"Walking like a one man army, fighting with the shadows in your head, living out the same old moment, knowing you'd be better off instead, if you could only say what you need to say"
--John Mayer "Say"

Jacob's POV

It's been nine months since Bella moved in...Yet, even though she smiles all the time her smile just doesn't seem real... And each morning she comes down to breakfast so tired, as if she never sleeps anymore. Was it normal for people to grieve for this long? Staring at her now from across the dinner table I noticed the dark shadows under her eyes which were now cast downward on the homework before her. Of course, being Bella, she was put in advanced placement in our La Push school program and was ahead and all but school couldn't have been the main issue. Bella may not have many friends and mostly stuck with me but she seemed fine.

"Bella?" I called. Her eyes flickered up to meet mine her pencil pausing in mid-air.

"Hm?" Bella raised an eyebrow at me—an expression she wore quite often now. I was going to ask her if she was okay but I chickened out. Instead I slid my paper toward her.

"How in the world do we do this?" I pointed at a random one.

"Uh, Jacob you already finished that one…" Oops! I pushed my finger two rows lower to a problem I hadn't finished but understood completely.

"I meant this one, sorry." I fumbled for words. Bella put her pencil down and squinted at me as if she could see the reason why I was acting like an idiot plastered across my forehead. She searched me for a moment then gave up.

"Okay, so what's up?" Her voice challenging me to say the words she had now come to hate.

"I just…um…Are you still sad?" I rephrased the words able to dodge that dangerous obstacle. Bella rolled her eyes at me.

"Well, yeah, of course I'm still sad but I'm getting better. I promise." She flashed smile at me as if to reassure me but it didn't work. She smiled wider begging me to just drop the subject.

"I don't buy it." I said stubbornly, I was not backing down this time. Bella was smile vanished and she frowned at me.

"Well you have to cause there no other answer." Bella's voice was hard, and flat. I hated when she got like this but I wasn't giving up.

"Obviously there is, you're just not telling me. Come on Bella, I thought you trusted me. Tell me what going on." I pressed harder. Too hard. She stood up sharply her chair scrapping on the wood floor with a screech. Neither one of us flinched, locking gazes, both of us angry with the other now. I don't understand what was so hard about telling someone what was going on? I wanted to shake it out of her and scream to her to snap out of it. So I stood up to.

"You're not my therapist. And I don't need one. I'm fine. Why can't you just let it be?" She growled her voice quiet but it had a deadly edge to it.

"Because, Bella, No one's fine when their dad dies." I pointed out. Her hand slapped her against the table causing the noise to echo loudly in the room. I half-expected Rachel, Rebecca, and Billy to come charging down asking what was going on but nothing happened.

"Well, if that's what you wanna hear. Fine then! I'm still sad, Jacob. Yes, I still cry at night! And I don't feel any better than I did when he first died! But you know what? We can't do anything about it!" She yelled then quickly gathered her stuff together and stormed off toward our bedroom. I heard loud angry footsteps on the stairs then the slam of the bedroom door. This was when everyone decided to come out and check up on us.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked me.

"Nothing. Bella's just acting like a baby." I said angrily. I was not going to apologize after she just acted like a brat when I tried to tell her I cared about her. I pouted and finished the last couple problems before heading upstairs. I hesitated at the door not wanting to barge in but then I straightened up and jutted my chin out. I was my room too! I opened it with force and marched to my side of the room putting a stomp in my footsteps to show I was still resentful to her. It wasn't nice of her to be rude to me when I just wanted to help. I hoped Billy would give her a time-out.

At first I didn't even look at her keeping my gaze straight ahead, not even moving while she went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Not even when I went to get ready for bed. Neither one of us saying anything, not wanting to be the first to speak. Once Billy said goodnight to each of us I pretended to fall asleep and waited for her to do the same. After an hour she glanced over to my bed and I quickly shut my eyes, breathing in and out in a repetitious, calm manner. Then to my disbelief she started to get out of bed! Bella threw off the covers and began opening the window. She had one leg out before I couldn't keep it in and sat up.

"What are you doing?" I screeched. My loud outburst caused her to let out a yelp and fall backward onto her bed.

"What are you doing awake? I thought you were asleep!" Bella gasped. I narrowed my eyes—she was avoiding the question.

"I asked first." I insisted sternly. She opened her mouth then closed it a couple times but nothing came out. Her shoulders slumped and she didn't look me in the eyes. Then without warning Bella crumpled to the bed and began sobbing. Forgetting everything about being mad at her I ran over and hugged her tightly.

"Its gunna be okay." I murmured in her hair, "Its gunna be okay." Bella turned around, now facing me and hugged me back with surprising strength. And then,

"I've been sneaking out every night to visit him." Bella's voice was muffled by my shirt but I still caught the most of it.

"See who?" I pulled back and looked at her face which she hung low.

"Charlie. At the cemetery." She confessed with a sigh.

"Bella!" I exclaimed. She had to know what was going through my head. The images of her being lost, killed, stolen, and possibly worse.

"I know, I know but I just don't get it. He always carried his gun though and besides animals never attack people like that! I know where Charlie went that day and he took me there before and I didn't see any bears. If that's what it even was. The pieces just don't fit, Jacob. And the police aren't investigating any further, they've just declared it was an animal case and just left the cases like that." Bella tried to convince me earnestly. Then she looked around as if someone was watching her, Bella lower her voice, leaned in and began to speak.

"Also the first day I went to see Charlie at the cemetery there was something there, Jacob. Possibly someone. I know that whatever it was is connected to Charlie's death somehow…" She saw the look I was giving her and cried out. "I'm not crazy! I just… I can't do it by myself and it's just so, so confusing." She buried her head in my shirt and began to cry again. Kind of flustered and at lost for words I just hugged her again. After a moment I stood up bringing her up too.

"What are you doing?" She asked wiping her eyes. But I ignored her question and began pushing her bed toward to the middle then I went over to my bed and began pushing it to hers until they were lined up right next to each other making one big bed. When Bella realized what I was doing she smiled shyly.

"You know I talk to my sleep right?" She warned me. I laughed knowingly.

"Well then you should know I tend to crush people with my hugs when I sleep." I told her. She grinned in a mutual respect. Then I plopped down on the bed and patted the spot next to me. Bella quickly rushed over, slid under the blankets, and cuddled next to me curling her body into a ball so that she was very small next to me. I go under the blackest and pulled then up to my chin the slipped my arm around Bella holding her close to me like mom used to do with me before she passed away. Seeing Bella like this reminded me of how I used to be but I knew what had killed her unlike Bella with Charlie. Billy was driving then another car came out of nowhere. Billy swerved to not hit them and ended up down a ravine. Mom was killed on impact, Dad left in a wheelchair, us scared forever. Though the people who originally caused the accident never came forward it didn't matter anymore. I admit it still hurts but I have gotten better, I've accepted it. I just hope Bella can do the same.

"Goodnight, Jacob." Bella's soft voice cut through the darkness. I closed my eyes

"'Night, Bella." And for the first time I think she felt just a little bit better.

Mistakes? Comments? Suggestion? Bring it on! (a.k.a review!)

XOXO,

Grace