Just then Rebecca Perrin entered the bar and approached Ben. He looked at this watch and was surprised to find that no time had actually passed, and that it was still a half hour before he was due to pick up Emma. "Hey Ben, have you seen Emma?"
"I thought you were watching her."
"Yeah, and I got bored. So I left her at her table and went to dance with some people, and when I came back 15 minutes later she was gone."
"You left my daughter alone?! Emma could be anywhere! She could have been kidnapped!"
"Why? You don't trust your guests? Anyway, have you seen her in the bar?"
"I think people would notice a two year old child near an open bar." Ben quickly looked around and saw no sign of Emma. He slowly started to stride out of the bar. Then he quickly stopped and turned around when he realized that Rebecca was not only not following him, but had turned his back on him and was getting a drink. He yanked her by the arm: "You are going to help!" Quickly he raced through the corridors calling for Emma, delayed only by his tugging Rebecca along to keep up with him. "Tucker! Mom! Brad! Vanessa! Have any of you seen Emma?!"
Tucker and Bonnie quickly turned up, followed a little later by Brad and Vanessa. "How could you have lost her?" asked Bonnie intemperately. "Look, is she in any of the rooms you were just in?" "She certainly wasn't in the ball room I was in" said Vanessa.
Ben tried to think, or at least not to panic. "Tucker, Vanessa, check the washrooms. Maybe she wandered into one of them."
"Maybe the front desk knows where she is," Bonnie suggested.
Ben and Bonnie raced to the front desk, while Tucker and Vanessa peeked into the washrooms. Brad turned into a kitchen to see if Emma was there (she wasn't). Rebecca was strongly tempted to wander away, but then realized that Ben could blame her for Emma being lost in the first place. So she followed Ben and Bonnie at a respectable pace.
"Have you seen my daughter? She's two years old."
"No."
"Is there anyone else at the desk who might have seen her?"
"Not likely, no."
"Does the hotel have a lost and found place where she might be?"
"No. And you really should take better care of your daughter."
Now Ben was genuinely distraught. "Emma! Emma!" He rushed around the hotel entrance calling out for Emma. "Excuse me," asked the hotel clerk.
"Yes?"
"You're causing a disturbance. Could you please be quieter?"
Just then a guest tapped Ben on the shoulder. "Are you looking for that small girl who's outside?" Ben quickly dashed out the doors, followed by Bonnie and the others. And then he saw Emma crossing the street, unaware of a truck bearing down on her. Ben immediately flew to his daughter, and had just enough time to push her safely to the sidewalk opposite before the truck hit him. The truck was braking, all too slowly, as Ben felt intense pain before he fell unconscious.
Where was he? For some reason the phrase "darkness visible" flashed into his mind. "No, you're not dead Mr. Wheeler. Not yet." Ben didn't have a clear idea of place, or of vision, but he could hear the Angel. And now he could see the Angel, the face of the lion, the face of the eagle. But Ezekiel was wrong, not the face of an ox, but the face of a bull, cruel, dangerous, carnivorous. "A few moments ago, you said you would prefer love over money. Now we will get to see if you prefer love over your own life." The voice was not sarcastic, but its contempt and self-righteousness were absolute.
Ben was understandably disoriented. "You have heard of the concept of limbo. For your purposes that will be sufficient to explain where you are. Your body is dying. Nothing can be done to save it. But I am going to give you a choice. Not the choice where you get the happiness you wish. But a choice nevertheless. Listen to me very carefully. I am going to explain to you the nature of the decision you must make. Once I am satisfied you understand the nature of the choice, you will go back to the relevant moment of time and you will have five minutes, with the full knowledge of what you know now, to make that decision. If you try to take longer than those five minutes, you will automatically return here and die. Now here is your choice. You are going back to the morning after you found Emma on your doorstop. When you told Child Services you were going to keep Emma, the visiting social worker gave you a form to sign to confirm that. She gave you five minutes to sign that form, or give her Emma. She actually gave you the time so she could take a cigarette break in the hall, but regardless... You are going to go back to that exact moment, and you will choose whether to keep Emma or give her up."
"So if I keep Emma I will relive the past two or more years?"
"Not exactly. If you decide to keep Emma, the years that go by will flash by in seconds and you will return here and die."
"What if I give her away? What happens then?"
