Thanks so much for the feedback! It's really motivating and I've planned out the whole thing, so it definitely inspires me to write. :)
This chapter's a bit longer and I'll be a busier this weekend so it may take several more days before the next update (unless I suddenly find the time).
One more thing - Anna will still be in the story and I'm really glad she's well received! :D
Enjoy!
Merlin felt the tension thick in the air, steadily growing the longer he refused to face him. A part of him was baffled at his behaviour, mentally shaking his head, grasping his hair in bewilderment, screaming that this was his king, his Arthur. How couldn't he face him?
Another part of him was shaking his head for a different reason. Real disappoint and guilt filling him up at what he had become; certain that Arthur would not appreciate who he now was, would not accept him. He was so far away from what he was before – from Arthur's Merlin – and desperately he tried to search deep inside himself for any semblance that remained of the young, naïve boy that Arthur remembered.
No trace of that boy remained. And he was also sure he wouldn't want to become him again – he knew better now, he was no longer foolish or naïve or blind. But Arthur stood right behind him, probably about to demand an explanation, and would Merlin have to lie to him again? Pretend to be a different person-
Arthur was standing right behind him.
Again, that burning feeling itched behind his eyes but he held it back. He could hear Leon whisper to Arthur, warning him to be cautious – that this wasn't the Merlin he knew. Well, he was certainly right. But Arthur would be exactly the same, wouldn't he? Full of hope for the future and the strength Merlin always used to admire. The Once and Future King, except Merlin knew that wouldn't be what broke him when he turned around, it would be the sight of his dearest, his oldest, friend.
"Merlin," Arthur called again, projecting confidence and authority, but more to snap Merlin out of whatever trance he was in, he could tell. There was a fair amount of concern and relief in his voice.
Apparently, it was what Merlin needed. It helped to take it as a command, gaining the strength to stand and found his magic was eagerly nudging him to do so. He suddenly realised with an ounce of dark humour that his magic knew Arthur would find him here before he did. He couldn't decide whether or not to be annoyed with his magic for not cooperating with him, for once. Perhaps, his magic knew his true desires better than he did.
He suddenly felt self-conscious about his appearance. Merlin didn't care much for the feeling. Never mind the fact he was covered in dirt, he probably didn't look very close to how he appeared during his time in Camelot. Scratching his sloppy stubble, he wondered with his greasy hair and modern clothes how recognisable he looked.
Merlin sensed Arthur was about to lose his patience. It was as if that mental timer he used when he was young to drive Arthur mad had popped back into appearance like it had never left. So to prevent a potential meltdown, he blinked a few times, preparing himself, and turned around.
Seeing Arthur again was reminiscent to the surreal dreams he experienced now and then that submerged him in memories he believed to have forgotten, times in Camelot, the blue of Arthur's eyes and the set of his jaw when he was being stubborn about something. He would receive glimpses and then awaken, forgetting what Arthur looked like again. And so, it felt like at any moment, Arthur would fade out and disappear and Merlin would have no recollection of his face, only of the amazement and relief to finally see him again, to believe that his destiny was worth something.
This amazement was so prevalent in his mind that for once he forgot entirely about his surroundings, the other two knights present, what Arthur must be thinking, and what expression he must be making right now, gaping at the sight before him.
Apparently it was one to break even Arthur's composure because when Merlin decided to finally examine Arthur's face, it was the look of someone who had lost a dear friend, who was watching someone go mad, watching someone he didn't even know. And it all seemed to sum up perfectly what Merlin had been reduced to, he realised with sudden clarity.
He took a moment to acknowledge Sir Leon, watching with caution, as always, and Gwaine – Merlin's heart trembled – wearing that concerned look that didn't seem to fit on his face, but one Gwaine very rarely expressed, Merlin remembered, one that was usually reserved for Merlin. Hearing the news about Gwaine after Arthur's passing caused just another crack in his psyche, another loss he had to bury, and seeing them all again seemed to bring these losses to the surface.
"Merlin," Arthur stammered, his voice broken but somehow still remaining strong. "What happened?"
It was then other matters of importance arose in his mind, such as what he would tell them, what he should do now Arthur was standing right there. Was this part of his destiny or a mistake? Whatever it was, he had to decide quickly.
"I don't remember much," Merlin told them, feeling disconnected from his words, his voice surprisingly loud.
