Authors Notes: Sorry, for the really slow update, and the seemingly incomplete chapter. There will be more, I promise.


iNeed To Be Babied.

This is why you never told. You knew it'd be like this. The sideways pitying glances and everyone and their step-cousin twice removed coming up to you, tilting their head in a sympathetic manor, gently resting their left hand on your shoulder and saying 'Listen I heard about what happened… I just want to let you know if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.' their false care sickens you. You know lies well enough to spot a blatant one. And if that wasn't bad enough, Carly…. Carly tiptoes around you like a child who's broken their parents priceless Ming vase and is awaiting punishment. That odd combination of avoiding and being extra nice and helpful.

Then there's this room you're sat in. There's a padded red play area in the left corner, you see a teddy bear, his furs matted, he's missing both eyes and his nose looks like it's had a skirmish with a destructive child equipped with crinkly scissors. You want crinkly scissors, they're fun. You want that teddy bear. He looks like you feel. But you have to focus on the middle aged woman in front of you. She has her burgundy hair in a bun, her roots are showing, she's going grey. Her real eyebrows aren't there, but she's draw some prettier ones in. Her nose is shiny, the lights do no justice to her, harsh and criticizing. You daren't even think about what you look like… Her skins a synthetic orange, she was probably aiming for a light tan. It seems she failed. Her lips are too thin you decide and the shade of lipstick doesn't suit her, but then does prostitute red suit anyone? She's talking. Well you guess she's talking, but you can't really hear. You're so tired. So sick and tired of this.

You feel dizzy. You want to throw up but there's nothing left. Then again, was there anything left this morning? Or last night and the night before that? Is there ever anything left anymore? You're not so sure. You wonder if you've lost enough weight to die. Probably not or you'd be in hospital wouldn't you? Just focus Sam. Look at the orange woman. Smile, people like it when you smile. Good girl. Wait… no… the woman doesn't seem to like that, you can see her crows feet and those sour little lines around her mouth. Frown. Act sullen. Be emo. No, that doesn't seem to work either… focus Sam, what is she saying.? God you're so dizzy… and so tired. You can't help but cry. It's okay, you can cry as much as you want now. Everyone knows your weak so why bother pretending?

The woman leaves the room, you heard her vaguely mention water but you're more focused on the steady stream of tears pouring from your weathered eyes. And the teddy bear. He'll make it better, go hug him. You rub your face against his rough fur. He's a beautiful teddy bear. So imperfect it's wonderful. The woman comes back into the room armed with a glass of water and a fake smile. You blush slightly, you're too old for teddy bears. She says you can keep him if you like. This makes you happy, you smile, a small genuine smile. You sniff and wipe your eyes with the back of your left hand, your nose is running, you use your left hand for that too. Your stomach growls, the woman chuckles a little and say that your guardian's here to pick you up anyway.

Your guardian. Fredwards mother. Funny turn of events there. Your mother didn't believe you, and why would she? You've never been anything but a nuisance to her. Even when she tired to care you never appreciated it enough. But he, oh he would never lie, just like he'd never cheat or do drugs, and just like he always uses deodorant and take excellent care of his feet. Your mother choose him. But she already had so many times you've come to expect it of her. It still hurt . And child services didn't seem to pleased about it either. So they had to take you away, the asked you if there was anyone you could go and stay with, you said the first person who popped into your head.

Carly.

She and Spencer were hesitant about it, they love you, they don't mind you being in their house virtually twenty-four-seven. That was until they found out you have 'issues'. Then Freddie's mother offered. At first you thought the idea was insane. But you had no where else to go. You like it there now. She feeds you. She cares. It's nice. She's smothering. But you want to be smothered, you want to be babied, you want someone to make your lunch and remind you to brush your teeth. It doesn't even bother you that you have to wash your hair twice and be de-ticed, or that she makes you do your homework and only gives you an eight dollar allowance. It doesn't bother you. Because she cares, she's there.

Then there's Freddy.

God knows what you're to do with him.

He's so unsure of you. He tries. How he hard he does try, and unlike Carly, he can understand. To a degree, he understands. His father was never violent, but he drank, then he left. Abandonment is comprehendable for him. What happened to you, what really happened to you, he could never understand. You'd never wish him, or anyone to understand.