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Fideism
Fideism is a theory, which maintains that faith is independent of reason, or that reason and faith are hostile to each other and faith is superior at arriving at particular truths. The word fideism comes from fides, the Latin word for faith, and literally means faith-ism.
Sakura stepped out of the shower and closed the door. She was so relaxed. It's almost like a trip to the spa. The thought made her giggle inwardly. I'm captive in the Akatsuki fortress and all I can do is relax. It's like reverse psychology or something. What next? Do I get a five-course meal? This time she couldn't help but laugh out loud.
She grabbed her bra and panties off the rim of the sink and slid them on. She was surprised to notice that they looked good on her, but she let it go as her hands fell on the jeans. She had never worn jeans before.
The rough fabric was comfortable as she slid it over her legs. She got it past her knees and up her thighs where the denim caught on her ass. It's not that big, is it? She pulled harder and the jeans came up then she zipped up the front and did the button. She had never seen her form streamlined like this before. She felt… sexy. The jeans emphasized the little hip she had and she moved her hand over it appreciatively. She realized that she was acting like a child and pulled the tank top off of the counter and onto her body.
The neckline of the top fell below her bra and she self-consciously pulled it up over her little breasts and down in the back. She looked at herself again. Her small feet stuck out from the bottom of her new jeans and she thought, for a second, that they were actually cute, instead of clumsy, ugly, pink things with five small appendages. The heat of the shower had restored some rosiness to her cheeks and she felt pleased about her appearance. She quickly dried her hair and arranged it.
She looked good. Really good. And she smelled awesome. She sniffed. Amazing. Addicting. She was getting carried away. She forcibly stopped the thought process and focused on the heels. The beautiful, magnificent heels. She placed one hand on the counter while she slipped the first one on. She almost fell over trying to buckle it.
The second shoe was easier and she was surprised to find that she could actually stand in them. She smiled a big, genuine smile of triumph. The shoes fit. She took one last look in the mirror before opening the door to the rest of her little room. She had to look at her feet to keep from stumbling.
"Getting a bit comfortable, aren't we?"
Sakura's head shot up.
On his third day back in Konoha, Naruto didn't get up in the morning. He missed Sakura-chan. Jiraiya-sensei was hung over yesterday and wouldn't talk to him. All of his class-mates from The Academy were out on long-term missions and wouldn't be back until after Sakura-chan. She would be back the day after next, but he couldn't wait that long. It seemed like forever.
He sat up in bed. He hated waiting. His blonde hair fell at all angles across his face without his headband. It was kind of annoying, but he ignored it. He wondered if Sakura was walking faster because he might be home when she got here. He smiled at the thought.
Naruto let his body fall limply back on the sheets. Ugh… I should get up and train. That thought led him to push the blankets off of himself and sit up again. He grabbed his headband off of the table next to his bed and put it on. Then, using all of his willpower he pushed himself off of the bed and onto the floor. He stood up to his full height and walked over to the dresser on the far side of the room. He grabbed one of the clean outfits and put it on. He then sat down on the edge of his bed to put on his shoes.
He fell back in the sheets. I'm tired… He rolled into the bed so that he was in a normal sleeping position. He slowly allowed himself to drift off.
He dreamed of chasing Sasuke through a huge, green forest. Sakura was with him, encouraging him to do well. He could do it. He caught up with Sasuke and he reached out to grab him, he looked at Sakura in triumph. Sakura wasn't there. He looked at Sasuke. He was holding on to a large purple snake. He screamed and closed his eyes. When they opened he was on a plateau. Wind blew sand through his hair and into his eyes. He blinked to clear them.
A hand was on his shoulder, shaking him. He kicked and screamed. All he could see in the dream were two red eyes. They were staring at him over the vast plateau.
His head shot up. He looked around his room. It was 11:00 PM. He had slept through the whole day. He wasn't tired anymore.
Hidan was in front of her, holding her pack. He dropped it on her bed casually.
"You know, that outfit really doesn't suit a ninja," he snickered.
Sakura blushed intensely. She hoped that he couldn't see it at this distance. The two meters give or take between them probably wasn't enough though.
"Well… am I supposed to act like a ninja here?"
"Good point," he smiled, "that'll just get you fucking killed." Sakura was taken aback by his language. Was he joking? Her mind flitted back to the man across the hall she had seen earlier. Her eyes moved to gaze in that direction. He followed her gaze. "There's no one there little girl. Hearing things again?" He snickered.
"No, I- what happened to the man in the other room?" She tried to collect her thoughts.
"That is none of your concern" Hidan gave a predatory grin.
Sakura gulped, "I see you have my bag," she looked at it.