He watched Arthur give Leon an anxious glance as he turned his gaze back to Merlin. "Let's go back to Camelot, Merlin," Arthur said, walking forward. Merlin recognised it for what it was, not a suggestion, but a command. Arthur was supremely worried about Merlin's state and he obviously wanted to be in the safety of his walls before fully investigating.
Merlin could grant him that much. Stepping forward, he allowed Arthur to grasp him gently on his arm, his magic rejoicing, but his mind still strangely fazed. This moment felt more surreal than any other since he travelled to this time, which was bizarre enough, but it seemed now that his wait was over, in the most unexpected way. He wasn't sure if he was happy about that – Arthur's return wasn't really a return; it wouldn't be the perfect reunion Merlin had dreamed of for centuries.
He supposed he could adjust.
Arthur's grip tightened on his arm as he led him out through the trees and to the waiting horses. His magic didn't seem to settle, but Merlin had never felt it as peaceful in a long time. He thought, vaguely, that his magic was adjusting to the situation better than him, a fact he found slightly humorous as Arthur insisted on riding with him.
He couldn't help but stare wondrously at Arthur's face behind him as he shifted on the horse. It had been a while since he rode one, never mind with someone else. Arthur seemed determined to stare ahead as he rode and ignore Merlin, but he could see the concern behind his eyes, veiled by confidence and strength. Merlin couldn't believe that this young king was really his king. Merlin could usually tell what Arthur was thinking in the past, see past the king's projections. But Arthur was as easy to read as everyone else, so terribly youthful and oblivious. It further confused Merlin as he tried to encompass the situation, the fact that Arthur was sitting right behind him.
As he kept his gaze forward, Merlin grimly thought of how the real Arthur, the one behind him, would probably never compare to the image he had held in his mind for a millennium and a half. He would never live up to the stories he told Anna when she was younger, the faint glimpses of Arthur in those rare dreams, even the false legends and myths still told in the twenty-first century. This Arthur was as transparent as any other human he had met. Not for the first time Merlin cursed the consequence of time, changing his perception of the one person he held above all.
They rode in silence. Arthur swallowed and cleared his throat several times, as if about to speak, but something stopped him. Gwaine and Leon both kept their mouths shut, sensing the thick tension in the air. However, it wasn't long before they reached the castle grounds.
Merlin ignored the curious and relieved stares they received as they rode through the city. He forgot how incredibly nosy people were in the cities of old, anonymity never being a saviour like it was in larger cities from his time. But through all that, it made his insides twinge at how many knew and appreciated him here in Camelot. His face had never been known to so many others in a long time, and he preferred it that way.
Merlin hurriedly dismounted when they reached the castle, wiping dirt from his coat and rubbing his hands together. He found he didn't want to look at his surroundings; staring at the dusty ground was preferable. His expectation of Arthur had shaken and he was somewhat afraid to receive the same shock with this place of legend around him. He had remembered the vague sense of colour of the castle, how it felt to stand outside it with the sun bearing down on him on a bright day, and a warm feeling of home. If he looked too closely, he feared that these treasured memories he had carried through the centuries would be tarnished.
It suddenly occurred to him how quiet it was, and then two large boots appeared in his sight. He felt large gloved hands on his shoulders as he was swept in a rough hug. Before it had even really begun, it was over, and Merlin was left with staring at Arthur's relief.
"I have to say, I'm not sure the facial hair suits you, Merlin. It makes you look older."
It was a joke, of course, but it portrayed Arthur's true concern, even as he was smiling at him. He did look older. But Merlin seemed to be on the same page as his magic regarding Arthur this time, and before he knew it, he had grabbed Arthur's shoulders and embraced him again, as tightly as he could manage with Arthur's chainmail, huffing a teary laugh as the realisation hit him.
How could he have looked down upon his king? How could he have disregarded Arthur, lumping him in with everyone else when he was the best of them? His mind cleared of the haze he had brought with him since he arrived here, and perhaps some of the mental fatigue he had carried with him for decades as he squeezed Arthur, uncaring of the stares he could feel around him. He trembled as he felt Arthur's hair brushing his cheek and closed his eyes, just concentrating on the feel of him.
It was over too soon, however, as Arthur carefully took hold of his arms and moved, staring at Merlin with very wide eyes. Merlin gazed back, knowing he must look like a happy fool but he couldn't stop his eyes burning and his vision turning glassy.
Arthur seemed to withhold his concern and shock and pat Merlin's shoulder toughly, as if he were a disheartened knight. "I'm glad I found you, Merlin," he said quietly but with warmth.
