Chapter 3
To begin with I didn't eat because I wasn't hungry, after the battle food was the last thing on my mind. But that changed, soon the thought of food disgusted me, chewing and swallowing fat and calories to clog up my veins and make me fat, fatter than I was already.
And that's when I realised how weak spirited I really was, because even though the thought of packing my body with calories sickened me I craved it. I felt sick and light headed with want whenever I was offered food. But I have decided that this is one area of my life that I will not be pathetic and weak in, I will not give in. I can control this aspect of my life, and you know what, I'm good at it.
But I'm not sure how I'm going to get away with not touching the start of year feast. Dumbledore has just finished his welcome back speech and food has appeared on the table in front of me, every kind of food you can imagine.
"Cottage pie Hermione? I know it's your favourite" Ginny questions, and doesn't wait for a reply before piling a great heap of it on my plate.
Oh god I'm starting to panic, I can't eat that, I mean I physically don't think I could swallow it.
I gave her a weak smile and loaded my fork with the tiniest amount possible before slowly raising it to my mouth, letting it hover in mid air while I desperately tried to think of a way to not put it in my mouth, I looked around the table nervously, the boys where far to busy stuffing there faces to pay me any attention but Ginny was staring at me intently. So I ate it, chewing the mouthful slowly before forcing myself to swallow down the food that will contaminate me. After the first mouthful Ginny paid far less attention allowing me to play with my food but not eat any more of it. She keeps giving me sideways glances so I don't think I'm completely off the hook. I must remember to avoid 'eating' with Ginny from now on, how though; all students eat together in the great hall…
"Granger", Draco interrupts my thoughts, "We need to see Professor McGonagall to get the password for the Heads Dorms, come on"
Few, that got me out of any uncomfortable questions from Ginny, I followed Draco out the hall towards the Professors office admiring the way he strides with purpose and confidence, but no longer arrogance it seemed.
"Ah Mr Malfoy, Miss Granger congratulations on your newly appointed roles of head boy and head girl. With this job comes great responsibility, but also great privileges, one of those being your heads quarters." She smiled and beckoned us to follow her up various flights of stairs until we stopped outside a curious looking painting of a beautiful lady dressed in medieval style robes.
"The password is 'united we are whole', I will expect the prefects duties router on my desk by Wednesday, goodnight." The Professor gave a curt nod and walked away in the opposite direction.
I muttered the password and the portrait swung open with a smile, as I stepped into our quarters I let out a gasp, I have never seen a room more beautiful. The floor was covered in dark wood, with the wall colours a combination of both Griffendor and Slytherin colours, there was a roaring fire surrounded by comfortable looking chairs and a large squashy sofa. One wall of the room was dedicated to a huge bookcase filled with all the books I would need for this year. I ran my hand over a few of the beautiful old covers and breathed in the smell of the texts that had become so familiar from the hours I spent in the library and smiled, this is where I felt safe.
"Wow, I must say I'm impressed" Draco said.
I jumped, forgetting I wasn't alone and smiled at him "yes, it's amazing" I replied.
"There's a kitchen and bathroom too, shall I cook us something? I noticed you didn't get a chance to eat any dinner"
"No thanks I stuffed my face on the train before you found me" I lied easily." I think I'll have a long bath and go to bed." I forced my very best smile.
He stared at me for a moment with an unreadable expression, it made my pretence falter but I managed to save face. It was as though he was looking right through the lies and could see the real me. But his expression turned into a smile, he shrugged and walked towards what I presume is his bedroom.
As I lowered myself into the huge luxurious bath tub I couldn't help but wince as my cut wrists hit the bubble filled water. Studying them I noted with satisfaction that the most recent cuts were still open and sore, although not bleeding. Faint pink lines cris cross between my wrist and elbow. The sight of these sooth me. It's a punishment I inflicted on myself for being such a coward and unworthy friend.
I finish bathing and wrap myself in a fluffy white robe provided by the bathroom and make my way to my bedroom. It is the most perfect room I have ever been in, soft cream carpets, and walls. A magnificent 4 poster bed with cream and gold hangings and covers to match the curtains stands impressively in the middle.
I pad over to the bed and burry myself in the covers, I'm so tired and slightly dizzy that my eyes soon drop, and I soon leave the peaceful room and am plunged into yet another nightmare.
Draco's POV
I know she's lying to me but I don't know why, I decided not to confront her tonight
But I will defiantly be keeping a close eye on her; to make sure my suspicions are correct and decide what course of action to take. I wonder what she makes of the 'new' me. I have been such a basterd to her ever since we met, I hope she can forgive me, because I think I'm falling for her…
Chapter 4
Waking up to the sun filtering through the crack in the curtains I let out a sigh of relief, thank god it was the start of the weekend. This first week at school has been the hardest ever. I have so much home work! With heads duties and my increasing tiredness I haven't been keeping on top of it like I have in previous years. I really should get up and start it but I don't think I can muster the energy yet, ill just sleep for a little bit longer.
I wake with a start to the sound of load banging "Granger are you in there? Potter and his sidekick are looking for you." Draco shouts from the other side of the door. "Oh and I've made us both some lunch as you have obviously missed breakfast"
I groaned at this, I swear that boy is obsessed with cooking food and trying to make me eat it, I'm running out of excuses, and why does he care? Don't get me wrong, I like him caring, sometimes I think that maybe he likes me in the same way that I don't want to admit I like him, but obviously that's just my vivid imagination, no one would look twice at me, let alone Draco Malfoy. I've always had a bit of a crush on Malfoy I think, never really believed his act, even though I think he had convinced himself he wasn't acting.
I drag myself out of bed and look at the clock, its past one o'clock!
Walking to my wardrobe I study its contents. Weekdays are fine as the compulsory long sleeved shirts and robes cover my arms, but deciding what to wear today is tricky.
I decide on a baggy jumper and my new jeans. I'm pleased to see that even my newly bought jeans need to be held up with a belt.
As I trudge downstairs and into the heads common room my head spins and I feel dangerously dizzy. Taking a few deep breaths I steady myself against the wall and wait for the ever more familiar feeling to pass. Once I regained my composure I make my way to a chair nearest the fire and open my potions book to start the 3 foot essay about the correct brewing of truth potions, but I can't concentrate, the words all blur into each other and make no sense.
Draco sits next to me handing me a plate of chicken and salad and tucking into his own.
I pick at a piece of cucumber that has no dressing on it but I feel to dizzy to even pretend to eat it and push it to one side.
"Hermione why don't you eat" Dracos concerned voice pierced the silence.
"I do eat Draco, just not in front of you" I lie not even looking up from my parchment. I'm hoping I give the impression that such a statement is ludicrous and that he hasn't noticed my hands shaking slightly and my heart rate quickening. I tense up in fear of being found out, no one must know. They wouldn't understand that it's the only thing I'm in control of, that the constant hunger pains are comforting, that every kilo of weight I loose makes me that much nearer to disappearing.
"Hermione I'm not blind, or stupid" Draco says so quietly I'm not sure if I imagined it. I look up to see his eyes full of worry and concern, I'm trying to tell him that I'm fine and to stop worrying but my head feels lighter than ever and trying to form the words is becoming an impossible effort. I think Draco is talking again but I can't quite make out what he is saying, I try and blink away the disjointed sounds and visions but every time I re open my eyes everything gets more blurred, then, with a strange falling sensation and an overwhelming feeling of being out of control, I slip into darkness.
