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Re-education of the horse, Lesson 3: Mating customs of the chinese amazons. Or, Amazons just want Snoo-snoo.

Recap: Last time on Re-education of the horse, Ranma got in trouble at school, again. This time, he was suspended. While fleeing from the carnivorous lunch special, he ran into Ryoga Hibiki, who had finally arrived after wandering around the world. After a decent fight, two chinese girls claiming to be Amazons showed up, one of whom claimed to be Ranma's wife.

And now, back to the action.

Furinkan High School

Ranma is busy bashing his head on a tree whilst the crowd and Amazon girls look on with sweatdrops on their foreheads.

"You know, my fist can do a better job if you really want to hurt yourself," Ryoga quips.

Ranma turns towards him with a glare. "Not now. First I got to deal with these 2."

A girl walks out from the crowd and taps him on the shoulder and asks "Nabiki wants to know if what the girl said is true."

Ranma blinks.

"About her being your wife."

Ranma facefaults.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I BE MARRIED TO A GIRL WHO WANTS TO BEAT ME INTO THE GROUND!? I'M ONLY 17 AND A HALF, DAMN IT!" he shouts.

Perfume hops off the building, causing an impact crater when she lands, her companion following, but strangely, no impact resounds from her landing. The Amazon draws a second axe from behind her back, with a maniacal grin.

"Husband very very bad. Perfume will make sure you no run away again," she exclaims.

Ranma turns towards her. "Come on, can't we talk this out? I'm already in the middle of one fight."

"Perfume not care who is in way, amazons say 'obstacles are for killing'."

She charges towards Ranma with her axes, only for Ryoga to grab her arm and throw her aside.

"What!?" the surprised Amazon looks towards the man who threw her aside.

"I got dibs on him."

Perfume throws an axe at Ryoga, who draws his belt and deflects it aside.

"I've seen hell because of him!"

"Perfume not care if stupid boy see all 80 hells in King Yama's domain! Amazon claim trumps all others!"

Ranma whistles loudly. "Ryoga, this won't take long, we'll finish in abit. Besides, she wasn't that tough last time anyways."

Perfume, hearing the insults, turns red with fury. "Perfume was tired from stomach flu, you not beat her fairly!"

The other Chinese girl says something in Chinese. Perfumes yells back a curt reply.

"You catch that too?" Ryoga whispers to Ranma.

"Sorta, it's a weird dialect. I think she was asking where the other male is. You know Chinese too?" Ranma asks.

Ryoga shakes his head. "She actually said something about wasting time tracking down one husband, and letting the other one run away."

"Gang-way, coming through, pardon me."

A figure moves through the crowd, trying to get around the bodies. Ranma's eyes boggle out in surprise.

"POPS?!"

Aaron walks out to where Ranma and Ryoga are standing, and bops Ranma on the head.

"God damn it, you got suspended again? The Vice-Principal just called me on my cell!"

"Hey come on, old man, I did it for a good cause."

Aaron snorts. "Like?"

"Guy was a World War 2 fanatic. He threw me out for saying that Japan was almost as bad as the Nazis. The suspension was for flipping him off," Ranma says whilst shrugging non-chalantly.

Aaron scratches his chin. "I can't really fault you for this, but did you have to get suspended again?"

Ranma sighs. "Pops, if it's that big a deal, just talk to the Vice-Principal and get it rescinded. Guarantee they won't press it given how much of a loon that teacher is."

Perfume fumes in frustration. "HEY! IGNORING ME IS PERILOUS FOR IGNORANT MALE'S HEALTH!"

Aaron turns around, and then blanches. "Shit-balls... you could have told me they were here..."

Ranma pats him on the shoulder. "Have fun with your Amazon, pops," he says with a smile.

Aaron takes a solemn expression. "As stolen by Robin Williams, who paraphrased it from Porky Pig, 'Ya-ba-deeb-a-deeb-a-deeb-a-dee, piss off, dude.' "

Aaron then jumps into the air, yells 'Beep-beep!', sticks his tongue out, then hops over the fence. "So long screwy, see you in Saint Louie!"

Ryoga's jaw is hanging out. "That's your old man?"

Ranma nods.

"I feel your pain," the bandanna-boy declares soberly.

A blue blur rushes by them as the other girl hops over the fence in hot pursuit. "Shampoo is best tracker in village. Her husband will think twice about running away after she get through with him."

Ranma snickers in response.