With that, Merlin suddenly found he had the strength to look around him, take in the castle and the people. The layout of the castle had grown greatly muddled in his head, but everything slotting back into place the way it was turned out to be more relieving than anything else. Merlin embraced it all, the earthy smell that had disappeared from the modern world, the soft sounds of the horses and the bustling sound of chatter and work in the background. This was the place where it all began for him. He couldn't believe he was back. He was trying to grasp the knowledge in his head, attempting to process it so he can revel in his joy for longer, but it continued to be out of his reach, just like any realisation or change too big for the mind to comprehend.
"Merlin!" came the cry of relief behind them. Stumbling down the steps to meet them was Gaius, looking more animated than Merlin had ever remembered him. He didn't run to meet him, just waited for the old man to tumble into his arms, muttering "my boy," and close to tears.
It was startling how shaken Gaius looked, how energetic but tired-looking, and most of all, how young he suddenly seemed in Merlin's eyes, a direct contrast to the wise elder he'd looked at as a father all those years ago. After all, everyone was young for him, even the wisest and most white-haired. Whenever he looked in someone's eyes, he was reminded of the vast lack of inexperience they had compared to him, the semblance of hope and other damning qualities.
Merlin realised he hadn't spoken a word for a while. He glanced at Arthur who was watching Merlin and Gaius' reunion with open fondness.
"Allow Gaius to check you over, then we can talk," Arthur ordered, nodding to the physician and making his way to the gates.
Merlin found his feet moving towards him without even realising, panic taking over. "Wait, Arthur," he insisted, voice coming out in a shaken hiss. He had grasped the king's arm without thinking.
Naturally, Arthur looked very spooked at Merlin's actions. "What is it, Merlin?"
Merlin could only stare back with a thinly veiled desperation in his eyes, suddenly trembling with the fear that this really was all a dream, and he would wake the moment he lost sight of Arthur.
Arthur seemed to understand his fear somewhat and cautiously unclasped Merlin's hand from his arm, giving it a gentle pat. "It's all right, Merlin."
Being consoling was definitely outside of Arthur's comfort zone and Merlin suddenly saw how concerned Arthur was, not knowing how to deal with someone like him. It did reassure him somewhat, because a recoil from Merlin was realistic, unlike a dream where Arthur would be accepting and perfect, always. It cleared his mind, allowing him to take a step back and rearrange his face to give Arthur something resembling calm.
It appeared to work as Arthur nodded and smiled as regally as he could, continuing the steps. Leon followed, casting a quick glance back at Merlin, but it didn't seem quite as cautious and suspicious as Merlin expected. It was close to pity, in fact, which would have enraged Merlin at any other time. But the sight of Arthur walking up those steps with his heavy chainmail, looking more noble than any other royal Merlin had seen, calmed his mind, ridding himself of those quick, cynical thoughts that accompanied him everywhere.
"Merlin, why don't you let me check you over?" Gaius suggested, appearing next to him, though it clearly wasn't a suggestion. Merlin let himself be led dazedly into the castle towards the physician's quarters, marvelling at the sight of the familiar walls and thinking hard.
"Something's wrong with Merlin," Arthur blurted, staring out the window of his chambers in thought.
"I assumed so after hearing Leon's report," Guinevere said, confusion leaking through.
"No." Arthur shook his head. "It's as if he's a different person. Like he hadn't seen me for years."
"That's strange," Gwen noted quietly, clearly thinking things over. "Do you have any idea what could have happened to him?"
Arthur shook his head again. "He hasn't said much. Just keeps staring at me as if I can't believe I'm here."
He could practically feel the questions and concern oozing from Guinevere but he felt low on energy after spending so much trying to remain composed and help his friend. His relief was powerful and made him show affection he sometimes believed unseemly as his position as King. But he couldn't care when Merlin looked like he was about to keel over, thin and ragged, while wearing a foreign and weary look in his eyes.
"The way he's acting… It doesn't make sense," Arthur told her, turning and noticing her wide eyes from where she sat at the table. "One second he was staring then it was as if he couldn't bear to look at me!" His voice had risen so he calmed himself. "He seemed like he couldn't wait to jump from the horse and get away from me. But then he squeezed me so tight I found it hard to breathe."
"Very strange behaviour," Gwen thought aloud. "He's clearly been through something, Arthur. We must be patient."
"Yes, I know," he replied, gracious for Gwen's words. But he wasn't very confident in his ability of comforting others. He wanted to get to the root of what happened to Merlin and fix the situation, but fixing his friend was an entirely different matter.