Hidan glanced at it, "Yeah, orders were to get you your damn medical supplies."
"Umm… thanks?" Should I really be thanking him? This situation is so… awkward…
"Guess what else we found little girl?" He grinned wider than before.
"Uh… what?"
"Your little friend. Shizanu." He looked like a feral dog who had just gotten a treat.
"Shizune?"
"That's the one! You Konoha ninja don't put up much of a fight."
"Is she okay? What happened? Leave her alone you asshole! She didn't do anything!" Hidan looked almost shocked at the outburst.
"Calm down girlie. She's not dead." Sakura sighed, "She's in the same room as you, next door."
"She'll be okay?" Sakura was almost allowing herself to be hopeful.
"Hai, hai. We're not allowed to touch either medic girl with 'intent to harm'" He sounded a bit annoyed, "Leader-sama's orders."
"Umm… give him my regards?" she suggested cautiously.
This time he laughed, "Maybe you'll live to give them yourself, but first it's time to come up to the house. You're cooking dinner tonight girlie."
"You sure laugh a lot for a damn criminal…" she mumbled to herself as he shooed her briskly out the door and through the hallway. On her way past she glanced into Shizune's dark room. She could just make out the lump on the bed she figured to be Shizune. She stumbled a bit in her stilettos trying to walk one way and look another.
The stairs to 'the house' were steep and dark and a bit… wet…
eww, she thought, this 'house' is really gross…
Tsunade and Jiraiya were a bit perturbed to find that Naruto was in his locked house that night. They knocked on the door but there was no response. Dinner would have to do without the boy today. Since meeting with Naruto was the purpose for dinner, they called it off. Maybe he would be answering his door tomorrow.
Jiraiya couldn't help but feel a pang of responsibility for the boy's locked-in state. Maybe if he had gone to eat lunch with him yesterday Naruto wouldn't have locked himself in. He couldn't help feel a bit of anxiety about being out alone with Tsunade again. He quickly excused himself.
Tsunade wished Sakura were here. She would find some creative way to get the boy out of his house and out to dinner, no matter how depressed he was. He would do anything for Sakura. That was one of his major downfalls. She turned around to find that Jiraiya had gone. She was all alone. So much for a nice evening. She walked off toward her house. She would see Sakura soon enough, and then Naruto would cheer up and come eat with them.
The truth was, she missed her apprentice as well. She twirled some of her long blonde hair in her fingers. She wished Shizune were back. She needed someone to do her paperwork.
Tsunade pulled out her wallet and looked through the bills. Barely enough to eat with, she thought dryly. The job of Hokage was all honor and no pay. And she wasn't allowed to gamble. She missed gambling. The gambling world probably missed her too. Probably.
Tsunade sighed and headed home. No one there missed her. The village had paid her debts and no one missed just one more compulsive gambler with a reputation for loosing. She was just one of many. It was sad, now that she thought about it. She had built her entire life on a love that no one cared about. She had lived for something, and it gave nothing back.
Stupid her. She stepped into her home, saddled with the responsibility of a nation and full of the emotions of a child. She had never been good enough to be Hokage. Or maybe she hadn't been bad enough. She didn't know. It struck her that she didn't really know much at all. She laughed bitterly.
Sakura was a pretty decent cook. Frying the noodles hadn't taken very long. They smelled really good. It hadn't taken her long to figure out that she had no idea how many people were eating. She opened the door to the room Hidan had walked into. In it was a large rectangular table with chairs randomly and haphazardly surrounding it. Sake was on the table and being poured and drank. Two bottles were already empty. Only one person was actively drinking the sake.
Sakura gulped nervously, trying to get a hold on herself. Three pairs of dark eyes were looking at her. "Ano…" she paused nervously. When no one moved she cautiously pressed on, "How many umm… people are eating?" She was addressing Hidan but a blonde person, with a ponytail propped on top of their head and electric blue eyes (or so she assumed, she could only see one of them), spoke up.
"Six." His blue eye shot through her and into the kitchen, signaling that that was all she was going to get. Sakura hurried out to the sound of Hidan trying to control his laughter.
Placing the noodles on the table had been hard too. She grabbed six plates and pairs of chopsticks before pushing past the door into the dining room. This time, six pairs of eyes stared at the presumed intruder.
"Umm…" she said nervously, "Here's your dinner," She put the plates on the table and hurried back to the kitchen to get the food. A few seconds later she came out with two large bowls of fried noodles. She placed them in the middle of the table, careful not to make eye contact with the men or to look closely at them. All she could see were the red and black clouds on their shapeless cloaks. She went back in again to get a large plate of meat and vegetables. She placed it between the two bowls of noodles on the table.
