Growing Pains
To Be a Man
…from the previous chapter…
"I know you don't have to do anything for this baby I promised I'd take care of," he began quietly, "but she don't deserve ta be left out in the cold, and even if it ain't for me, can I ask ta at least stay the night here? I'll sleep in the dojo; I just don't want anyone else ta suffer 'cause of me." He spoke his last, looking down at the fussy bundle of baby cradled in his arms.
Kasumi gave him a slightly despairing look, before her own features softened into something more gentle and resigned. "I wouldn't have you sleeping in the dojo with a baby," she began herself, "and since grandfather Happosai is out traveling, you can stay there with her. His room is rather quiet, and I don't think the baby would disturb anyone's rest, there."
Ranma offered the eldest Tendo sister a wan smile. "Thanks, Kasumi. I really owe you."
The morning light slowly brightening the room revealed a Ranma who looked almost as tired as he had the previous night, but for the fact that his eyes were closed and his breathing was light and even. On the futon at his side, separated by a mountain of bed clothes that surrounded and protected her was the little baby girl he had unofficially adopted, sleeping the sleep of an innocent.
For Ranma, it was a well-earned rest- if not well-deserved; his first task of the night had been to take down all of Happosai's "treasures" which adorned the walls, and most of every other vertical surface in the room. Putting them in the closet was the only choice he'd had, and even then he'd discovered that the old troll had had quite a few pair already stashed away… a few hundred pair, at least. He'd shuddered at having to deal with anything "grandfather" had left around in his room, but one look at the baby lying on the futon where he'd settled her had convinced him that he needed to look past himself, to do what he needed for the baby.
In another part of the house, he could hear the muted sounds of Akane being upset, so he'd concluded that Kasumi had sought to explain to her just why he'd been let back inside. Again, he'd taken a look at the little girl whose life he felt he was now responsible for, and decided that he was just about ready to suffer anything that came his way, to spare her what he could.
After that, had come the task of changing her. Thathad taken a bit of time to figure out, and then a call of help to Kasumi to actually get her changed. And hadn't that been a revelation to him; while he'd known about the… *ahem* differences, between males and females, and even though he sometimes knew those differences, it was a different matter altogether to actually see those differences, up close and personal as it was as he watched- and listened to the instructions that she gave him- as the eldest Tendo daughter changing his daughter.
And wasn't that something to get used to, too? His daughter. Already, it was becoming easier for him to see her as being his responsibility.
And then there were the feedings during the middle of the night. Two of them, in fact, and then yet another changing of her diaper, without Kasumi's help this time. Thankfully, he'd managed.
And somewhere during the night, he'd found a name for her: Sakura. Why that particular name had come to him, especially in the midst of a brief but intense spate of angry wailing when he hadn't been quick enough to present her with her meal, he had yet to question himself about. It was approaching dawn when Sakura had finally seemed to settle in for the night, and almost blissfully, he'd collapsed, asleep before he could take even three breaths.
When Kasumi had awakened him a few hours later—and he was thankful that it was a Saturday, that he had been afforded the luxury of sleeping in—he'd asked her if she would keep an eye on Sakura for a short while, while he went out to get some advice on how to raise her. He did his best to soothe Kasumi's slight frown at that, telling her that he needed more than one set of ideas, in order to be the best father for his daughter that he could be, and that had caused the eldest Tendo daughter's slight frown to become a warm, compassionate smile.
In telling her that, however, he wasn't focused on why Kasumi was smiling so, or really even that she was smiling; it was the realization that he was a father now, at least in his own way of thinking. He'd given the baby a name, he'd given her a name of his choosing, and he was now making decisions for her that would affect her life. And his. And suddenly he knew that he wasn't up to the task. Not yet, at least. He'd planned to go and talk to Ukyou about what had happened, to see what she thought; of all of his friends and so-called friends, she was usually the most level-headed, and the most likely one to be willing to help him figure out what might be best for Sakura—but now he knew he had to include Cologne, no matter how much he despised the thought; she had knowledge from her years of living, and even if he despised her, even if he wished he didn't have to, he knew that for Sakura's sake, for the sake of his daughter, the child he'd vowed he would take care of, he would do anything, or very nearly so. In that light, the thought of talking to Cologne was an unpleasant one, but bearable.
And then an even more overwhelming thought crossed his mind.