"Talk to him," Gwen said, standing and clasping his hand, caressing his knuckles. "Find out what happened, but be there for Merlin first."
"I plan to," Arthur assured her.
"But don't speak to him as a king, Arthur," she cautioned, surprising him. "Speak to him as a friend."
"I assure you I'm all right, Gaius," Merlin repeated for the tenth time.
Gaius merely raised his eyebrow in that way Merlin suddenly remembered was tedious and almost scary. How had he forgotten how stubborn the man was?
Merlin had taken off his coat which Gaius appeared to pay no attention to, but he was eyeing it with curiosity. Though he was grateful and almost touched by the old man's insistence to examine him and make sure he was all right, it did become quite grating.
"Merlin, it is just a simple examination," Gaius insisted, using his stern voice which was often reserved for when he thought Merlin was being foolish. It was amazing how much was coming back to him about Gaius now he was in his company again. He was one of the first to pass, and Merlin had prepared himself for the day even before he knew of his immortality. Gaius was already an old man and declined in health after Arthur's passing. Therefore, although his death was at first heart wrenching and strange, it was nowhere near comparable to the realisation that he would be watching everyone he knew disappear. Arthur's death had already hardened his heart, but being alone had turned it to a cold stone.
Thus, it was strange seeing someone he had left behind so long ago acting as normal as ever.
"I promise I would tell you if there's anything worth examining, but there's not," Merlin told him, attempting to persuade with his tone, but also trying for a lightness he hadn't spoken with since he was young.
Gaius still seemed to be hurt by his words though. He could feel it between them – what Gaius supposed must be a lack of trust – but Merlin knew it was really just the long change that had occurred that made the idea of Gaius fathering him in any way seem silly to imagine. Merlin, of course, knew that Gaius would do anything for him, but that dedication and trust was devoted to the Merlin of long ago.
He remembered the shining eyes of Gaius in the courtyard, however. Although Merlin left Camelot for danger many times, he could not recall Gaius looking as relieved as he did. He must have thought this time's Merlin had died.
Once the thought occurred to him, Merlin found himself wondering again what ever happened to the Merlin here. He appeared to have disappeared and the knights had been searching for him. He needed more information. Whatever it was, he must've been missing long enough for his physical appearance not to be questioned. He recalled Leon saying it had been weeks, but that was vague.
While he had been lost in thought, Merlin noticed Gaius had been watching him closely. Being denied access to his body, Gaius had moved onto assessing his mental state. Sighing, he wondered what to tell him.
"Gaius, how long was I gone?" he asked, going for a haunted and confused tone.
Seemingly relieved Merlin was talking, Gaius relaxed his stance somewhat but still stared intently. "It's been over a month. Arthur searched for you every spare moment he could to begin with, however, he was pressured to remain here while the knights continued the job."
Merlin nodded slowly as Gaius caught him up. "What was I doing when I disappeared? Was there an enemy…?" He narrowed his eyes as if trying to remember.
Gaius seemed even more concerned at Merlin's apparent memory loss. "You were collecting herbs. I sent you..." Gaius broke off as another wave of grief washed over him, but Merlin could hear the heavy guilt in his words. He felt stupid for not noticing it before. "I thought at first you would return on your own," he continued. "I believed there must have been something you had to take care of, perhaps a threat to the kingdom." His voice began to break and was laden with remorse.
Merlin grasped the man's shoulder without full awareness. "The events that have transpired are not your fault, Gaius," putting as much surety in his words as he could manage. "They are mine." And this must be true since none of this would have happened if Merlin had resisted the portal. He was quite possibly responsible for the current Merlin's disappearance as well, so in a way, Gaius was right to grieve. He wasn't quite sure what it would mean in relation to the timeline, however, which was something he feared to think about.
For once, something was far above him and too complicated to control.
"What do you mean, Merlin?" Gaius asked, a haunted look overcoming him.
"I may tell you in time, Gaius," he replied, and was shocked to realise he spoke the truth. "But you have to trust me."
His words seemed to placate Gaius a bit as the man nodded and turned, apparently to begin making something to eat for Merlin. Having someone cook for him without asking was another oddity.
After some time of Gaius cooking under a heavy silence, Merlin begin to fidget, which was uncharacteristic of him. So he made his way to the door of his bedroom which he had been staring at nostalgically for some time.