"You will live your life as if she had never been. However, since they never happened, all the memories that you have had with her and that time will vanish within a few seconds. You will certainly no longer have any feelings for Riley, and Riley will have no reason to stay in your life if she's not here to help you raise Emma."
"Wait a minute. I remember having this experience wondering if there had never been Emma."
"Oh yes. Why don't you remind us of the consequences?"
"I never helped Riley get over her fear of taking the bar exam. So she never became a lawyer and she was stuck as a waitress. And somehow I never realized that Dad was gay, so Mom is still trapped in a loveless marriage. And for some reason Danny developed a drinking problem. Why would that happen?"
"Peer pressure. It's easier to resist if you have a three month year old niece to take care of. Oh, I haven't told you about the extremely painful yet grimly hilarious thing that happens to Tucker. I think I will leave that to your imagination. But the point is that you can save your miserable life at the price of ruining those of everyone you care about. You won't exactly know how you did this, but I think a vague sense of guilt will haunt you to the end of your days. Oh yes, one more thing. You do immediately get a vasectomy, so no more children."
"What about Emma?"
"A good question. She is after all, white, healthy and sane, so she should be the perfect adoption baby for a wealthy family that could cater to her every desire. But you will never find that out, even if there was anything in you that would make you recant your decision. By contrast, if you decide to keep her, Emma will go immediately to her guardian Riley. And of course to her husband, your brother Daniel. Which means that after having most of your mother's love, and after winning Riley from you, he will get to have Emma as well. A trifecta of sorts. And she will live in a much wealthier and happier atmosphere that you could ever provide for her. You, by contrast, will be nothing more than a few photographs and videos to your daughter. Incidentally, you understand that your death will be very traumatic for Rebecca. So she will deal with it by claiming that it was your fault that Emma wandered away.
"So, once again, the choice is whether the love you claim to have and to want is more important than your own life. Now do you understand everything I've said to you?"
"Yes."
"Good. Your five minutes begin now." And Ben found himself at a table with the custody documents in front of him. He heard the door to the apartment click shut, as he realized the social worker for child services had just left to take her cigarette. Emma was in a bassinet on the couch. Emma or the document. Ben had the pen in his right hand. He looked over the document and made sure that it ensured his rights, instead of renouncing them. He took a deep breath and exhaled. No time like the present, and he started to sign his name-"Benjamin Bon Jovi Wh..."
Wait a minute. I have five minutes to make the decision. But the decision isn't complete until I finish my signature. Which means I can still use my knowledge of what happens to me and do something with it.
Ben checked his wrist and cursed himself when he realized he wasn't wearing a watch. He dashed into his bedroom and searched frantically for it. Did he have one? Where was it? Then he realized his alarm clock had a second hand on it. He had to assume that he had no more than four minutes. He took the clock and dashed back to the table. Paper! He could write himself a note! But where was note paper? Was there any in the apartment? Maybe there was something in the wastebasket. No, nothing. Ben looked at the table. Of course, the form where he renounced his rights. Since he wasn't using it, he could use the back to write on. But he needed something to make sure the paper wouldn't be lost. An envelope! But where would he find one?
"So has the social worker come by? I thought I heard someone." It was Tucker walking out of his room. Yes, Tucker was with him that day! "Tucker, you wouldn't happen to have an envelope?"
"What? Didn't Child Services give you one?"
'This isn't about Child Services? Do you have an envelope?"
"What do you need an envelope for?"
"It's too complicated to explain. But I really need an envelope and I need it more than anything I have ever needed."
"More than the condom you should have used a year ago?"
"Tucker! Please!"
"Hold on. I think I have some things from work." And Tucker strolled leisurely back into his room and slowly, deliberately looked through his things. "Oh, here is one..." and Ben snatched it out of his hand. "Sorry about that. Now, I don't have time to explain, but if you could be absolutely silent for the next..." Then, realizing that his alarm clock was on the table, he dashed over to it, grabbed it and quickly dashed back. "..two minutes and twenty one seconds, it could literally mean everything to me."
Ben dashed back to the table, wrote RILEY on the back of the envelope, then turned the renunciation form over and started writing. You love Riley. I love you Riley. I am so sorry I called you fat. I am so sorry I ruined your sixteenth birthday. DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHER WOMEN. DON'T SLEEP WITH ANGELA! I love you more than sex, so don't keep pushing sex. Remember what her favorite flower is, (tulips!) try and enjoy The Princess Bride. Oh right, she likes The Verdict and after seeing if three times over the last four months so do you. She's allergic to eggplant linguini? BE A BETTER FRIEND. Work harder! Read more about law (remember supreme court justices!). Help her pass the bar exam!
