Waaagh! Ranma!

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Warhammer Fantasy is the property of Games Workshop. I don't either; I am simply a fan with more than a few bats in his belfry.

A/N: I wanted to wait for a beta before I finally posted this, but then I decided that it'd been held back long enough. Keep this in mind before complaining about the quality, please. In other news, Gideon020 and mine's usual beta for all of our other stories has returned, so expect new chapters of Another Rainy Day and A Different Route to resume production.

Chapter 3: Starting the Waaagh! Part 2

It was a quiet afternoon in the forests surrounding the Middle Mountains as a mob of thirty or so Orcs and one human marched through the muddy undergrowth. A day had passed since the massive storm that had hit the region and Ranma agreed to create something called a 'Waaagh', but the exact definition still eluded him, so he was speaking to who he figured would the most knowledgeable on the subject, the five 'Black' Orcs he had recently 'recruited' by strength of arms.

"Okay, so I agreed to lead this 'Waaagh' thing, but what heck is one?"

Hurtur Ironmug was the orc Ranma had chosen to ask, since he seemed to be the leader of the Black Orcs, and his tiny eyes furrowed in concentration, Orcs not being quick or precise thinkers before he nodded in satisfaction to himself before turning to Ranma, whose eyes seemed to be watching for anything as birdsong and other wildlife sounded off in the depths of the forests.

"A Waaagh is where a Boss, and dat means yoo, goes out and gets loadz and loadz of Boys to foller 'im. Then dey pikz a direction and march, smashin, burnin and lootin every zoggin thing in sight. And da more you bash and smash, da more boyz will wantz to foller ya so yooz can do more bashin and smashin. Geddit?"

Ranma blinked; was that it? Just recruit more orcs and then wage war on everything and anything that catches your eye? Then Ranma realized that since a Waaagh was so heartily emphasized, then it would have to be something only the best Bosses could put together, and Ranma had said on more than one occasion that he was the best, now hadn't he? But how to get more orcs to follow him? The others had made it clear that Orcs did not think highly of humans, simply as the most common targets to attack, raid and generally do some damage to, but Ranma hadn't seen another human for the entire time he was leading this group, so who knew what sort of resistance he could face?

Ranma shook his head, thinking about that sort of stuff was only going to get him bogged down, and right now he needed to work out a way to get more Boyz into his Mob. So engrossed with his thinking that Ranma didn't even notice catching a large rock and throwing it back into the forest, eliciting a loud thump and a stream of curses that had some of the Fikskulls shaking their heads in quiet amusement. It was when the general cacophony of raucous boasting, singing and arguing began to slowly die down did Ranma look up.

And his jaw dropped.

Standing in the middle of a forest clearing was a huge wooden pole, crudely carved at the top to show a pair of massive Orc faces daubed in green and red paint. Festooned in garish arrangements around the pole were skeletons, flags, weapons and shields by the hundreds, creating a bizarre and creepy arrangement with the pole at the center. Ranma then noticed five objects clutched in crudely carved hands on the pole and nudged Ironmug with an elbow, "You recognize this thing?"

Ironmug nodded, "Yup, dis 'ere iz where five big Mobs got togedder and smashed up a big humie army. Yoo can see hoo dey are on da big Totem Pole."

He pointed at a bowl of broken Orc teeth, "Dats the sign of dat Broketoof Mob, dey alwayz loozin teef." Then a giant stone hammer, "Dat is da sign of Starhamma's Mob… dunno whut deyr name iz, cuz 'e chased uz off after 'e took over." Third was a torch that had been extinguished by the rain, "Dats dat sign of Da Burnaz. Dey always settin fire ta stuff, an' dere boss has a big stick that can burn whenevva he wantz it to."

Ranma was intrigued at that before he pointed at a strange looking stick that looked like it a pair of barbed prongs on it, "Whose sign is that?"