He'd have to think about the things he did from now own. Think about them a great deal, and admittedly, thinking wasn't often his strong suit when it came to things non-martial-art related. He'd have to consider the consequences of what he did, for Sakura's sake. He'd have to stop getting into risky situations. He'd have to pay attention to a lot more than just fighting. He'd have to deal with all the chaos in his life, before said chaos affected Sakura, or worst, got her hurt. He'd have to put Sakura's needs before everything else in his life.
He'd have to grow up.
Ranma grumbled to himself, the Cat Café in sight now. His musings regarding who he was about to speak to were colored by the memories of the 'who' he had just spoken to.
Overall, Ukyou had not taken the matter well. She'd been quietly, vaguely sympathetic to the idea of Sakura when he explained how he'd 'adopted' her, and what he'd come to conclude that he needed to do for her. And then she'd tipped his thoughts about her and how she seemed to understand things on its head with what she'd said after that.
Well, you don't have to keep it, Ukyou had said of Sakura, she's not really your daughter. Why not give her to a real adoption agency? Kami knows you're not parent material- I mean, not right now, not with all of the problems in your life. And you can be a parent for real when we finally get married, right?
It was as if his ears had been finally hearing what he hadn't been hearing up until now. Sakura wasn't an 'it', and while he probably wasn't 'parent material', to hear Ukyou talking about being a 'parent for real' when he married her, caused him to look at her in a way that Ukyou had mistaken for a kind of "why didn't I think of that?" type surprise. It was as if she were so focused on the idea of marrying him, that she wasn't willing to look at anything else that didn't fit into her plans.
And that had settled the matter for him.
Ukyou wasn't someone he could trust to help him with Sakura.
Hence, Cologne.
He sighed again, reaching the front door of the shop, and opened the door.
The lunch rush had just passed, and the dinner rush was still about an hour or so away, and so the restaurant was rather quiet. That being the case, the ringing of the bell, signifying his arrival, was loud enough to attract attention.
Mu Tzu was the first to notice him, and for once the myopic dark-haired Chinese boy had his thick glasses down over his eyes.
"You," he all but snarled at him, "What do you want here? Shampoo will never be your—"
A bonbori thumped rather heavily against the back of his head, and he staggered with the blow, howling in pain.
["You idiot!"] Xian Pu commented in Chinese, ["Why do you keep attacking my intended? He's smarter than you, he's better looking than you, he's a better warrior than you, and there's nothing you'll be able to do that will make me want you! Leave him alone!"]
["But Xian Pu!"] the Chinese boy whined back, ["He doesn't love you! I love you! Why won't you give me a chance to show you?"]
The lavender-haired teenaged woman responded by bashing him across the head once again with the smooth-metal mace.
"Mousse leave Airen alone!" she screamed at him, no longer in Chinese, and the aforementioned boy growled back at her as he staggered back towards the kitchen- where a moment later another loud thump was heard, muffled through the door, resulting in another cry of pain.
"Nihao, airen!" the girl turned back to him, her eyes bright and a wide smile gracing her rather attractive features.
Ranma grimaced, but tried to keep at least some of his feelings from showing on his face. "Hey," he replied diffidently.
"Airen come to take Shampoo on date, yes?" she asked in her broken Japanese. With a bit of new thought, Ranma wondered for a moment if the Chinese girl was really that awful with her Japanese, or if she talked like that on purpose, to make people think she wasn't very smart. Then he gave a mental shrug; it didn't matter- his business was with her great-grandmother, Cologne.
The pig-tailed boy shook his head. "I need to speak to the old ghoul," he returned, partially a disgusted growl, partially a pleading whine.
"But then you take Shampoo out on date, yes?" she persisted.
He opened his mouth to protest—though exactly what he was going to say, he wasn't sure of—but was saved from his usual foot-in-mouth disease by the swinging of the kitchen door and the arrival of the aforementioned old ghoul, Kuh Lon.
"I hear you've come to see me, son-in-law?" the diminutive older woman offered a old person's toothy grin. "Have you finally seen the futility of your struggles, and come to broker a peace by returning to China with us?" As usual, she was balanced masterfully atop her staff, placing her eye to eye with the martial arts master.
"I… I need some advice, I think," he said reluctantly, sighing quietly. "I need to talk to you, Kuh Lon-san." He was careful to do his best to pronounce her name rather than simply mash it together as he was wont to, and placed the Japanese honorific to show her the extent of his need.