The sight of his pitiful bed stirred something in him, but it felt too distant for him to really get emotional over a bed, so he forced himself to collapse onto it nonchalantly which was a big mistake.
It was rock hard. The tough fabric and thin mattress had startled him as he toppled onto it and he cursed himself a little. How had he ever dreamed of sleeping on this for hours when he was overworked when it hardly earned the name of a bed? He briefly missed the easy comforts of the twenty-first century. But as he worked his head into the pillow, he gradually decided he could probably get used to it. After all, he had slept in much worse places.
If it weren't for the pressing need for his mind to shut down, Merlin didn't think he would fall asleep on such a bed so quickly, but before he knew it, he was pulled down into a heavy, dreamless slumber.
Before he knew it, Merlin was awoken with three sharp knocks on his door. He had a very peculiar sense of displacement, simultaneously thinking it was normal to wake in this bed and he had better hurry to serve Arthur, and expecting to be in the dark, dim room of his flat, ready to live out another tedious day. It had happened before considering the many lifetimes he had endured, but rarely with his memories of Camelot.
It took a few seconds to right himself and then he rubbed his eyes, cursing his grogginess. He heard the soft call of his name from outside the door. It sounded like Arthur, but Merlin would expect him to just barge in. Unless he was trying to be a bit sensitive for once.
"I'm coming," Merlin replied with a tired voice. The idea of Arthur standing right outside his door made him jolt, as if he had forgotten why this was all strange. But then the shock of it disappeared again, leaving the entire situation in a surreal light. He really needed to process this.
Once he had collected himself, Merlin opened the door to Arthur standing nearby. The King faced him with a certain strength in his eyes, as if he was trying to be strong for Merlin. It was touching to see at least.
"Merlin! If you're done with your beauty sleep, join me in my chambers after you eat something. You look like you're about to keel over."
He knew what Arthur was trying to do; trying to reinstate the witty batter that had always existed between them where Merlin was a fool and Arthur was a prat, but underneath it all, they were good friends. But he found himself not in the mood, and couldn't really think of an equally insulting response anyhow. Merlin also suspected Gaius had urged Arthur to insist he eat, as if predicting Merlin might be difficult about it.
"Of course, Sire. I'll be right there," he told him in a formal and reserved tone, sitting at the table where Gaius was laying down a bowl of what looked like stew, and watching them both silently.
Merlin didn't look at Arthur but he could sense the slight astonishment and hurt at his cold demeanour. Staring into his stew, he listened to Arthur reply as if nothing was wrong.
"I'll be expecting you then," he said, then made his way out with quick footsteps.
"That was awfully blunt of you, Merlin," Gaius noted, but he didn't seem to reprimand, merely point out his strange behaviour.
"Yes, well, I can be at times," Merlin told him, taking a large spoonful and forcing it down. The taste stirred at the faintest of memories, but ones too far away to be nostalgic. He was making himself eat if only to calm Gaius even further, after refusing to be examined.
Merlin detected Gaius' scolding stare. He didn't appear too impressed. But his lack of knowledge surrounding Merlin's circumstances must have prevented him from speaking further, as he merely gave a tired sigh.
To be honest, Merlin wasn't sure why he was acting so distant. It was his initial response to interacting with anybody, but he did think if Arthur ever did return, it would be to a Merlin he would recognise and welcome. He didn't know how to be like that anymore, so it was easier to remain a little 'blunt,' as Gaius put it. But he knew this attitude would just inspire more questions and concern about his previous whereabouts. After all, a month-long disappearance is not always a valid reason for a complete change in character.
"Gwaine stopped by," Gaius told him, moving on for now. "I told him you needed rest, but you should pay him a visit when you are able."
Merlin huffed, dropping the spoon in the bowl, and slowly chewing on the food left in his mouth. "Perhaps. Maybe when I have the time," he said, rubbing his eyes. The stew had filled his stomach, but he still seemed empty of the energy he felt he needed to deal with certain people. Namely Gaius, Arthur and now Gwaine.
"He's worried about you, Merlin," Gaius pressed. "We're all worried about you."
"Yes, I understand," he said, standing.
"Then you know that you can always trust me, Merlin. You may not be able to tell Arthur the truth, but you can always tell me."
Merlin swallowed and blinked hard, trying to wake himself up some more. "I know that, Gaius. It's merely a matter of belief over capability," he assured him, heading for the door.
Raising his eyebrow, Gaius stood and shuffled over to Merlin. "Perhaps I would have a hard time believing you at first. But I would put those thoughts aside for you in a second, Merlin," Gaius said sternly.