Ironmug glanced at the stick and nodded, "Dat's the sign of Da Runtherdaz, deyz a small mob dat uses loadz of Gobbos to fight for 'em. Der Boss is named Big Brudda and he'z a weird one' always givvin treats to Gobbos for doing stuff deyz supposed ta be doin. Weird." Ranma shrugged, wondering what a 'Gobbo' was as Ironmug pointed to the last object on the totem pole, a very large and rotting boar's head.

"And dat's da sign of Da Pig Ridaz, deyz the smelliest, noisiest and nastiest gits around. An' da Boyz iz pretty mean too. Deyz led by Boss Hog, an' ya can smell 'im befur ya even see 'im. And dat's da signs of da biggest Mobs around."

That got Ranma's attention, if those five mobs were the largest, then if he could get them together and conquer them somehow, that would be more than enough Orcs to start a Waaagh right?

"So...anyone got ideas on how we can get these guys to follow us then?" That caused the orcs to start scratching their heads and after a few minutes, Ranma was about to suggest his own plan when one bright spark piped up, "Why not challenge 'em? If yooz challenge da Bosses to sum challenges, den dey'll come runnin! No proper Orc is gonna let a humie say he'z better!" There was a chorus of agreements and Ranma sighed. One problem solved, now how to get the attention of these tribes?

Several hours later, the sound of many drums being played, not well but enthusiastically, filled the air. Trying his best to ignore the din –music wasn't one of Ranma's talents, but he wasn't tone-deaf- Ranma turned to Ironmug. "So how long is this gonna take?"

The black orc shrugged. "Dunno. Could take days, could take minutes. Dey'z gotta hear da drums afore dey can come an' see um."

And, of course, the laws of dramatic clichés demanded that the Orcs Ranma was waiting for appear right then- and that was what happened.

From the north came a tribe of thirty orcs, each wielding a cudgel, mace or hammer, at their head a hulking black orc cloaked from head to toe in crudely fashioned fullplate and wielding a hammer of solid iron as tall as Ranma himself. These were unquestionably Starhamma's tribe.

From the northeast came a sound of high-pitched gibbering and yammering, interspersed with the sound of whips cracking and deeper voices roaring and cursing. A tide of diminutive, ugly little creatures poured from the horizon, maybe twenty orcs interspersed in their ranks. At their center, an impressively fat orc lounged on a crude divan supported by maybe twenty unusually large runts, occasionally barking orders at one of the other orcs- or striking at them with a whip. These had to be the Runtherdaz, led by Big Brudda.

From the northwest came the Burnaz, preceded by the stink of ash and alcohol and burnt flesh, charred and blackened and quite evidently drunk out of their minds from the way they weaved and stumbled and tripped over each other. These were the largest number of orcs, some forty-five strong, and led by an especially burnt-looking orc wearing a thick leather mask and brandishing a blazing cudgel.

From the southeast came the Broketoof tribe, remarkably silent and stealthy in their approach. Thirty orcs, each wearing some ornament made from busted fangs strung together, and each carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows. At their lead was an elderly looking orc, face creased equally in scars and wrinkles, but his most distinguishing feature was his right lower canine- which protruded from his mouth and stretched up to be level with the top of his head.

From the southwest came the Pig Ridaz, and Ranma wished they hadn't- the wind was blowing in that direction, and with it came the stench of twenty flatulent, rank, dung-smeared wild boars and their equally flatulent, dung-smeared, rotten-clothed riders. Boss Hog, as unmistakable as Ironmug had described him, reared his gnarly tusker and voiced a noise that could have been a roar of challenge… or could have been a stomach upset.

The five tribes stared at each other across the boundaries of the totem pole, and at the Fikskulls, caught in no-man's-land (or would that be no-orc's-land?) in the middle. Ranma raised his hand to signal the drummers to silence, but they had already done so- being outnumbered like they were tended to make one nervous, even when you were an orc. Ranma tried to think of something to say, but was cut off by a guttural bellow from Boss Hog.

"Whot'z a stinkin' humie doin' 'ere?"

Before Ranma could try and retort to that, Big Brudda spoke up.

