Chapter 3 – de Soto.

"If you'll excuse me, I have a compelling need to see Padre Benitez."

Ignacio de Soto walked into the mission chapel after sincerely apologising to Don Alejandro for killing his unknown son. He was in a strange state of mind; it was as though he was looking at himself in a mirror, he looked the same as always but yet at the same time there was something different about him. He didn't know what he was feeling except sadness and regret for killing the Emissary.

He stepped further inside its cool adobe walls.

"Alcalde, welcome. It's not often that I see you in here except for Sunday Mass." came the calm but slightly surprised voice of Father Benitez.

de Soto nodded and slowly gazed around the small chapel as though he was seeing it for the first time. "Padre...I..." he stopped unsure of what to say.

Padre Benitez smiled understandingly; he had heard of what had happened at the de la Vega's hacienda and he had a feeling that this terrible event could be a turning point in the Alcalde's life; if he wanted it to be. No man can change unless he wanted to change.

"When was your last confession, my son." He asked quietly.

de Soto shrugged. "I don't seem to recall." he replied somewhat distractedly.

The padre nodded. "Would you like to do so now?" he asked.

de Soto sighed before he nodded. "Si, I would...but can we talk here, if that's alright with you? It's just that I've always felt somewhat claustrophobic in the confessional." he admitted to the priest.

Padre Benitez gave him a reassuring smile. "You're not the only one who feels that way Alcalde. We are in the Lord's House, so you can talk freely, there is no-one else here." he replied as they both sat down on the benches.

de Soto sighed. "I don't know where to start Padre." he admitted quietly.

The good Padre nodded thoughtfully; he knew how hard it must be for this man to admit to any weaknesses. "Perhaps we can talk about what happened today." he suggested.

de Soto was silent as he tried to put his thoughts into some sort of order. "I killed a man today, Padre. It wasn't the first time that I have killed but it feels different somehow."

"How does it feel different?" he asked kindly.

de Soto shrugged. "I've been a soldier and I've killed enemies in battle and I killed...well that it doesn't matter right now." he paused, he didn't want to admit aloud that he had killed Lieutenant Hidalgo and then blamed Zorro for it or perhaps it was all part of the same problem, he mused to himself. "But today I killed the King's Emissary to save the life of Don Diego. Is that wrong?" he asked in confused manner.

Father Benitez nodded. "All killing is wrong Alcalde." he said with the quiet conviction of his faith.

de Soto raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Even in self defence?" he asked in disbelief. Although he had been raised in the church teachings, he hadn't truly lived by them, in fact some of the teachings never made sense to him.

"Yes. Taking a life no matter what the cause is against the word of God."

de Soto snorted as he shook his head. "Then God doesn't live in the real world. There will always be war, it's the nature of man, it's an instinctual need to fight in order to survive."

Padre Benitez nodded in agreement. "Sadly yes, man has killed each other down through time but cannot man change for the better? Cannot man become more than he is? Perhaps this is what God wants us to do, to become more than simple animals who hunt and kill." he said.

de Soto frowned. "But...but men are not animals, we are better than that..." he snorted in contempt. "That's not altogether true is it? There are evil men, men who want power and greed and would stop at nothing to get it, including murder but how can such men change?" he wanted to know.

"They change by looking inside themselves to find the good..." Padre Benitez started to say but was interrupted.

"But not ALL evil men can do that. In fact they don't see themselves as evil, they believe that they are doing the right thing." de Soto tried to understand what the Padre was trying to say about good and evil, tried to understand what made Emissary Risendo the way he was. Was he truly evil, could he really have changed?

Father Benitez shook his head. "Sadly you are right. But the men who will not or cannot change will ultimately atone for their sins once they pass from this world into the next."

de Soto frowned once more. "Do you really believe that?" he asked quietly.

"Yes I do." the good Padre replied immediately and without hesitation. "But I believe that this isn't the reason why you came here, is it?" he asked kindly.

de Soto stared at the floor. "I don't know what you mean, Padre."

Padre Benitez frowned slightly at the Alcalde's stubbornness in not seeing what he was looking for. It was going to take some time for this man to come to terms with himself and his behaviour but he would be there each step of the way. "Yes you do Alcalde. All you have to do is look inside yourself to find the answers you seek. You must be completely honest with yourself for God knows all."

de Soto snorted again. "If that's true then why do I need to find out myself?"

"Otherwise you are wasting God's gift of life. To deny one's self is to deny God." he advised.

de Soto rubbed his eyes. "I...don't...know." he said slowly, quietly.

Padre Benitez nodded. "To admit that you don't know is the first step in discovering who are you; good or bad. Once you have discovered it, only then can you change." he was pleased by the small progress of their talk.

de Soto sighed, the Padre's words were confusing but strangely compelling at the same time. "I will think on your words Padre."

"That's all I ask Alcalde." he replied.

de Soto nodded as he stood up and left the chapel in deep thought.

As he entered his quarters, he heard Sergeant Mendoza giving orders to the lancers and it made him reflect on just how loyal his Sergeant was when he refused to carry out his execution in that horrendous way. He had seen Mendoza in a new way from that time onwards, instead of the bumbling fool, he began to see him as a brave and loyal non-commissioned officer. Although he wasn't the best and brightest NCO he had ever served with, no-one had been so loyal than Mendoza at that terrible moment. And what had he done to that display of loyalty; he had done the worst possible thing ever, he had betrayed the man by attempting to flee the area and leave Mendoza to his fate at the evil hands of the Emissary. A fate that would not have been pleasant.

As de Soto stretched down on his bed with his hands behind his head, his thoughts turned towards his obsession about capturing Zorro and all the ruses that he had done in order to capture the masked bandit. Ruses that had become more and more ruthless as time went on and yet he still had not captured or killed Zorro. Would he have gone as far as Risendo in his efforts to get his enemy? Was he capable of such evil? How could he avoid turning into a monster?

He sighed wearily as he rose from his bed; all he had was questions and no answers. "What did the priest say, that I have to look inside myself?" he muttered as he stood in front of the mirror and gazed intently at himself. "Who are you, Ignacio de Soto Morales? Are you good or bad?" he asked his reflection. The image didn't say anything except to stare back at him. He sighed again as he turned around, grabbed his sword and went through to his office to seek some answers there.