Merlin felt the developing itches of a smile in his cheeks. "Thank you, Gaius," he said, genuinely grateful. "But even I'm finding it difficult getting my head around it all."
Gaius sighed, surmising he wasn't getting anything out of Merlin at the moment. "Go and meet with the King. Just make sure you talk to someone about what really happened."
Merlin nodded. Despite the strangeness of it all, the situation felt surprisingly normal. Gaius cautioning him, preparing himself to lie to Arthur again. He felt out of place, but everyone was acting like themselves around him.
He left his coat, feeling warm in the walls of the castle, probably something to do with his nerves or the anticipation. Stumbling about the halls with jeans and a jumper made him feel like he was in a museum, and he was surprised there weren't many questions about his modern clothes so far. Arthur would be more interested in asking him others first, he supposed.
Anna sat in her car, heart beating fast, biting her lip nervously. She had searched and shouted almost all night until the lack of sleep made her dizzy and the worry developed into panic. There was no sign of her father at all, and if she hadn't concentrated on finding him so much, she would have retreated from the darkness of the forest long ago. The night vision spell had worn off and the eerie, watchful feeling had remained, which was unsettling. But she only left when she was sure her father could not be found.
Now that she was safe in her car again, Anna was half-believing she had missed somewhere, that she had left him there, a thought that continued creeping on her in a cycle.
But even if he had disappeared, he could take care of himself, couldn't he? He was the sorcerer - Merlin – a figure told in myths and legends that only she knew to be true. It was far more likely that he decided to abandon her, or maybe he had gotten side-tracked and she was forgotten.
The fact that that wasn't surprising for her was certainly depressing, but she would try and contact him as much as she could. Anna had already tried phoning his mobile a hundred times, and she dearly hoped he hadn't forgotten it like he was known to.
Just to make herself feel better, Anna attempted another call. Like all others, it went straight to voice mail, indicating it was switched off or out of battery.
She hadn't left a message so far, as it would've only been panicked panting when she was out looking, but she took a deep breath, wondering what to say.
"This is probably stupid of me, but I'm worried about you. So will you please answer your damn phone already? I know you don't need anyone looking out for you, as you've told me a million times, but this would really put my mind at ease. So if you don't care about yourself, then that's fine. But please let me know you're okay. I brought you here so if you're not…" She trailed off, collecting herself. She would not allow herself to be too upset for him, he barely deserved it from her. "I can't be the reason the greatest sorcerer in the world just randomly disappears, so let me know. Please. If not for yourself, do it for me."
She huffed and hung up, wondering if he would even listen to the whole thing if he ever bothered to pick up his phone. Anna didn't know whether she was worried sick or enraged at her father. She wondered sometimes why she even bothered with him, why she continued trying. But no matter how long she tried to stay away, something always made her return to him, needing to see him even if it was for just five minutes.
Their relationship had their ups and downs, and it had certainly been better in her teenage years. But Anna had always loved her father's stories, and for some reason she couldn't discern, she never questioned them. With all her heart, she believed them. Perhaps she would think differently if she didn't possess some magic. It was the one thing they were able to fully bond over, and Anna would marvel at her father's effortless ability to do wondrous things. She believed that there must be a worthy man, a good man beneath all that power, or at least, there used to be. That's why she was overjoyed to discover something which could lead them to King Arthur – anything to do with Avalon must be a good thing.
But then, her father reacted badly and she lost some of her hope. And now she began to question whether he was right, if she had overreacted and gone in blindly.
Tapping the wheel in some rhythm, Anna scanned her mind for any other way she could maybe find him. The normal method didn't appear to work, so she would have to rely on magic if he didn't contact her. The problem was, her father was heavily guarded against such magic. She didn't fully understand his caution, as she knew of no other magic user that got more than a strong feeling sometimes, but he usually had strange reasons for things.
So scrying was out of the question.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. There had been a time, a distant conversation when she was lost in her teachings because Merlin had been telling her too much at one point and she couldn't take it all in. She had brushed it off at the time since it wasn't an actual spell she could learn and never in her wildest dreams did she ever think she would need it.
Her father had told her that if something had happened to him or he seemed to be unavailable for any reason, she could contact him a certain way. It was incredibly vague and Anna wasn't sure if she believed it, much less wanted to try it, but it was the only thing she could do at the moment.