"Like yoo'z one ta talk about stinkin'."

"Least it'z da stink ov an 'onest fighta. Yoo don't never fight widdout dem dere runtz a' yerz." Growled Starhamma.

Ranma didn't need to be psychic to see where this was going and promptly whistled loudly, drawing the attention of all greenskins.

"Hey, much fun as it is to see you lot beat the tar outta each other, I didn't call ya here for that."

"An' whut gives ya da right ta call uz anywayz?"

"I'm Ranma- I lead the Fikskull tribe!" Ranma declared defiantly, knowing that any half-heartedness would only hinder him here. Amazingly, rather than the near-riot he was expecting, there was just some relatively low-key grumbling about this fact- most of it mockery in regards the former leader and the ineptness of the Fikskulls in general. This irked Ranma- true, he hadn't asked to be made their leader, but that didn't mean he could just stand around and let them be insulted.

"So, whatcha want anywayz?" lisped the Broketoof leader. After taking a few moments to decipher the orc's accent, Ranma finally spoke.

"I issue a challenge to all tribe leaders! Whoever wins gets leadership over all the tribes- and can start leading them in their own Waaagh!"

This, naturally, started an uproar as orcs "debated" over whether or not such a way of choosing leadership was valid. Before things could get out of control, Ranma shouted out the one thing that could guarantee things would go his way.

"Are you lot scared to face me? Is that it? You're too chicken to test your luck against a human?"

Different world or not, different races or not, Ranma could still piss anyone off. As one the orcs fell silent, their respective leaders glowering at Ranma.

"I'z gonna kick yer ass, humie!" Poured from five throats in unison. Ranma grinned in delight; he still had it. Of course, things couldn't go entirely smoothly as one bright spark chose that moment to speak up. "So, what'z da challenge anywayz?"

"Rock chuckin'!" Roared Starhamma.

"Headbuttin'!" Growled Boss Hog.

"Quick shootin'!" Lisped the Broketoof boss.

"Wrestlin!" Declared Big Brudda.

"Kick da gobbo!" Cheered Da Burna's boss.

"No zogger is kickin' me gobbos!" Shouted Big Brudda.

"Da Big Stick Race den!" The cheated orc snarled back.

Before another argument could break out (and what was with these things? Ranma and Ryoga- hell, Ranma and Mousse didn't fall out this quickly!), Ranma took a deep breath and yelled at the top of his lungs. "Shut up!" Once they had all stopped and were looking his way, Ranma quickly made his announcement, lest they start up again. "I'll take each of you on in the sport you wanted! You, Starhamma; you're first!"

Though Ranma couldn't see the black orc boss's face underneath his helmet, he could tell from his body language that Starhamma was grinning smugly. "Fine den. Ya want to lose right up, dat's fine wit me. Cummon, da rock iz dis way."

Ranma shrugged and followed the hulking greenskin, the other greenskins tagging along for the show- the Fikskulls in hope that their new leader would show off just why they kept him around, the other tribes in anticipation of the fun that would come from seeing this upstart human humiliated. Finally, at the far end of the clearing, Starhamma stopped in front of a boulder. A small one by Ranma's standards, just about the size of that boulder he had seen Akane toss into the canal after she had admitted to herself that she was never going to win Dr. Tofu's heart. Lightweight by his standards, but pretty impressive stuff by just about anyone else's. Starhamma stomped over to the boulder and looked back at Ranma, clearly smirking.

"Da winna iz whoever can chuck dis da furthest."

"Fine. You go first." Ranma said nonchalantly.

Starhamma glowered at him for a second, then dismissed it; if the humie wanted to be beaten so quick, what did he care? Then he could stomp the other bosses, take control of their tribes and get his Waaagh started! He cracked his knuckles, then bent down and grasped the boulder. Grunting with the effort, he heaved it aloft and then hurled it from him as far as he could. A good six feet the boulder flew, grinding along another two feet in the muddy earth before coming to a halt. He looked back over his shoulder at the runty human, expecting to see him quivering as he realized how strong Starhamma was. Instead, he looked outright bored.