The elder amazon gently lifted an eyebrow at him, seemingly studying him for a few moments. "A serious subject, I take it?" she offered, still with that disturbing smile in place, but a more focused look in her eyes now.
He didn't reply, but the slight blush coupled with a slight frown seemed to tell the tale for him.
Kuh Lon turned towards her great-granddaughter. ["Xian Pu? Please bring some green tea to us, just a simple tea this time, and make sure mister part-timer doesn't interrupt us."]
["Yes, great-grandmother,"] Xian Pu returned, and practically bounced back towards the kitchen.
Kuh Lon turned back to face him. "Shall we?" she smiled softly—and still rather disturbingly—and gestured towards one of the tables in the decently-sized restaurant, near the rear corner. Ranma gestured for the elder to proceed him, as much out of an attempt at manners as it was a not-quite subtle expression of his lack of full trust in her. Kuh Lon cackled in response, and hopped down off of her staff to stride towards the indicated table, her steps and her walk much more smooth and spritely than one of her age usually moved.
Ranma sat down after Kuh Lon, and the pair sat in relative silence for the two minutes that it took for Xian Pu to return with the tea service, and set it down before them—right before taking a seat next to her great-grandmother.
The pig-tailed boy grimaced.
"Can we talk alone?" he asked of the elder woman, and gave a rather pointed look at Xian Pu.
Kuh Lon gave a quiet, slight sigh.
["Leave us, child,"] she told her young relative, causing the girl to frown at being dismissed. ["Keep an eye on Mu Tzu, and do not disturb us. I'll let you know what we discuss, if it should concern our efforts to woe son-in-law."] Xian Pu didn't look at all pleased at being sent away, but the Chinese girl did as she was bidden. Once she had slipped back into the kitchen, the elder turned to regard the boy once again.
"So you seek me for advice," she smirked at him, warmly yet only just holding onto her mirth at the gentle irony of the situation.
"Yeah, about that…" he began, "It ain't like I wanted ta come to ya, I mean, no offense, but we ain't never been friends. You an' Shampoo, always tryin' ta find some way ta get me to marry her—"
"You and she are already married, by our laws," Kuh Lon interrupted.
"And that's part of my point!" Ranma interjected, before she could go on, "You don't get it, that just cuz it's your laws, you think you can make everyone obey your laws! It don't work like that! An even if it did, you didn't even ask me if I wanted ta go along with it! You just assume that cuz I'm just a male, that I ain't got no say in things! That's just as screwed up as if I was a guy, and I said that girls were useless without a man around!" He caught himself short at that, his words a sudden revelation of profound proportions- not only about how he had acted in much the same way, but more ardently, about how he needed not to pass that idea onto Sakura.
"And yet, you do think that a man is a stronger, more capable fighter than a woman, do you not?" Kuh Lon asked in a calm tone.
Ranma opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, before commenting. "I did," he admitted, giving the elder woman a brief nod. "I used to. But I just got a wake up call about that." He frowned a bit, and pursed his lips some. "And I think that works ta what I wanted to ask you about." He fell silent again for a few moments, thinking about what he wanted to say.
"I may not trust ya, but I do respect ya," he began slowly. "You're a strong, capable lady, and of all the folks in Nerima who could…I mean, well…" He grimaced again, sighed, and then plunged ahead, "You're one of the folks here who I can't beat. A girl- a woman, I mean. And that means something. Ta me. It's…it's big. It makes me stop and think. And I don't wanna be the kinda guy who can't handle somethin' like that. I gotta grow up."
Kuh Lon offered a gentle smile at that. "And you seek me out, for advice on 'growing up', you say?"
"Kinda," he offered, growing a bit more nervous now that the matter was at hand. "I also took on some responsibilities, and I gotta grow up ta handle 'em." He paused, and then told the elder his brief story- how he came to be Sakura's father, how he had decided to love her, to take care of her, and to do what he needed to, in order to raise her properly; of how he felt less than able to the task, of how much he knew he didn't know, and of how he desperately wanted to what was right by this new life he was responsible for.
Kuh Lon listened, though it was clear that she was surprised by his revelation of Sakura. Ranma watched as that surprise gave way to a small smile, which grew as he told more of his own wants to be the best father for his new daughter that he could.
"Why, sonny boy!" the elder woman cackled at last, "the best place for the both of you would be China! Not only would you have the kind of assistance and support that you desperately need, you would have the advice of the other males raising the children of the tribe, and your…daughter, would be surrounded by other children who could give her the balance of understanding what a strong woman she could become, unadulterated by the influences of this barbaric male-influenced society."