She basked in the brief safety of her car and then opened her door, spurred on by the feelings of urgency and hope in her chest. Anna cast her gaze around. It had brightened considerably while she was in her car and she could hear the birds chirping with the early morning light. Now if only she could find one.
"Little birds, little birds, come on out," she muttered sardonically, making her way over to a lonesome tree.
She could hear and see a few on the branches, but she wasn't sure how to even hold one without birdfeed, never mind communicate with one. Anna suddenly felt incredibly stupid.
It was as if one sensed her distress. A fluttering appeared before her and instinctively she held out her hand to receive a little blue bird she couldn't help note to be cute.
"All right, this feels really dumb but I guess I'll give it a go," Anna said, softly brushing a finger against the bird's feathers. It tweeted and twitched its head. She was surprised it hadn't flown off like birds tended to do, but she also sensed there must have been more to her father's words.
"Please, find my father. Find Emrys and tell him to get back here, right now," with a more irritated voice than she had planned. She was thinking of more to say when the bird took off in flight immediately and she lost sight of it.
Anna rushed back to her car, hoping no-one saw her talk to a bird, but perhaps they would only judge her as some sort of Snow White imitator if they did. She couldn't believe that worked! If only the bird could tell him how much of an obnoxious prat he was for leaving her here. Despite knowing she would be incredibly hurt if that was what happened, it was the best she could hope for. The alternative was too scary to imagine.
"Merlin!" Gwen greeted warmly, hugging him tight and giving him a smile Arthur suspected she reserved just for Merlin. He couldn't pinpoint an exact reason for why that didn't bother him.
Merlin seemed eager to break the hug but Arthur caught a grateful and awed look in his eyes as he stared at Gwen.
"I'm so happy you're back," Gwen told him, squeezing his arms.
"I can see that," Merlin mumbled. Arthur didn't know if it was intended to hurt Gwen or not. It was a reserved tone, but Merlin's eyes were staring at her intently. Once again he felt another pang of frustration over Merlin's odd behaviour.
"Well, I won't linger here when you have matters to discuss," Gwen said, remaining perfectly composed. Arthur only hoped he had that kind of patience when dealing with Merlin; Guinevere was acting as if nothing was wrong.
Arthur took a seat when Gwen left, indicating Merlin to do the same. "It's about time you got here," Arthur teased. But then he grew serious. "I hope it was because Gaius was examining you."
Arthur had used a tone of disappointment which he hoped would stir a reaction from Merlin, but his friend continued his heavy gaze around his chambers as he moved to his seat, looking around almost fondly before settling on Arthur and giving no reaction to what was said.
He had no idea how to treat this new Merlin. Hopefully his friend would improve after some discussion but his hopes were not high. Gaius had told him how Merlin had refused an examination. He was hoping if there were injuries, some of the mystery would be solved as his mind couldn't help but conclude terrible things. Merlin looked thinner and weaker but what scared Arthur the most was the emptiness in Merlin's eyes, unless they were piercing and cold. How Merlin could look like that one moment and then embrace him and smile in the next was beyond him.
Never mind Merlin's very unusual attire, which he decided to address. "What in God's name are you wearing, Merlin?" he asked mockingly, reaching out to pull at the tunic he was wearing. It was very thick and soft, but he thought it must itch like mad.
It looked like Merlin almost took it well, the side of his mouth twitching slightly. But then he grew sombre once more and stared at Arthur again with those cold eyes. "You wanted to talk, Sire?"
Merlin maintained a tone of politeness and even called him sire, yet Arthur suddenly never felt so young, so immersed in the unknown and felt like berating himself for trying to keep the subject light. He felt like a silly child while Merlin was the adult, here to give him a stern talking to. And then Arthur felt ridiculous for feeling such a way – he was the King, he was older than Merlin and usually Merlin was the one who wasted time, prattling on about nonsense. He wondered what on earth it was exactly that made Merlin so intimidating all of a sudden.
"Very well," Arthur conceded. "I know it might be hard for you, Merlin. But you were missing for weeks. I want you to tell me what happened."
Merlin instantly dropped his gaze to the table and said nothing, but he seemed to be collecting his thoughts.
"You don't have to tell me everything at once," Arthur told him, as gentle as he could. It had been a suggestion from Gwen and he was suddenly grateful for her advice, because it seemed to pacify Merlin somewhat.
"All right," Merlin agreed, fidgeting with his nails but his eyes were darting up to Arthur's every few seconds as he spoke. "It was a normal day. I was out collecting herbs for Gaius and I was… attacked."