"Yor turn, wimp." Starhamma growled, stomping back to wait in front of his boyz. The humie downright sauntered up to the boulder… and hoisted it into the air without so much as a grunt. Starhamma's jaw dropped so hard and fast it clanged as it hit the underside of his helmet. And if that wasn't bad enough, the humie promptly hurled it so far that it vanished into the woods, though the sound of it smashing through branches and crashing into the earth made it clear it had, at least, landed. Brushing his hands dramatically, the human turned to Starhamma and the gobsmacked orcs he had summoned with a cocky grin on his face.

"I believe I win. Your tribe serves me now." To Starhamma's confusion, the human shifted in his stance until he looked like he was ready to wrestle. "Come on, let's get this over with."

"Get whut over wit?" Starhamma asked.

"Don't patronize me. I know how this goes; you scream your head off about how you're gonna kill me for this, then charge me and try to crush me under that big mallet you got there. I've been through this song an' dance routine too often before. Like I said, come at me- may as well get it over with now."

"…Iz yoo nutz?" Starhamma asked, which apparently shocked the human so much he suddenly lost his footing and fell face first into the mud. When he surfaced, Starhamma explained himself. "I don't wanna get my 'ead kicked in juzt yet. I'll get stronga, den I'll thump ya and take da Waaagh fer meself!"

"Well, we're all on the same page at least…" Ranma mumbled to himself. "So, who wants to be next?" He asked aloud, looking over the remaining four chiefs.

Boss Hog grunted and messily half-slid and half-fell from the saddle of his boar, the giant animal grunting in irritation before a meaty fist smacked it on the top of its head. The beast cowed into submission, the orc boss strode forward until he was close to Ranma, the smell nearly bringing tears to Ranma's eyes as he used all his training to suppress the urge to vomit from the stench.

"Right, now we'z gunna do sum 'eadbuttin. Winner is hooever knocks the uvver one down." He cracked his neck from side to side with loud pops while Ranma simply nodded and carefully positioned his feet as Boss Hog took a single step back and planted his feet squarely on the ground. Silence filled the clearing as the two stared at each other before at an unseen signal, their heads dipped backward.

There was a loud CRACK of bone meeting bone and the assembled orcs winced but those who weren't part of the Fikskulls quickly gaped at the sight before them. Boss Hog and Ranma's foreheads were pressed firmly against the others, the strain obvious as they tried to push each other over with their heads alone.

"Zoggin hoomie, fall over already!" Ranma finally couldn't hold in the retort at the tip of his tongue as the Orc's foul breath washed over him like some sort of yellow fog.

"You know, there's a little thing called mouth-wash… look into it! Please!"

Boss Hog growled lowly before the pair backed off, Ranma noticing that they had drawn blood at the same time.

"Dat wuz a tie. Round two!" The orcs cheered as the two challengers squared off again and then hushed. There was a moment's pause and then their heads came together again with another vicious cracking and there was a chorus of cheers and jeers as Boss Hog and Ranma staggered back a step before recovering and staring at each other; Boss Hog with annoyed disbelief while Ranma had his usual smirk on his face.

They stepped forwards again and this time the silence was absolute.

CRACK

Boss Hog and Ranma were still after that third and final meeting of minds and skulls as the various orcs watched with baited breath. Then with a groan, Boss Hog slumped forwards and collapsed to the ground to the sound of cheering Fikskulls and disbelieving Pig Ridaz.

Having seen two chieftains dispatched so simply, the remaining triad of Bigtoof, Big Brudda and Burna were less confident than they had been. Still, it wasn't orcy nature to give up- not to mention that their tribes would tear them limb from limb for backing down now. After a brief fistfight, it was decided that Broketoof would be Ranma's next challenger, and crude targets were quickly set up for Ranma's next challenge.

"Whoever shoots three arrers inta da target furst, wins. Ya got dat?" The over-tusked orc lisped, one guy already fixed into an aiming squint... though that might have been because Burna had punched him there and blacked his eye.

