
You were covering my mouth! How the hell was I supposed to talk?
But — but you LICKED me. That is so juvenile!
More juvenile than covering my mouth?
You were about to spill something MAJOR!
How is it major? Anyone who's read the books —
Just STOP! This is a story! You can just go and ruin major plotlines, okay? Please?
Whatever. You're such a dweeb.
And you're a jackass. Don't ask me to care.
When did you turn into such a . . . . . Never mind, it's not very polite.
You weren't going to swear in front of the kiddies, were you?
You're one to talk. Called anyone a jackass lately?
Pogue! Watch your language!
My God. I'll never win.
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Word of advice . . Never try and deal with these two.