Ranma almost, almost said the first thing to come to mind at that, but a part of him newly awakened by the thoughts of what would be best for Sakura—and part of what would be best for her, meant that he had to consider what would be best for him, as the main parental figure in her life, as well—made him pause, made him listen, made him think, before he spoke.
"So I should return to China with you and Shampoo and Mousse, with Sakura, so she can get away from a… society, that you don't like, so I can raise my daughter in another… society? that I don't like, where she'd turn into someone like you? who thinks that someone like me, a mere male, is just good for raising children and staying at home, and where her father is treated like a second-class citizen, someone she can't really look up to because he's just a male?"
His words began with at least a modicum of civility, but by the end of his statement, he was nearly yelling. Only his desire to not have Xian Pu and Mu Tzu barging into the dining area, wanting to know what was going on—and likely causing even more trouble—kept his tone below shouting.
"Thank you for the idea, Kuh Lon-san, but I would rather learn how to raise her to be a strong woman, surrounded by this…society, to learn how to be strong even with a baka for a father who thinks like I do, than put her somewhere where she can't learn about the whole world, where all she is, is a big fish in a little pond. I want her to be better than me, and even better than you, not that I mean anything awful by that, but I want her to be the best. Better than me, smarter than me, able to do anything she can think of. And she can't be that, if she's stuck in some Amazon village, only learning how to be the strongest fighter."
He sighed, and then went on, "I'm pretty sure she can learn lots from you Amazons that she can't learn here, but there's lots she can learn here, too, that she can't learn from you Amazons. I want her to have the best I can give her, not just my own…not just what I learned, and not just what being an Amazon could be."
He paused, and looked with a tired, pleading look at the elder woman. "I want to be the best father I can be. Maybe going to China might be it, but until I can see that, until I've tried everything I can to do right by her, right here, I won't do it."
Kuh Lon sat back, surprised- and yet not- by the vehemence in his tone. "I see," she intoned solemnly. He could almost see her considering what he'd said, and trying to fit it into what she wanted for him.
Ranma frowned again slightly, his lips thinning out into a line. "You see me fighting you again," he said, analyzing the situation. "You see that I don't wanna go with you to China. You see that I don't wanna make life easy for you and Shampoo by simply giving up."
Ranma stood up from the table at that. He sighed, a sound more frustrated now than angry. "But I don't give up. I fight. It's about the only thing I'm really good at. And I'm fighting to try and do the best I can for my daughter. You don't see that."
And with that, he turned, and walked out of the café.
Kasumi puttered about the kitchen, humming a pleasant tune as she prepared to make dinner for the family. In a baby carrier she'd borrowed from a neighbor sat Sakura, burbling happily, as a baby could.
The pig-tailed martial artist sighed heavily as he returned to the Tendo home. "I'm back, Kasumi," he called out to her. "Are Nabiki and Akane here?" he continued, as he wandered into the kitchen, guessing—correctly—that it would be likely where he'd find her.
"Akane is out with her friends," Kasumi turned and responded to him, smiling softly, "And Nabiki is not here." It went without saying that the father's hadn't returned yet, or they would have been the first to greet him at the door, howling at him for daring to upset Soun's darling little spoiled princess.
"Thank you for watching Sakura for me," he sighed quietly, with a tired smile. "I hope she wasn't a bother."
"No, she was no bother," Kasumi offered a warm smile. "So did you get any of the advice you were seeking?"
Ranma sighed, and shook his head. "Maybe I should be asking you for advice," he said at length. "Maybe when you have a few minutes?"
"Alright," Kasumi replied. "I'll be with you shortly."
Okay- authors notes:
For everyone in general: No, no one yet blames Ryoga for the death of Sakura's mother. Ranma has mostly focused on the fact that her mother was killed in an accident during their fight, not that it was Ryoga's special attack that led to the woman dying.
Hero in a cup: *evil grin* You'll get to see those things happen. Just be patient.
Blackholelord: Part of what you discussed is in the next chapter- written already before you commented on it, so you'll soon get to see what it is you've wondered about.
And just in case no one has noticed yet, yes, there is a bit of character bashing of just about everyone in the manga. At the same time, it is something of a reflection of the way Takahashi has portrayed the characters—they are generally one-dimensional, and only now is Ranma seeing this for himself.