Feeling satisfied, she moved to leave the room.
"Not so fast little girl." She turned around to see Hidan addressing her.
"Hai?" She turned around and tried to give them as little reason to kill her as she could.
"Where are you going hn?" It was the blonde man.
"Shut up Deidara." Hidan spat out, "Go do your hair, it's falling out." He snickered as Deidara ran his fingers through his hair self-consciously.
"Sasori, would you pull up a chair for the girl?" Kakuzu asked carefully.
A chair shot from across the room to right in between Hidan and the huge blue man who was still drinking sake. To get there, she would have to walk around the room. It took all of her willpower to take the first step towards the criminals sitting in front of her. They had not touched the food. She would have been offended if she didn't know they were all just focused on Hidan's systematic breakdown of her stable mentality.
She finally reached the chair and sat down. It took her a bit to look up from the table. Suddenly she realized that she was excruciatingly hungry. She hadn't eaten anything substantial since the beginning of her mission, which, according to her calculations, was about eight days ago.
She timidly grabbed a plate and a pair of chopsticks before helping herself to a heaping plate of noodles. She grabbed a ton of meat and then some vegetables. No one else had moved. She looked around suspiciously. They were all staring at her. "Umm… Itadakimasu?" she said carefully, hoping that she wasn't doing anything wrong, and took a bite.
When the tips of the chopsticks left her moth it seemed as though a spell had been broken. All the members started moving quickly to get to their food. The blue man, surprisingly, was not the slowest of the group and it was left to Deidara to go and get an extra plate and pair of chopsticks, having been the only person not to receive any.
"So, girl," Kisme said between bites, "What do they call you?" It took Sakura a moment to realize the fish-man had been talking to her.
He seemed friendly enough for a psychotic killer so she replied, "Haruno Sakura." Hidan almost choked on the noodles he had just placed in his mouth oh-so-carefully. The blue man's smirk was wider than any she had previously seen and one look at his teeth sent shivers down his spine. He had the teeth of a great white shark. Literally. Extra rows and everything.
"Ne, Kisame, her name is Sakura" Hidan put his arm around the small girl and poked the blue man's arm.
"Heh, its funny because-" The shark man started.
"We already know…" said Sasori. The small, red haired man had not touched any of the food he had put onto his plate.
"Umm…" said Sakura nervously to the red-head, "is it not good?" she looked at his food then back at him. He ignored the timid inquiry into his eating habits and looked at Kisame, who was obviously starting to feel the effects of the sake.
"Sasori," he slurred, "the lady asked you a question." His grin as somewhat feral at this point.
"I am aware of that, Kisame," he replied evenly.
"Answer it." His grin added. She got the sense that Kisame and Sasori did not like each other.
"I do not have an answer." Sakura's eyes widened in surprise.
"Puppet monster," Kisame mutters under his breath, "I hate dolls."
"My sense of hearing remains intact, Kisame-san" he practically hissed.
Kisame grinned and grabbed his full cup of sake, "I know," he said. He tipped the cup back in one quick motion of his wrist and downed the liquid in the glass. This movement seemed to tip Sasori over the edge and he stood up, placing his hands on the table. Instead of the normal sound that human flesh would make, there was a muffled hollow sound. It made the hair on the back of her neck stand up just a bit.
"Sasori-dana!" Deidara practically shouted, lacking the tact for the situation at hand. Kisame stood to meet Sasori's challenge.
"Kisame." A voice from across the table, the single seemed to make the argument null and void, Kisame sat down and Sasori, after a pause, followed suit. She had been avoiding and ignoring the presences of Kakuzu and the other occupant of the table for the entire meal. Now, she was curious to the somewhat familiar sound and turned to meet a pair of crimson eyes. Sakura screamed.
Kabuto's glasses flashed as he turned toward the sound of the disturbance, Sasuke had never practiced his morally questionable interrogation methods in the middle of the underground compound. He usually did it deep in the dungeons so that he did not disturb the rest of the other occupants of the place, many of whom, slept during the day. It had been all that was left of his compassion.
Kabuto hated the boy, and secretly hoped that his Orochimaru-sama would recover from his last transfer more quickly so that the boy could be disposed of. As it happened, it was taking longer than expected for Orochimaru to recover. It probably had a lot to do with the sealing of his arms. Kabuto pushed his glasses up his nose in annoyance. What a nuisance.
Another scream shot through the compound. Clatter was heard as several occupants of other rooms in the building stumbled from their slumber and into the halls, searching for the noise that had brought them from their slumber.