"You just get ready to start taking orders from me." Ranma responded curtly. He wasn't formally trained in archery, but when had that ever mattered before? He almost felt sorry for this orc; with the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken's speed training, he could almost literally outshoot lightning. Borrowing a bow from one of his own tribe's hunters, as he didn't trust the Broketoofs to loan him a bow without sabotaging it (and when had he started thinking of the Fikskulls as his tribe, he caught himself wondering), he notched the first arrow, tipped with something that looked a lot like an orc tusk, and aimed at the target, the other two arrows impaled at his feet in the earth. Bigtoof stood nearby, in an identical position, save the fact his fat tongue was sticking out of the corner of his mouth as a sign of concentration. Standing well out of the way, one of the Fikskulls raised a hand, then brought it down sharply.

"Shoot!"

And as soon as it began, it was over- Bigtoof had barely reached for his second arrow by the time Ranma's three arrows had whizzed through the air and slammed into the target, burying themselves up to half their length through it. The old orc looked at Ranma, looked at his own bow, looked at the targets and then looked at Ranma again, prompting the pigtailed boy to ready himself for an attack. Instead, Bigtoof suddenly broke into a wide grin.

"If only me boyz could shoot like dat! Well, dey're yer boyz now- but I want yer ta teach me dat trick!"

"...Sure." Ranma replied; and here he thought he had a handle on how these orcs worked...

Three bosses down and the remaining two were definitely getting nervous as Big Brudda and Burna decided to have a quick meeting, their mutual anxiety at the apparent strength and skill of this human enough to have them speaking civilly to one another. As civilly as orcs could speak anyway.

"Psst. Hey! I fink dis humie is just playin' wiv us!"

Big Brudda frowned at Burna's words but couldn't deny that so far the human was obviously holding back on his own power and still winning. And a humie winning against orcs without going all the way with his strength was just not on.

"I finks yooz is right, but wut are we gunna do?"

Burna's masked face stared at Big Brudda like he was an idiot. "We beat him up, ya gobbo-lovin mush 'ead! No humie is a match for an orc whooz good 'n' 'ard!"

Big Brudda nodded in agreement, and readied his whip as he prepared to leave his moving throne, while the Burnaz boss set his cudgel alight and readied himself for a charge, not knowing that their 'quiet' conversation had been picked up by the very person they intended to take down.

'And here they come.' Ranma thought to himself; he knew something like this was going to happen, all he had to figure out was when. This would be a good lesson to all of the orcs; you don't try and stab Ranma Saotome in the back! Deliberately he feigned inattention, until he heard the two orcs come charging at him from behind. None of the other orcs made any sound, but he hadn't expected them to- this sort of thing was obviously part of their culture. Waiting until just the last moment, he sprang into the air as Burna lashed out at Ranma's spine with his blazing club, only to look up and stare stupidly as Ranma casually backflipped over him. Landing easily on his feet, Ranma lashed out in a good, solid blow to the back of Burna's head, pitching him forward to crash dazed upon the ground.

As he was pulling back from his strike, though, Big Brudda's whip lashed through the air and coiled around Ranma's arm, snapping taut as the hefty orc pulled back on it with all his weight. He actually managed to unbalance Ranma, though the pigtailed boy quickly caught his footing before falling facefirst into the dirt and grounded himself, causing Big Brudda to boggle as he found himself unable to pull Ranma any further. He was still wearing that expression when Ranma suddenly surged forward in a flying kick that smashed clean into the orc's jaw, sending several tusks flying as he keeled over unconscious.

Yanking the whip's handle from Brudda's unclenched hand whilst uncoiling its lash from around his own arm, he spun around and lashed out at the charging Burna, who had regained consciousness, tying both of the orc's legs together and then pulling them out from under him. A brief skirmish later, and Ranma was standing with one foot on Burna's chest, having hogtied the indignant orc.

"Give up yet?" Ranma asked casually.

