A/N: Thank you all for reading previous letters and for the reviews, I loved each one of them :) I know that story told in letters isn't as exciting and full of action as normal one, but believe me, it has its own story and it's going to tell it.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments or any character in this fic. They all belong to Cassandra Clare.
Dear Alexander,
I have never believed people when they said that with too much thinking comes a danger of being hurt. I chose to believe otherwise – that it's a blessing.
Well, until today.
A cold realization that you're not here has been with me for a long time, but today another one set in.
I've been wishing myself dead since the first day of your absence, but I haven't given much thought about what could possibly happen after. Someone like me – a soulless monster, half demon – can't get access to Heaven. So how can I ever meet you…? How can I see your beautiful face again…?
Dreams. Right. But why am I punished with nightmares only, not some good dreams about you? Do you want to know what I've been dreaming about since… that day?
It's usually the same dream.
I watch you fighting with Jace and Isabelle against a group of demons, I think there is a Greater Demon leading them. You're outnumbered, but with Jace's skills, Isabelle's swiftness and your strength, you don't have any trouble with killing them. You take down one after another, until one of them sneaks behind your back, and Jace and Izzy are too busy with their demons to notice. I try to warn you, but only whistling breath escapes my lips, so I leave my hideout. I'm soundlessly shouting to you, but you don't understand…
Behind you! Alec, behind you! Look out!
…and then it's too late. Demon stabs your chest with his long and sharp claws. Your mouth opens and eyes widen in shock. You fall to your knees then to the ground. Blood starts pouring from your wound, you take shallow breaths, the pain slowly starts to overcome you.
And then you die.
I can only stand and stare, while life is slowly being drained from you. Your eyes become empty, mine are full of tears. I couldn't save you and you died. See? I can say it now. You died. You are dead. The love of my life is dead and he won't come back.
Was that supposed to make things better? Because it didn't. You were right when you said that you're going somewhere I can't follow, and you can't stop it or slow it down… But when that finally happened, I just can't believe it.
And it's everything because of what I am. I'm a demon.
Damn you, Alexander Lightwood! No… Damn me! If I could be normal… Then maybe everything would be better. But we are stuck. Forced apart by death, but not only by death. I caused that. What did I even get for being a warlock?! This stupid trick with stars on the ceiling? Or maybe the one with changing the colors of drinks?
I should have saved you. I should have been able to save you, Alec. I know what you would say now, if you were here. You would try to make me feel like it isn't my fault. You would say that you love me, but I don't understand how you could love me. I'm nothing. I know everybody always saw the shadow of Jace when they were looking at you, but not me. You were better than him, than me… And as much as I hate to say this – I can't stop wondering how would your life be if you'd never show up in my apartment.
I'm sorry, I'm writing nonsense, but that's because as I go further with this letter I consume more of these fancy liquids that I have stashed just in case of emergency.
And guess what.
This is it.
This is emergency.
I'm in emergency and I need you, so please, come back to me, baby…
Please. I love you so much, and miss you just as much.
Love,
Magnus
A/N: Thank you for reading, let me know whether you love it or hate it or anything else. :)