Kabuto let the stress he was feeling roll off of himself in waves, until his senses were muffled and dim. He let his eyes and hands work to their full potential. His chakra scalpel was in a crucial place in his patient's body, one wrong move could kill the small girl.
A scream tore through his mental shelter and he almost jumped. He scowled in annoyance. The girl would have to wait. He wiped his hands of blood and pulled off his bloody surgeon coat. Perhaps he should eat something.
Kabuto had never had much of an appetite, because of thins he usually skipped meals when he wasn't particularly hungry, which was almost always. In the past three years he had been busy a lot. It had caused him to loose the last of his visible weight. He was more of a scary stick figure than a person at the moment. He felt it suited him, but as a doctor, he realized that he would die if he did not eat regularly.
Kabuto did not wish to die yet. He climbed the four stairs that separated the floor of his 'hospital' from the rest of the compound. The kitchen was far away, and he would probably have to get around the source of the wretched screaming. He steeled himself against the noise again as he opened the door at the top of the stairs.
Three steps into the hallway, a mangled scream ripped through the compound, causing his bones to ache. It was terminated before it was complete. Kabuto supposed that the annoyance was over, for now. He hoped the Uchiha boy did not make it a habit.
Sakura found herself in the scream and tripped, her mental state teetering over an edge she had not yet crossed. Sasuke was here. He was here. He hadn't said anything. She knew it was sasuke. She had never seen eyes like those other than his. They were so… red. Terrifying. She remembered times she had seen them before. Those times were not good memories.
She felt her body loosing oxygen. She needed to breathe. She needed to open her eyes. She took stock of her position. Do not meet Sasuke's eyes. She was cured in a ball, on top of her chair, hands tangled in her long pink hair and gripping the rims of her ears, trying to block out the sound of her own pumping blood.
This wasn't helping. She decided that maybe it was safe to stop screaming now. She cut the noise off and breathed in deeply, pulling in the life-giving air her body desired. Nothing had felt so beautiful in a long time. A tear ran out of her eye and fell onto the seat of the chair she had been sitting in. It had burned its way through her skin and if she hadn't thought it irrational, she would have believed it was liquid fire, and had left a visible, tangible, irreversible scar on her pale face.
She slowly removed her hands from her ears and pulled her fingertips through her hair, trying to undo the tangles she had caused when she had scrunched it up. She had heard that there were studies done on the calming effect of lightly pulling your hair. That was against the point. She let her hands fall to her sides.
Sakura still hadn't opened her eyes. She slowly let her green orbs drift open and turn on the source of her ultimate torment. Sasuke.
"Sasuke" she hissed, echoing her thoughts, "Ill kill you." Her rage was too intense to notice the surprised look on the faces of all of the men in the room at the mention of the Uchiha child. Her fist came up above her head and slammed onto the table. At first, the men looked on in slight amusement at watching the futile attempts at rage by the small girl.
The table stood still for a minute then it splintered. Shards of table collapsed everywhere. Caught off guard, the object of Sakura's hate was surprised to find himself locked in battle with a tiny pink-haired woman wielding nothing but a large, sharp-looking splinter.
"I hate you Sasuke," hot red tears ran down her soft face as she plunged the fragment of a table into his neck. 'Sasuke' puffed out of existence. Shadow clone? Sakura turned on the room just quick enough to see several men closing in on her before they hit, sending her flying into a wall.
Rde eyes appeared before her swimming vision and swirled around. She was sobbing. "Stop it Sasuke, go away," she moaned, before giving in to the blackness that was unconsciousness. She had failed and Naruto had failed. They would never bring Sasuke back.
On the day before Sakura was to return, Naruto received an unexpected houseguest. Hyuuga Hinata had never been a super close friend to him, due to her shyness in the academy and to not being assigned to the same team at graduation. She had knocked on his door at 1:00 sharp, he had just gotten out of the shower and gotten dressed. His hair was still wet.
He answered the door wearing just his black undershirt and his pants. Hinata's face had lit up like a fire, but he didn't notice. She pushed her fingers together nervously when he asked he how she had been.
"Good… umm… I missed you while you were gone…" she nervously put the words into the air, hoping against hope that he would catch her meaning and tell her the same thing.
"Yeah, I was gone for a long time, ne?" he smiled at her, "I just woke up… do you want to come in and eat something?"
Her blush turned ten shades darker than it had been before, "Hai… that… would be really nice," Hinata smiled through her blush and stepped past Naruto, who was holding the door for her.
"I'm not a great cook, but I have plenty of ramen here, is that cool?" Naruto inquired gently, he didn't know Hinata very well, she seemed a bit above instant noodles though. "Or you could help me cook something?"