What else?! What else?! But just then the social worker re-entered, half a minute early. "Are we finished?" With his concentration broken Ben looked up. "Just a minute," and he automatically folded up the letter and placed it in the envelope. Sealing the envelope he was already forgetting its contents. Then realizing that his signature was incomplete, he finished it with three seconds to spare. "Here you go," and handed it to the Social worker.
The next instant and Ben was stunned by the jerk in time. Where was he? It was months later, the memorial service for Fitch, who wasn't actually dead. Another instant, and Riley was in front of him, crying. Oh dear God what had he done wrong now? Another instant, and he was on the roof of his apartment building. The old treehouse, his mother's first attempt at second marriage, he in his suit, and Riley in her maid of honor dress, smiling at him. And then finally, he in the street seeing Emma safely pushed on to the sidewalk as the truck bore down on him. Then intense pain, blackness and then nothing at all.
And then something after all. Ben opened his eyes. It was dark, a dark place, with only a reading light nearby. He was in a bed, a hospital bed. Riley was sitting in a chair on his right reading. He couldn't see clearly.
"Oh my God, you're awake."
"Where am I?"
"Ben, you've been in a coma for the last five days!" Ben tried to move and instantly regretted it. "Don't try to move. You've got a broken leg, and two of your ribs are broken. The good news is that the doctors said you could make a complete recovery if you got out of the coma."
"Where's everyone else?"
"Well it's 4:30 in the morning, so they're asleep. Emma's safe, and my sister is still a selfish bitch."
"Is there something wrong with my vision? I'm having trouble seeing."
"Really?" Riley pointed her right hand at Ben and made the V for Victory sign with her fingers. "How many fingers do you see?"
"Two."
Riley then put her left hand far behind her head, showing three fingers. "Now how many do you see?"
"Three."
"OK, there isn't any problem with your eyes. It's just that your head is wrapped in bandages, and you're wearing a neck brace. They're acting like blinders."
"Is there anything else I should be worried about?"
"The doctors suggested you might have trouble with your short term memory. What's the last thing you remember?"
"Signing Emma's papers."
"Which papers?"
"The papers that I signed to get custody of her."
"Really? You don't remember anything over the last thirty months?"
"...I'm trying to think. My mother remarried."
"Oh she certainly did. We're going to tell stories about that to our children for years to come."
"And I remember thinking that one of our neighbors had stolen Emma's pet lamb, only to realize that we'd just simply mislaid it."
"OK, what else?"
"And Tucker had this really annoying girlfriend named Vanessa, and he broke up with her. But then if you got to know her better she wasn't actually annoying at all. And they got back together."
"That's right. They're engaged now."
"There's something else. Something I can't grasp." Ben rubbed his head with his right hand trying to concentrate and noticed something odd. "Riley, why I am wearing a wedding ring?"
"Come on Ben. Do you really think I would have let you do this to me if you weren't?" And she got up, showing that she was six months pregnant.
"We're married?! We're having a girl?!"
"Actually I didn't tell you the sex, but yes we are. I can't believe you don't remember this. You went to considerable measures to make sure I wouldn't forget it."
"I can't believe I'm this lucky!"
"Ben, you were hit by a truck five days ago. Trust me, I'm the one who's lucky here." And she kissed him.
A few hours later, after the doctors had confirmed Ben's eventual recovery, and he had some time to sleep, Riley was pushing him around in a wheelchair. She was busy making calls. Tucker and Vanessa would be here shortly, as would Danny and his new bride. Bonnie would soon be bringing Emma to see her father. A doctor waylaid Riley for a moment to get her to fill out some forms. Ben looked around the hospital corridors. He noticed a woman doctor, clearly very Jewish. A second look, and he the saw the face of an eagle.
"Some of our Christian and Muslim assistants haven't quite got the point of their celestial duties. Over the next or day or two your memories of this world will come back and your old memories will fade. But now there is a world where Riley ends up with Danny, and now there is a world where she ends up with you. A solution of a sort.
"Don't screw this up."
"I promise."
