Underlying Hurt

I woke to the soft sounds of my lullaby playing on my iPod stereo; Edward must have put it on before he had left for school. I grunted as I got up heading straight for the closet.

Carlisle had told me to wear something comfortable so I decided on a pair of loose fitting black jeans and a turquoise coloured sweater. I grabbed my bag that I normally used for school and placed a spare set of clothes just in case I needed to stay overnight.

I walked down the stairs sluggish as usual to be greeted by my mother and a freshly baked pile of pancakes.

Renee gave me a kiss on the forehead before she left for her job in Port Angeles. We both agreed that moving was something we could never do so she had gotten a job as a travel agent in Port Angeles. The daily commute was well worth the money and it kept us here in forks, where my father had grown up, where he had always lived, where my parents met, where they got married and where I was born. I was made out of their love for one another which made me smile, their loved surrounded me even though he wasn't here anymore, I still felt like he was somehow still with me.

I don't know how but somehow he must be, it's what kept me going and keeping me strong that Charlie was watching over me, cheering me on for the good things and yelling at me for the bad. I didn't mind him yelling at me, for it was something instead of nothingness.

I ate my pancakes with whipped cream and strawberry jam. The only way I would ever eat the pancakes and my mother knew it. I let the smile curve my lips upward at the memory.

It had been only when I was four and refused to eat pancakes, or much else for that matter. Charlie had threatened me with whipped cream, he was going to spray it in my face if I didn't eat it. I still refused to eat it so he sprayed me like a maniac, only stopping when the can was empty.

They were in hysterics as they looked at me covered in whipped cream, licking my lips. Something about the cream made the pancakes taste all that better.

My smile became more prominent as I remembered how I had hugged Charlie while I was still covered in cream and he got smothered in it too. I still remember the cream beard I had drew on him that day.

I sighed, grabbed my bag and headed outside.

The cold snarling wind whipped on my face. The coldness and heartlessness of the wind was raw torture on me after coming from the sweet memories that I had been engulfed in moments before.

I climbed in my monstrous red truck that we had bought from Billy Black about two years ago when his son Jacob finally got his licence and wanted to build his own car. Charlie had once made a joke that the monstrous noise and largess of the truck was a boy deterrent. It didn't work well because Edward didn't care at all what type of car I drove, he only cared about me.

Charlie had accepted Edward after a few months of standoff behaviour towards him, he told me it was because he didn't want to believe his little girl had grown up. That was one night when we were drinking coco by the fire in the lounge room. Such warm memories made my heart beat faster; I just wanted my dad back.

Nothing could bring him back and I knew it, I didn't care I still wanted him back.

The drive to the hospital was long and anxious, my pulse getting steadily faster or was it slower I couldn't really tell. I hadn't been to the hospital since that horrid night that I had tried to push out of my mind but I really had no choice. I had to be strong for Renee, I couldn't' let my fear get in the way.

I pulled up and parked in the first available parking spot I saw, I climbed out carrying my bag and headed inside. As I walked in the door I was overcome by a memory.

Flashback

Renee gripped my arm tight and we both had endless tears streaming down our face. The sounds of the ambulance siren ringing in my ear too loud, too loud.

The noise climbed and I saw them, two large men pulled a stretcher out of the back of the ambulance. There laid my father, his body covered in blood and he was shaking rigidly. I felt my knees crumble at the sight and my mother sobbed hard at the sight.

A group of doctors rushed out to meet the stretcher and began twittering away in some stupid technique language that I had no clue what it meant. I felt someone pick me up and I didn't care who, I nuzzled into their chest and soaked their shirt with pure agony filled tears. The strong arms placed me on the owners lap as they had now taken a seat, I looked up for only a fraction of a second to see Jacob's face. His eyes were red and puffed too as he shared my pain.

I returned my face back to his chest and he cradled me as I poured out the pain. I had no idea where Renee or anyone else was, the only thing that I could concentrate on was seeing Charlie so hurt, so in pain.

It broke my heart.

End Of Flashback.

It had been here that I had collapsed and Jacob had picked me up. The memory seemed so real, like it was happening all over again. A soothing hand brought me out of my nightmare memory, I didn't have to look up to know who it was. He was always there to help me, soothe me.

Jacob put his arm around me and lead me to the counter where I signed in. We sat there in the waiting room for a few moments before a nurse came in and showed me to a examination room. She stopped on her way out.
"Family only young sir." She said, warningly.

"Jacob is family." I said, peeved. She was not going to make Jacob sit outside, worrying.

Hell I would have refused to go through the tests if Jacob wasn't here with me. Jacob had been with me since we were little, very little, babies almost. He was my family, there was no doubt about it.

He was the only one besides Carlisle who knew what was happening, I didn't mean to tell Jacob after all but he had found me when I was balling my eyes out after Carlisle had told me what killed Charlie was hereditary. I had spilled my guts to Jacob, now he was the one here comforting me like that dreadful night.

"I'm here for you Hun." Jacob said soothingly.

"I wouldn't want it any other way." I said truthfully.

There were so many things keeping me from turning into a complete mess and killing myself. Edward, Jacob, Renee and the Cullen's were the main ones.

Edward and Jacob had gotten along fine til Jacob tried to kiss me one night a few years ago but after Jacob and I had talked he realised that I was fully dedicated to Edward, though I did love Jacob.

I wish Edward could be here with me now but I just couldn't find the way to tell him and I didn't want to panic him either. I knew when he found out he will call me silly for keeping it from him so long but I know it was the right thing to do.

Alice and Rosalie would go bananas when they find out, fretting and worrying beyond exaggeration. Esme would probably be the same. Renee however didn't know I knew, neither that I was going under tests so she thought I was still grieving too.

As Jacob held my hand, we waited for Carlisle to come through those doors and start testing. Carlisle had assured me that it would be him that would be testing me and maybe a few nurses but a small handful.

If I did have to stay overnight Carlisle would just ring Renee and tell her I'm sleeping over but when It came to the Cullen family. If I had to be kept overnight, they had to be told.

I didn't know if I was ready to tell them, or if I had anything else to tell them.

I could hear footsteps approaching the door, the door opened and I stared into the eyes of

Dr Carlisle Cullen.

I wasn't sure how in-depth to go with the graphics but I decided less is better because I really didn't want to freak you all out.

I'm glad that most of you read the note last chapter, it is very important. I'm also glad that I have touched a few of you, I completely understand that if you wish to stop reading because it's sad.

There is light though, light comes in the smallest forms. I May reveal the light with the results or keep it for a little latter and let the results sink in.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for reading and being dedicated to my writings. All the reviews I have received warmed my heart and they meant a lot to me. I thank you for your kindness also.

LovingJasperHale