"Do you know who it was?" Arthur asked when Merlin said nothing more.
Merlin shook his head and then a simple fear clouded his eyes. "They were bandits. I don't think they were working for anyone. They just stole and…" His voice turned shaky as he trailed off.
Arthur nodded in sympathy, irked to know nothing of who did this to Merlin, but relieved that he was talking all the same. "Then what happened?"
It took a few moments for Merlin to collect himself and speak again. "I don't know why exactly but they decided to take me along with them. For a bit of fun, I suppose. There were other prisoners."
Merlin seemed to be thinking hard of what to say, so Arthur waited silently.
"I was with them for… a while." He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. "There was an attack, I don't know who by. I managed to escape during the fighting. The other prisoners weren't so lucky."
Cold stone anger was seeping through Arthur as he listened. He couldn't imagine what was done to Merlin to take the bright, foolish servant he knew and change him so much. He clenched his fists, but urged himself to relax. Gwen had also advised to withhold such reactions from Merlin, he needed to be calm and strong for his sake.
"I'm sorry, Merlin," he spoke quietly as his friend stared silently at the table. His brow was creased a little as if thinking hard or in pain. He knew that was enough for now. "We can discuss more at another time, perhaps. Despite your little nap earlier you still look rather terrible. You should rest."
Merlin looked up, as if he had something pressing he still wanted to say, but seemed to change his mind. He nodded then stood. "Yes, Sire."
"And Merlin. You know you don't need to address me that way when we're alone," Arthur reminded him. In fact, he had never explicitly told Merlin not to do so, but he appreciated it. It never felt appropriate to, he was the King after all. But Merlin could turn frustratingly formal when he was angry or annoyed at Arthur, so he hoped that he hadn't grieved Merlin in any way.
The man in question seemed to take it in good faith, however, as he gave a small smile – the first one he'd seen since the courtyard. "Of course, Arthur." Still, he gave a quick bow and then made his way out.
As Arthur sat listening to Merlin's footsteps fade away, tapping his finger on the table, he began processing Merlin's words. It appeared they had nothing to go on, nothing to tell them who exactly was responsible for Merlin's capture, not even who was responsible for the bandit's defeat. He found it strange that such a group with prisoners weren't found by his patrols before, but concluded they must have left Camelot's border. If Merlin knew at all where he was taken, that may help, so Arthur made a mental note to ask him in the future.
However, the longer he stayed there, the more his brow wrinkled, thinking about the whole ordeal. He had since calmed his anger and he tried not to think too hard about what was done to his friend. But the whole situation still seemed off. Merlin's explanation was so simple and very close to what he would have guessed, now that he thought about it, but it hadn't given him any details. And then there was the fact that Merlin didn't want to go back to Camelot for some reason, somehow wouldn't trust Leon. He felt there was still a huge piece to the puzzle missing, a factor that would easily explain Merlin's behaviour to his friends, and Gaius, who he saw as family. Either he was missing something, or Merlin was lying.
Arthur quickly realised and wondered why on earth he was doubting his friend.
He suppressed a shiver thinking about the coldness in Merlin's eyes.
Merlin took his time heading back. He had gotten lost on the way to Arthur's chamber; the quick way he used to take gone from his mind and he couldn't rely on muscle memory either. It had given him the impulse to rush which he found disconcerting. Merlin didn't rush anywhere anymore. So in retaliation, Merlin dawdled on his way back through the relatively empty hallways; it was late at night and only guards were present.
He felt the conversation with Arthur had gone well. Merlin had also believed that lying to Arthur again might verge on the impossible, but once he got started it became easier. Merlin was very adept at lying, knowing that the simplest expression can match well the correct tone of voice. And Arthur seemed to have taken it all in, never suspecting a thing.
Of course, he would be compelled to tell him more as the days went on, something he could figure out later. After catching up on some sleep, he was planning a few steps to find out more about this supposed time travel. He was still having random realisations of reality that he couldn't quite grasp– that he was back here, in Camelot, with Arthur - but they were fleeting. Mostly, he functioned as normal, just experiencing bouts of nostalgia every now and then.
When he finally arrived back in Gaius' chambers, Merlin was sure the old man would be asleep. Instead he was sitting on the bench, waiting for him. Merlin instantly felt the frustrated dread when he realised what he was holding.
"Merlin. What's this?" Gaius asked, holding up his Samsung, suspicion in his eyes.