Burna stared at Ranma with an indignant expression as Ranma flipped up the orc's cudgel and then tossed it casually behind him, sending it spinning end over end until it smacked square between the eyes of Big Brudda, who had just been staggering to his feet and promptly dropped like a sack of potatoes.

"Yoo think I'm gunna let a humie lead a Waagh! Yooz just a humie, yoo don't know nuthin about a Waaagh!"

Ranma simply raised a hand and snapped his fingers, prompting a single Fikskull to step forwards and give the pigtailed human an axe which he hefted experimentally.

"I may not know about a Waaagh. But I know something far more important..." Burna looked confused as Ranma's eyes took on a nasty glint as he raised the axe, "And that's how to fight!"

The blade came down...

And slammed into the soft mud scant centimeters from Burna's head. Ranma spat away from the fallen orc as Burna stared at the blade, while Ranma turned to the silent orcs and took a deep breath before letting loose a loud shout, "Anyone else want to try?"

There was silence, not an orc moved at Ranma's narrowed eyes as the pigtailed teen continued in a quieter voice.

"You follow me now, you fight when I say you fight and go where I say we're going. If I tell you to leave someone alone, then you will leave them alone. If I say that we need to be quiet, then you will all shut your fucking mouths! And do you know why you're going to do all that?" He glared at the assembled orcs, easily counting at least a hundred or more apart from the hundreds of 'gobbos' that were also staring in silence, "Because I am the Boss! And anyone who tries to stab me in the back..."

Ranma's arm whipped up and with an almost casual heave, the axe was sent spinning like a saw blade to slam in front of the recovering Big Brudda's face, the sharp spike at the end of the weapon nearly touching his nose as Ranma roared, "...Will die!"

Truthfully he was still a little squeamish about killing but knew that if he was going to do this, if he was going to do the role that fickle fate had apparently chosen to be his destiny, then he would have to crush that squeamishness in public and carry out any threats he made so to avoid looking weak in front of these violent, loud and simple-minded animals who would take any chance to kill him.

"But if you follow me, and if you do what I say, then we will not lose! We will be remembered as the Waaagh that could not be stopped! Not by men, by beast, and certainly not by other orcs. But that is only if you will march in my WAAAAGH!"

As one the Fikskulls took up the battle-cry, then the Broketoof raised their bows and roared out the cry, followed by Starhamma's Mob, the Pig Ridaz, and then with a little encouragement from the whips, the goblins of Big Brudda's Mob. Ranma stared down at Burna, who was staring in shock at the roaring orcs, "Well? Your choice."

Burna stared at his boyz, and then at the huge numbers of orcs already taking up the rallying cry, and then he stared at the cold blue eyes of Ranma. Then he started to chuckled, before guffawing, and then going into loud, racous laughter before with a roar of his own, Burna added his voice and the Burnaz followed with him.

"WAAAAAGH!"

Staring at the assembled orcs, Ranma realized something important. He had crossed the line of no return; he had committed to likely abandoning all of his father's lectures not to kill and was going to certainly live a life of constant roaming and bloody fighting.

And yet he felt like he had been liberated as the orcs roared out the same battle-cry over and over again at the top of their lungs. Smiling slightly, Ranma raised his arms and joined them.

"WAAAAAAAGH!"

And that's this chapter done. Ranma has his Waaagh!, so now it's time to go forth and make war. Hmm… out of curiosity, do people think there's room in this story for a 'personality' like, say, a crazy/brain-damaged Orc who considers Ranma an emissary of the gods and is thus prone to acting like a warped prophet? The sort of Orc who could, in all seriousness, make a speech along the lines of "An' Ranma said: go forf an' kick ass, me boyz. And da boyz went forf, an' much ass woz kicked"? Or would such a character either strain credulity too much or be too offensive? Anyway, from this chapter forth, feel free to suggest 'personalities' for Ranma to encounter, be it as friends, foes or general nutters.
Gideon020 and I are now in search of a new beta for this story. If you are interested, then please speak up!