Hinata blushed, "It would be fun… either way" she was indecisive, he would have to remember that so that he didn't put her in hard positions later.
"Well… let's cook!" He smiled, "I haven't had real food in a long time,"
Hinata's eyes lit up at the prospect of cooking something with Naruto, it was something a couple would do. "Umm… what do you like to eat Naruto-kun?" It helped that she was an excellent cook. It helped a whole lot.
Four hours later, Hinata would still be there, just finishing making dinner with Naruto, she was beyond excited for the day.
When Sakura came-to she was back in her cell. Someone had possessed the audacity to have removed her shoes from her feet before lying her on the bed. She almost screamed in frustration. What a joke. She couldn't kill Sasuke. Of course he would be using a clone.
She sighed in frustration and flexed her fingers. The small appendages were slightly sore from slamming down on the table, but nothing was visibly wrong with them. She sighed in relief, she hated hurting herself.
She soon noticed that there was a pair of eyes staring at her through her Plexiglas window. She looked into them. The crimson pigments associated with the Uchiha bloodline looked back at her. She fought the urge to scream at them. Sasuke had grown up quite a bit, she thought dreamily as she looked at him.
She noted the lines under his eyes and how his hair had gotten longer. Somewhere in the back of her mind she worried if he was sleeping well, he never had when they had been teammates. Something was really different about him. She couldn't put her finger on it.
She looked him over. Was he sick? He had certainly gotten taller. And thinner… Her eyes widened at her realization, 'Sasuke' was wearing an Akatsuki cloak, and no Uchiha symbol. He was still looking at her.
"Uchiha… Itachi…" she let the words roll off of her tongue. They were strangely without the hate that usually accompanied such a name in Konoha. They seemed defeated. A tear rolled down her cheek, and then another. She looked at him again to be sure. She was right. The finality at having not found Sasuke made her want to kill herself rather than face the embarrassment at having been so wrong.
His crimson eyes took in all of it, even the dejected way she had said his name. It seemed that she was beyond caring about his previous track record in Konoha. Or maybe she felt that she couldn't do anything about it.
He didn't care. She wished him no ill will. He moved to put his hand on the door handle and let himself in. She watched his movements carefully. A sound from the end of the hallway caused him to curse inwardly, he shouldn't be here anymore. He slowly let his form dissolve into a puff of black smoke.
She could hear the steps now, someone was coming into the hallway where Itachi had just been standing. She felt weird calling him Itachi, it was so… informal. She tried out other ways to call him in her head. Not one seemed right. Konoha nins used the name Itachi rather than Uchiha Itachi, and there were no titles given to people like him. She guessed that she would have to see how things went. She didn't want to give him a reason to hurt her.
The footsteps were almost at her room now. She looked for the source cautiously, hoping that it was someone she was already familiar with. Hidan stepped into the hallway in front of her panel of Plexiglas. She sighed in relief. Hidan was familiar, and safe… in a way. He didn't look safe, he didn't act safe, and he didn't give her the impression that he wouldn't kill her if he had the chance. He was just safe.
Hidan seemed surprised to find that she was awake. He opened the door confidently.
"That was some stunt you pulled, girlie." He smirked and ran his hand through his slicked-back silver hair.
"I thought he was someone else… otherwise I-"
Hidan cut her off, "You destroyed our table," he said, as though it were a comment like, the sky is blue or flowers smell like perfume. Or did perfume smell like flowers? Sakura's mind trailed off a bit and then snapped back on track.
"Yeah… sorry, that was unladylike of me." She pushed the bangs on the right side of her face behind her ear.
"Heh, unladylike…" he smirked again, "You do know that your Sasuke isn't here, right?" he looked at her critically.
"Itachi." She said carefully, "I attacked Uchiha Itachi."
"Tactful," he said sarcastically. She laughed. Hidan reached out his open palm toward her, "but you almost had him" Sakura stared baffled at his hand before shyly reaching hers out and gently shaking it. He smiled at her. She realized that she was fraternizing with the enemy and let go quickly before wiping the smile off of her face.
He realized that a boundary had been crossed as well and drew his hand back to his side. He turned on his heel and left, not glancing back when he closed the door. Sakura let her torso fall back on the bed.
She resolved that she should not be this okay with the men in the organization. Akatsuki was evil. They were all murderers and warmongers. They were fundamentally bad. They couldn't be good. Everything there as about them that was 'nice' and 'sane' was fake. They were lies. She knew it.
A/N: Please Read and Review! This is my first story so any kind of comment would be welcome. Constructive criticism is much appreciated. Thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. Your reviews keep me alive and writing!