"Husband think something funny?" the Amazon asks.

"Do you have any idea how many people that guy has managed to duck or get away from? Even I can't find him if he doesn't want to be found."

Perfume grips her axes tightly as her jaw quivers in suppressed rage. (God damn arrogant male! If he and his father hadn't intervered in the championship, I wouldn't be stuck in this god forsaken country hunting for a husband that I don't even want!)

Steam begins blasting out of Perfume's ears. "I hate this fucking country! I hate the shitty noodles! I hate the weak and obnoxious people! I hate the weird cartoons! I hate the patriarchal bullshit! And most of all, I hate you!" she screams in Chinese before lunging at Ranma.

Flipping to the side, Ranma narrowly evades her attack. In the crowd, Nabiki snickers.

"Ma'm, what was she screaming about?" one of her subordinates asks.

"I think she's having a bad time in Japan."

Ranma hops out of the way of a side-swipe. "Hey, c'mon, do we really have to do this all day? I have classes to get to."

Ryouga snorts. "Weren't you suspended? And since when do you run away from girls?"

Ranma has a large sweatdrop behind his head. "Well, it's not so much the girl, as I figured something out last time we fought, and I'd rather not...woah!"

Perfume with a shriek of fury, cleaves Ranma's shirt in half, drawing a thin line of blood. "Fight back, or die like the little male bitch that you are!"

Ranma's eyes narrow. "It's over."

Perfume rears back, her axe glowing with energy. "Perfume say it not over till..."

"I said it's OVER!" Ranma puts his hands together, creating a small space between them. Perfume throws her axe at Ranma, yelling something in Chinese as more Energy gathers in the martial artist's hands.

"HADOUKEN!"

He thrusts his hands forward and a large fireball of energy erupts at high speed towards Perfume. The axe and fireball collide and the axe is knocked aside, veering wildly towards a nearby tree. Perfume's eyes widen in shock, and she is hit directly by the Hadouken.

The impact of the hit blasts her backwards into the building, creating a meter wide crater, and knocking her unconscious. Ranma grimaces in pain as energy crackles around his arms.

Ryouga blinks. "Really? Hadouken?"

Ranma nods.

"Oyaji has an ingenius way of making those kind of techniques real. Problem is, it's too powerful. You get basically one shot, which hurts alot if it connects, but it fries your arms for awhile."

Ryouga pokes Ranma in the arm, causing him to tighten a fist in pain.

"Next time, I want to see what that feels like. You still have my cell number?"

Ranma facefaults. "You have a cell number?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Ryoga asks nonchalantly.

Ranma hangs his head in shame. "I almost never use mine. HEY WAIT A MINUTE! If you have a cell, why didn't you just call me if you wanted to find me?!"

Ryouga shrugs. "Phone chip got wet, had to reset it. I lost most of the numbers on there. I'm not sure I had yours to begin with."

Ranma looks to the sky, a thoughtful look on his face. "You think some kind of kami is using us for their own personal amusement?"

"You maybe. I'm probably just along for the ride."

Ranma stands up, unsteadily. "I'll give you a call in a week or so, maybe next time we'll settle this."

Ryouga puts out a hand. "Rivals?"

Ranma nods and grabs Ryouga's hand.

"Rivals."

FINIS. (The End)

SIKE!! What, you thought I was done? Heheheheheh, not quite. In fact, nowhere near. I'm just hard up for ideas. I'm finding it increasingly harder to stop myself from throwing continuity and logic out the window and just turning this into whatever I happen to be thinking of at the moment. Fear ecelectic authors, our references will drive you mad.

Aight, that's enough mad scientist. This is basically an extended author's note. I got jammed up because I'm getting tired of setting up the scene and characters. So I may just start throwing characters in at random with only momentary explanation. Or... I can stick to my current plan and keep weaving the current web, albeit with some divergences. Anyways, I promise that 75-80 of this will be explained. The rest you'll have to connect the dots yourself.

Review are appreciated, but for the love of god, do not give me advice on pairings. I do not write with any to begin with, and if something comes up, I'll run with it. Or just kill it after a chapter or 2 so I can drive my readers up the wall.

I realize it is veering dangerously close to canon, but take pity upon a poor author with limited means and a lousy internet connection. I promise to make it less comprehensible and possibly more AU.

I apologize for taking too long to update. I just couldn't figure out what to do about this chapter. So I ended it.